Tears of Joy

Former homosexual, transgender, substance user, and idolater. All praise, honor, and glory to the Lord Jesus Christ, my Redeemer who lives.

[joygreene316]

My Testimony: The Night I Met God

I was born in the Bible Belt and raised as a Christian. I learned the words and traditions and customs that went along with the Christian religion. I also learned religious pride and self-righteousness. As I began approaching young adulthood, I was developing into a Pharisee. It is by the grace of God that I was stopped.

A little over ten years ago, I was on a popular blogging platform. There was a celebrity that had passed away recently and one of my mutuals was posting negative things about her, happy that she was dead. This mutual of mine was also a Christian, so I decided to blatantly vague post at them knowing that my posts would show up on their feed. I did this because I felt like I was a better Christian than them by comparison, based on the things they were saying about this deceased celebrity.

I started posting Bible scripture about being angry with people and hating others. As an added sting, I purposefully sought direct quotes from the Lord Jesus Christ. This also happened to be the first time I had voluntarily looked for and read the scriptures seriously. God took notice of what I was doing and where my heart was when I was doing it.

As I kept going, I started to feel something. A presence.

The presence was coming from within me, and I had no idea what it was or what was going on. I had no frame of reference for it. It was unlike anything I had felt before in my life. Later I would come to find out that this presence was the Holy Spirit, and in that moment I was being convicted by Him.

I sat in front of my computer and started to reflect on what I was doing. And it was then and there that the Lord revealed Himself to me. I was given the knowledge and understanding of Jesus Christ as the Son of God. Everything that I had learned about Jesus dying on the cross for our sins finally made sense. It all clicked, and I truly realized that I was a sinner.

I continued to sit there, enjoying the presence of God’s Spirit and processing the reality of Christ that I was just awakened to. Then I felt things fall from my eyes, like contact lenses. I have never worn contact lenses. I was feeling the spiritual scales fall and I was being made to see.

Eventually I came to the conclusion that I needed to pray. So I got up from my computer and went into my bedroom and closed the door behind me. I said to the Lord, “I think I should pray but I don’t know how.” And then I received a vision; it was of me as a little girl kneeling before my bed with head bowed, eyes closed, and hands together in prayer. I had only done that one time ever and that was what I was seeing, like a flashback.

Growing up in church, I had heard the pastor at the end of many services talk about saying the sinner’s prayer and asking the Lord into my heart. It was what I knew and all that I had to work with at that point so that’s what I went with. I got on my knees and internally spoke to God, telling Him that I acknowledged that I was a sinner in need of a Savior and asked Him into my heart and to forgive me of my sins. Then I got up, brushed my teeth, and went to bed.

I thought that was the end of my very emotional encounter with the Lord, but it was not. As I laid in bed, the presence I had felt inwardly began to move. I felt it move from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet. The presence washed over me. I wept as I became born again.

It’s been over a decade since that night, and I’ve gone through a few things during that time. I am grateful that God was gracious enough to seal me with His Holy Spirit before I got out into the world and made the choices that I’ve made.

I spent the past decade being a backsliding, lukewarm, prodigal child of God. I got into drugs, sex, and alcohol. I’ve lived lifestyles that are contrary to what God wills for His children.

I have been delivered, Christ has set me free.

All praise, honor, and glory to the Lord God Almighty.

He is coming again soon.

[joygreene316]

When I lean on my own understanding and not on the Holy Spirit of God:

[joygreene316]

My Testimony: Sex, Drugs, and Alcohol

I am no stranger to neglect, abuse, and trauma. I came from a broken home. I grew up with my sister being the favorite child. My parents separated and divorced. My mom chose a man instead of motherhood. I have been in a toxic work environment. I have experienced sexual assault. I have felt lonely in a relationship. And as a result, I have battled anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts and feelings.

It is no surprise that the past ten years of my life involved exploring sexuality (and gender identity) with members of both sexes, dabbling in alcoholism, escapism through drug use, and self-centered hedonism.

Earlier this year I was set free and surrendered myself to Jesus Christ. I have reflected on my past and how I handled sin. In truth, it was not handled well at all. My response to sin (i.e. being sinned against) was sin (sexual immorality and lack of sobriety).

What was I doing? I’ll tell you.

I was curating control based on my own desires. I had been in situation after situation where things were unstable and I ended up getting hurt in some shape, way, or form. My bandaids of choice were sex, drugs, and alcohol. Instead of seeking healing, I chose to keep reapplying those bandaids because the pleasure I got from them felt good as opposed to the bad feelings life had continued to give me.

