Julie's World

I am sentimental

[jubeevo]

You get a strange feeling when you're about to leave a place, like you'll not only miss the people you love but you'll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you'll never be this way again.

Azar Nafisi

[jubeevo]

Are You Well?

I often think about you. Are you well? Does the afterlife continue? Where is your spirit now? I imagine you’re helping others cross.I’d like to think that there isn’t just an end to your existence and you’re still being so nosy. 

Death is such a funny thing. You lose someone you love and the feeling is indescribable. Its so permanent and we live life tip toeing around dangers for fear of irreversible. So we think let us do our best to cherish what we do have and live life to the fullest--not wanting any regrets in life. 

Love never dies a natural death. It dies of weariness. It dies because the source can’t be replenished. But I won’t stop loving you. Death becomes more acceptable as I move forward in life realizing this notion. Your source still lingers. Its the legacy you leave behind. 

[jubeevo]

So much so

There is only so much to say about someone when they hurt you covertly. Their cuts are subdued and small, ever ongoing and gradual. So much so, that nobody sees it and only you notice it. It leaves no trace, no blood, no wounds.

 You think about things and play out a million scenarios and the outcome would still be the same. It is a tender experience to suffer for something greater than oneself. Yet in silence and solitude the depth of a wound another soul inflicts is uncontrollable. 

Until untoward one day, you snap and become so angry. And when they ask you why feel as you do, there isn’t anything to show, any words to describe, nor any answers to tell--only so much so that you are hurt.

[jubeevo]

😍😍😍 I am so in love with these. Credits: @gregs_imaging_arizona #pumpkin #lovehim #babygram #halloween #rainbowbaby #candycorn #fattie #photoshoot #cutecostume

[jubeevo]

Happy Mother's Day to Me

It will be my first mother’s day. I’m extremely excited to meet you later this year and I am beyond scared. Being alone through this process has been challenging and as much as I have tried to stay happy, I can’t help but cry. It’s been a learning process about my worth, my happiness, and my convictions. The hardest of all isn’t him leaving, but wondering why he didn’t choose us, choose you. I can’t understand those reasons, but I make a promise to always choose you. Whatever difficulties lie ahead for us, I will always choose you. I will do my best to be your father, mother, teacher, best friend, and guide. We write our own stories and no two are ever the same. I can only hope I do right by you and create a life of better. Happy Mother’s Day to you, for giving me the gift of motherhood. I can’t wait to see you.

[jubeevo]

I get sentimental towards the end of the year because I get a year older and I am bounded to reflect on the year. I'm excited to share that I'll be resuming my master's degree program at NAU with hopes to finish by the same time next year. It has always been a goal to earn my credentials by the time I was 25, but "life happens" and the experience of each setback that occurs can only move me forward with greater validity to my goals. #sundevils #lumberjacks #nau #happyholidays #wouldthatmakefireburningmenwithforks #lookingforwardto2016

[untamedunwanted]

I hope you find someone who knows how to love you when you are sad.

(via onlyimperfected)

❤❤❤

[jubeevo]

DEAR YOU

The feeling of loss is overwhelming today. I've disappeared this last year to recover from the loss of my unborn child so sorry friends if I haven't been there for you. I have yet to figure out how to help myself. Most people will never understand why even after 8 months I still have difficulties but grief is a funny thing. One minute it's gone, the other it surges. I'm sharing because I never get to talk about it. My biggest fear is being inconsolable, being shamed, and simply because I'm told to stop. I never get to talk about it because I'm angering my partner, making my mother cry, and my friends worry, but it's makes me so sad. Some nights I sleep well, other nights have recurring nightmares. I wake up each day tired, anxious, and full of regret. When a person dies, does their love for you dissipitate and just disappear? Or does it remain with you and passed to others, shared amongst the living that remains and remembers? Do they know you love them? Do they know you think about them?

[hplyrikz]

I go wherever you go Because you take me to places I’ve never been before If you’re lost, I’ll be lost with you Because I can never be found if I’m not found with you

Richa Gill (@RiichaG_)

Clear your mind here

(via hplyrikz)

❤❤❤❤

[hplyrikz]

More here

[synfonia04]

[hplyrikz]

Clear your mind here

[violentwavesofemotion-deactivat]

'I’m your girl,' she said in the dark. 'Your girl. No matter what I’m always your girl.'

Ernest Hemingway, from The Garden Of Eden  (via dirtyberd)

I forgive you.

[jubeevo]

So Must I

To my daisies:

Its been disheartening for me but I keep to myself to not take from others. I'm envious rubbing other mommy bellies and feeling kicks. Something we never got to. In a matter of days, the first due date will pass us by. The first due date of the first baby will come and go with nothing to show for it. If the second pregnancy had lasted, I would be nearly 16 weeks and almost ready to know if it's blue or pink.

Most days, I don't feel much of anything. It's beneath the surface, but ever so often, it's visible and makes itself tangible--other days like today have been rare but it still sucks. I just want to cry and be left alone. There is never a moment of life that is not touched by what happened. Life continues so must I. 

It's become easier, I sleep better knowing you both are in heaven.

[unsenttxts]

I thought I’d wake up and regret the angry message I sent you, but I didn’t. I don’t regret it at all. Because right now being angry is a lot easier than being broken.

#67 Unsent Texts to my Not-Boyfriend (via unsenttxts)

[jubeevo]

Scar Tissue and Callus

Has that ever happened to you? Staying up in the middle of the night with nothing but tears rolling down your face. You feel completely and utterly weakened, exhausted, and tired. I want to muster out "help me" but I could only whimper. Everyday is a process and it takes a lot of courage to just do something. It feels like my body is falling apart slowly and when I'm in bed, I'm thankful to be safe in my sheets so I can cry alone and not be judged for being so weak. The world feels impossible but after hours of tears I feel defeated enough to finally fall asleep.

I hope you're sleeping well because I miss you. My soul misses you everyday.

[the-beauty-of-words-blog]

[jubeevo]

You

Remnants are an intertwined revelation meant to disfranchise you so that you may be put back together anew.

Will you just become another remnant?