♕

lee jueun. mayday's lead vocal.

[idbelair]

* madonna & lilies

[jueunid-blog]

( text to darling jueun ): we’re here. we’re waiting for you. we’re parked near your building. i don’t think you’ll miss us. 

jueun was rarely offered the opportunity to dress up. outside of promotional events for sponsors or red carpets getting dolled up simply wasn’t something she was allowed to do. not to mention in those situations the focus was still on the group as opposed to the individual. by the very nature of her image jueun was meant to appear relatable; like a casual girl you might see on the street. tonight, though, she was willing to forsake that -- well privately at least. 

she had spent the better half of yesterday finding something to wear and all of today getting her roommate’s opinion on her ensemble. apparently her members found this rare side of the vocalist to be rather amusing and she supposed if she detached herself from the situation she would see the comical side of it as well. however as it stood she was very invested in it; she always was when it came to sunjung. even when it was something as simple as meeting for a coffee, jueun always wanted to dress to impress and now was no different. 

she looked herself over once more before hearing her phone vibrate against the dresser with a new message. jueun quickly moved to grab it and read the message before shooting off a reply. she looked to her roommate for one last confirmation that everything was in place before realizing she was wasting time. 

“wow” she muttered to herself when she finally made her way outside. the text had been right, there was no way jueun could miss the sleek vehicle with tinted windows. she felt a wave of both anxiousness and excitement wash over her as she walked towards the car, somewhat awkwardly stopping before it. should she knock first? what if she opened the door and it wasn’t the right car? fortunately her questions were answered for her when the chauffeur came and opened the door for her.

the moment she saw sunjung her expression immediately brightened. “i hope you weren’t waiting too long!” she commented as she climbed into the car.  she felt a sense of relief when she saw that she wasn’t overdressed for the night even if it was still a little embarrassing thinking about how much time she spent on it. as the car began to move and they drove towards their destination, jueun couldn’t help but feel that sense of anxiousness return, fiddling with her hands in her lap, “unnie, is this really okay? i mean you could be out with anyone tonight.”

[dangerousstrawberryking]

[iddahyun]

my old story .

[jueunid-blog]

iddahyun‌:

she gets herself a tea and waits for jueun to order before steering them towards a table in the corner of the cafe. “now what’s wrong? and how can i help?” those words seem to sum dahyun up to a tee. constantly worrying about others, constantly wanting to fix broken things. being the mother she lost too early. it came naturally to her, caring for others.

it wasn’t common for jueun to express worry or concern. she had, for better or worse (most certainly worst) embraced the notion that she was meant to smile and not show any signs of the stress that might come with her profession. on top of that she was naturally a more reserved and introverted person. she’d much rather keep her problems to herself than worry her members about her concerns. after all, they could have it just as bad as her, they didn’t need jueun’s worries to stress about as well. 

for that reason she was grateful when she scrolled through her phone and found a familiar name. she hesitated only for a moment before sending the text and as she walked down the street now she was glad that she did. she had come to rely on dahyun for a number of reasons, least of all being that she knew she would be awake at this time as well. it also made her grateful for the number of cafes open late around the city. 

when she spotted her senior beckoning her over, she skipped the short distance feeling a slight boost in her mood already. she knew better than to protest and instead gratefully accepted the older girl’s gesture, ordering herself an iced coffee. there was no way caffeine at this hour could be good for her but it couldn’t be any worse than what she consumed during her trainee days. “honestly i think i might have been overreacting” jueun answered her as she took her seat. it was the standard response, her gaze briefly dropping as hands fiddled with each other. she bit her bottom lip and after another moment she continued. “i’ve just been feeling a lot of pressure to not make any mistakes.” 

her gaze rose, meeting dahyun’s gaze again. “i mean, i’m happy i’ve gotten some more attention but lately i feel like i’ve been too aware of it.” it was enough to have internal pressure from the company but to be fortunate enough to capture the nation’s eye, even in a small capacity, was something jueun hadn’t expected. “unnie, how did you deal with receiving more attention?”

[jueunid-blog]

down time.