I was not interested in healing. I wanted to keep coping. Coping gave me control, healing meant letting go. My coping mechanisms of substance use and sexually immoral living were all that I knew. They were my comforts, my distractions. I had developed dependencies on them and I did not want to give them up.

What I didn’t realize was that the things I was doing and using for control and comfort was having control over me, and their comfort was merely a counterfeit to the love and presence of God. My body paid the price for my choices.

As part of my surrender to Jesus Christ, I have cut cold turkey with my old vices. This is the cross I am carrying to follow Christ. He is my comfort now, and He has healed me.

But I know that I am not alone. I know there are people who empathize with me, whether they are currently following Christ or following their coping mechanisms. Jesus Christ is the only hope we have for the healing of our hearts and for the deliverance we need to live in freedom.

Repent while there is still time graciously given to us. The Lord Jesus Christ is coming again soon.

[joygreene316]

Shame wants you to shut up.

Shame doesn't want you to talk about the things you did or the things that happened to you in the past.

Shame doesn't want you to share your testimony.

Shame doesn't want you to tell others what Jesus delivered you from.

Shame wants you to stay silent and keep Christ from receiving His due glory.

[joygreene316]

🚨TIME IS RUNNING OUT🚨

We do not have much time left. By the grace of God He has still given us time to repent and surrender our lives to His Son, Jesus Christ. This is not only a call for the unbeliever, but to all lukewarm and prodigal Christians as well. By the grace of God still, you are alive and breathing, reading these words.

🚨ARE YOU READY?🚨

Will you be caught up in the rapture or will you be left behind?

When the Lord Jesus returns to establish His kingdom, will you be among the sheep or the goats?

If you died today, would you be sent to Heaven or Hell?

These are the questions we should be asking ourselves, and the answers lie in whether or not we believe in Jesus Christ (who He is and what He did for us on the cross).

🚨HE IS COMING SOON🚨

Let us be wise in these final days and fear the LORD. Let us surrender ourselves fully to the Lord Jesus Christ, denying ourselves and picking up our crosses. Let us be followers of Jesus Christ, and not followers of the world. He is coming soon.

Repent while you still have the chance to.

[joygreene316]

[elcrahdraws]

Peter and the Waves

Made this for a retiring pastor. Paper craft. It’s interesting because once he received it, he said he very much felt like he was in this mental position. He didn’t go much more into it, but I don’t think it’s mere coincidence that God placed this specific story in my head before constructing my gift for the pastor. Isn’t that amazing? When you think that your gifts don’t have spiritual meaning or can’t actively bless others… God uses the most unqualified of us and the most random of abilities to touch the spirit in others. Thank you Holy Spirit. Please use me in such ways, Abba.

[joygreene316]

Change

The human heart is like a diaper. It has to be changed in order to have the crap removed. And the only person who is able to do that for us is Jesus Christ.

Every single person has sin in their heart (Jeremiah 17:9). We cannot do anything about this ourselves. We alone cannot work sin out of our hearts. If we were able to, there would be no need for Christ.

But praise God! He is the Christ, and He is able to save us from our flesh and the evil desires that would come from it (Galatians 5:19–21).

The Holy Spirit writes to us through Paul and says, "For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live" (Romans 8:13 ESV) and "But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh" (Galatians 5:16 ESV).

It is by the Spirit that we can be changed. We must surrender to Jesus Christ and submit ourselves to the Holy Spirit in order for Him to change us from the inside out.

God has given us the free will to chose. We can either choose Him and be changed, or chose to continue living out the filth that comes from our hearts.

[joygreene316]

My Testimony: Why I Detransitioned (A Supernatural Encounter)

I spent almost five years of my life as non-binary, and about a year as transmaculine and as a transgender man on testosterone. I wore a binder to flatten my breasts as flat as the garment would allow and practiced speaking in a lower register. I had also started to seriously consider getting top surgery and legally changing my name. As someone who has lived as a queer person, I empathize with those in the transgender and LGBTQ+ community and am filled with compassion. I have lived in your shoes and have walked in them.

But now I walk on the path that follows Jesus Christ, and He is the reason I am speaking to you about this part of my story. Before drawing your own conclusions about me, I would encourage you to read this post until the end. Perhaps you will have empathy for me as I have it for you.

Earlier this year, I had a supernatural encounter with God that caused me to detransition immediately. I had been taking a psychoactive mental health medication that I was told would repair the brain damage done by depression. I started taking this drug last year, and that August I decided to return to reading my Bible and praying and getting close to God again (I had spent the past ten years as a backsliding, lukewarm, prodigal child of a Christian).

