#alwaysdreaming.

kim jonghyun. mga winner #3004! singer. trainee. twenty five. sphere's biggest cry baby.

[jonghyunrk]

tw: death, depression. 

hey, everyone.

i got permission from admin carly post this.

i’m really touched by all of you reaching out and getting to know if im okay. it’s been super tough. days feel super long and i find myself struggling a looot of the time. all of your messages and support has given me the incentive to keep my head up, no matter how hard it is. 

i’ve kind of lost a lot of direction in my life. sure, people say don’t put 90% of your ideals on a kpop star but jonghyun wasn’t just that, he was a large part of me finding who i was and what my weaknesses are as a person.

 he inspired me to do a lot! e.g my first tattoo, dyeing my hair and new ‘experiences’ (going and teaching in seoul, learning new languages, pursuing different ideals) had been based on him and because of him. so to have that person gone is hard. i’m struggling to let myself just cry and feel sad. i can’t believe that all of this is real. i keep waking up and want all of this to be a bad dream.

i don’t want to get too much into him and his pain, i want to keep in regulation with this post so all i have to say is this:

thank you.

thank all of you for your care and reaching out. to those who feel hurt or wronged by me: i’m sorry. these past few days have given me the incentive to be a better person. it’s sad that an experience like this had made me reflect but it’s true. 

as for jonghyunrk.. he will be not played. it hurts me to say this, but he’s no longer going to be active as per the rules. he was a beautiful character to play, but even more beautiful knowing he was based on someone so beautiful inside and out. 

i love you, jjong-ah. you did well. i hope someone is reminding you of that.

i’ve been mulling over this decision for a while. i don’t want to leave rookies but it’s hard knowing that my origins are with this character. i don’t want to start afresh but i don’t know. it’s a mess, my head is.

i’ve come to the decision i won’t go.

jjong wouldn’t want me to give up things that make me happy, and through much thought and decisions, i thought the same thing. 

he’s kind of the same. a few tweaks but he’s a hopeful member of convex and still signed by sphere. relationships will be further discussed there, feels odd talking about it here.

and finally, i just want to say this:

thank you, rookies. 

this feels like a final goodbye to jonghyunrk and jonghyun, i find myself tearing up.

please take one day at a time, guys.

be happy.

i love you.

{  here is some support if you need some. and other utilities if you don’t feel comfortable with calls. }

[lastkim]

237 / ∞ ► 김 종현

[jonghyunrk]

reunion 🐱🐶

[jonghyunrk]

rkirene:

          she’s gotten a lot better at this. joohyun can feel the way her body doesn’t tense like it used to whenever someone would approach, or wrap their arms around her in a tight embrace like jonghyun does so naturally. these days, it’s become easier for joohyun to accept another’s touch, her limbs slacking and arms lifted to surrounded jonghyun’s slender waist with a return hug. her cheek rests at the perfect height to his chest, pressing just for a moment, just long enough for her to allow jonghyun to soak up all the attention he needs. that’s him, that’s what makes him who he is and joohyun wouldn’t change a thing about it. “mm,” she hums softly.          words aren’t always needed. jonghyun has more than enough for the both of them, and expresses his feelings far more willingly than she. like a doll to entertain, she’s lifted and gasping out a half-hearted protest, laughter stinging her eyes as she shakes her head. “idiot,” she calls him affectionately. it’s there in her tone– warmth, and comfort. he’s her friend and he should know it. her feet find the ground and she playfully taps his chest with the heel of her hand, at the same spot her cheek had briefly rested. “you’re the one gone all the time.” she misses him, of course, and she’s noticed. but joohyun couldn’t deny the alone time with seulgi had been a nice bonus of this. 

         “mhm. do you want some food?” she asks out of habit, woefully picked up from this man himself. jonghyun always cared for her, asked after her, doted on her. like a chick echoing its parent’s love, joohyun asks him the same question. “i can make some noodles.”

