Hello again..
It me. Long depressing personal post under a spoiler.
Not really sure how to structure this post so it will likely be a rambling mess. I have a lot of mixed feelings inside and thought it might make me feel better to offload. For all I know I might feel embarrassed an hour later about sharing this, and just delete.
Today is the first time I logged into my tumblr account since October. And it recently dawned on me that I haven’t played the game since November or December 2016... Which kind of makes me sad.
If you’ve read the last few personal posts from 2016 and 2017, my unintentional hiatus started when I got a new job and frankly did not have a lot of free time to dedicate to Sims anymore. I was also super excited about all the changes in my life and was essentially too..happy? to turn the computer on most days. I don’t know if that makes sense.
In mid-2017 I felt like I went through a huge crash and everything began to simmer down and I started really missing Sims. But at that point I felt like I missed a lot, haven’t been active for a long time so I couldn’t bring myself to get back into it. It probably makes no sense to some of you, but I struggle with anxiety and am somebody who’s really anal about “keeping on top of things”. Since this is a gaming blog, what I felt I was failing to do in this instance was keeping track of game lore, announcements and knowledge of tiny details, so I felt “stressed” about getting back to a game where I haven’t been making posts and videos about first impressions and introductions to new patches, game fixes and added content. I was also feeling kind of paranoid that I probably lost the interest of my followers due to my inactivity and was letting people down. So I kept talking myself out of getting back to playing.
If you’re familiar with me as a player and as a person, you would know how much I was looking forward to the addition of Pets to the game. I was one of those annoying players who just wanted pets back when people wanted pools, babies, weather and all that other probably far usable jazz. Pets has always been my favourite expansion in every single Sims game, and if you read my personal posts, you’d know how much I loved my cat and couldn’t wait to give my simmies various companions. I actually had a townie whose description even stated she’d look fabulous as an owner of some poodles and that was back in like 2015. The announcement even dragged me out of hiding in October when I made one of the very few posts in the whole of 2017 about how excited I was for Pets.
In December and approaching January I began telling myself it’s time to stop overthinking, suck it up and just get back into the game. “The expansion you’ve been waiting for since the game was released is coming out so there are no more excuses”, I kept telling myself. And well... in early January my cat died. I will not go into a lot of detail about what that did to me, but to say it completely devastated me and broke my heart only just about begins to encompass it. As you might expect, getting back into the game was no longer a priority as I knew I could not bring myself to enjoy it for a long time.
To make matters worse, between mid-January and beginning of March I went through another traumatic event. Let’s just say 2018 has been a massive pile of shit for me and I’m over it. Most days unless I’m at work, I have no motivation to do anything and have little enjoyment in life. Lately I’ve been trying to find ways to shake myself out of this hellhole of a funk I’ve been in for so long. For the last few weeks I find myself reminding me how much joy Sims used to be bring me, and I’m definitely ready for some joy in my life. I just have to keep reminding myself to stop putting pressure on myself and just enjoy the game. This is not a promise that I’m back, but I absolutely want to be, and I will try,
I also wanted to say sorry to all the people who have been sending me asks, PM’s and comments with questions, requests for help, and just asking me how I am. They’ve all largely gone unanswered. I feel really bad and want you to know that I have been avoiding tumblr altogether since 2016 due to the various reasons I’ve mentioned above and it’s not a case of ignoring you.
Sorry if this was a heavy read. I’m not normally one for personal posts divulging deep feelings but I thought maybe it’d make me feel a little better.