zigga zagga studio is now Jungle Flower

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“Hemerocallis II”, oil on panel, 30 x 20 in.

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[jungleflowerdragonheart]

Visionary

[jungleflowerdragonheart]

I am not a poet. Just a warrior who happens to rhyme. ⁣⁣ ⁣ 🌴🌺🐉💗 HOMECOMING SHOW NOV16 ✨ Get Tickets at www.JungleFlowerDragonHeart.com

[jungleflowerdragonheart]

(You can visit my instagram page @jungleflowerenergy to view the closed captioned version of this poem)

TOXIC MASCULINITY - Please repost! 😧 I was NOT expecting this to happen. Please tag someone who would appreciate this⁣ 💗⁣ ⁣ I’d written Firefly, my first poem, only because someone had asked me to. I didn’t consider myself a poet and wrote nothing again until a year later (2013) when @jeffperera invited me to perform something for a conference he created around ending toxic masculinity. I wrote this piece for it and this was the first time I performed it. I was battling stage fright the entire time.⁣⁣ ⁣ Waiting for my turn to perform, I was shaking. My friends gathered lovingly around me and prayed. Along with the stage fright I was also terrified that I would forget my words which is why you’ll see me clutching my notebook for dear life. You’ll also later see me shaking my head in disbelief because this outcome was the last thing I was expecting. My fear of public speaking dissipated after this. During a phase in my life where I spent a lot of energy dodging cameras, to have this major turning point caught on film (by Paul) was such a blessing. Grateful to see intelligent souls like @patrickcwalters@seedandcerassee @letssavematthew@rene_riiise @joanneswritings and @mstoddart68 going off in the audience.⁣⁣ ⁣ They say fear is the opposite of love, and it seems like the more fears I face, the more I find myself surrounded by a loving community. I had major stage fright and I never claimed the title ‘poet’, but here I stand as living proof that our throat chakras are strengthened when we speak our truth. ⁣⁣ ⁣ 🌟 Please share ⁣ 🌴🌺🐉💗 Nov 16 in Toronto. Link in bio #jungleflowerdragonheart

[jungleflowerdragonheart]

Stage fright was the most important fear I’ve ever faced, and my greatest lifelong fear. As a child I was constantly pushed onto stages to perform at talent shows and other events despite the overwhelming anxiety I would experience, so when I gained autonomy as an adult I stayed as far away from stages as possible. I chose work like photography and being an interviewer that kept me behind the scenes and out of the spotlight. Standing in front of people to speak or perform was the last thing I desired for myself.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ I probably would have stayed in that comfort zone my entire life if my love for this cause and humanity didn’t give me the drive I needed to use my voice. Ironically, I would now consider public speaking and performing to be what I do best! Overcoming this fear has unexpectedly opened up a whole new world for me, connecting me with gifts I didn’t know I had and sides of myself I never knew existed.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Tomorrow I will post a video of myself facing my stage fright. Is there a fear you faced that ended up being a catalyst for major growth and positive change in your life? Please share your answer in the comments.⁣⁣ #ReclaimYourVoice

[jungleflowerdragonheart]

After seeing the impact @ReclaimYourVoice events were having on people’s lives, I became passionate about continuing the work. My fear of public speaking was still something I had to deal with and it was a challenge every time I had to stand in front of the room as the host. But not only did I keep doing it, I also found myself going to open mics around the city so that I could let people know about our events. I would perform my Firefly poem and then finish by speaking about Reclaim Your Voice. I must admit I surprised myself; I’d spent my entire life fiercely dreading ever being on stage and here I was taking the initiative to do so because I believed in this cause so much. I was doing things to raise awareness for the survivor community that I was never willing to do for myself with my photography business. I was now willing to try and fail. I was willing to face rejection. I was willing to face my greatest fears. And despite the fact that this meant constantly making myself uncomfortable, and despite the fact that I was doing all of this for free(dom), I had never felt more fulfilled in my life.

