Ree-ness

I'll be okay. I guess!

[theambitiouswoman]

I’m obviously a big acts of service girl. I love when people do little things for me, it makes me feel SO cared about & I probably love doing sweet things for people even more

[scorpionlafemme]

[theambitiouswoman]

You build your confidence by doing the things you promised yourself that you would do

[joyfulduckbird]

Figuring out

Or maybe giving up again?

Can't decide actually

That's the bad side of living in your own body that you can't judge your thoughts and actions from third perspective. Even if you try to you'll end up either conflicting or agreeing with your mind. In both the cases you fail to judge. But that's life I guess. These are some moments when so confused that I find myself so stupid and immature that can't even word my thoughts. In such situations only being able to conflict whether I'm doing right or wrong feels blessing because right now forget conflict I can't even form a word about what I feel , not even capable to control and feel one emotion at a time , it's a sea of emotions and I'm drowning into it and not even fighting for survival. All these emotions are just bounded around me and I'm not able to decide which one is pulling me down and which is pushing upwards. But I know there are people whose presence will never let me drawn and for them I will fight forever.

[joyfulduckbird]

When I was in school , I was so bored by my day to day life I used to do daydreaming about college life , moving out, living with friends in a big city I thought it would be great to be an adult but now I hate leaving my home . I want to stay here and be with my parents but I also have this thing in my mind that when I was here they didn't use to love me love me the way they do now. I don't know whether it's because they see me after so long and they think that I'm here only for a while or maybe they are the same as before but it's me who's noticing it now and not before. Or maybe now they have expectations from me they think that as I'm studying away I'll be earning soon and that makes them love me more but if that's the case.....no matter whatever the reason is the best thing is that they love me and even though I hate my hostel I have to go there so that I can come back and get this love again because if I quit and stay here they'll start behaving the same way they used to.

I always thought that love is something that either happens or it doesn't , like I believed I can't force people to love me either they'll love me the way I am or they won't but I couldn't develop love when there is no love. And that's why I never persuaded someone or never ever gave any clarifications of my mistakes I would just say what I did and it's up to them whether they want to believe me or not. I never tried to impress anyone. I've always wore the clothes I wanted to, talked whatever seemed good to me , did whatever my mind said right never thought of anyone's approval or something. And I thought I'm living a free life.

But it was all delusion. I've just realised that I always chose my things by myself because I had only one choice, there were no other options and I thought I'm free because I'm choosing what to do out of one option.

I believed one can't generate love and I was the one who has been trying so hard to do so. I always kept my desires hidden, did what was suitable for them , obeyed blindly what the said just so that I can get some affection from them. And now I've made a mess of myself.

Why am I so pathetic. Why can't I love myself enough that I won't need anybody's.

[joyfulduckbird]

I want to know who made all these laws about how society should function. I mean I can't agree with these laws. They need some improvement.

You see there are siblings growing up together taking care of each other love each other so much that they can't live apart from each other one day even for one day and all of a sudden they become adults now they have to leave their home for studies and there's no way back because after graduation they all have to do jobs and earn and then get married and have their own families.

The siblings who couldn't live without ech other now they can't even see each other. Even when they meet they feel like strangers.

I hate it. I don't want to leave. I don't want to have new friends at every stage of my life. I hate it so bad.

[joyfulduckbird]

Does eternal love exist??

I thought love is associated with feeling, how your heart feels when you see that one person how your mood changes when you think about him. For me if I feel like I can be myself I can say whatever comes to my mind I can do what I want no matter how silly the thought is I don't have to impress them and still I'll be thousand percent sure that they'll like me the same way forever. For me love is when I know by heart that this perticular person is gonna choose me only whatever the situation is and even the thought of him not choosing me never comes to my mind because it's always obvious and there is no doubt in it.

For me love should be permanent, it shouldn't depend on the temporary things. For me love is between me and you not between our beauty , our job profiles, our bank accounts, our family members and anything else it's just your and my existence in the world if I exist I'll love you and if you exist I'll love you that's so simple.

And if your love depends on other factors and it's not permanent then I think you should better call it something else but not love.

[theambitiouswoman]

The best way to treat yourself is to treat yourself in your love language. So for example, If your love language is acts of service, try doing small, intentional things that make your life easier because you deserve to feel supported by you. This is one of the ways you will feel most fulfilled. Also remember that we teach people how to treat us, by how we treat ourselves

Acts of service: Cleaning your space, prepping your meals, planning your week, booking needed appointments, taking your vitamins, setting reminders, doing what you said you would do

Quality time: Take walks, sit in silence, read a book you love, journal, turning off your phone, making time just for you

Receiving gifts: Buy yourself flowers, order your favorite food, invest in things that are meaningful to you, wear something special just because, gift yourself something thoughtful

Words of affirmation: Write yourself a love note, say nice things in the mirror, make a gratitude list, read affirmations daily, celebrate yourself

Physical touch: Apply body oil, yoga or stretching, warm baths, gua sha or face roller, hug yourself, get a massage

love yourself, you deserve it 🤍

[joyfulduckbird]

Hey

After 14 days from now , you'd find me different.