[jueunid-blog]

idxwoosung‌:

woosung rested his chin on his knees, wrapping his arms around his legs. “i want all the details,” he said, genuinely curious. it had been so long since he’d spoken to jueun— there was so much to catch up on. absently, he made a mental note to try and talk with jueun more. “but life details first. we have the same job, so i know what work is like.”

it had only been two years of official debut but jueun had discovered that a friendship with no expectations was one of the most valuable things to have in their industry. she liked to believe in people having the best intentions but that didn’t erase the reality that there were those out there with ulterior motives. seeking friendships only to promote their own brand or further their own goals. false smiles while they criticized you when you were out of the room. if she thought about too much she’d probably become far too paranoid to trust others. that was why she was grateful for friends like woosung. someone who she didn’t have to give it a second thought when she was around him. 

she laughed when she heard his comment, her hair framing her features as she shook her head. she could think of a few members who might disagree with him but if she was being honest it felt good to have someone in her corner, regardless of the bias. “are you sure you were looking at me and not one of the other members?” she teased, before responding more seriously. “i’ve been trying to make the most of the moments i do get on screen. it’s good to know the long nights of practice are going to good use” she may not have the most time in their group but jueun liked to think she worked hard to make the most of it. it was nice to know that at least one person recognized her effort.

jueun straightened at his question, immediately wanting to dismiss the line of thought he was going down. “of course!” she replied when he finished. it was an instinctive response and she didn’t want him to think she was simply dismissing any concerns he might’ve had. “believe me, i know all about hair changes, i still remember when i had blonde hair.” jueun had been through a handful of varying colors and shades in a short span of time. she knew what it was like to look in the mirror after a change and be worried about what the reaction on stage would be. “you stood out for all the good reasons, okay? trust me!” 

“if i’m being honest these days it feels like work is life” jueun admitted, a small chuckle leaving her. she rocked back and forth for a moment, trying to think of where to start. “you know, one day i’ll have a crazy story for you. these days the most interesting thing that’s happened is the number of caffeine drinks i’ve had lately.” 

[jueunid-blog]

natural.

[jueunid-blog]

idserena‌:

“but i think this would be a great opportunity for jueun to react to some very british things that i definitely know will be inside this box! i’m willing to bet on it.” turning to her friend, she handed jueun a pair of scissors and gestured towards the box. “i’ll give you the honours!” 

if jueun was being completely honest, success thus far hadn’t exactly been what she imagined it to be. for the longest time jueun was a believer in the idol ideology. she grew up a fan of idols. she remembered the feelings she had when she watched them on television or when her mother bought her merchandise of jubilee or other groups. as a result from a young age she had decided that she wanted to give that same feeling to others. now with mayday’s ever-escalating popularity one could argue that she had achieved that stage -- even if personally it didn’t always feel like it. she had no idea that with success would come such intense image management. that she would have to make sure she didn’t make the wrong expression or say the wrong thing. still, despite that she told herself that this was what she wanted. she wanted to last in this industry and if that meant putting on a smile and recording youtube content she would do so.

it helped that she was doing so with her friend. even if they held differing ideas on their current situation, jueun felt like she could rely on serena. if she found being the nation’s little sister difficult then being lee jueun around her roommate was refreshingly easy. she smiled brightly when serena complimented her shirt. jueun would never admit it there was a part of her that quite enjoyed compliments, far more than the humble, hard-working little sister could ever let on. even if it was completely normal to have some sense of vanity, especially in their industry, jueun was careful to keep it tucked away. 

she easily fell in place next to her friend and once the camera was turned on it was like a flip was switched inside her brain. fortunately it wasn’t a live recording but even going on two years of experience it was starting to become a habit to put her best face forward whenever a camera was pointed in her direction. “hello everyone!” she said waving on cue when serena introduced her. 

when she alluded to her special surprise jueun obliged with a short drum roll as the box was pulled out. whenever she was on variety shows with their group she could recall people saying they enjoyed rookies because of their reactions. now was no different, “wow!” she said softly clapping when the box was unveiled. 

truth be told as manufactured as he reactions might be, jueun was genuinely excited to open up the box and see what was inside. “thank you” jueun took the scissors from serena, cautiously cutting open the box. “remember everyone be careful when using scissors!” when she opened the box she pulled open the flaps and peeked inside, her mouth opening slightly. “whoa! she sent you a lot.” jueun shifted the box so that it was closer to serena. she did like surprises and she couldn’t help but be curious as to what a lot of the things she laid her eyes on were. for the moment though she stilled her itchy fingers, allowing serena to take the lead. as such jueun looking up at the vocalist with eagerness in her eyes, “what should we start with?”