“i already have chicken boiling. i’m making spicy noodle soup. it’s cold and we need protein.” it’s out of instinct he’s cooking— plus it smells nice. really nice. not to toot his own horn, but he likes to cook for the girls. it makes him feel like he can be some use to them, not just.. a presence there. yes, rationally he knows that the girls see him more than that but his anxiety battles this. he’s just floating. there isn’t anything substantial about him.

for a moment, he holds her longer than what’s needed. he needs just a few more seconds. all those moments of feeling lost and wafting disappears. just for that second. he’s grounded. he pulls away slowly and musters up a small smile. “i wish i was around more. i.. i miss you guys. a lot.” his voice is soft. it’s odd. for someone who encourages the girls to bask in their emotions, he was straining himself to be honest. jonghyun chokes back a laugh and sits down onto the couch, the two dogs making their way candidly over to irene so they could pamper her in love.

“i.. actually have something to tell you.” he bites down onto his bottom lip, looking back to her.. and then to his hands. deep breaths, jonghyun. deep breaths. “i.. uh..” words fail him. he’s sweating and oh lord, was he getting dizzy? jonghyun tightly grips the couch and looks to the floor. then to his hands. another deep breath. “i’m.. uh..”

for a singer, he was lost for a note. grimacing, maybe a photo would explain better. jonghyun digs for his phone and shakingly, he lifts a photo of a certain someone. in the photo, jonghyun is getting a soft kiss to his cheek and his face is all scrunched up.

maybe this would explain everything.

[rktaeyong]

┋ soledad.

[jonghyunrk]

rktaeyxng:

every time taeyong shifts in his seat, he can feel his bones popping – sometimes big cracks, but mostly cracks that are only audible to him. he should start doing yoga or something – maybe that’ll heighten his flexibility and endurance even more.

he doesn’t like to brag, but he’s proud of the level of his dance and flexibility skills is perched on. not too impressive, but somewhere strong and steady that he knows can win the race if exerted hard enough. he yearns for, however, the silky smooth voice that jonghyun has – how notes just seem to be found and hit perfectly. without the bat of an eyelash.

“mm, i want something sweet. like a frappucino or something,” taeyong ponders out loud, tapping his chin and absentmindedly staring outside the car window, “what if i get, like, a strawberry creme frappucino or something? is that too much, you know, since my hair is pink already?” he pouts as he taps the glass gently.

“and no, hyung, i promise!” but he laughs like as if he was being joked around with – he surely hopes jonghyun’s being fake stern at him. “if you were on a shelf, hyung, i’d buy you! i’d buy, like, ten of you.”

taeyong laughs – his ribs ache, but he laughs nonetheless. he loves little moments like this – they mean the most to his sentimental little heart. “i – okay, i guess,” he shrugs, but straightens up almost immediately, “wait, i love this game! okay, let’s do this!”

a concerned glance briefly flickers over to taeyong’s frame. sure, the popping and clicking was natural— more so for a dancer than a singer, yet he did want him well rested. subtly, jjong turned the heating up on taeyong’s seat so he would be nice and warm.

the younger is a very impressive dancer. jonghyun was still getting to grips with hip hop— he knows he should have gone to jazz and contemporary but this is something he needs. it’s more often than not that boy groups would do something with elements of hip hop, so he needed to be his best for that. “we can help each other, how about that? i’ll try to be a good singer for you!”

despite knowing that singing was his best asset, jonghyun was still thinking he’s never enough. woohyun is amazing. hyun is charismatic and the 95 line were plain adorable. but jonghyun? what was his charm? was he.. something? anything? he wasn’t sure. he didn’t have anything about him that was.. commendable.

ah, he didn’t want the younger to pick up on his dismay and he focused on the menu. “hyung’s treat! i’ll make sure they’ll add extra strawberry cream for you~” he teases, soon leaning over so he could order their drinks.  “.. and a caramel latte, thank you!”

he pulls up to the payment section and laughs quietly, leaning on his side so he could watch the younger. “eye spy with my little eye.. something beginning with..” a thoughtful pause, he looks out the window. “t!”

