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@joo-dee-lee
You know you're true siblings when they walk in your room and do stuff to piss you off. My step sister just came in, told me I should reorganise my entire room (again) and told me the chocolate sprinkles are really good (which isn't true) THEN LEFT THEM ON MY SHELF AS I WAS YELLING "VAN TAKE THE SPRINKLES FFS WHYYYY" anyway she's really my sibling now which ngl is sweet, but she did leave the sprinkles snd some crimes can't be forgiven
Me: *gets home and sees cat hanging out in my front yard* OMG A MEOW MEOW hello lil meow meow *proceeds to follow cat around for 10 minutes until it loses interest in me*
My sis made a joke that night that relates to our specific shared trauma and I'm so mad because it was the funniest shit and I cannot tell anyone this joke because I don't want to explain the trauma backstory and have people worry, I'm so upset but I'm also still laughing at it
I told the only friend I have who knows all my trauma and she laughed so hard so I'm not just laughing through the pain, it's a good joke 👍
My sis made a joke that night that relates to our specific shared trauma and I'm so mad because it was the funniest shit and I cannot tell anyone this joke because I don't want to explain the trauma backstory and have people worry, I'm so upset but I'm also still laughing at it
I told the only friend I have who knows all my trauma and she laughed so hard so I'm not just laughing through the pain, it's a good joke 👍
My sis made a joke that night that relates to our specific shared trauma and I'm so mad because it was the funniest shit and I cannot tell anyone this joke because I don't want to explain the trauma backstory and have people worry, I'm so upset but I'm also still laughing at it
Sometimes I remember autism and adhd and all the spoons and executive dysfunction they come with are disabilities
My poor lil dyspraxic body can only handle so much motor skills before it stops and my adhd brain cannot with executive functioning 😭
2nd time withing a week i go to bed and cant fall asleep for 1 hour so i give up
Something bad happened last week and it's like life changing (not to most but to me) and I started back at school this week and every night I'm lying awake thinking about this just wanting to sleep and I'm gonna give up soon too-
Im so sorry to hear you are struggling with sleep and with what happened. Even if it seems not so bad to people what matters is that it affects you. I want to say that even if continuing on seems impossible time helps a lot with healing your soul <2
Thank you for the nice words bestie, life kinda sucked the last couple years so it's not the most unexpected thing I hope you can sleep soon too
2nd time withing a week i go to bed and cant fall asleep for 1 hour so i give up
Something bad happened last week and it's like life changing (not to most but to me) and I started back at school this week and every night I'm lying awake thinking about this just wanting to sleep and I'm gonna give up soon too-
On ADHD
ADHD is all about momentum. If someone with ADHD is excited/upset/any strong emotion, they can easily forget WHAT caused those emotions- but just because they don't remember WHY they're feeling something, doesn't mean those feelings will just vanish.
Let me put it to you this way; Imagine a person driving a car. They know exactly where they want to go. Both of their hands are on the wheel and they know exactly how to drive. It's something they do all the time with no problem. That person does not have ADHD. We'll call them NT (neurotypical).
Now, imagine another person in another car. They know exactly where they want to go. Both of their hands are on the wheel and they know exactly how to drive. This person has ADHD.
They are both going to the same place, on the same route, with the same obstacles in front of them. They start exactly the same in every way. But imagine that as soon as both people start their journey, the ADHDer's arms just suddenly vanish. No hands to steer the wheel. But they're still barreling forward at full speed with no sign of stopping. They slam their face onto the steering wheel, trying to stay on course the best they can. Instead of slowing down, they have now picked up even more speed. And they're now able to crash their way through every obstacle in their path. This desperate attempt at staying on course with no decent way to steer is plowing them through every obstacle. And even though they're keeping up with the NT, the NT never lost their arms and is easily avoiding every obstacle. And the NT assumes that simply because the ADHDer is keeping up, that there's no problem at all. In fact, they might even think that the ADHDer's "superpower" looks fun. But as they continue on their course, the ADHDer is getting more and more banged up with every obstacle they crash through. And, after a while…. They finally lose momentum. And in the span of a few seconds, the ADHDer goes from "easily" making their way through everything to being near or almost near paralysis. We call this Burnout.
People with ADHD have grown accustomed to the fact that at random moments of their life -without so much as a warning- their arms will suddenly vanish. And because NT's think that they're fine just because the ADHDers are keeping up, they never notice that we're just BARELY keeping up and we're destroying ourselves to get there.