[idgoeun]

depend

[jueunid-blog]

idgoeun‌:

her members? goeun hesitated a moment, not sure how to phrase things. she trusted jueun implicitly, knew she could tell her anything - that wasn’t the problem. but in her time at midas, goeun had been genuinely close to the girls who became mayday, warm and bright and affectionate. she loved the riot girls no less - she’d do anything for any one of them - but her anxiety over making riot a success to rival the top girl groups of today, including mayday, forced a kind of distance between them. she was a different goeun with riot than she had been with mayday, one that she wasn’t necessarily always proud of. she cleared her throat. “the members, you know, they’re good. i think we’re all ready to put together another comeback, but you know 99, they like to take their time.” she turned to face jueun more fully, tilting her head, ready to change the subject. “how about you guys? how’s this comeback shaping up?”

just the simple act of sitting here and conversing with goeun brought back a feeling of nostalgia. they still stayed in touch and talked regularly but being together like this in their old stomping grounds so to speak made it feel like nothing had really changed. personally she didn’t feel any different but that didn’t mean things hadn’t changed. she was finally starting to get some personal attention on top of that which mayday was already receiving. the result was that she had a heightened sense of concern about everything she did; making sure not to make a false step and ruin her image. if she was being honest with herself it was a bit stressful and maybe not exactly what she had dreamed of when they were fresh faced trainees.

hearing goeun list all off all the things she could recount jueun wasn’t sure how to feel. it was just a little reminder of how perfect things had been before she left the group. fortunately she still had members she was close with like serena -- jueun would have been a bit lost if they both left the group -- but that didn’t make seeing goeun leave any easier. fortunately her friend’s laughter washed away any negative feelings, shifting slightly when she nudged her. “hey!” jueun pushed back, “you know i have some pretty incriminating evidence on you too! are you sure you want to play that game?” laughter fell from the vocalist lips as somewhere in her subconscious a part of her recoiled at the thought of someone overhearing her using incriminating out of context.

her expression settled into a content smile as her friend tried to -- poorly in her opinion -- defend her actions back then. jueun merely shrugged, brushing off goeun’s accusation that she should have known better. “i was young and naive” she’d ignore the fact that she still could be a bit naive at times, “and you looked like you knew what you were doing. how is it my fault for putting my faith in you?” looking back on it now the bond she formed during those days were the best things to come out of that time in her life. she certainly didn’t have any fondness for drinking energy drinks just to stay up for ungodly hours.

jueun met goeun’s gaze when she heard her response, pulling back slightly. it felt safe to say that she knew her friend just as well as goeun knew her. as such she could often tell when something was wrong. for jueun it was a necessary relationship, especially given that complaining in general was something she often felt guilty about. she wanted things for herself but often took a backseat to others. having goeun there for her to express these sentiments had proved crucial. “they’re good?” she said repeated, “goeun, you know you can tell me anything.” jueun tried to ignore the fact that her question about mayday’s comeback was completely deflecting from her previous answer. while she might want her friend to be honest with her it wouldn’t do any good to pressure her into a confessing. “it’s” she paused, “-- i can’t complain. it seems like every comeback i’m waiting for the public to get sick of us but it hasn’t happened yet. not that i’m not grateful for that!” she quickly added at the end. of course nothing was perfect, but she tried to convince herself that it was the nature of life.

[jueunid-blog]

progression.