[jonghyunrk]

junkenstein’s revenge

[jonghyunrk]

rkwoohyun:

woohyun plays with the edges of the controller, staring silently at the screen as he hears the question. his teeth worry his lip, pressing and abusing the flesh– and woohyun’s nails catches the indents and plastic of the controller. sighing, he gently places it on the ground, and instead wipes his palms on his knees. he hasn’t talked about mijoo so openly in a long time; to hyeri, to tiffany– briefly to yeri. he’s barely talked about it with his own family, who knew the hardships of woohyun’s silent feelings. 

“i miss her everyday.” he states lowly, swallowing thickly. he plays with his pants, tugs on frays and the faded material. he blinks, eyes dry– but thankfully not stinging, thankfully not threatening tears. it’s been a long time since he’s cried about mijoo. it’s been a long time since he’s let himself break down at the mention of her. he doesn’t want to do it again. “i never stop missing her.”

he breathes out harshly. his tongue prods against his cheek. his fingers tap a rhythm on his knee– two taps, then three, then two. he hums at jonghyun’s words, blinking back the dry feeling. “…sometimes i feel like i’m doing horribly.” he comments, jaw tense. “it’s better– then back then. months ago.” he remembers crying, he remembers being numb. “she had her reasons, i’m sure.” he comments in her defense. he didn’t know them, but he trusted mijoo then– and he trusts her now. “i’m sure it was for her benefit. as long as she’s happy with the decisions she’s made, then i can be happy with that.” eventually, he’ll learn to be. 

he directs his eyes away from the tv to the dog sitting in his lap. smiling softly down the girl, he gently pats her back, scratches her behind her ears. “hi roo.” he mumbles, chuckling when he leans down so he can lick his face. “sorry, sorry.” he murmurs, tongue swiping over dry lips as he straightens, turning to look at jonghyun with a sad smile. “i didn’t mean to ruin the mood.”

he watches. carefully. just to know where he can tread his ground and where it would be too sensitive to discuss. it seems okay so far, but he still wants to be tactful. woohyun deserves— no, woohyun needs better than someone to just up and leave. it’s very rare to meet someone whose so forthcoming and warm: so to abuse that is.. bewildering. to jonghyun at least. but his mind digresses, he wants to focus on woohyun and helping him feel more secure in what’s happened. it’s not easy, yet he’d try. “because you cared. care, actually. that doesn’t ever go away. just how you process the pain and memory of someone can be… difficult.” had he known about the time it’s been since woohyun broke down, jonghyun would feel proud of him. progress is tough but he continues to keep moving on, keep moving forward. strength is woohyun’s greatest asset, jonghyun just wished the elder could see it. “hyung, did anyone ever tell you that you’re too kind?”

it’s something to think about, he muses to himself. “you always keep thinking about what’s best for her and.. i get that. trust me, i do. but.. you need to give yourself more credit.” jonghyun hopes his words come off kind rather than pity, he knows woohyun doesn’t need that. he needs appraisals for how strong and kind he is, something that he’s clearly lacking. despite all the friends he has, if you don’t believe it in yourself, it’s difficult to truly move on. “those days where it feels.. hard to even cope, just remember that those memories you had with a person are something to cherish. painful, but.. you’ve come so far.” a pause, jjong squeezes woohyun’s shoulder gently. “you’re doing great, hyung. it’ll take time to see that but you deserve to know it.”

though with one girl not ceasing her affection towards the elder, jjong grins and watches the dachshund lap up woohyun’s face. clearly, she wasn’t going anywhere. instead, she made her presence known and felt woohyun. she paws along his lap and decides to take refuge there. “you see? she knew you needed more support!” he teases, though his gaze softens at woohyun’s comment. a pang of guilt to his heart. “don’t ever think that, alright? this is.. a safe zone. hell, I’ve cried enough for both of us so it’s okay, woohyun-ah. it’s.. it’s okay. this is okay. you need to do this more often.”

another pause.

