everything golden.

KIM JUNGWOO. 19 FEB 1998. nova trainee since DEC '16. per_se's main vocalist & dance since AUG '19.

[jungwoork]

@rkjonah​ @chrxsrk​ @jacerk​ @hyunark​ @janbarbersupplier​ @rkyeojin​ @rktaehyng​ @yutoxrk​ @jan-barber-supplier​ @yoongirk​ @jsominrk​ @syoungrk​ @jxnsoulrk​ @sunwoork​ @rkjosie​ @rkxmark​ @somirk​ @rkpjs​ @rksoleil​ @rkyibo​ @kihyxnrk​ @rkjongin​ @rkarin​ @rksuas​ @rksihyeon​ @rkhongjoong​ @rkxseunghee​ @rkxlia​ @jaewonrk​ @yeeunrk​ @rkjaebeom​ @rkhyeongjun​ @rkbaekho​ @rkyuno​ @rkkyungwon​ @rkxren-a​ @rkxric​ @jihoonrk​ @rkjie​ @rkxhyunjin​ @chaewonrk​ @kdyxrk​ @sichengrk​ @rkshyoo​ @rkmxxn​ @rkseongmin​ @rksae​ @rkongwu​ @donghyukrk​ @rkjunhyuk​ @rknak​ @rkxyuna​ @rkhansol-archive​ @rkxblue​ @seungwoork​ @rkbaesuji​ @rksevngah​ @rkrose​ @rkhyojeong​ @rkdongmin​ @rksejun​ @kalirk​ @rksubin​ @hangyulrk​ @rkxxiao​ @jaerk​ @rkyurim​ @rklnaeun​ @yhgayoon​ @rkchay​ @rkxluda​ @rkchaeryeong​ @rkxtaehyung​ @yuzurk​ @junerk​ @xiaoxrk​ @tenrk​ @lixrk​ @rkxars​ @not-rkchoijisu​ @memoriesofyccjungrk​ @rkseoji​ @rkchoisan​ @rkyooa​ @rkxbk​ @xrksyn​ @rkxiening​ @rksujeong​ @rksohee​ @rkwooyoung​ @jkookrk​ @yiirenrk​ @hyunsukrk​ @ianrk​ @shuhuark​ @floverrk​ @hyunarkarchive​ @juyeonrk​ @yubinrk​ @rkyjun​ @eunwoork​ @woongxrk​ @rkjinhyuk​ @hyvnjinrk​ @rkhjs​ @rkbgyu​ @jaeminrk​ @mxnark​ @rkjessi​ @rkyeon​ @rksbin​ @rkxboo​ @rkhugo​ @parkjiwonrk​ @rkxlucas​ @sooyeonnrk​ @rkjisungarchive​ @rkmiinju​

[jungwoork]

new guy.

@rkvok

kim jungwoo has never been a particularly standoffish guy. he’d say that people would describe him as bright, friendly, warm, even open. there’s been times, of course, where he hasn’t always been so bright, wasn’t always in a good mood, but everyone has those days. of the people who have joined the company after him, jungwoo can’t remember a time where he didn’t get along with them almost immediately. some were too endearing to dislike, others just meshed so well that there was no need for second thoughts.

it’s why he’s so guilty for not immediately taking to their new member.

he can blame the decision makers in nova entertainment for some of it, question their decision to pull a complete stranger into a group that was formed out of a particularly difficult survival show. he knows that it’s not moonbok’s fault that he’s dropped into the middle of a group still mourning the loss of a member, a brother. but he can’t help but resent that the place the new guy is filling should have belonged to someone more familiar. he tries not to be cold, but he can’t quite bring himself to be warm either.

