Funk You Up

Juliette || 16 || Future Vogue Editor. Don't believe me? Just watch.

[juliette-alexander]

Cliff’s Edge: Juliette & Savannah

[juliette-alexander]

sav-ak‌:

“Gemma? Oh… I don’t think she likes me, is that.. what did she say?” Sav was nervous, of course she was, big things made her worry, she was in constant flux of terror and confidence in cold hard facts. She hadn’t really told anyone, Juliette was her person, the only person she needed to tell. Her father wouldn’t care, her mother would make a huge deal out of it, neither of which were reactions she wanted or needed right now.

“Ha– have you told your dad? Are you going to? Because if you tell him, I have to tell my mom before he does, and then I have to hear how she was a guest at Elton John’s anniversary party when DiCaprio vomited in the plant pot. I can’t deal with all the uncomfortable acceptance from people.”

“It doesn’t matter. She was a good friend about it.” Gemma was really the only person Juliette felt comfortable telling and even that was hard and terrifying and a blow to Juliette’s confidence. A part of her still wondered if it really was all ok.

“No, I haven’t told my dad. I don’t want to. At least for now.” That idea especially terrified her. He couldn’t know. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

[juliette-alexander]

Cliff’s Edge: Juliette & Savannah

[juliette-alexander]

sav-ak‌:

“I’m going to tell him. I just need to know that whatever happens, I’ll have you. Friend or whatever. The only thing that feels right is being around you. It’s like…” She had no words, Savannah only knew that she needed to talk to her boyfriend, it would hurt, and it’d be hard, but it was the right thing to do. She’d have to tell her mom too, if Juliette told her dad, and he told her mom, then there would be no end to the complaining.

“You’re so understanding, I… I haven’t either. I…” She had nothing to say, she didn’t need to. She was around the one person she needed to be around.

Juliette had no idea where they were headed, but she knew she wanted Savannah in her life, one way or another. “Yes to friends....or whatever.” She smiled. Although her stomach was still a mess, she felt actually happy for the first time in awhile. Like things would be ok in the end.

“I still can’t believe this is happening.” It was an honest to God dream come true. How many other gay high schoolers got to say their crush liked them back? Juliette had always thought her feelings would go unrequited. Just another lesbian in love with her straight friend.

Fear again gripped her stomach. This was something Juliette had known about herself for awhile, but with no prospects, it was something she felt comfortable keeping on the inside. There was always something else to distract her from her feelings. Another prize to be won. But now it was out there and real.....where other people could see.

“Just....don’t tell more people than you have to. I-” she trailed off. She, what? She didn’t know what this was? But she did. She had feelings for Savannah and Savannah returned them. But she struggled to say what she really meant: that she didn’t want anyone to know. “I’ve only told Gemma.”

[juliette-alexander]

Cliff’s Edge: Juliette & Savannah

[juliette-alexander]

sav-ak‌:

Sav hadn’t thought about Vincent. Of course she hadn’t, the fact was, she was too busy trying to figure out what her sexuality was, what she felt to think of Vincent. “I want… I want you, Juliette. I want to be with you. Which means, I’m going to end it with him. Even if you don’t take me. It’s the right thing to do, isn’t it?”

She wanted Jules’ approval before doing anything. She had given her virginity to Vincent, whatever that meant, and now she knew she was going to give her heart to Juliette. But she needed to know if there was a future with her.

“I-I guess?” Juliette’s head was spinning. This was so much so fast, and so unexpected. Her heart was still racing from the kissing and now she felt like she couldn’t breathe.

“Do whatever feels right, Sav. I don’t-” she trailed off. What did she want? She wanted Savannah, but what would that really mean? 

“This is all moving so fast. We weren’t even talking and now we’re kissing.”

Still breathing hard, she felt like her heart was going to stop. Juliette, who always felt so sure about everything, always confidently moving forward, for once, was unsure and insecure. She hated it.

