"You look so bright, really bright tonight." he breathed under my ear and it give me chills. Oh, to be cuddled and loved on his arms, to be safe and to feel comfort on someone's hug.
"Well, I guess I could have replaced our lights, right?" I replied. He chuckled and messed my hair. He leaned a little kissed me on the forehead and tucked some of my hair on my ear. We're facing each other and all I could see is his eyes closed, his beautiful lips, his nose, and the shadows of the window frames on his face. But, clearly, his smile lightens up this dark room. I can feel my eyes getting heavy, it's already late but he insists to stay a little until he can slip into his dreams. The night swiftly blows its wind on our open window, swaying the curtains. He enveloped his arms to me tighter, humming calmly. I closed my eyes, and I can feel his breathing and his chest moving. This gives me peace and drives me to let everything let go of my hand.
The past few nights were like this; we stayed a little late hugging and humming little lullabies to each other as if the night would drown us on an impending nightmare. Does it made me overthink? Uh, yes, probably more than an hour a day of over analyzing the way he cared and cherish our cup of coffee a little bit over makes me think we're on the edge of something bigger, and, maybe scary.
"You tend to overthink, but I just want to do all of this for you to believe that you deserved it." he happily put down our picture and kissed it like it was some sort of a child. He then tucked himself on my lap so I brushed his hair with my fingers. Tracing it and reminding my self to carefully trance it, untangle some of it and trace it back. Just like how you would put a child on a crib, I laid down his head on a pillow and he enfold our fingers; fitting each others gaps. On situations like this, I would hug him from behind and he would put my hands near his heart. Then, I would drift away on the depth of night.
Today, the sun's ray shine brighter than usual and most of the time he runs with Timmy on the field. Then he would stop and catch Timmy throw him on the air and catch him; the latter would just laugh it off throwing his head back then run then go back to him. Moments like this, I would pull out a camera and film everything as much as I could; well it's the least I could do. Sometimes we would put a blanket, pick our basket and let Timmy eat some of the crackers and cheese. He likes it very well. Then he would look at me with a wide smile on his face like I am the subject of a painting or whatsoever but that gives me all emotions and I could only cup his face and give him a peck on his nose or cheeks--- and if there's no person around I would give him a kiss, a light and full of love one.
I looked around and see some couples away from me, and I sat there for like ages, contemplating what could I do. Because, waiting for him sometimes feels like light years. So I took out my camera and try to take a picture of Timmy. After a while, a picture was developed so I blew it. Usually, it would be him doing this and show it to Timmy. When he isn't busy he would be talking with the kids on this field, he would walk with Timmy towards a couple of kids and play with them. Right now, I miss him more than ever.
How we just sit here. And, all of these thing, I feel I was robbed. The coldness of the wind, wasn't something to bear more than that fact of missing him... which is how everything reminds me of memories that we could have.
How I picture him and with the setting sun's rays on his face, standing on that fence, with his faded jeans, a blue polo, the air brushing his hair, and he would call my name so I could be beside him. Where he would take my hands and pull me in front of him, tell me all the dreams we both hoped and planned on the blank air. He would let out a silly giggle after some realizations. And, these all of these, could have been real.
I laid my head on the grass. Timmy is on my side, and I looked up. The stars scattered on the clear blue sky, and with all the strength left on me, I spoke something with all of my hope, that maybe, he, he could hear it.
"You look so bright, really bright tonight."