[jueunid-blog]

idxisa‌:

“today, aside from our normal, we’ll have a little pop quiz.” it was good to keep jueun on her toes. she knew the other had trouble talking to her members, she couldn’t force. but she hopped jueun still kept up with the more bookish work. it’d help her. “i’ve looked over what we went over before so we’ll cover a bit of that as well, either way. i’m proud of you and the progress you made.” 

at first jueun had found the tutor-like structure of their lesson’s a bit intimidating. truth be told her largest concern had been not being able to meet the expectations that her tutor might have. of course it didn’t take long for her to realize that wasn’t the case at all. any pressure she might have felt was self-imposed as there wasn’t a more considerate teacher than jinkyong. now she had come to find the lessons more refreshing than looming. it was a change of pace from the rigors of her daily schedule and these days those kind of breaks were more than welcome.

jueun had barely settled in when she heard the voice right behind her. immediately a smile washed over the younger idol’s expression. “hello!” she returned in english. as she steadily grew more comfortable in her ability she made a note to try and incorporate speaking in english during their lessons. though it often proved easier said than done. jueun had been ready to glow at the compliment she received when the word pop quiz rang in her ears. her expression went blank, no doubt like many students across the country did when hearing the words pop and quiz together.

“p-pop quiz?” she repeated. it was more the sudden nature of the statement than feeling unprepared that had jueun momentarily startled. “on such a beautiful day?” unfortunately acting coy or cute didn’t often get her out of work.

when she finally did receive her positive comments jueun couldn’t help but beam just a bit. what started out as a passing request had turned into something she quietly took pride in. “thank you!” she bowed her head slightly, “i’ve been jtrying not to slack off too much between schedules. my roommate was saying i need to turn off my lamp earlier.” it had been a teasing comment but one jueun tried to keep in mind for future late night studying. after all, if she was going to be up late anyway she might as well try to be productive.

“so where do we start?”

[idgoeun]

depend

[jueunid-blog]

idgoeun‌:

she patted the arms that circled around her from behind and turned her head to look at her friend, all big smiles and cheerful in spite of just coming from what goeun assumed would have been a tiring practice. part of her felt bad for taking up time jueun could have spent resting, but part of her felt proud at how happy her friend seemed to be to see her for the first time in a while. “hey, i haven’t completely forgotten this place,” she said, gesturing around her to the building she had spent four years of her life in. to be fair, it had been a long time since she had been there, and that plus her already bad sense of direction did mean goeun had had to look for this room on a few different floors before she finally located it - but she wasn’t about to admit that to jueun and give her even more material to tease her with.

if jueun was being honest a part of her was simply grateful that she could have these type of moments with goeun. moments where she could be light-hearted and teasing. despite the different paths their careers took she didn’t have to pretend with her. there was a time when she didn’t know if that would be the case. when she had left the company jueun had remembered feeling miserable for a week if not more. cuts were to be expected, she had painfully accepted that reality early on in her trainee days. the friends she made may not be the friends she debuted with. but goeun was different, they had been together through it all and debut seemed just on the horizon when jueun got the news. as sad as she had been jueun could remember crying not for herself but for her friend. in her opinion goeun had a beautiful voice just like serena and yet she had been cut. meanwhile they had deemed someone like herself worthy of debut.

it was a business reality that jueun struggled to accept at first but fortunately their friendship survived the separation. that said she always did feel a bit guilty asking her to meet at the midas media building. goeun had never been anything but supportive of her but jueun wasn’t that naive. even with years separation and her own group now, walking down memory lane couldn’t be easy. that was why jueun opted to provide as much distraction and positive energy as she could.upon hearing her question the broad smile remained on her features, giving an affirmative nod, “of course, i don’t make the rules.” after a moment caved as she scrunched her nose, “but it really does feel weird hearing you call me that though. it’s not just me, right?” it was a bit ironic given jueun herself had trouble being less formal with her own sunbaes. even the ones she had gotten close to and relied on she sometimes had trouble dropping formalities. but being referred to it, especially by goeun of all people, took some getting used to.

when she denied jueun’s accusation the mayday member fixed her with a suspicious look. between her own timid nature and her friend’s sense of direction she could recall many times when the two of them had gotten lost together. fortunately it never led to anything too terrible but it did leave her with an eternal doubt on goeun’s ability to not get lost. “uh huh” she teased. “you know i still remember that time we got lost looking for the vending machines thanks to you.” the memory brought a nostalgic smile to her features. it had been in her early trainee days when everything was still unfamiliar and jueun spent most of her time making sure to bow to her seniors in the hallway. what was meant to be a simple run to the vending machine turned into a lost and found mission -- something she fully blamed goeun for. looking back on it now it was a bit of a bittersweet memory given how everything played out.