“we.. should do this more often.”

[wnq-music]

You’ve got a heart as loud as lions so why let your voice be tamed?

Emili Sandé, “Read All About It” (via rktiffxny)

[jonghyunrk]

hey, you.

[jonghyunrk]

rkkey:

“i mean, training itself isn’t that different,” kibum says with a small shrug. “the atmosphere is really different, though. i can’t tell if it’s because everyone’s really excited about convex or if it’s just always like this.” he doesn’t really know what he means by like this, though, and silently hopes jonghyun won’t ask about it. he’s never been good at putting feelings in words, especially not vague things like that. 

the next question isn’t really a surprise, but kibum still takes a minute to think about how to respond. he leans forward, elbow on the table so he can rest his chin in his hand, which is mostly covered by the sleeve of his off-white sweater. “mmm,” he hums, looking around the room as he considers. he doesn’t want to give jonghyun an easy, small-talk answer. he knows the other is asking because he truly cares, and he knows that they’ll be spending a lot of time together for the foreseeable future, so he wants to get used to opening up to him again. 

“okay, i guess. i miss the boys at royal,” he says, leaning back again as he speaks and squeezing his hands together in his lap. “i’ve kind of been…..looking out for them. there’s a couple of them who are still teenagers, who are as old as or even younger than i was when i was in luminosity.” when i went to the hospital for the first time. “i kind of promised them….myself, really, that i wouldn’t let them down. i feel like i kind of did.”

he blinks, realizing that he said far more than he meant to, and he looks down at his lap for a moment before looking back up, wanting to clarify his intentions. “but i don’t regret coming here. i don’t regret being part of convex. i just….wish i could have had both, even though it’s selfish.”

“i get it.” jonghyun lets out a sound of agreement. when you’re almost a doting parent of a group, it’s hard to suddenly let go of that role. especially when it comes for your dreams. a sympathetic smile is delivered to kibum, though he quickly hides it behind a coffee cup. he hopes it doesn’t come across as pity, that’s the very last thing the other needed. or wanted, for that fact. “but you have to realise, they look up to you wherever you are. you could be in a ditch and the fact you’ve been there for them, encouraging them through everything means more to them than.. being in the same company. the sentiment is nothing when it comes to the times you’ve been there for them.”

to say he’s concerned about kibum would be an understatement. the other is caring. despite his sharp features, it’s clear he’s a big softie beneath that. jonghyun can’t help but to admire it. still, he’s digressing. “i know it’s easy to feel that way but just like you encourage them to train for their dreams, you’re training yours. they’d take that risk if they could— and you did. you got it. kibum-ah, they’d be proud of you, i know i am.”

he’s not sure if his words have much gravitas. it’s been a while since they last spoke. yet he does know something they have in common: rachel. jonghyun prefers to stay clear about talking about her. you never know how someone is in their personal life, so he decides not to speak on it. he just hopes the male finds some sort of comfort in his words: even if it’s a little bit.  

“it’s not selfish, it’s understandable. but it’s about processing what you’ve done and where you are now. you’re here. you’re.. in a group. you’re a leader. a lot of people now look up to you. and they still do. don’t lose hope in yourself so quickly.. but that’s easy to say, harder to do.” jonghyun admits with a quiet laugh, taking another sip of his coffee shortly afterwards.

[jonghyunrk]

junkenstein’s revenge

[jonghyunrk]

rkwoohyun:

woohyun’s eyes flicker across the screen, catching sight of everything the other is showing him. he hums, nodding his head slowly as he takes in the information. he’s a little confused– but he’ll manage, somehow, he knows it. he’s sure jonghyun won’t let him completely suffer and fall apart during the game. he hopes, at least.

he looks at the man the other refers to, humming as he squints his eyes. he makes a noise of affirmation. “cute. there’s…love stories that go with it too? that’s pretty cool.” he thumbs at his nose as he scoots closer to the screen, his interest peeking more and more as he listens to the other explain. 