I can't let this universe suck my soul, I would fight and win.

[joyfulduckbird]

Why is life so unfair??

Why can't we just skip the sad and hard time of life?

[joyfulduckbird]

I feel hot if the heater is on and cold if the AC is on. And suicidal if both are off.

So, now I'm sitting near the switch board.

[joyfulduckbird]

Shadi padhai shadi padhai shadi padhai shadi padhai shadi padhai shadi padhai shadi padhai shadi padhai shadi padhai shadi padhai shadi padhai shadi padhai shadi padhai shadi padhai shadi padhai.................. Shut upppppppppp

[joyfulduckbird]

People are weird. They are not willing to do anything for their upliftment, they are couch potato, they don't wanna use a single brain cell of theirs, they don't even wanna type more than few letters and expect from me to cheer their mood up.

I mean, what do you think Who am I ? Some jocker or cartoon who will show circuse and you'll be happy without a single movement of your body and mind. Come on yaar, I can't make you feel good all by myself you have to be involved in it, you have to at least talk. Otherwise go to hell and nobody can ever pull you out of it .

[joyfulduckbird]

Sick

I don't know whether it's wrong or right but If I had to choose my life partner, I would choose a person who would take care of me the way I always wanted people to treat me. I for sure want a person who takes care of me like a little kid when I'm sick. Don't you dare to say " it's just a mild fever" I'll punch you damn hard, straight onto the face. You should perform like it's a big deal even if I get my nail hit on the table corner ( I do, 4-5 times a day ). I want that care, I live for those moments. But nobody does this nowadays. Even my parents don't treat me as a kid how can I expect it from someone else. But I would not tolerate you if you can't even do this for me. I'm not gonna fall sick everyday yeah, so if you can't show me some empathy then there is no point of tolerating a new person if he's gonna behave the same as the old ones ( my family members of ).

He should pamper me if I'm behaving like a child instead of saying be mature. He should also join me in my stupidity. I don't need life advisor or personality grooming kit I want an emotional human being who buys things for me at one hint. Who don't say "ohh sweetheart that's not needed you are not a kid" I know I would not die without it but you just fuckinn bring it.

I've seen my brothers when they buy snacks or toys for their kids. I just think is it that big of a deal if I ask for it. Why don't they buy snacks for me. Ofc it's not expensive, doesn't take much time or energy then why not? Just a 5rs chocolate and it would give me immense happiness, it would double the love and respect I've for you but still nobody does it even if I ask they just ignore it like I never said something. Why?? The most hateful thing one can ever do to me is when I ask you to bring something for me while coming back home and you forget it or just give me any excuse no matter how valid your excuse is.

[bloomzone]

No one is watching you as much as you think they are. No one cares if you're biking alone, playing basketball by yourself, or sitting by a river with a blanket and a book. What actually matters is how those things make you feel. Do they bring you peace? Do they make you happy? That’s what counts. Not some random stranger’s opinion that won’t even last ten seconds. think again

[2productive]

And even if they are watching you, you aren’t that important to them or their day and they will simply move on and go back to focusing on their own endeavors. Don’t let the momentary eyes of others prevent you from living your life.

[joyfulduckbird]

I think I should stop procrastinate. This is the thought I have kept with me from the last 4-5 years. Ever since the lockdown has happened I'm not what I used to and it's not like I never tried, I did. I've actually achieved it so many times I redesigned my whole life my mindset my routine my habits and I succeeded but then somehow I just ended up being the same lazy, sad, procrastinating person again and again. It's a loop I'm stuck in.

I think the reason why I am not getting out of it is that it's so so hard to get out of it and remain out of it but it's equally easy to get into it again.

I try so hard , do all the things it takes to get the personality I dream about and as soon as I get it I realise it's amazing, I've achieved it and I become happy and as soon as I become happy and get this feeling that yes I achieved it my mind says ohhhk babe , since you've get what you wanted let's just take some rest. Annnnnnd tadaaaaaa a few hours of my mind taking rest takes me in that loop again.

This is gye the fuckinn process I'm repeating again and again and again and again.

I'm done with this drama of my mind. It's done now either I'm gonna donate this mind to someone in need or I'm gonna ignore this dumb mind just like my dentist ignores my painful cries.

[scorpionlafemme]

[joyfulduckbird]

But where will you go??

To god or inside of you??