before she could spiral down that line of thought she gave the riot vocalist one more squeeze, “i’m really glad you were able to stop by.” with that she let go of her and moved around so she would be able to sit next to her. the last thing she wanted was to give her a crane in her neck from looking up at her the whole time.  “how have things been with your members?” they kept up through text and phone calls but talking about things in person just had a different vibe. jueun could remember the excitement she felt for her close friend when r!ot’s debut exploded in popularity. she knew how hard she worked and everything she had been through, in jueun’s mind she deserved it. that said she also knew goeun’s personality. which was why she tried to be there if she needed to vent about something.

[jueunid-blog]

natural.

at mayday’s dorm, getting ready to shoot a video w/ @idserena 

when serena approached jueun with her idea to include her in the next serenatube video, the mayday vocal had been ecstatic. needless to say she was a regular viewer of her content and she couldn’t help but be a little jealous at how effortless serena made it seem. then again this was serena moon, in jueun’s eyes she was talented even from their trainee days, why should this be any different? on the other hand, in the videos jueun had appeared in thus far she always had trouble deciding on how ‘natural’ she was meant to be. the notion behind this kind of content was simple enough; it was meant to be more real and honest. to feel more genuine than the ‘company produced’ content. she supposed in that sense she was a bit fortunate that her image wasn’t too far off from her actual personality.

jueun ran a hand through her hair as she waited to begin recording. she was dressed casually, making sure to incorporate some bright colors both in support of the summer and the sweetness that mayday had become known for. her makeup was light in an attempt to seem as natural as possible. of course the reality was no matter how genuine she came across in the video there would always be aspects of herself that were never seen. they wouldn’t see her scolding serena for buying cigarettes without covering up. they wouldn’t hear jueun mention how she was happy for the rise in attention for not-so-humble reasons. it was just the nature of their business; something that jueun had trouble accepting at first but was starting to get more of a grip on as time passed and their popularity skyrocketed.

all that said it didn’t mean she couldn’t have fun filming with her roommate. serena was one of the handful of individuals who jueun had known essentially since she started down this career path. if there was anyone she could be at ease around it was her.

“serena, do you need any help setting up?” jueun called as she made her way to the living room from their shared bedroom.  the other members were out on a schedule or their free time which meant they had the place to themselves. over the past months she liked to think her english had gotten better and she quietly hoped she’d be able to flaunt some of it today. that is if she could get over her fear of mispronouncing something and the embarrassment that would follow. when she reached the living room she did a small spin, “what do you think? not too bright is it?” 

[editsunit]

[jueunid-blog]

progression.

meeting with @idxisa at kjh building

white cap was pulled low over her head as jueun got out of the car. a face mask was worn to provide at least some sense of privacy so she could enjoy her afternoon off. while jueun treasured all the friendships she had made thus far in the industry she could certainly do without the time crunch that both parties being idols brought. between her own schedule and jinkyong’s getting together had become something that had to be planned out days if not weeks in advance. it made the mayday vocalist long for the days when things were simpler and not as busy. when she could just show up at jinkyong’s building and have a lesson without having to worry about anything else. but she wanted to be a lasting idol didn’t she? this was just a reality she would have to deal with for better or worse. 

truth be told as much as she hated how restricted their time may be, she was just grateful that jinkyong was still going out of her way to help her get better with her english. she adjusted the bag on her shoulder, a couple of the more recent notebooks she had gotten from her teacher held within it. she could still remember the overwhelmed feeling she had the first time the jawbreaker member had unveiled her pile of books and notes to her. and while jueun hardly considered herself fluent she’d like to at least think she was making progress. 

she lowered her mask as she checked in at the front desk before making her way to the room where she would usually wait for her company, a slight hop in her step. the last time they had been able to meet was before mayday had begun their promotions for DKDK and jueun had promised to try and use english more outside of their lessons. admittedly she had somewhat failed. whenever she wanted to start a conversation with her roommate in english she got nervous worrying about things like proper pronunciation and froze up. she just hoped when she told jinkyong that she wouldn’t be too disappointed in her. 