[jungleflowerdragonheart]

The Return of @ReclaimYourVoice || 2012 was the first time I stepped away from my photography work to simply enjoy life and my blissful relationship with Paul. Even the idea of @reclaimyourvoice had been shelved because although I felt like it was something I would attempt again at some point in the future, I didn’t have the drive to make it happen anytime soon due to the toll the first one had taken on me.⁣ ⁣ That summer, Paul introduced me to his friends and among these gifted, conscious poets I found my soul family. I met @freemase@missbrittab @_nattybynature@xvxyphoto@dream_manifestation_specialist@7am1r @lighthaus.i@morgan124875 and @randelladjeiwho had coincidentally founded @rise_edt a mere four days after the first @reclaimyourvoice event.⁣ ⁣ I was so amazed by this group of people that I decided to host another Reclaim Your Voice event with two major changes: the first event had been for women only but after meeting these wonderful men I felt I needed to involve them. I strongly believed that women who’d been abused needed to know that kind, caring men like these existed. And this time around I would incorporate spoken word poetry as well because through the work of these artists I came to see what a powerful medium it could be for self expression.⁣ ⁣ Many more people showed up at the second Reclaim Your Voice event. I was concerned, however, that the women who would be sharing their personal stories of abuse might feel uncomfortable having men in the room. Instead they were overjoyed to see them there, these men who were willing to listen and learn and support. That in itself provided a sense of healing. The spoken word poetry added another level of depth to the event and I was so grateful for the way things were coming together.⁣ ⁣ Then @Randelladjei stood up to share his poem, but instead of doing so, and inspired by the women he’d just heard share their stories, he spoke for the first time about the abuse he had experienced in the past. In that moment @ReclaimYourVoice stopped being an event solely for women and became a place where all people who had experienced abuse or sexual violence could share their stories. ⁣

[jungleflowerdragonheart]

The Love That Healed Me || A month after the first @ReclaimYourVoice event in 2012, I had a craving for spoken word poetry. My only experience of it had been at a show several years prior so I found it strange that I had this random desire to hear some. And then, just a few short days later, I met a poet named Paul.⁣ ⁣ Our connection was ethereal. I locked eyes with him the moment we met and for years did not break eye contact. But I didn’t realize that I still had many unhealed wounds and a lot I needed to work through. Despite his calm and peaceful ways, I still found myself terrified to trust and often reacted with emotional outbursts. In my previous relationship, I had blamed David for all the negative feelings I was experiencing. But when the same thoughts and behaviours started to resurface in me even with this loving, gentle soul I was almost destroyed by the realization of how toxic I was and how much I had been affected by what LO had done to me. ⁣ ⁣ Dismayed and ashamed, I tried to break up with Paul. I told him I didn’t want him to have to clean up another man’s mess. His response? “Sweep, sweep.” And he didn’t leave my side. He held me through some of my worst storms, the rock that calmed my tumultuous waters. Paul loved me so deeply and completely that for the first time ever, I learned how to love myself. My mind was so at peace in his arms that I began to heal automatically.⁣ ⁣ Paul was the only person to love and accept me unconditionally, and my first experience of being in love. I owe so much of who I am today to Paul’s gentle love. He was the personification of all that is the opposite of abuse.⁣ ⁣ I hear so many people say that abuse changed them irrevocably and I can both understand and relate. But just remember that there are also people who come along and change us irrevocably in all of the best ways as well.⁣ ⁣ I know I say this every time I see you, usually with tears in my eyes, but since we haven’t seen each other in a while, thank you for everything, Paul 🙏🏽💗✨

[jungleflowerdragonheart]

In this lifetime I’ve had some experiences that have made me question reality. Synchronistic, serendipitous, jaw dropping, eye rubbing, #WHATISMYLIFE experiences. In high school, the person whose music I listened to most, and who was the main feature in most of the mixtapes I made, was @myaplanet9 . A year after escaping the abuse, Mya’s management got a hold of my first calendar—the same one I was working on when LO spat in my face and slapped me—and I received a call telling me that I was booked to photograph her (thanks @spazoutent🙏🏽💗✨). I told myself this might be too good to be true and to not get excited until I actually got on set and took the first picture. 12 years and many, many, many pictures later, this goddess has become a dear friend of mine, and a cherished mentor. Thank you Mya for all the beauty, healing and magic you add to the world. It has been an honour to watch you grow and continue to shine. Thank you for the guidance you have so often and so selflessly blessed me with over the years, and for trusting me to photograph you. Some of the best memories I’ve had in this lifetime were with you and I’m so grateful! Forever in awe of you, you are #UNBREAKABLE 💗💗💗 I LOVE YOU MYALANSKY!!HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