She took Savannah’s hand in hers. “What you do with Vincent is your choice. I know I don’t want to do anything more unless your single, but I think we should take this slow. I’ve never done anything like this before.”

and I don’t want to mess it up, she thought to herself. Had she ever done anything as scary as this? Juliette didn’t think she ever had. Suddenly, she really wanted her mom.

[juliette-alexander]

Cliff’s Edge: Juliette & Savannah

[juliette-alexander]

sav-ak‌:

Her heartbeat pounded in her chest so hard it hurt, taking Juliette’s hand she placed it over her heart. “Do you feel that?” Sav looked at her in the eyes and kept her hand to her heart. “That’s real. I don’t what to do, Jules, but I know that whatever it is I want to do with you.”

As they stood in that classroom alone, Sav knew that this was a turning point for whatever their life would be. Sav would have to embrace who she was, even if Juliette rejected the idea of being with her. “I– this is–” Too much thinking, not enough feeling. Sav pulled Juliette into another kiss, harder and more passionate that before. Feeling the two of them pressed together, Sav wanted to stay in this moment forever.

Holy shit, holy shit, holy shiiiiiiiiiiiiit. Juliette was so focused on the fact that she felt part of Savannah’s boob in having her hand over her heart, that she barely heard what Savannah was saying. 

It was all so much, happening so quickly. Savannah wanted to be with her? For real?

Before she could process the thought, Savannah had swept her into another kiss — one like in the movies. Juliette kissed her back, savoring every second, every touch.

But finally, she had to break away. “W-wait. What about Vincent?” She took a step back, putting a little distance between them. “You’re still with him, aren’t you?”

[juliette-alexander]

Cliff’s Edge: Juliette & Savannah

[juliette-alexander]

sav-ak‌:

“Yes.” There was so little she had to say after that outburst. She liked Vincent, she saw that he was deeper than he let on, that there was more to him. But she couldn’t say she loved him, or that even after losing her virginity she didn’t have an increase in feelings for him.

“I think I like you.” It became hard for her to hear anything after that, her heart was beating too fast. Not knowing what to do, she stepped closer to Juliette, taking her hand. Kiss her, her mind said, her heart agreed. She wanted to know if this was more than just overthinking, if it was real.

“I– kiss me.” She said bluntly.

“I—” This was too much. Juliette had barely allowed herself to consider this possibility. Really, it’d been only in dreams, where she had no control over where her mind took her. 

Her heart simultaneously leapt as her stomach plunged at Savannah’s words. “Not here, are you crazy?” She took Savannah’s hand and led her to a nearby empty classroom — her heartbeat seemingly roaring in her ears. She felt like it might stop.

Juliette closed the door behind them and looked at her friend for a second before getting over her instinct to run. Instead, she stepped forward, and once again kissed Savannah.

[juliette-alexander]

Cliff’s Edge: Juliette & Savannah

[juliette-alexander]

sav-ak‌:

Kiss her. A tiny voice in Sav’s mind kept screaming it at her, begging her to admit something she knew deep down was probably true. She wasn’t scared of coming to terms with liking girls, she knew her parents wouldn’t think any less of her. Her dad would probably just grunt and then fix something, her mom would go on at length about how this one time she very nearly had a relationship with a woman who would go on to become some senator’s wife. But it was about liking one girl, she was scared to admit she liked this one particular girl.

She thought hard, looking Juliette up and down, she looks amazing, always had. Juliette had a confidence that Sav would never have, and she didn’t envy it, she loved it, she admired it. She was going to choose her words carefully, until she didn’t.

