Stages of heartbreak: When they leave without an explanation.
Heartbreak is probably the most painful thing anyone can possibly go through. It could have been a fling, or a long term relationship, but the brash reality that the person doesn’t want you anymore is absolutely mind changing and you’ll probably spend the next 6 months wondering what the hell is wrong with you.
But the reality is, there is nothing wrong with you and you couldn’t have done anything different. I can tell you this right now and your friends can tell you this when you’re crying in your room at 2 am wondering how this happened and your mom can tell you this when she asks why you’ve been so down lately after you were on such a high because of a single human being. Don’t even bother asking him “why?” Because you will never get the real answer. It’s really scary how much a single person can effect you.
I’m not going to say that “everything happens for a reason” because that’s the last thing you’ll want to hear right now.
“Well, what’s the reason?”
And really, no one can tell you that except time itself and that’s the worst possible advice ever.
Having your heartbroken is so tragic, but so beautiful. And I know that sounds sick and twisted and that’s probably because it is. It’s like saying someone died and how beautiful the death was. But it’s crazy the way the mind works.
A friend of mine studying psychology told me that psychologically, the mind tends to remember scent more than anything else. More than touch, more than sight, I don’t know what it is about it, and neither did she.
You’ll catch yourself remembering the smell of his cologne when you buried your head into his neck. And maybe you’ll remember the smell of his car where you ended up in the back seat one too many times. It’s all mind games, just like how he played you.
And you don’t deserve games.
“Why can’t everything be easy?”
If he was easy, if your situation was easy, you wouldn’t have wanted him as bad as you did. The sad reality is that we always want the people we can’t have. And we always want the people who don’t want us. And then when someone finally comes around and treats us the way we deserve, it’s “creepy” or “annoying.”
But it’s not at all. We’re so used to being used and treated like we’re like any other girl who will do anything to be with someone. But you’re NOT that girl. He must have you confused with someone else if he thinks you’ll take any shit he throws at you.
If he doesn’t want you anymore, fuck him. He’s missing out on something truly incredible. You’re incredible, and just because one dumb-ass guy doesn’t realize it, doesn’t mean your anything less. You’re going to wish you regretted everything that happened between the two of you, but you won’t. And you’re going to hate it.
It’s almost scary how much a person can change your life in such a short amount of time. And you’ll never really understand it until you go through something so real and raw that you feel his imaginary fingertips trailing down your spine at 3 am when you’re laying in bed wide awake staring at your ceiling and asking anyone in the world who is listening to your thoughts why he had to do this because he was “so different.” And maybe he was different, but maybe he just wasn’t for you.
You’ll still feel the burning in your stomach whenever you see him, and you may spend some nights crying into your pillow while blaring the playlist he made you called “songs that remind me of you” as loud as you can and then you’re going to realize, through all the tears, that everything he said was absolute bullshit and that you were so used. And then you’re going to regret everything that happened between the two of you and every time someone tells you that “you’re over reacting” and “it was a learning experience,” you’re going to want to puke. Just do it honestly, I don’t blame you.
You’re not over reacting, and you’re not obsessed, and anyone who tells you that doesn’t know what it’s like. People think you can switch your feeling like a light switch, but it reality, you can’t. And you’ll learn that. And it’ll suck.
The good news is that you will be past the stage of being depressed and you’ll be into the stage of complete anger.
Deleting pictures and texts won’t get rid of the memories so don’t even try. He may delete anything that ever showed you guys had any contact with each other, but don’t do it. You don’t have to.
A piece of advice is to avoid wearing your heart on your sleeve and expressing your emotions to just anyone. I know it sounds awful, but people will take advantage of the drama and somehow it will be made into a huge ordeal and trust me, that’s the last thing you’ll want.
Don’t talk to him, I know you’ll want to come up with every excuse in the book as to why you have to text him and it’s all out of routine, but don’t put yourself through that for your own sake.
Eventually, with time, you’ll come to the realization suddenly when you see him talking about his music with that glimmer in his eyes he gets when he talks about something he loves and you just won’t feel it. You won’t even realize it until you don’t have the urge to stare at the way his lips move and the way his lips will curve into the little half smile he does.
At that point, you’ll see that you could live without him.
There will be times you’ll see him with other girls or people will bring up what the two of you had and claim they know “exactly what happened” and it’ll be so fucking infuriating and you’ll want to go through the stage of crying whenever you even saw him again, but you don’t want him, because you know he’s not what you deserve. And it’s a weird concept to understand, but you’ll get there eventually.
And then, he’ll be out of your life for good with a final goodbye when he graduates with a “good luck with everything! Keep in touch!” But you know you’ll never talk to him again. And it’ll be a sad reality at first, but it’s something you need. You’re never going to get the closure you want. There’s no point in asking for an explanation even months after the fact. But you don’t need closure anyway, you just need time. The point is, he’s just a person, he just happened to change a lot of things, now it’s time for you to take those changes and broken pieces he left for you to handle on your own, and fix them.
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