“the least they could have done is given us someone who can dance,” the words leave his mouth before he realizes the sharpness in them. though not uttered through a sneer or a grimace, his mumbly complaint is damning enough. and realistically, jungwoo has no room to speak; while the rest of per_se are main and lead dancers, jungwoo gets the less respected title of just ‘dancer’. he’d be the worst in the group if it hadn’t been for hugo, and now moonbok. he was the worst during the times before hugo, and the in between time when per_se was down a rapper. but at least he’s worked hard enough that he’s not the worst anymore.

still, he can’t quite bring himself to apologize for the words immediately either. he’s frustrated enough being stuck in a practice room, probably the least qualified member to be teaching choreography but helping out the newbie nonetheless. 

[haknyeonrk]

aftermath

@jungwoork

it’d be a lie to say that things hadn’t changed between the two of them after jungwoo’s sudden confession. haknyeon, in all honesty, still feels terrible for the way he’d handled it; telling jungwoo that he couldn’t quite support his friend, when a part of him was aware that perhaps that was what jungwoo needed the most at that moment. but haknyeon was never a liar, or at least, he could never really lie to jungwoo. he was aware that when he spoke his truth, it probably wasn’t something that jungwoo wanted to hear, and would’ve perhaps put a dent into their relationship.

amongst that and them suddenly being thrown a new member, and haknyeon a new role in the group, he hasn’t been able to focus on much. he treats jungwoo like he normally would in moments where he forgets what had happened, but it’s different when he catches jungwoo looking at ricky for a moment too long. he wants to tell jungwoo that it’s silly of him to throw all his years of training and debut away for falling in love with a member, but he doesn’t of course. falling in love, is all the same, but it’s much different than the situation he and the other members are in; they aren’t in the same group, won’t constantly be seeing one another –– and if anything were to happen (a break up, a fight, anything really), it wouldn’t potentially have lingering effects on their group dynamics. he wants to support jungwoo, really, but he doesn’t know how to with so many of these worries. the most he can do for jungwoo, he thinks, is give him a pat on the back, and maybe for the sake of their friendship, let jungwoo deal with his career on his own. 

they’re both alone in the practice room, perhaps the first time they’ve actually been alone since the incident. haknyeon’s staring at his reflection, sweat dripping down his forehead after having practiced his dancing when he turns to jungwoo. something should be said, maybe to clear the air. haknyeon doesn’t like how rigid their relationship has been feeling, and he knows that it’s his fault for speaking so honestly and being unable to give jungwoo support. “i’m sorry,” he says, “if i … no,” he shakes his head, this isn’t how a proper apology should go. “i hurt your feelings when i spoke the other day, i was being too insensitive with my words. i’m sorry.” he bites on his lip, maybe he could’ve ended his apology there, but something digs at him to continue. “i was worried about you, and your career. but i realize, it’s not my place. you’re smart enough to take care of yourself.”

[jungwoork]

there's been no conscious effort to avoid haknyeon since that day in the dressing room. it's not like jungwoo decided then and there that their friendship would forever be damaged by the conversation shared in that space. but he hasn't forgotten it either. he can't pretend it never happened, pretend that he wasn't even a little bit hurt by haknyeon's words and utter lack of faith. the space he's put between them was never intentional, but maybe after what was said, it was inevitable.

that's not to say that jungwoo doesn't miss his friend. he very much does. while it's been less of a breakup and more like a slow drifting apart, the loss of a best friend can hurt just as much as the loss of a lover.

he hasn't talked to haknyeon like he used to. they're friendly, of course, and they see each other almost every waking moment of every single day. but there's an emotional distance that wasn't there before. at one point in time, jungwoo thought that he could tell haknyeon anything. now that he knows that isn't true, he's not sure what he can tell haknyeon that's any deeper than surface level or strictly professional.

they're alone in the practice room now. jungwoo hasn't said anything, mostly because he already knows that there's no avoiding some awkward conversation between them at his point. he doesn't know how to do this, how to still be coworkers while slowly becoming ex-best friends. he doesn't even know how to stop this slow decline in their relationship. but haknyeon speaks up, extends the metaphorical olive branch, and jungwoo continues to be at a loss for words, at least for the moment.

the apology is a good start. it's not exactly what jungwoo wants to hear, but it's something.