[jungleflowerdragonheart]

The First @ReclaimYourVoice Event || Planning the event was easy enough. I booked a room through the Toronto Public Library system and promoted it on Facebook. Most of the people I was connected to knew me only as a photographer so I’m sure they were surprised to see me promoting an event for people who’d been abused, but the response was incredible. 76 people not only confirmed their attendance but also left comments on the event page, applauding this initiative and saying how excited they were to attend. Their enthusiasm gave me another boost of confidence and I couldn’t wait for this to happen.⁣ ⁣ When the big day came, my friends and I set up the space, laid out an abundance of refreshments, opened the doors and waited...and waited...and waited. But none of those 76 people showed up. Painful. I felt deflated. For so many people to have promised their support and to have none of them keep their word really hurt. I delayed the start of the event as long as I could, thinking that perhaps those 76 people were just having trouble finding the place, but after 45 minutes went by it became clear that they weren’t coming. Despite the crushing disappointment I felt, I had to put on a brave face and start the event. ⁣ ⁣ I went to the front of the room to welcome the 20 people who were there, all friends of mine and the other speakers, when suddenly my lifelong, paralyzing fear of public speaking resurfaced with a vengeance. 

I hadn’t addressed a room since making presentations in high school and several years had passed since then so I simply assumed that I didn’t have stage fright anymore. I was completely wrong. Simply standing up to greet the small group filled me with absolute terror. After I welcomed everyone, I took my seat and one by one the other speakers shared their stories beautifully and gracefully while I sat waiting with my heart pounding, overcome with nerves. When it was my turn to tell my story, I went shakily to the front of the room and began to read from the speech I had prepared. When I got to the part about LO abusing his animals I started to cry and my whole body trembled. I paused to take a few deep breaths in an attempt to regain my composure but it didn’t help. As I fought my way through the torturous 15 minute speech, I repeatedly paused to breathe deeply hoping desperately that it would help calm me down, but it was of no use―I just had to power through. Interestingly, it was when I arrived at the part of my story where I finished speaking about the abuse itself and began talking about my healing that I finally calmed down. I stopped trembling and the tears ceased as well.⁣ ⁣ To be completely honest, I didn’t feel good when the event was done. I felt low and gloomy, partially due to all the uncomfortable feelings that had arisen when I spoke (which I later learned is common after revisiting and releasing painful memories and not necessarily a bad sign) but also because of all the people who said they would show up but didn’t. I felt that maybe hosting this event had been a mistake. But my friend Cher, who had also shared her story that day, gushed to me about how amazing it had been. She once again caught me off guard with her positive view of this event and showed me that despite the heaviness I was feeling, something powerful had happened that day.⁣

[jungleflowerdragonheart]

Hi everyone! I’m now sharing audio records of my story of psychological abuse on Youtube. 

Here is the link to the playlist if you’d like to subscribe:

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLe3MdJxZu3RLZkw1P4p_kk98hEkX89wjg

[jungleflowerdragonheart]

Planning the First @ReclaimYourVoice Event || For our first event, I decided to invite three speakers to share their stories. I planned to share my own story as well because I couldn’t ask anyone to do anything that I myself was unwilling to do. I approached three incredible women I knew who had each experienced some form of abuse. Although I strongly believed in this idea, my nerves began to kick in when it came time to ask if they’d be willing to share their stories publicly. I was worried that my proposition might come across as intrusive or insensitive, but all three of them caught me off guard by immediately agreeing to share their stories.⁣ ⁣ @cher.bear8 was one of the women I invited to speak. I knew her through my photography work and had photographed her many times over the course of 10 years. Her excitement about speaking at this event surprised me completely. When I asked her why she seemed so eager to share something so deeply personal with a room full of people, she said that the only opportunity she’d ever had to share her story was within the cold and unfeeling confines of a courtroom while a defense attorney picked apart every detail of her disclosure and did everything he could to make her doubt herself. At our event she would have the opportunity to share her story―her truth―in a room full of supportive people without being interrupted, questioned or contested. I had a lack of knowledge and experience in this field, but Cher’s enthusiastic response to this opportunity strengthened my confidence in this idea, and started to give me a sense of how complex and multifaceted trauma and healing was.⁣ ⁣ I recalled a quote from Mother Teresa that said, “I will never attend an anti-war rally; if you have a peace rally, invite me.” I’d been learning more and more about the importance of choosing words that focus on the outcome one hoped to achieve instead of on what one did not want, so I made the decision that this event was to be held not in the name of the war against abuse, but in the name of peace and healing for all.

