OCD and UC Blog @jojohasocdanduc - Tumblr Blog

Things have got much better....In bullet points.

My dad moved to Rugby to be nearer to us. It's so nice to have him here.

Having remicade (Infliximab) every six weeks. Working pretty well.

Should be taking asacol but I'm not....woops!

Clomipramine. I'm on 250mg a day. Apart from dry mouth and the sedative effect, it's going good.

Finally feeling comfortable with my weight and how I look.

Feeling like I am actually living now instead of just existing.

#Infliximab #Remicade

UPDATE!

Illness update.

Ulcerative colitis

Even though I am on the remicade there is still blood. Remicade has been moved from every 8 weeks to every 6 and they are increasing the dose.

Dr Darlow said he will let me readjust to the remicade and then see if he could put me on further immuno-suppressants He has asked me to start thinking about Surgery as it's a 'cure'.

OCD

I am on clomipramine. 200g a night.

I have been hearing/seeing things. I will continue on this med and then after 8 weeks my psychiatrist will up the meds to 300g and try me on an anti psychotic

#Ocd #Ulcerative colitis #Mental health #Ibd

Remicade went well today. My dad took me. (see pic 3) I got slightly told off for not having my blood test but I played dumb and said I was sure I'd had it done. The nurse told off someone else who hadn't had their blood-test either. She got all dramatic and said this medication can be lethal! She used that word 'lethal'! lol. I know it's a tough medication but there's no need to go all James Bond about it.

Anyways yes. Took about 2 and half hours door to door to get there, have the med and come back. Not bad.

I feel really sick now but I'm just gonna take it easy. Oh and one last thing my mum was at home really worried, bless her. She hates needles and to her this med would be the worse thing but I try and explain how it's normal for me now.

#remicade #Infliximab #Ibd #Ulcerative #Colitis #Ulcerative colitis

Christmas.

What was I doing Christmas evening you ask. Was I eating turkey sandwiches? Was I relaxing, maybe doing some drawing? Watching Xmas TV?. No I answer. I was on the loo.

See even with Remicade every 8 weeks when its the weeks before having it my Ulcerative Colitis goes back to being stupid. It sucked. Big time. I just had to keep saying to my family that I was okay and not to get upset. They get sad seeing me ill and especially on Christmas day. I feel so awkward because there is nothing I can do except see the 'episode' through. We were round mum's house, when I'm home I can just take my laptop in to the loo with me! Theres a nice thought for you lol.

But onwards I must go. I can't give up. I have my remicade next week so it will get better

#Uc #Ulcerative colitis #Ibd #Remicade

Update time

Last night wasn't that great. My tummy went Mad at about 4am and finally I managed to get back to sleep about 6.30am, but I was in bed and on my hands and knees, so I woke up with all kind of aches and pains.

Today I basically slept. I know I am in a flare up. I'm just trying to keep calm about it. I'm gonna stay indoors for a bit. Keep warm and comfy.

Now Shaking. I think it's because of the clomipramine. I can't even drink without shaking. I'm shaking right now. If I'm out I shake and get really hot. Like boiling hot. That and a really dry mouth oh and itchy gums are the side effects of what I call my 'mental meds'. I can live with it, I've been on and off prednisolone for 10 years I'm used to side effects.

#Clomipramine #Prednisolone #Ibd #Ulcerative colitis #Anafranil #Illness #Anxiety

I saw my psychiatrist yesterday. He said I looked well. Mandy told him that Drew (My voice/person I have talking to me) never went away. I was like :0. It just gets so annnoying talking about it because It sounds like a big deal and it's really now.

It's Dr drew, when he done that puppet sketch with Adam Corolla.

Basically about 2 years ish ago I started to hear him. At first it was sooo loud and I even started to think he was physically behind me. Now it's like 2 or 3 times a day tops. I explained to the Phychiatrist that I know it comes from my brain. I used to think it was an outside influence. Now I know I make it up.

Anyway he was cool with it. We're gonna increase my clomipramine more and more. He wants to take it to the max that I can tolerate before getting really bad side effects. He says I am definitely on the waiting list of the psychologist. So next appointment is in 6 weeks.

Also he was very impressed that I have been getting out and about (my sisters work xmas party/christmas lights/rock club) As I explained to him the more I am around people the more I realise they also feel anxiety like me. Of course mine goes to the extreme but one day I might get down to their level. :-)

#Ocd #Obsessive compulsive disorder #Mental Health #Mental illness #Phychiatrist #Anxiety

jojoannabee

Ocd to me.

To me obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a lot of things. It is shaking, sweating, gasping for breath, clutching my cheast anxiety. It is thinking people looking at me are demons trying to see if my soul is worth stealing. It is the weight of my families lives on my shoulders. Sometimes that is a good thing because I can be the hero that saves them just by doing a simple action like sorting out my pens by colour. That is a fantastic feeling, to honestly believe you can save lives or influence world events. It is empowering. Then I can’t leave the house because I am so terrified. Or I am home alone and I hear people outside and I lock myself in a room and cry, petrified they might break in and kill me. My sister is meant to phone me before she goes in to work. If she doesn’t I immediately believe she is dead, or seriously hurt. My life comes crashing down around me. It is not rational. Nothing about OCD is rational. OCD gets there before your rationality kicks in. Your rationality is just warming up by the time OCD has you already in the middle of a full blown panic attack.

The intrusive thoughts. They are the thoughts that force their way in to your mind. Death, rotting bodies, Frogs being skinned alive, murder, blood, Rape. Morbid. Morbid thoughts. These are the thoughts you think when you are not actively doing something. Quick, read read, write write, draw draw draw…BANG! Too late. Rotting fox’s and decomposing flesh..Not just thoughts though. It’s smell and taste. Disgusting stench. I am on medication for my OCD now and it’s increasing weekly and has a sedation effect. Even as I’m falling asleep the intrusive thoughts (and smell and taste) are there, repeating.

jojohasocdanduc

From my personal blog.

jojoannabee

Pictures from my Remicade treatment. It is going great. I no longer get stressed about it but the actual treatment is soooooooo boring.

jojohasocdanduc

This is my other blog. Instead of posting twice I'll just reblog it.

Saw My phychiatrist today. In the next 5 weeks I am going from 75mg to 150mg on my clomipramine. The only big side effect I have felt so far is the sedatives in it!. When I take it before bed I have about 20 minutes before I am asleep. Even in the morning I still feel it. I share a room with my sister and she says that I talk non-stop in my sleep now.

#Psychiatrist #Mental Health #Ocd #Anxiety

#clomipramine #Ocd #Obsessive compulsive disorder #Mental Health #Medication

So I started bleeding again. I was so upset because I thought that the Remicade wasn't working.

Then I was very very ill. I was on the loo and there was a lot of blood. I suddenly got this weird cough and I felt so dizzy all the time. I was also unbelievable angry and upset.

Turns out...My Flouvoxamine was having a reaction against the asacol and causing bleeding in my intestines. Luckily I had an appointment with my phychiatrist and he agreed. So I have been taken off of the flouvoxamine and for 7 days I am not on any OCD meds! NONE! Not one! -Panics-

I see my phychiatrist again next week to discuss what other meds I will start.

#Luvox #Mesalazine #asacol #Flouvoxamine #IBD #OCD #Mental Health