There are always two choices in life and your life is no exception. There’s one that’s safe and the other dangerous. And sitting here, you scoff at whoever said you can’t be in love with two people at the same time, they were dead wrong.
Falling in love with the first was as easy as breathing--automatic. She just fits in your life seamlessly, so easily it’s hard to imagine a time whenever she wasn’t there. She gets it, her background is similar and she was a friend first. There’s no need to change anything or work to try and accommodate her because she’s just a match--she likes your family, she fits in with your friends, she’s there for you. It’s not a big, cinematic love but it’s love just the same. It’s gentle and oh so easy. And in a different life you could be content, in a different life this would be perfect. But reality is so much worse.
In reality, the second could be the great love of your life; the love that people write epics about, the love that inspires novels, the love like Darcy and Elizabeth or Romeo and Juliet shared. And it’s strange because she’s not what you imagined, when you met her. She’s not really your type. She’s different, and she doesn’t fit nearly as seamlessly. She’s got her own life and her own stories and they don’t run parallel to your’s, which is why you think neither one of you pursued your chemistry to begin with. And it would be truly difficult to make it work with her but you know true passion when you are with her.
But she’s not the one you are with, she’s just the friend, though. And you know it’s wrong because falling in love with her was so unplanned, so reckless, so foolish yet you did it anyway. You just couldn’t help yourself. She managed to invade your life, your space until you can’t imagine life without her. So you’re stuck between to different women.
Stuck between safe, predictable love and unexpected, dangerous love. And sometimes it feels like everyone knows, expect for them. Maybe they have inklings but neither has really confronted you about the truth. And the truth is even though you may be in a relationship with one and the other has a boyfriend, you can’t imagine a time when they’re not in your life.
Sometimes, you wonder if you should just propose to the first girl. She works, she fits easily. The narrative doesn’t need to change, your life can go on uninterrupted. But the ending feels stale and wrong when you try it out in your head. And you know it’s not right to settle, for either of your sakes but sometimes you can’t help but think settling is the only thing your capable of doing--it fits the story and your life.
But other times, you imagine a time when the second girl really loves you back. And you can see a different story, a really different one where there’s a lot of hard work, a lot of sacrifice, but you think that it could be worth it. Your love would be epic, it would be worth all the trials and make it that much more special because you triumphed over all the challenges. A great love story to tell, a great love story that you would get to live out. But it’s not a guarantee--she does have that boyfriend and you have a girlfriend--so it makes it risky, difficult, dangerous.
So that’s why your sitting here, straddling the line between two different paths, two different women, women who you love, hoping for a sign. And no matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to picture a future without either one. So you do nothing, walking a fine line between the two. And you wonder why you can’t just choose until one night, when you are a thousand miles away from both, you finally realize what you want.
It’s stupid, but you see a picture and you just can’t help yourself, you’re smiling like an idiot. And then you know. You know that she’s the one, and you know what you have to do so you pick up the phone and dial a number, and tell the person on the other line, “We need to talk.”
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