Still taking this mental health medication, I figured it would have better effectiveness if I got my faith involved with it. So before I would take a dose, I would pray over it in the Name of Jesus, asking the Lord to use it to fix my brain and heal it. I did this for months, and it wasn’t until March of this year that something happened.

I had my dose prepared and prayed over as I had been doing, and I laid in bed for my drug therapy session that evening. As it progressed, I was getting very emotional, thinking about myself in an introspective sense of my identity as a person. It was like my inner child was being set free. I wasn’t sure what was going on exactly but it was very emotional and kind of intense.

And then it happened.

It was as if God Almighty Himself had snapped His fingers over me. I felt an unexplainable, physical weight lifted off of my entire body. Some invisible force that I did not realize was there was removed from me. For the first time in my life, my mind felt the clearest it had ever been. I no longer felt the mental presence of the anxiety and depression I had been suffering from since childhood. Most importantly, I realized that I was indeed a woman. I was not only a woman, but a delivered one.

So I detransitioned immediately at that moment and fully surrendered myself to the Lord Jesus Christ. After what He did for me that night, I knew I had to give Him my everything. I had been changed in a way that I didn’t think was possible. My life belongs to Christ.

It has been six months since I began picking up my cross and following Christ, and I have spent some time thinking about what made me transgender. Or rather, what made me believe that I was transgender. And this is where empathy comes in, because I am certain that I am not an isolated case.

I am the eldest daughter of two. My sister was the favorite child. I felt so unloved and neglected by my parents (who would later divorce) that I said in my heart as a little girl, “If I was a boy maybe I would be loved more.” As I grew up, I forgot that I had said that but subconsciously it never left my heart.

[Notice: this next section contains brief, non-graphic mention of my sexual trauma.]

Due to the circumstances of my life and choices I made, I ended up living with a boyfriend who I would later become engaged to. As our relationship continued, he felt entitled to my body and would put his hands on me, especially my breasts.

Feeling unloved and neglected (emotional trauma) and experiencing sexual trauma is what pushed me out of womanhood. I felt detached from it. Trauma told me that being a woman had nothing to offer me except pain and suffering.

Much like the devil, trauma is also a liar. But trauma was all that I knew, so I listened to it and found comfort in the coping mechanism of my transgender identity. And I was supported in that.

Christ is where I get my comfort from now and my identity is found in Him. I no longer need the coping mechanisms from my past life of living as a victim of trauma (I have been an alcoholic, drug user, and practitioner of sexually immorality). I have been healed of my trauma and set free. All praise, honor, and glory to the Lord Jesus Christ, my Savior.

Maybe you’ve read this far and have found empathy for me after all, to which I give my very empathetic condolences. I offer you this hope in exchange for the knowledge of our similarly shared sufferings: what Jesus Christ has done for me, He can do for you. You too can be healed and set free.

[joygreene316]

Preaching to Myself: Moving On

Because you are in Christ, you are guiltless in the eyes of God. Your shame has been covered by the blood of the Lamb. You are no longer condemned and have no reason to beat yourself up about your former life of sin. The past is the past. It is time to move on.

That can be easier said than done, so open your mouth and ask the Holy Spirit to help you. He is our Helper after all (John 14:26 ESV). He is also our Comforter (John 14:26 KJV), and He will help us to emotionally heal from the sins of our past. But we have to be willing to let Him do that. We have to want that change for ourselves.

It’s hard for us to let go of the things of the past, especially if we have been suffering from their consequences for many years. For the sake of our walk with Christ, it is important for us not to hold onto them. Jesus says in Matthew 16:24 (ESV) “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” He also says “Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple” (Luke 14:27 ESV).

Beloved, how can we carry our crosses and be disciples of Christ if we are still carrying our past around with us? If we are still carrying our past, then we are carrying all of the baggage that came from it. And if we are still handling our baggage, our focus is taken away from Christ.

We must repent and surrender our baggage to Jesus. Once our hands are free, we can take hold of our cross and carry it, following our Lord and living the life He has prepared for us. Surrender yourself totally to Christ, baggage and all. Repent and receive your freedom.

[joygreene316]

Preaching to Myself: Identity

Sin comes with labels. When we live according to our sin, we are identifying with the desires of our flesh. If we continue to live in this way, then those labels become who we are. As followers of Christ, He is to be our only label. Our identity is in Him, not in ourselves.

Even before we came to Christ, He made our identity in His likeness. “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them” (Genesis 1:27 ESV). Despite being made in the image of the perfect God, sin has corrupted us and imperfected us. But as born again children of God, we are promised that in Christ we will be changed. “And just as we have borne the image of the earthly man, so shall we bear the image of the heavenly man” (1 Corinthians 15:49).

