When I first dove into D/s with @1sadisticlover, it was planned to be a pure fueling of needs and desires. No strings attached and all that jazz.
While we played, and forged our bond, as BDsM often facilitates, I was overcoming trauma from sexual assaults.
One of my first TRUE displays of submission and trust in my Dominant (more meaningful than letting him spank me red/purple/blue) was in requesting that he touch my upper back, shoulders and neck.
An odd request, but one he clearly saw the importance of as his gentle touches led to his up-to-then unshakable masochist sobbing, shaking, quivering and spasming in fear.
A few times, he paused and asked if I needed to stop. I growled through my tears for him to continue and progressed from body wracking sobs to quiet shivers before saying “okay”, indicating that it had been enough.
He crawled up in bed by me, and instead of melting into his hug like normal, he needed to coax me softly out of the trauma space of this self prescribed exposure therapy into his loving arms.
We did this several times.
As weeks turned to months, I would still stiffen at his fingertips gliding along my back, but eased into it, remembering that this man was my rock and my safe space.
As months have turned to years, his touch has become my salvation.
Other people can pat me on the back without me spiraling into tears.
Peace and serenity induced from my Sir’s touch.
Anyone with preconceived notions of what BD/sM means needs to know that THIS is the core of what we do and how we live.
I am an honored, loved, proud and protected submissive to my Dominant. For every single fantastic reason anyone could imagine.
Thank you for guiding me, @1sadisticlover
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