“of course.” woohyun turns wide eyes to the other, brows furrowing as he thinks about it. his mom would adore jonghyun. jonghyun is kind, very family oriented. he’s sure the other would be a favorite for his mother. “she’d love you. she’ll even claim you’re her favorite over me– even her favorite over mi–” he stops after a moment, mouth falling shut as he almost breathes out mijoo’s name. his throat bops as he purses his lips, shaking his head with a sharp exhale. he licks his lips and hums, directing his attention back to the game. 

he lets his eyes trail across the screen– the characters a variety of people. some are eye-catching, some are a little lack luster. woohyun blinks as he switches over, hesitating over a man with wild hair, a rocket looking gun and what seemed to be a tire strapped to his back. “…junkrat?” he reads out, squinting his eyes. “is he good?”

he knows a forlorn silence all too well. that name died on his lips? all too clear. guilt plagues him for a second. did he open a section of his life that woohyun preferred to keep quiet? hesitant, jonghyun briefly puts his controller down (thank you for reinstating the game, jeff-hyung! jonghyun thinks quickly) and turns to look at him. “i.. you miss her, don’t you?’

that clearly wasn’t the best line to open with, even jonghyun is wincing when he said those words. tact was usually speciality but why wasn’t it this time? mijoo’s disappearance wasn’t a big impact on him as it was on the other, it’s all over his face. it prompts a sympathetic glance— one he quickly hides because pity is the last thing he needs. or deserves.

“i.. i’m not good with harsh words.” he admits with a little laugh, looking back towards woohyun. “but you are doing.. so well. you might not feel like it, hell you might feel like a mess right now, woohyun.” a pause, he fully faces him and gently takes the others controller away now.  “you’re not a mess. you’re anything but. when you care for someone, you don’t just leave. not like that. you’re worth ten of her - more, if anything.”

but memories are hard to replace. small things and off comments remind you of the people you lose and love. it’s a bittersweet venture that we all have to get over in our own time. that’s why he hopes his words are tender and not judgemental, helpful if he needs it to be.

that’s why he’s thankful roo plops her fat little self on woohyun’s lap. she knows when love needs to be delivered!! “yah, give him a kiss! boop the snoot, roo-roo!”

[jonghyunrk]

mornings

[jonghyunrk]

seungcheolrk:

as the winter weather starts to kick in, seungcheol’s reminded how difficult mornings had gotten this time last year. in all honesty, back then, he’d attributed a great deal of his sluggishness and tiredness to the adjustment to a new schedule, having been signed around this time at the beginning of november as the temperature drops, but it’s becoming increasingly obvious to him this year that he had been naive to think so. how could he forget how susceptible he is to the cold weather? how the bitter air always seems to nip at his skin no matter how many layers he wears? 

but, this year it’s easier. if not because he’s done it all before, then because he doesn’t have the loneliness or fearfulness of being a new fish in a tank of sharks, of being a week-old trainee with no friends. this year, he’s debuting. he’s slowly getting there, piece by piece. he’ll never be the next lc9′s jun, but at least he can hold a beat now— or at least he’s trying. 

still, winter mornings are unforgiving, but there are a few things that can make the sun shine and his body warm. 

“hey,” he greets with a smile, grateful for the gentle approach. “just exhausted.” I feel like I’d have to sleep a week to recuperate the energy I use dancing, he thinks, but he only silently smiles more. “how are you?” he asks, but he’s not sure if the other had heard it, as he’s digging into his pocket seconds later ( and seungcheol’s tired voice is possibly even quieter than his timid voice, so that doesn’t help his case ). “what’s this?” 

in some corner of his brain, he remembers the polaroids between his fingers being taken, but they serve as an incredibly pleasant surprise to a seungcheol that can barely remember his name at the moment, a yawn threatening to spill. “ah, these are so cute. thank you. I best t-take them— for roo, you know.” he teases, a gentle laugh of his own filling the quiet. “that’s not true; you’re her favourite, of course.” his cheeks are a soft pink for a moment, unsure whether he feels more flattered or nervous about the compliment. “I’m doing okay— just busy. you?” 