It's not that ADHDers don't know how to slow down -although that in itself is a massive obstacle- when an ADHDer's arms vanish, they pick up speed, attempting to keep up with everyone else. Which -more often than not- is painful, terrifying, desperate, and hurting us.
I know I went a little off-course with this explanation, but my arms fell off halfway through. Basically, ADHDers are always intense because even though we forget things all the time, our emotions don't vanish. We're all screaming and crying while driving with our faces, down a course that's on fire, so please have patience. We're trying our best to keep up.
THIS EXPLANATION IS SO GOOD IM SHOWING IT TO EVERYONE TO EXPLAIN MY BRAIN
HEY OTHER NEURODIVERGENT PEEPS
does anyone else get annoyed when they see people who don't need fidgets using fidgets, like especially kids who use then as toys cause I feel like it takes away from us like genuinely needing them
On the other hand it's good because fidgets are easy to get but I get people telling me they're for kids cause I apparently don't "look neurodivergent" enough idk lol
No one:
Me when traumatic things happen: I wonder how long it will be before I repress this
Do I need therapy?? Yes i do
But having my mother and brother telling me I need therapy in a derogatory way its unfair
They only use it against me when they are annoyed with my struggles ex. when i dont wanna make a phone call my mom tells me , you are crazy you havw problems and my brother doesn't even give real advice he is 16, immature and thinks he is the best human to exist
But when i tell mom i wanna go to therapy she says "oh..ithought u were strong like me so disappointing"
Like woman just choose a side
My mum is literally a nurse who specialises in psych wards AND SHE GOT MAD AT ME FOR GOING TO A SCHOOL COUNSELLOR she got mad at me for being anxious and trying to express my needs, she gets mad at me all the time for not being able to do things cause of my adhd and she gets mad at me when I can't suck up all the shit she's put on me and be quiet. I used to go to therapy but she refused to sign a document to say I could go back so my dad had to fight hard to get me back and thank fuck he did.
Parents need to listen to their kids needs and try to understand, not having that hurts and she doesn't even care it's no wonder I ended up in therapy lmao
I can't imagine how frustrating it is when your parent is supposed to be a professional
You deserve better..
It is frustrating and it sucks, you deserve better too my man
Me: *looks at my family*
Me: Wow, what a therapist's dream
Ahahaha that's so funny and relatsble hahaha 😀
parents be like, "how did i get such a dysfunctional child?" my brother in christ you raised them
"My daughter is unhappy because she has to do everything because I am not mature enough to put my needs aside and look after the children I chose to have? HOW IS THAT MY FAULT" -my mum (essentially)
"yOuR trAuMa mAde yOu sTroNger" no bitch it made me prone to disassociation and afraid of loud noises
If anyone ever says this to me I might hit them.
Trauma did not make me stronger it literally did the opposite.
one thing about growing up in a dysfunctional family is there are so many moments where you start to realize "oh most families aren't this fucked up actually. this isn't actually normal" and those moments occur over and over again.
i remember being thirteen and going over to a friend's house and being...confused. because we were all sitting down at the dinner table and talking (which I knew families are supposed to do, I've seen sitcoms). and the weird part was the mom was laughing? she was laughing at something one of the kids said. and as the meal progressed it became clear that the mom actually liked her kids. as in, she liked being around them. this threw me for a complete loop, coming as I did from a household whose members at best barely tolerated each other's presence.
Mine was seeing how my best friend's parents talked to her quietly and seriously when she got in trouble for something. I was like wait, they don't yell at her for an hour? I was made to believe that if they didn't show you how big their emotions were, then they were being fake. And being fake is morally wrong.
Having to walk on eggshells around your parent cuz if you dont you will "trigger" them into raging and being blamed by your other parent for "triggering" them , from a young age
When I was small we lived with my nonna and were a functional family but we moved out and my parents had more kids which eventually led to divorce and everything fell apart so I think I've pretty much always been aware it was dysfunctional and I kinda watched watched get worse and worse before my own eyes
We don't talk alot about when your mental health simply cannot be bad because you have people relying on you
As the oldest of many and basically the parent to most of those many I simply cannot stop it's go go go until I die or I leave and I cannot do either
On Saturday my sister and mums bfs daughter hang out and usually I supervise because our parents will not (someone's gotta stop them from eating raw egg) (no I'm not joking)
But after not having a break for almost a month I personally am just so tired today I can't and they keep coming to me for advice and to ask where things are and I'm just so tired I can't with them but I also can't not help because who else is gonna help?
They're messing around trying to get me to laugh until I answer the question so they'll just leave because I'm so tired I can't anymore lol