Until that day, we should remind ourselves about the blessed hope of our eternal future, which is secure in Christ Jesus. We make it difficult to do that if instead we are continually reminding ourselves about who we used to be outside of Christ. If there is anything to be reminded of about our old self, our identity in sin, it is that it has been crucified with Christ (Romans 6:6).

Ephesians 4:22-24 and Colossians 3:9-10 speak further about our old self. Our old selves, with our sinful ways and practices, have been exchanged for the new self, which is the identity of God’s righteousness and holiness. It is our new selves that are alive now, and it is Christ who grants us this life. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come” (2 Corinthians 5:17 ESV). As new creations in Christ, let us live in such a way that reflects His righteousness and holiness.

[joygreene316]

Preaching to Myself: Self-Condemnation

You stand in a courtroom as the defendant, representing yourself. Your files are brought before the court. All of your sins have been documented and recorded for the jury to see. Your guilt is made evident and your heart sinks in shame. Everything the prosecuting attorney is saying sounds true. After deliberation, the judge slams their gavel and declares you guilty. You stand condemned, and the bailiff comes and beats you with their baton.

Let’s look more closely at the scene. You are alone and have no lawyer. You are both the defendant and the prosecutor. The courtroom of your mind is filled with the guilt and shame of your offenses. You are also the jury, so the deliberation is short. You too are the judge and you condemn yourself.

There is so much wrong with this illustration, and the unfortunate reality is that many Christians have this mentality. Notice that in the courtroom there is no presence of the Word of God. Without the Word of God present within ourselves, we have no hope of a defense.

In the courtroom of Heaven, when we stand before the Lord God Almighty, we cannot defend ourselves. There is nothing we can say or do that would be sufficient enough to grant us a verdict free from guilt and the condemnation we rightfully deserve as sinners. We need the Word of God, who is Jesus Christ (John 1:14).

We as believers can be comforted with the knowledge that we have the perfect defense lawyer. Jesus Christ, the Son of the Judge, is our advocate (1 John 2:1). With Jesus Christ as our defense attorney, our charges have no chance against us. They have been expunged by the blood of the Lamb and are dismissed in the court of God’s law. “As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us” (Psalm 103:12 ESV).

Then what about those files our prosecuting selves use in the courtroom of our self-condemnation? Beloved, they are only copies of what God has already forgiven and forgotten about. The original documents have been nailed to the cross and are no more. And if this is the case, then how did these obsolete copies get into our hands? Where did they even come from?

They are from Satan. Day and night, that old serpent stands before God and accuses us of our sinful crimes (Revelation 12:10). If a Christian is not standing in the Word of God, it is not difficult for Satan to get us to accuse ourselves. He is the one who puts that file folder in our hands. He stands behind us like a prosecutor’s shadow, hissing lies into our ears.

He is the father of lies (John 8:44). Therefore, Satan is not a credible person and anything he says is not worth listening to. We should instead listen to God and God alone, because it is impossible for Him to lie (Hebrews 6:18). God says in His Word that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1).

Knowing these things, we can resign from also being our own personal bailiff. We do not need to continue with the guilt trips to court and beat ourselves up over our sin. We are no longer condemned. We are in Christ.

[joygreene316]

Peace! Be Still!

Today did not start off the way I wanted it to. I woke up late, woke up feeling unwell, and learned that someone would be coming over earlier than I had originally anticipated.

By the time I had gotten out of bed to eat "breakfast" I was already mentally scrambling to figure out all the things I needed to do, what order to do them, and when to do them, compensating for the time loss of not waking up earlier than I should have. Things were just not going my way.

If you're like me, then you also appreciate schedules and keeping to a routine. When mornings like the one I had today happen, it's easy to panic and stress and worry.

It's like juggling. We've already picked out the balls we're going to be juggling with...and then life happens. Sometimes more balls get added and overwhelm us, and sometimes they are taken away unexpectedly. It is in these moments that we have to make a choice: how are we going to react?

Recall the account given of Jesus calming the storm (Matthew 8:23-27, Mark 4:35-41, Luke 8:22-25). The disciples were afraid and panicking. Jesus, awoken by them, rebuked the wind and waves by the word of His mouth. "Peace! Be still!" He said (Mark 4:39). And the sea became calm.

A storm is a storm, no matter how big or how small it is. When it comes to the storms in our minds, we have the choice of either being like the disciples or like Christ. We can choose to let the emotional winds and waves rock the boat of our mentality or we can speak the Word of God over the situation.