“shhh! she adores you. i have some food to give you from her. and some adoption forms.” he teases seungcheol gently, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder and delivering a gentle squeeze. it’s nice to be around seungcheol. the urge to look after something is a great manifestation of calming his anxiety. he wasn’t quite sure if he was too much or too motherly, but it’s something he had to deal with when the time came. so far, it felt okay. nothing too much and nothing too suffocating, maybe he could keep it like that.

“ah~ business. we’re like bees!” bad pun, jonghyun. really bad pun. he’s cringing at himself and giving the younger an apologetic look, running a hand throughout his own black locks. “i know how you feel. but you’re an amazing rapper. i know you’re going to onwards and upwards!” he’s proud. truly. in many ways, jonghyun was envious of how fluid and confident the other was as a rapper. it’s like he was someone else on stage. truly admirable, something he wish he could learn from.

he’s bemused with how the male likes the polaroids. it’s a nice sentiment on a cold day like this. “it’s only going to get colder..” he remarks quietly, a little offhand in comparison to the conversation they’re having now.

“i understand though.” back into the conversation! “i’m.. the same.” a main vocal. an honour he’s pleased to have and hopes to keep. “green tea and late nights. have to keep my voice.. well.” truth be told, he feels… not enough. hyun and woohyun are such amazing vocals, but jonghyun is just.. jonghyun. what did baek jiyong see in him? for a moment, his face gives off his concern but he quickly forms it into a cheeky little smile.

a glance to the clock, then to his watch. “so our first coach comes a little late on wednesdays. the n-line is always a little slow in the morning, so..” he stands up and looks around, tipping his head so seungcheol would follow suit. “follow me! i have a plan. but it’s a secret—“ he whispers a little too loudly. “you can keep secrets, right?”

[rkpointsverification]

KIM JONGHYUN | SPHERE ENT | WORKSHOP POINTS.

[jonghyunrk]

rkpointsverification:

15th november 2017 ! 🌟

ACHIEVEMENT WORKSHOP: public workshop.

NUMBER OF TIMES TAKEN: taken 3/3 times! gained workshop! ☺️

+2 debut points. +4 charisma.

PROOF OF ACTIVITY: ( x ) ( x ) ( x )

NEW DEBUT POINTS TOTAL: 50. 

[blbrrymuffin]

Dinner dates with Hyomin

[kibaems]

🔥🔥🔥

[jonghyunrk]

meet the family

oddly, jonghyun wasn’t nervous.

sunyoung was a large part of his life. a different part. the only normal (aside from family) in his life that made him feel like jonghyun rather than a trainee. feeling just like jonghyun was an odd, anxious experience but with the right support, he felt like he was slowly coming into his own. it was hard, though with her by his side, he felt like he could do it. he just hopes that he could return that kindness to her, or so he wants. ah. he was thinking himself to a rut. instead, he turns his head to her and offers a soft smile. “you don’t.. have to do this, i.. if you think it’s too soon and.. yeah.”

was it a little too late to say that? they were parked outside his mother's place. it was a cosy little apartment, shrouded by bushes and other flowers that hide you from the outside— nobody could see them, thankfully. except those involved in the allotment. jonghyun had his hood tipped over his head and bit down on his bottom lip, sliding his hand over to hold hers gently. “i like you. and i know she would too. noona will love you. hell, i’m scared she’d take you away from me.”

thank god for tinted windows, because if it wasn’t for that, he wouldn’t be able to do this. jonghyun leans over to press a light, almost airy kiss to her temple, then to her cheek, and finally her pink tinted lips. it’s a soft notion. one he could only hope would soothe her. his free hand moves to grasp her other hand so he could hold both of them.

 she’s his puzzle piece. yes, it’s a cliché but he can’t think of any other way to describe her. they fit. they work. she reminds him to breathe, take every day as it is and without her, he didn’t think he could get as far as they did. he’s so thankful. and in awe that someone so beautiful and so caring could ever be his. hell, that thought alone made butterflies tighten into his stomach. 