"i just don't understand," he speaks slowly, voice low as if expecting someone to be listening with their ear pressed up against the door, "i don't understand how you don't trust me." it's the part that hurt the most, the aspect that's been haunting jungwoo this whole time. he knows that falling for a groupmate is stupid, he's aware of the consequences. he's not nearly as stupid as people seem to expect him to be, and yet his supposed best friend couldn't have even the smallest bit of faith in him. it would hurt anyone.

he would appreciate haknyeon's worry, he mirrors it himself after all, but a scolding was not what he needed. it's not what a friend should say. but it's what he got, and it's what jungwoo has had to try to process until now.

[jungwoork]

we’re ghosts.

rkrxcky​:

“what’s my routine then, huh?” he drives it in, the false perception that jungwoo is discounting his own efforts, adding to the ambiguous banter between them that is so characteristic of their friendship. his routine is no false, however; he’s gone to great lengths to maintain his health in every aspect, following the strict regimen he concocted after multiple discussions with his stylists and makeup artists and trainers to take good care of his hair, skin, nails, body (and what a regiment it is) at least 75% of the time. even then, somehow jungwoo still seems to surpass him, beauty sleep or not, “nobody here sleeps, so what? skincare as a workout. no way.” he tsks for good measure before taking another generous sip of the protein shake that jungwoo’s taste buds were so offended by, as if to emphasize his point.

“what are you a screenwriter now too? you can’t do everything, kim jungwoo,” he declares, as if he’s the only one in the room with authority to do so. his window for poking his groupmate in tickling spots has closed, for now, so he shoves at the displaced seat cushion instead, as if to challenge jungwoo’s challenging posture, as if to remind him i’m not afraid of you.

jungwoo’s next accusation is most likely meant to be harmless, playful even, but it makes yuchan balk slightly. he hesitates, his hand stopping in its tracks where it was gearing up to grab the cushion’s edge and push it down and out of the way long enough for his arm to get past it. 

“who’s a bully? you can’t call me ‘yuchannie’ and ‘bully’ at the same time, that doesn’t make sense,” the moment of solemn reality seems to pass through yuchan a little quicker than normal; perhaps it wasn’t a dig at the criticisms he read across multiple social media platforms at the conclusion of the mgas. there is not visible change in jungwoo’s demeanor, no indication that he seriously means to call him a bully. and so, the moment passes. so yuchan lets it pass, to the best of his ability, and grabs the pillow anyway, as if to move it out of the way, “c’mere, i’ll show you a bully-”

he forsakes his shake to put both hands on the cushion, exerting a bit of additional strength and inadvertently shrinking the space between them.

“casper? casper??” he starts to push forward on the pillow instead, the conversation beginning to dissolve into signs of an inevitable roughhousing battle, “you should be casper - you’re the blond one!”

he whines a complaint that never really forms coherent words, acting offended that yuchan would go through such lengths to downplay the work jungwoo puts into his appearance. for what still feels like a long time when he looks back on it, his looks were all he had. maybe he could sing, but he didn’t have any of the refinement that the nova coaches later taught him. and don’t even mention the dancing. all he had was some lucky good genes from a very pretty mother and the confidence that he could do anything he wanted. the confidence didn’t last too long, but bone structure is harder to change without dramatic intervention. “what do you mean no way? there’s definitely a way. it’s at least seven steps, and that’s not including a thorough massage!”

yuchan shoves him. jungwoo should have seen that coming. he pushes back on the cushion just to let the other know he’s not going to be so easily pushed over, but it doesn’t go any farther. for now. jungwoo’s sensitive sides are safe and yuchan got to have some sort of small revenge. jungwoo humphs his indignation again anyways. he could be a screenwriter if he wanted to be, he’s certain of that!