[streetexid]

돌아가고 싶지 않아! ☆

[jueunid-blog]

hello all ! it’s grey here with jueun again. she’s mostly the same with a few tweaks. instead of a fully fumbling rookie she has a tiny bit more experience under her belt and as a group a lot more popularity. she’s also starting to find her niche and some popularity after being given the title of nation’s little sister and possibly learning that you should be careful what you wish for. so for the most part she’s still the same jueun but she’s grown a bit and facing different challenges. 

on the practical side of things she is now under Midas and i’m sure a handful of connections or circumstances have been changed so! i’m always here to talk if we need to re-work any relationships (or add some new ones!) :) profile / biography / (updated!) plots are here. i love brainstorming off of ideas so feel free to like this and i’ll shoot you an im! alternatively feel free to shoot me one whenever! or you can add me on discord @ jammers#6568 (i’ve moved discord so if you had me added before feel free to re-add!) on the thread side i’ll probably be dropping most of them as many no longer fit with the changes. that said i’m more than happy to start up some new ones in replacement! ^^

[jueunid-blog]

🍳🐿️ JUEUN Cooking Show

[jueunid-blog]

down time.

[jueunid-blog]

idxwoosung‌:

“tell me everything,” he urged her, shifting a bit closer to her. his voice softened a bit when he added, “i missed you.”

one thing jueun realized was that ever since she started down this path she did far more thinking and internalizing than she did before. from the moment she failed her first audition to going through the trainee process it seemed like she became more and more withdrawn. it wasn’t as though she grew cold and hardened by the process, ask anyone who knew her and they’d tell you that jueun was kind and warm by her very nature. but she became more reserved and often over-thought her actions in fear of doing the wrong thing. maybe that was why she found so much enjoyment in little moments like this.

she smiled brightly when he responded because of course he would say something like that. she was like him in that she found the dance studio to be a place where peace of mind was easily achieved. “i was just making sure” she replied, watching as he went through his stretches. there was solace to be had in the thought that no matter how big either of their groups got -- or didn’t get -- they would at least be able to take refuge in the dance rooms.

jueun allowed herself to wobble back and forth a bit more for added effect when he nudged her with her foot, light laughter falling from her lips. “and whose fault is that?” she teased, barely managing an accusatory tone. she wanted to claim he was the last to forget to reply in their chat but she wasn’t completely sure if it wasn’t her that had forgotten. in seriousness though she knew neither of them were at fault as there were forces outside of their control that made spending extended free time together difficult.

at his question she fell silent for a moment, perking up only when she heard his addition. she leaned over, briefly linking his arm with her own. “i missed you too” it wasn’t simply lip service that one gives a friend they haven’t seen in some time either; with woosung it was genuine. “i watched all your stages when i could though!” simply being of the opposite gender made public support a tricky thing to navigate, even being part of the same company, but that didn’t stop jueun from supporting their comeback privately.

it was always easier for her to talk or ask about others in comparison to herself and that remained true even with woosung. however she was a far degree more comfortable talking about herself with him than she was with others. so when he asked her to tell him everything she was far more inclined to do so. her free hand rose to her chin, taking up a thinking pose, “hm, well do you want the usual work details or regular life details first?” truth be told she didn’t think her life had enough details in it to be interesting but he always managed to make her feel like it was.

[jueunid-blog]

long walks, little talks

[jueunid-blog]

ruwonid‌:

“i guess it’s just that whole thing. the grass isn’t greener? they’re just two different shades of kind of gross.” he laughs that part out. maybe not the most tactful, considering they’re both idols. both in this industry. but jueun can understand him, he thinks. or if she can’t, she can disagree. it’s not charged, the statement. just from ruwon’s own head, own experiences. 

jueun's gaze flitted around taking in the scenery and locals as they walked. despite loving this opportunity she was a little disheartened by her own lack of language skills. she'd never been fast to pick up another language; heck her roommate spoke fluent english and jueun still just barely got by. as such her spanish amounted to what she learned on the flight here. though truth be told between staying at the hotel and being shuttled most places it wasn't as though she would get to test it. it was a subtle reminder that while she had this quiet moment with her sunbae, this was -- for all intensive purposes -- a marketing trip as opposed to a genuine vacation.

when he speaks she listens because she genuinely is curious about his perspective. in general she takes all her seniors words to heart but there are those who she tends to listen to more carefully. perhaps not coincidentally they are often people who don't sugarcoat things. his response is further proof of that and jueun briefly looks down with a guilty expression. being so eager to succeed whether it's as a group or individual can make one ignorant to the moment they're in. there are some things one can only do while being a rookie, being able to walk around freer is one of them. at least she believes that's what he's getting at.