[jungleflowerdragonheart]

How @ReclaimYourVoice Came to Be || Back to the story 💗 In 2011, inspired by the kindness of a stranger that restored my faith in humanity, I started 500 Random Acts of Beauty, a “humanitarian street art project” where I looked for ways to add unexpected love and kindness to the world around me. (In recent posts I detailed a few of the random acts of beauty if you’d like to get an idea of what the project is about.) The more I focused on this project and stayed open for ideas on how I could contribute positively to the world, the more my heart opened. This was the most fulfilling work I’d ever done and in an effort to do what I could to help make the world a better place, I was connecting with my own happiness. This work was helping me heal and feel better after the abuse I’d gone through.⁣ ⁣ In 2012 I was working a desk job after running out of money while producing my third calendar (worth it), when suddenly I had a flash of inspiration. I remembered how good it felt to open up for the first time and tell my friends about the abuse I’d been through with LO. I also remembered how they in turn each told me their own stories of abuse, and my shock at how common it was. I decided that for my next random act of beauty, I would host an event where I could offer people who had been abused the opportunity to share their stories and experience the same sort of relief I’d felt when I’d shared mine. With the amount of ideas and possibilities that were flowing in in that moment and the level of excitement I was experiencing as a result, I knew that this was going to be something truly impactful.

[jungleflowerdragonheart]

The journey I went on this year was the most challenging, painful experience I’ve ever chosen to endure. 365+1 days after my first show, I'm returning for my second to share with you what walking through the fire taught me, and to celebrate my birthday in gratitude for making it out alive ♏️🙏🏽✨

BUY YOUR TICKETS HERE

[jungleflowerdragonheart]

I’m so glad I didn’t give in to the thoughts that told me so many times to throw in the towel, that no one cared, that my circumstances would never change. For the longest time they were the loudest and most repetitive thoughts I had but that didn’t make them true, and with that realization everything changed. I never knew life could be like this 🌞🤲🏽✨.⁣⁣ ⁣ Come journey with me Nov 16th 🌴🌺🐉💗 #jungleflowerdragonheart

GET YOUR TICKETS HERE

[jungleflowerdragonheart]

My most recent random act of beauty happened not too long ago in Indonesia. I was walking down the street when I saw a mother and her young child, about 4 years old or so, sitting on the sidewalk. They were disheveled and barefoot and unlike the other women who dotted the sidewalk, I noticed that this woman was not asking for money. She was just sitting there, looking weak and dazed. As I studied her and her child, something else caught my eye: there were several drawings around them on the sidewalk, indecipherable, fascinating little designs made in some crude, black medium. I asked the woman who had drawn them, and she pointed to her tiny child. My immediate thought was to head to an art store I knew of not too far away and there, for less than a dollar, I purchased a box of 20 pieces of colourful chalk. I returned to the mother and child, drew a pink chalk heart on the sidewalk in front of the little boy, placed the box of chalk at his feet and continued on my way. ⁣ ⁣ Later that day I passed by the area again and they were gone. There were no chalk drawings on the sidewalk and I wondered if I had stupidly given them chalk when I could have offered them something that would have benefitted them far more.⁣ ⁣ But when I happened by the same spot again the next day, the area where they sat was filled with the most detailed and symmetrical designs. I was in awe that this young child could express himself in such an intricate way. Amongst the linear designs I also saw drawings of round, soft flowers and when I asked her who had drawn those, she again pointed to her young son. I gushed excitedly as I applauded his talent and he shyly buried his face in his mother’s arm. I bought some food for them and left. I searched for them every day after that for the remainder of my stay but I didn’t see the boy, his mother, or any more of his drawings again. ⁣ ⁣ I wonder how many great talents, geniuses and potential innovators there are in this world, whose potential never has the chance to bloom due to where they were born and the poverty they were born in to. Are you making the most of your blessings? #500randomactsofbeauty