but then yuchan hesitates. jungwoo sees it, the split second where he realizes he said something wrong, hit a nerve he hadn’t been aware of. he would apologize, but the moment passes too quickly, and it’s all jungwoo can do to take advantage of the situation to make sure that his pillow-shield is firmly in place. he will not be poked in the side again!

soon enough, the other is back to twittering at him, scolding him for saying things that contradict each other, and tugging on poor jungwoo’s only defense for his poor abused sides. and jungwoo is laughing despite it all, a grin on his face as yuchan doles out a threat that doesn’t sound all that threatening after all. he pulls, and then he pushes, and suddenly jungwoo feels like he’s right in his face. it makes his breath catch for a moment, heat climb up his neck and into his ears. of course he recognizes the moment as just a platonically playful teasing match getting more physical by the second. and of course he knows that this interaction doesn’t inherently hold any meaning other than friendliness but it doesn’t make jungwoo forget that quiet day in march and the words that they exchanged then.

thankfully, yuchan distracts, and jungwoo pulls himself out of that train of thought. though maybe he had snuck a glance at the lower half of his group mate’s face. maybe more specifically, lips. maybe he has to force himself back up to meet eyes, even if he tries to train his expression into something hiding just that. “fine! i’ll just have to tell your stylist to make you the blond one next time!”

[jungwoork]

don’t be angry.

@rkrxcky​

while the other members were out, either honing their own skills further or helping the new member catch up to the per_se standard, jungwoo had been alone in the dorm. his help wasn’t necessary when it came to dance, and there’s nothing that the main vocalist can teach a group’s new rapper. so he makes himself useful by prepping meals for the next couple days. he knows there’s other members who can cook, and probably members who can cook better than him, but jungwoo is certain that no one is going to complain once they start practicing in earnest again. surely nova is going to throw another comeback at them any day now.

yuchan had broke jungwoo’s meditative work of stacking filled tupperware in their fridge when he stormed into the dorm, wind lashing anyone who dared to come too close and lightning flashing. jungwoo could hear the thunder in his footsteps, felt the chill of the rain as he walked through, almost directly through the dorm and into his room. he had only stopped once, hardly more than a moment’s pause, and shot jungwoo a look that the recipient couldn’t quite decipher before breaking contact and trampling down the remainder of his warpath. jungwoo had stopped dead in his movements. one hand rested on the container he had just placed in the fridge, the other holding the door open. it had taken him a full five seconds for him to remove his hand and shut the door.

it takes him much longer than that to decide what to do about yuchan’s sour mood.

there’s a chill that he can’t quite recover from, something familiar in yuchan’s eyes that he had thought was over and done with a long time ago. it makes him hesitate; it makes him wonder if nothing has actually changed in the last several years and that those confessions, those friendly moments, the accidental flirting had all never happened. or maybe he made it up. jungwoo doubts himself, doubts the friendly relationship he’s spent so long cultivating between himself and yuchan.

he’s not sure if it’s only a short moment or if several minutes pass before he’s knocking on yuchan’s door and letting himself in before he can be told to go away. his own decision shocks to him to a degree; normally, he would think it’s safer to just let yuchan cool down and talk to him on his own time. but in this case, jungwoo can’t wait. that look will haunt him if he does, he’ll start thinking he saw things in those eyes that weren’t actually there. even though the dorm is empty, he closes the door behind him, presses his back up against it to both give yuchan all the space he can to breathe, and keep him from shoving him out immediately.

“why are you mad at me?”

jungwoo demands to know. as far as he knows, he’s done nothing wrong.