“ready? kinda? maybe? no?”

[jonghyunrk]

warm welcomes! ♡

[jonghyunrk]

yienrk:

he cannot help but grin and laugh softly when jonghyun asks if he has a sister. if only he had one sister only. “i actually have 3 sisters.” he explains. “they are all okay, but my brother and i grew up terrorized by them.” it isn’t exactly a lie; younger, joey and him were the most subdued siblings. “you probably heard about royal survival…. if you follow it, my sister is eunae. she doesn’t use her full name so no one really knows we’re related. bekah eunae jo tuan.” he doesn’t explain furthers. he never liked mentioning that eunae had been adopted. adopted or not, she is his sister just as much as grace and tammy, it’s the only truth that matters.

the more jonghyun talks, the more yien feels like the older male is hiding more than he’s telling. caring and selfless people are always the ones who keep thoughts and worries to themselves. it’s something yien has observed. but still something he doesn’t know how to address or act upon. it’s not that he doesn’t notice or doesn’t care, he just doesn’t know what to do, so he lets it go. “hmm…” he nods slowly. “you just wouldn’t want to lose to a newcomer?” he shrugs. “i mean, no one says it, but there aren’t just pros to all of us suddenly coming in and breaking the dynamics you guys already had. but i’m sure baek jiyoung wouldn’t forget the ones she trained herself…” she’s no seo jisub (hopefully!

“oh wow, she’s in the show?” a soft smile curves onto his lips. it’s always endearing (to him, at least) when ever he hears other people talk so fondly about siblings. he was in a small family. so hearing about yien’s larger family made him beam ear to ear. “i hope she has really good luck. she’s super talented.” he admits with an earnest grin. truth be told, he was watching it. mainly with sunyoung. he had late nights with her where his head was huddled onto her chest and they’d watch the girls with eagerness. “you must be really proud. she’s.. doing really great. heck, you’re doing really great. two idols in the making.”

a slight pause.  jonghyun is thankful that yien doesn’t comment (or verbally) on his awkwardness, so when the topic has a slight aversion, he musters up a faint smile. “sounds selfish, doesn’t it? but no, i just.. really, really want to retain my role. i think.. woohyun and i compliment each other really well, yeah. and.. main vocal? it’s always what i’ve wanted to be. from the very start.” he lets out a little sound. a dynamic of a family. she truly did care. of course he couldn’t comment on other companies, but baek jiyong really, really treated everyone like family and offered support through many mediums. her trainers being one of them.

“i’d like to think so. she’s.. an impressive person. it’s not this… synthetic feel of family, we’re all actually family here. including you— including the new guys.” jonghyun is smiling brightly now, giving yien’s shoulder a gentle squeeze. 

“you’re family.”

[jonghyunrk]

mornings

it’s no surprise jonghyun is more paternal to some trainees. 

more so than others, he thinks. a few bring out that aspect of him that wants to overtly protect and make sure they’re doing okay. not in an annoying way, but in a way to see they’re feeling okay or if everything is alright. he knows that sometimes he wouldn’t get a truthful answer, but it’s still worth the attempt to know how it’s all going. 

“hey, sleepy.” jonghyun speaks gently around seungcheol, not loud enough to alert him but smooth enough to let him know that he’s here. the singer places a cup of herbal tea in front of the other, mustering up a brave smile as he sits beside him. “how is our rapper-nim doing?” of course he’s proud of seungcheol getting a rapper role. he deserves it. jonghyun always sees him working hard on his timing and pronunciation: reminds him of himself a little, yet he doesn’t divulge that. not yet. “i know mornings are hard, but.. i’ve got a little secret to make them all the more better.”

the playfulness in his tone is rare but seungcheol makes it worth it. jonghyun digs out his phone and produces two polaroid pictures of roo: one is when she’s tucked up with seungcheol, the other is when he holds her. he passes the polaroid over to him with a cheeky grin. “i think you should keep these. i know that it’ll make roo happy,”

a soft laugh leaves him and he takes a little sip of his coffee. blegh. still too hot. jonghyun pulls a face and runs a hand throughout his dark locks. “mama kim keeps asking when you’ll come around. before you’ll become her favourite celebrity. not that you already aren’t.” the woman had a penchant for the younger ones, what could he say? nothing, usually. she had an entire stockade of food for them in particular. 

