Something I like about The Other Bennet Sister is that it was a healthy reminder for me that you have to fight against that terrible wounded habit of assuming "the people that raised me told me XYZ terrible things about myself and the world and therefore everyone I meet also believes these things about me/the world," otherwise you will sabotage opportunities to prove life is otherwise to yourself. I really love the episode where Mary overhears the Gardiners mention she's a little odd, and she has that awkward run-in with Tom and she's so hurt by them. despite all of them actually showing her compassion in these moments that she can't see, she assumes they're judging her like her mother and she nearly gives up on her whole new life over it. These moments were hard to watch for me because honestly I've lost count of how often I've done this kind of thing. But I love how the show has so much empathy for her in this moment. It holds in both hands that yes she's hurt because usually these interactions have been harmful, AND, she needs to learn that not everyone means to hurt her. People can and will show you compassion and kindness, but it's ultimately up to you to accept it. You may not always get it right and it takes time, especially after a life of so much unkindness, but you have to keep trying. I really like that The Other Bennet Sister shows how leaving a home where you were constantly made to feel like shit doesn't automatically fix self-worth issues. You then have to unlearn the engrained coping mechanisms and assumptions you were poisoned with so they don't ruin your opportunities for better things. And I especially love how the show made the point that this takes time and, most importantly, help! It takes lots of help from people who are kind to unlearn unkindness. You can't heal from a life of familial ostracism on your own, even if you've left that context. You have to then do the sometimes messy, scary work of learning you're wrong about yourself and accepting other people in your life to help you do it. How you've been mistreated and how that mistreatment shaped you is not your fault, but you do have to learn how to accept better things and better people when they show up. It takes time and help, but you gotta do it so you can actually live.
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