[jungwoork]

he’s absolutely, undoubtedly, one hundred percent fine.

it’s not that jungwoo can’t feel all the tension of a new member suddenly added to their lineup, that hole where hugo used to be filled with someone who’s a stranger to all of them, including their friendliest members. it’s not that he doesn’t feel the itch of a second month without any schedules at all grow more and more restless as he tries to gauge the public’s reception of per_se. it’s not that he doesn’t notice himself drifting away from haknyeon as if they had a fight, noticing that he’s less willing to open up to the member he calls his best friend every since he realized what was going on with jungwoo’s heart. no, he knows and feels all of these things and more. but he’s fine, he swears.

jungwoo has always had to work a little bit harder in dance practices. the only person who used to understand his plight is the one who had to leave him. and as moonbok stumbles his way through learning per_se’s choreography, jungwoo feels none of the camaraderie he used to have with hugo.

maybe it’s just inherently different. a stranger thrown into their team, a team born out of heartache and trials filmed and broadcasted for anyone with an internet connection to see. sn project was so long ago, but jungwoo will freely admit that it was the setting where he did the majority of his bonding with his members. who is moonbok anyways? why did they bring in a total stranger after all they put this group through in the years leading up to sn project, and the weeks of the filmed debut camp, and everything that’s followed? why did they expect everyone to welcome the newbie with open arms and pretend that he can fill the shoes of his predecessor? he can’t. jungwoo isn’t feeling very generous.

but he’s fine.

never mind the fact that he doesn’t feel like he can talk to haknyeon about what he’s feeling right now. no, that might ruin the team. jungwoo already knew and still knows that whatever is going on between himself and yuchan.. the confession that they pretend never happened, the flirting they accidentally find themselves doing.. if they’re not careful, it could ruin their careers. nothing has ever been more important to yuchan than his future in this company. no one should doubt jungwoo’s loyalty anymore after hyun bin dragged him through hell and back to get to this point. but he knows there’s risk, that one wrong turn could bring everything crashing down. he can’t blame haknyeon for not liking how jungwoo’s heart beats a little bit faster for one of their members; what hurts the most is that haknyeon couldn’t trust him to be smart about it.

so he doesn’t talk to him now. at least, not the deep stuff. sowing discontent between the old members and the new will not help per_se’s future and longevity. he doesn’t want to hear haknyeon scolding him for ruining this team when jungwoo has poured out his own blood, sweat, and tears just to be here. he doesn’t want to feel accused of sabotaging the others’ efforts either, as if he didn’t bleed, sweat, and cry along with hosung, huidong, and yuchan too. there’s an ache in his heart where his best friend used to sit soothingly, some broken trust that’s slow to allow itself to mend.

jungwoo, however, will insist that he’s fine.

when it comes to yuchan himself... jungwoo doesn’t know what to think anymore. it’s complicated. they’re both aware of... everything. the feelings, the consequences, all the things that might come before, after, or in between. but it doesn’t stop. and there’s times where yuchan won’t even look at him, or when he does all jungwoo can see is some sort of resentful glare in his eyes. he doesn’t know what to make of it, doesn’t know how to take it. sometimes he feels like he’s all the way back at square one, yuchan hating him and jungwoo never quite knowing why. what did he do now? how can he keep it from happening again in the future? does yuchan even want a solution, or is hating him easier than liking him in the way they’ve both admitted to each other that they do?

he doesn’t know. he’s confused and honestly hurt; he second guesses his impulse to be a caretaker, to check in and try to understand the problem. maybe yuchan just wants him to disappear. maybe jungwoo should be the next per_se dropout; maybe it’d if his friendship with haknyeon or sever it cleanly forever. maybe everything would make sense.

but he doesn’t really consider it. he’s not dropping out of the group he fought so hard to be in. jungwoo is certain that he’s fine. he’s practicing hard and sleeping well; he calls his mother on the phone and smiles at her voice every time. he can convince himself he’s happy, that there’s nothing worth worrying about.

jungwoo can only look toward the future, toward what bright things are hopefully coming around the corner. because if he stops for a moment, looks around at the scene around him, he might realize that his present is not quite fine.