“I don’t want to not be your friend just because we kissed or whatever, because I don’t think it’s fair to just cut me out because of what happened when we were drunk and I don’t even know what to think because I’m pretty certain you leaned in to me, but I didn’t pull away, and then you pulled away and I wasn’t going to because deep down I have to admit I didn’t want to, I wanted to keep kissing you, and you always smell really good and even when you avoid sitting near me in class I can still smell your perfume and it makes me feel warm and safe inside but then I remember you won’t talk to me and then it just hurts and if you’re like whatever I want to pretend New Years didn’t happen because it was a dumb mistake then that’s fine and I’ll pretend it didn’t happen just so long as I don’t lose my best friend, but if you want to talk about it and it wasn’t an accident or something stupid and it was you trying to communicate something then I want to talk about it, and I think I deserve some answers because these past months have been killing me, and I can’t take being this close to you and yet feeling like we’re world’s away, and I can’t look at you without wanting to cry, but I also can’t look at you without my heart beating faster, and my mouth getting dry, my brain starts doing weird thoughts about how I probably didn’t enjoy sleeping with Vincent because I probably don’t like him, I probably like you, and I need my best friend to talk to, and my best friend won’t talk to me and anytime anything major happens I always come to you, and you come to me, and we share things and this incredible, terrifying thing happened to me and I need to tell my person and my person won’t talk to me, and I think I’m going to cry which is embarrassing because you’re not and I am, and I just want you in my life and I don’t care in what form.”

Smooth, Savannah, real smooth. She let out a gasp as she tried to catch her breath before finally calming herself. Her eyes were always near shiny, but with tears in them, she looked like crystal balls. She looked at Juliette waiting for a response.

Juliette was aware her mouth was hanging open, but for once, she had no idea what to say. No witty retorts, no smooth response. Nothing. She’d been waiting day after day for Savannah to finally catch up with her and outright reject her. She never once entertained the idea that Savannah might like her back. Ok, Juliette, it was time to be brave.

“I’m sorry.”

It was the first thing that came to mind. Her thoughts were so scattered, she dind’t even know where to start, which made the panicked feeling in her chest only intensify. She had to say something.

“I’m sorry,” she said again, this time with a small chuckle. “I thought you’d hate me.”

She looked at her best friend, not really sure where to go from there, but happy to be standing before her nonetheless. 

“Wait, what you said about Vincent.....do you really think that might be true?”

She tried not to get her hopes up too high, because this all felt too good to be true. But maybe, just maybe, it was true.

[juliette-alexander]

Cliff’s Edge: Juliette & Savannah

[juliette-alexander]

sav-ak‌:

Sav was not like her parents. Her father was a stoic statue of a man, and her mother was a motormouth ball of anger and sarcasm wrapped in a black belt swimsuit model body. She admired them, and admired how her mom had seen the man she wanted and no matter how closed off from things he was she wouldn’t relent. Sav knew what true love looked like, it looked like her parents, and the fact that she had never actually heard them say the words to each other only exemplified how perfect they were for each other.

Sav had told no one about what happened on New Years, not out of shame, or anger, but out of confusion. She’d blown off spending it with Vincent in order to be alone with Juliette like they had done so many years previous. Her dad was well aware she had taken alcohol from the cabinet, but said nothing, perhaps because it was Vittoria’s booze she took and he maybe found it funny, or cute, she didn’t know.

But the weeks, now months after, she had wanted to talk to someone, well one someone. Juliette. School was getting harder and harder to go to, knowing she was going to be inches away from her best friend, wanting to talk about what happened and not being able to. She turned the corner, deciding she’d get a candybar from a machine, she didn’t normally snack between meals but she was feeling isolated, and alone, and really wanted something with caramel.

Her heart stopped when she saw Juliette looking out the window, one of those rare unfair moments when the hallway was empty save for them. She looked at her friend, and remembered the scariest thing about it all. Not that it happened, not that it wasn’t her boyfriend that she kissed, not even that she liked it, but that after it happened, after she felt Juliette’s lips against hers she felt relieved. She felt like she had finally had a weight lifted from her shoulders.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” The single word sent a shiver down Juliette’s spine, until it settled like a sinking stone in her stomach. She turned to face Savannah, who looked unfairly beautiful. Her hair, her skin, her lips, they all looked so perfect and soft. And now Juliette knew just how soft Savannah’s lips were.

There was no time to run this time, or to even curse herself for losing focus like this and allowing herself to be caught. All there was to do was finally face the music.

“Hey.”