"i hope you're right" she responds somewhat wistfully. whether they succeeded or not she hoped it'd be different. but in their industry it's impossible to simply take all the good without the bad.

at his phrasing she laughs lightly, hand raised to cover her mouth. it was mostly from the surprise at his bluntness. she does a little double take as if worried someone holding a recorder would jump out of a bush. "has anyone ever mentioned you have a talent for analogies?" even the mayday rookie could understand what he meant. she may not be quite so jaded yet but she did have some experience that could compare. the transition from trainee to idol hadn't been quite was she expected. everything didn’t turn to sunshine and daisies just because she had made her debut, much to her chagrin.

"i think i understand what you mean" she spoke, hands sliding into her back pockets as they walked. "a part of me thought the grass would be greener once i debuted. it turns out it's" she hesitated,"...not exactly the case." jueun didn't quite have the same gall to call it a different shade of gross. even if it was a fitting analogy. despite the somewhat down nature of her words she looked over at ruwon with a small smile. "but at least i have someone i know i can talk to about it." cheesy? yes, but this was jueun he was walking with after all.

[idserena]

eternal

[jueunid-blog]

idserena‌:

“i usually keep my earphones on while practicing so jueun wont hear the unfinished product, i’m way too embarrassed to let anyone hear my playing original songs when i’m just learning how to compose.”

a balance between image and reality, that was a crucial part of being an idol. through her five years as a trainee and now one fully fledged, jueun was starting to understand that more and more. although, ironically the more opinions she got on the matter the more confusing it became. the company undoubtedly wanted to push image over reality. they could control it, shape it how they wanted, even change it if need be. as much as her idealistic nature didn’t want to believe, even she had come to accept that truth. what complicated things was when she talked to her seniors, ones she came to consider like mentors or big sisters. they advised her not to be afraid of letting your true self show. that it was okay to let reality seep through.

as she watched serena’s fingers dance over the piano keys like a flowing river she wondered if her roommate was having the same struggle.

jueun remained smiling of course, she didn’t show that she wanted to nervously bite her inner cheek or cautiously look over at their manager while she performed. and while the music crescendoed she found herself worrying less if they were going off-script and wondering more if it was really such a bad thing?

when the melody was finally brought to a stop jueun promptly clapped, a sign of genuine appreciation but also to give the impression that nothing had happened out of order. “wow” she moved towards serena and leaned against her slightly, tempted to try and squeeze herself onto the seat with her. as if she had forgotten she turned back to the camera, acknowledging their virtual audience, “everyone, that was really good right?” upon hearing serena’s words she gave a nod of confirmation, “it’s true, she’ll sit at her desk working away and i don’t hear a thing. hopefully we will all get to see her perform it live in person one day.”

the comment came out and jueun immediately wanted to bite her tongue. it was an simple comment; there were probably saydays in the chat who were excited by her insinuation and yet jueun was suddenly worried.  did it sounded too presumptuous? a mayday concert sounded like a dream but at the moment it was only that. however innocent aspirations could be twisted and perceived as a form of arrogance.

you’ve just reached your one year anniversary and you’re thinking about a concert? don’t get ahead of yourself!

she looked over to serena, her brain short-circuiting for a moment. was she overthinking it? absolutely. she couldn’t help but wonder if yulhee-unnie would be this worried over such a little thing. if anything she’d probably promote the idea more. and here jueun was having trouble remembering what was supposed to come next in their little tour. in the end she merely said the first thing that came to mind. “what’s something easy that i could learn?” she blurted out, glancing down at the keyboard. “i’m sure there are some saydays who are interested in learning piano too, right?” when in doubt always bring it back to the fans, another piece of invaluable advice. that and rely on her roommate to bail her out.