[doyoung-kim]

jungwoo for star1

[jungwoork]

truth

haknyeonrk​:

he may never have been the best in school. his grades, weren’t exactly something you’d brag about, but for what he lacked academically, he probably made up with how perceptive he could be. though he’d hoped that he was wrong in this case, that this mysterious person jungwoo liked was someone out of their circle, just so there’d be no overlap career-wise and well, in general.

though he needed to know, to perhaps put these suspicions to rest. the question is asked and even before jungwoo replies, haknyeon already has his answer from the older boy’s facial expression. his own eyes widen, and the smile that he’d donned so often, one of comfort and understanding eases away as his own expression changes.

he blinks as he attempts to piece it together. almost everyone in the group had a significant other, except for… jungwoo and yuchan. this in itself answered his next question –– who. his mouth opens momentarily, as if to speak, but the words don’t leave his lips because he’s not too sure what to say. he’d always been someone positive, someone who’d attempt to be supportive. but he wasn’t quite sure how to take this. “it’s ricky hyung,” he says, voice soft. this is terrible, is the first thing to pop into his mind, but he can’t say that out loud, not in front of jungwoo. though he wonders if it shows on his face, just how torn he is about it. “i really hoped it wasn’t true,” he says instead, and he forces himself to laugh, but it’s brief and he can’t keep up the smile for long.

the implications this would have on the group; what if the both of them got into a couple’s argument? what if they broke up? where would that leave the group? it wasn’t as though they could simply side with one member and ignore another. that wasn’t how it worked. they were a group, a group of people that worked together. his mind is reeling but none of these words leave his lips. because none of it are as supportive as he’d liked them to be. but haknyeon isn’t a liar, and he can’t tell jungwoo that he’s happy for him; not like this. 

instead, he nods his head and looks away. “i see,” is all that he says. “you can’t help who you like,” that much is true, haknyeon is aware of that. and yet, at moments like these he’d hoped that jungwoo could. “this might not end well. you know that… right?” and his tone isn’t accusatory, if anything it’s filled with worry, he wonders if jungwoo actually knows what this means, what it could do to both his and yuchan’s career.

haknyeon’s smile fades and jungwoo feels his heart sink. he doesn’t like this. keeping the secret from who he’d probably consider his best friend was hard enough, but the obvious disappointment in him? it’s worse than a nightmare. he tries to keep it together, tries not to have a whole meltdown and begin bawling while there’s still staff eyes and ears all around them. but jungwoo wants nothing more than to break down, throw himself into haknyeon’s arms, and tell him how sorry he is, how he tried to forget about it for so long, how he knows and how scared he is as well.

but he has to be quiet. so he just stares down at his hands in his own lap for a long, quiet minute. he feels shame. the quietest nod of his head is the only confirmation when haknyeon guesses correctly. and of course he did, who else would it be? jungwoo could realistically have a crush on any of them, but would it have lasted this long knowing they’re all well taken? probably not. it’s that little glimmer of hope that this could somehow work out that makes the feeling so difficult to let go of. harder even now when he knows it’s not completely unrequited.

“i’m sorry,” he whispers, not quite trusting all of the emotions he’s feeling not to show up in his voice. that would certainly attract the attention of the staff. it’s already the second time he’s apologized for what he can’t really control, with a hundred more waiting to fall from his lips if they were in a more private situation.

haknyeon doesn’t say it’s okay. he doesn’t say that he forgives him, or that everything will be alright, or any other small lie that might make jungwoo feel a little better. it’s not realistic to expect him to, but it only makes his head hang a little bit lower, his eyes now a little unfocused where they stare into nothing.  “i know,” he tells haknyeon, another confession falling right behind, “i didn’t tell him for... months after i knew. but i did. back in march. um, nothing has changed, at least.”

not for the whole group that is. he doesn’t tell haknyeon what yuchan said in reply on that quiet day in early spring. it’s not his information to share. but he can tell him, in those short words, that they’re both pretending that it never existed, it never happened. and if they can keep the act up, maybe it won’t cost the group anything. maybe the feeling will finally work its way out of his system, out of yuchan’s system too now, and they can move on as if nothing happened. when per_se is celebrating their ten years since debut, maybe they can laugh about it. maybe it will be a whole different world at that time. but for now, it’s just shame and agony.