[juliette-alexander]

gabenixon54‌:

You know what’s good for headaches. I’ve just been here, being. You know, I would join Yearbook but it seems a bit intense for me.

God bless.

It’s fun, but you’re not wrong. It’s lots of deadlines, and missing them means costing the school money. But I love designing. And taking pictures.

[juliette-alexander]

Cliff’s Edge: Juliette & Savannah

In a way, Juliette had been running since New Year’s. She certainly felt it in her stomach, and in her heart. Every day was a bad day. Just a glimpse of Savannah— or even just imagining catching said glimpse, made Juliette’s breath catch, her stomach churn, and her heart speed up.

The days they shared a class were the worst. She would show up to class at the last possible second, and be sweating by the time class ended, anxious to be out the door as soon as the bell rang. 

It’d been three months of running away from....what happened. Three months of running from her mistake.

The hallway was dimly lit. Savannah took Juliette’s hand as they went off to drink the booze they’d swiped. The sounds of the party sounded muted as they made their way away, to a more private corner. First one burning mouthful, then another, until Juliette felt warm, happy and light. They couldn’t stop laughing.

It was impossible not to relive the memories. Her gut twisted, this time with yearning instead of regret. She silenced that thought as it came. No, this was stupid. She was stupid.

Savannah felt so impossibly close. Juliette could smell Savannah’s perfume; feel the heat radiating off her body. In the distance, they could hear the rest of the party counting down— “5...4....3....2.....1....HAPPY NEW YEAR!” Without stopping to think or breathe, Juliette leaned in and met Savannah’s lips with her own. 

One second, maybe two passed, before she pulled away, regret closing in on all prior feelings of warmth and happiness. “Oh my God, I’m sorry.” The panic set in, and she ran, not once looking back. 

Juliette stopped on the stairway landing and leaned against the wall. She’d been masking her feelings so long and then just.....blew it. She wished she could go back in time and take it back, so she could stop being afraid of the day Savannah would tell everyone, or the day she’d finally run into her former best friend and face what she did. 

A bird flying by the window caught her eye. Summer couldn’t come soon enough.

[juliette-alexander]

sav-ak‌:

“Oh, you didn’t have to do that.”

Maybe not, but you’re my friend, and I like to give my friends gifts.

[juliette-alexander]

gemma-ps‌:

It certainly is, Juliette, and I won’t tolerate this line of thought. Understood? You being attracted to women is not a problem. It hasn’t been a problem since 2016, which was forever ago. So don’t make me lecture you.

I do want to discuss Savannah being your choice, though, if I may. Why her? I always imagined you with someone a bit more… secure. Self-assured.

Thanks, Gemma. I haven’t come face to face with this until now, I guess.

I don’t know. I’ve never felt like this before. Maybe it’s how tender she seems, like how I feel I have to rescue her sometimes. I don’t know. She’s sweet, not to mention beautiful.

I do like how you picture me with a power wom though. Maybe when I’m older I’ll fall in love with a rival magazine editor and we’ll merge our two media conglomerates. That sounds fabulous. 

[juliette-alexander]

sav-ak‌:

“Your dad let me in, I have your Christmas present.”

“It’s not bad luck if it’s late, is it?”

Not at all!

Come in, I’ve got yours too.

[juliette-alexander]

gemma-ps‌:

What do you mean by not normal?

How I feel.....about Savannah. 

It’s not how other girls feel like other girls.

[sav-ak-blog]

“Jules? You up?”

[juliette-alexander]

What’s up?

[juliette-alexander]

gemma-ps‌:

Oh.

This.....this isn’t normal....

fuck.

[juliette-alexander]

gemma-ps‌:

You are being unnecessarily protective. And borderline confrontational. Do you… like Savannah? Because people our age usually display this kind of territorial behavior when they’re enamored.

What? No! I- 

I don’t know.

[juliette-alexander]

sav-ak‌:

“What made you think of taking me?”

Well I have to cover it for the yearbook and it seemed fun. Not your everyday outing.