Be at peace! Be still and know that He is God!

[joygreene316]

Preaching to Myself: Shame

An account is given in Matthew 21:19 and Mark 11:13-14;20-21 where the Lord Jesus goes over to a fruitless fig tree and curses it. The tree, having only leaves, withers and dies.

As Christians, when we walk in obedience with the Holy Spirit, we produce fruit. With His help, we crucify the desires of our flesh and allow the desires of the Spirit to grow into fruition. These fruits are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23).

We too are like fig trees. While everyone has leaves, those who are in Christ Jesus are fruitful. But when the shame of our sins occupies too much space in our hearts and our minds, we distance ourselves from God, and our fruit production suffers. How can we produce fruit properly if we are hiding from Him who causes the fruit to grow?

When Adam and Eve realized they were naked after sinning against God, they sewed fig leaves together and covered themselves (Genesis 3:7). They were afraid to face God because of their nakedness and hid (Genesis 3:10). When we are forgiven, we no longer have to hide from God because of our fig leaves. When we believe in Jesus Christ, we are given new clothing to cover ourselves. We are given the garments of salvation and a robe of righteousness (Isaiah 61:10).

Remember your new clothes when shame would try to pull you away from your Savior. Because we are wearing them, we do not need to be afraid to approach God the Father. “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:16 ESV). Forget about your leaves, and focus on the fruit produced through you by the Holy Spirit of God.

[joygreene316]

Preaching to Myself: Guilt

We know what we’ve done. We know our mistakes. We know our sins, the ones from the past and the ones we struggle and wrestle with daily. We know that sin separates us from God (Isaiah 59:2) and we know that God hates sin. It does not matter if we commit sins willingly and in full knowledge or if we commit them in ignorance. The fact is that we have sinned.

In the Torah, the first five books of the Old Testament, there are 613 commands given to Moses by God Himself. With so many sins to keep from committing, it already feels like an impossible task to not do anything wrong. The New Testament adds to this by saying “For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become guilty of all of it” (James 2:10 ESV).

Even if our outward deeds were free from sin, our hearts are sinful (Mark 7:21-23). We are born sinners. We cannot escape from the sinful nature that we inherited from our first parents, Adam and Eve (Romans 5:12). The Word of God states “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23 ESV).

The weight of our sins is great and puts heavy pressure against our souls. The guilt of it can be crushing to the point of immobilizing us in our walk with Christ. Guilt stops us from moving forward. It keeps us focused on ourselves and our sin instead of what we should be focusing on, which is Jesus Christ and the atonement for sin He gave with His life.

With the price of all sin being paid for by the blood of Jesus, we can live in the grace freely given to us by God through the faith we have in His work on the cross. It is this grace that we are saved because of our faith (Ephesians 2:8-9), and by our faith in Jesus Christ we are justified and have peace with God (Romans 5:1). Have peace, your guilt is covered by grace.

[joygreene316]

Preaching to Myself: Introduction

Go and stand in front of a mirror, or hold one up to yourself. Who do you see? What kind of thoughts or feelings do you have when you see that person?

Because of the circumstances of our lives, sometimes we end up not liking the image that is reflected back to us. We are reminded of our past, which can hold some very painful memories and plenty of regrets. The feelings that we get from those things are stored inside of our hearts, and over time our self perception becomes warped.

When our hearts are not filled with the truth of the Word of God, we let those feelings rule over us. We let our feelings dictate our identity. We find ourselves shackled by guilt and shame. The person we see in the mirror becomes someone we easily condemn within ourselves. In this state we are hindered in pursuing our relationship with Christ.

As we read the Word of God, we can learn scriptures that combat guilt, shame, and self condemnation so we can move on from the identity of sin and onto the purpose God has for us through our identity in Jesus Christ.

[joygreene316]

Obligatory Introductory Post

Howdy! I'm Joy Greene, a follower of the Lord Jesus Christ.

I have been born again since 2014 and have lived a very prodigal life. Earlier this year I had a supernatural encounter with the Lord which brought me out of the lukewarm lifestyle that I had been in for the past decade. You can expect more details about that as well as my testimony at a later time.

For now, please be content with knowing that the Shepherd has returned one of His lost sheep back to the herd of ninety-nine. All praise, honor, and glory to the Lord Christ Jesus, our Redeemer and Rescuer! That being said, this blog is dedicated to the Lord Jesus Christ for His glory and His purpose.

The posts I will be making here will be a collection of devotional-like posts, poetry, book reviews with Christian commentary, and (possibly) art. But we shall see how things turn out. Stay tuned.