[jungwoork]

we’re ghosts.

rkrxcky​:

“it’s not that bad,” he mumbles through pouted lips, pulling the drink back toward himself defensively and taking a large gulp, as if in sheer defiance of jungwoo’s less than fond opinion of the drink. in reality, he knows it isn’t the best beverage in the world: all of the sugar and strawberry flavoring can’t cut through the thick, murky texture of such a high protein content, “anyway, some of us have to work to be visuals; not all of us were born with it.” somehow it is a deliberate accusation and an accidental compliment wrapped into one. he carries on as if he doesn’t notice, which, chances are, he doesn’t.

jungwoo poked him back and he bites back his own small squeak in response, just briefly forgetting his qualms of his abdomen being touched in the moment he takes to curl away from the otherwise harmless attack.

“yah,” he is more animated now, more playful in his annoyed petulance, in the way he reaches over to jab another finger into jungwoo’s side, “that would make them ghosts, stupid!”

“it won’t matter even if you do,” there it is again, yuchan’s characteristic talent at making even the most light-hearted of banter still somehow double-edged, even when he doesn’t mean to, “you’re too good-looking, you’ll get all the roles where you don’t even have to ugly cry, because they’ll put in the tears for you.”

jungwoo pouts, so yuchan pouts back, determined to win this battle because it is one of the few battles between them he is convinced he can actually win, “what? see? i can make that face too.” 

after everything, even after awkward confessions and forgotten chocolates and a line between them that will forever be too dangerous to toe, there is still, somehow, an air of competition that hangs between them, one that yuchan actively promotes, as if it’ll keep some semblance of unaltered reality in place while the impossible still lingers between them like the single red fruit in one proverbial garden.

“i wasn’t a ghost!” he returns quickly, determinedly, turning to face jungwoo fully in order to squash his ridiculous theory once and for all, his cheeks tinting toward pink as he gets more and more flustered by the inaccurate interpretation of the music video (and, most likely, something else), “it’s not a horror video!”

he hears it both, the accusation and the compliment. and if jungwoo hadn’t been used to these sorts of comments from yuchan, he might have to stop and think about exactly how to reply. but he’s heard this and worse, back when the compliments were much more backhanded and the accusations much more direct. he can brush it off easily now, scrunching his nose up at yuchan anyways and whining too exaggeratedly for it to be serious. “hey, i do have to work to be a visual! it’s so hard to get beauty sleep anymore, you should see my skincare routine... it’s basically a whole workout!” it’s not, but that’s besides the point.

yuchan yelps, and then pokes him again, and suddenly jungwoo is looking around for anything to defend himself with. he grabs a cushion off of another seat and holds it between himself and the other carefully, like a makeshift shield. just try that again, his posture reads, see what happens. they both know that absolutely nothing will happen.

“no,” he pretends to mull it over, like he has to think long and hard about the true meaning of a bright and fun music video that definitely wasn’t supposed to be read so far into. “i’m pretty sure you’re the ghost. you should trust me on this, i’m pretty clever you know.”

there’s a brief moment where he considers forcing himself to cry, just to prove to yuchan that he’s good looking even when he is ugly crying, but jungwoo thinks better of the effort that would take. “i’m going to tell everyone you made me cry,” he play-threatens instead, “you’re so mean, yuchannie. why do you bully me?”

the pout fixes itself all the more firmly in place, now locked into competition with the expression mirrored back at him. he leans forward just slightly, lets his eyes go just a little wider, enough to be cute and not crazed-looking. it’s true, yuchan can make this expression to, and he wears it quite well. a testament to well-served years of being the nova maknae before himself and haknyeon came along, jungwoo can only guess. jungwoo ends up giving in, leaning back into his seat with a soft humph! you win this round, kang yuchan. but there’s always next time.