"how’re you doing? since the.. meeting, that is.”

[jonghyunrk]

gentle hubris

[jonghyunrk]

rkhongjonghyun:

Within Sphere, it feels as if Hyun as been waiting for this opportunity the longest out of everyone. The announcement hits him like a freight train; it’s expected – or, at least, hoped for – and yet still a surprise, still a shock. Despite walking along the train tracks, knowing that a train will eventually come along, he’d been uncertain; there had been no way of knowing when the next one would come along, if that. And even when the headlights had been beaming right down at him, he’d still been skeptical.

It’s not until the words were actually uttered, while the boys were all called together, gathered, confused, did he readily believe it.

There is still remnants of a daze in his demeanor when Jonghyun pulls him aside, unusual for the younger male who is typically bubbly, energetic, near impossible to control. It’s probably why Jonghyun is laughing at him, grinning so widely, shaking him. Hyun needs a good shake, to get back to reality.

“Wh-Wha…?” he mumbles, allowing his gaze to focus finally. Part of this is a little acting, of course, to put on a little show. “I know, right? And look at you, main vocalist! See, hyung– I knew you could do it–” Even though they both know positions aren’t set in stone until the final confirmation of the line-up, this is big news, the biggest news yet. It’s a large step in their journey, a milestone to be standing on stage together. Hyun is proud of Jonghyun; even if the elder didn’t always believe in his own abilities, Hyun did. He’s always known he was capable of achieving big things.

“Oh god, our tattoos– should we just glue tape over them? So no one finds out? And we can just tell them we’re always injuring ourselves from practice there–” He automatically moves to support is friend when he feels him tipping, stemming from worry and concern, not letting go until he’s sure Jonghyun is sitting, stable, before he starts to tease.

“Yah, hyung, are you crying? Are you going to cry again–”

“i’m not crying. not yet anyway.” he admits with a tired laugh and raises his head from his hands, grinning sheepishly at his friend. this is so surreal. is this actually happening? jonghyun wished he could get a pinch or a punch to remind him that they had the wheels in motion to become something. someone. all that training and hardwork finally hits in. but so does the doubt, the insecurity.

“—oh god, yeah!” he forgot all about their tattoos. sure, it was only a small ‘Jsquared’ on their ankle, it was still a reminder of their lax days. “I have some derma blend so we can cover it up. it won’t come off with sweat and friction and things like that. jesus, am i advocating this brand as a representative?” a dry laugh. he’s a little overwhelmed with everything that’s going on, he needs a moment to process.. all of this.

the doubt is drowning him now; he’s struggling to keep his head up. it’s even more troublesome knowing that their roles aren’t secured in it’s entirety. main vocal was a role he coveted so dearly, if that was taken.. oh god, he couldn’t even stomach that thought. Still, he manages to find some decorum and find his way to his feet.

“unit leader. hah, look at you! i’m so proud.” he’s beaming ear to ear, truly. see, now he could cry. mainly out of pride for his younger companion. hyun works so hard and barely gives himself any credit, that’s why he’s going to vow to drown him in praises and ardor. it helps that mama kim has his back. 

“does that mean you’re my.. boss~?” a cheeky grin this time, one of his hands sliding to give hyun a squeeze to his shoulder. “i can’t.. jesus, hyun, this is actually happening. god, it’s so weird and—“ babbling, he’s babbling. 

taking a deep breath, he focuses on the younger. “how’re you processing this?”

[kibaems]