“ghosts can be friendly!” he’s quick on his words to make up for the fact that he just lost the pouting contest, as if there’s a reason to make up for that. “hey, yuchan, i think your stage name should’ve been casper.”

[haknyeonrk]

truth

@jungwoork

their schedules slowly begin to get a little more and more packed with variety shows, and etc, as they ease themselves into the industry. something that haknyeon is thankful for –– it’s always great to have something to do. the more schedules, the better, really. and it’s actually been a while since he’s last had a schedule alone with jungwoo. or this might actually be their first schedule together as a duo without the other members.

haknyeon thinks of jungwoo as one of his closest friends, a best friend, even. they were both pretty similar in age and he found himself easily going along with whatever jungwoo did, and sharing whatever concerns he had with the other. still, with more schedules came the lack of time for the both of them to truly sit down and simply just… talk things out. it wasn’t as though there was anything between them that needed fixing ( at least, haknyeon didn’t think so ); but the last time he’d spoken seriously to jungwoo, the older boy had professed his attraction towards another man ( man, still unknown to haknyeon ). and whilst haknyeon was nosy in his own right, he didn’t exactly want to push jungwoo for answers. even though he really wanted to know. 

ever so curious, he’d spent the last few weeks watching jungwoo. his eyes always trailing the older boy and his gaze in an attempt to figure out who exactly had caught his heart. from the little deduction that he’d made, haknyeon was sure that it was either a) a staff member or b) his worst fear –– a member. and through his sort of discreet observations, he was worried that perhaps it had been option b all along.

there was perhaps no better time to confirm his suspicions than now, seated in the waiting room before filming began. “hyung,” he says, turning to look at the older boy. “there’s something i’ve been meaning to ask you,” there isn’t really any smooth way to ask this, and haknyeon doesn’t think that there need be any, really.  “remember the last time we spoke… when you told me about… someone you liked,” his voice is soft, so as to not attract the attention of anyone around them. thankfully, the staff seem pre-occupied with something else altogether. “i might just be overthinking this,” he shrugs, and he really does hope he’s wrong, “but it’s a member, isn’t it?”

[jungwoork]

he was nothing short of thrilled when the nova staff, when reviewing their schedule for the month, had revealed that he and haknyeon were going to their own schedule together. of course jungwoo knows it’s not really about them, it’s about the group and the new song to be promoted. per_se’s faces are about to be everywhere in the media; no one can forget about nova entertainment’s up and coming boy group.

they have a moment to chat with each other, away from the regular cast of the show and other guests and staff, when haknyeon’s words wipe the smile off of jungwoo’s face. it starts off only vaguely ominous, a question from the younger. jungwoo only means to take it seriously, not to become so grave himself. but haknyeon keeps talking before jungwoo ever has a chance to respond, and suddednly he has to realize what exactly he’s talking about.

eyes dart around nervously, watching the staff carefully in case anyone looks as if they might listen in to this conversation. it’s not breaking contract to like someone, it’s what those feelings can lead to. and it’s dangerous to admit to anyone in nova entertainment how diverse the objects of his affections can be; their ceo has openly admitted to detesting people like him. jungwoo can’t imagine he’ll still have a job here if the truth ever made it that far.

but he can’t lie. not to anyone, really, despite being trained in acting, but especially not to haknyeon. they were best friends almost immediately, at first just comparing faces but soon learning that they’re compatible in almost every way. it hasn’t been terribly long since they first met, only a couple years, but they’ve lived together, trained together. it pushes people closer quicker than usual. so jungwoo takes a deep breath, tries not to look too much like he’s swallowed a whole wasp nest’s worth of nerves, and finally meets haknyeon’s eye.

“you can’t tell anyone,” he whispers, voice as low as he can get it while still allowing the other boy to hear him. it’s an admission, though an unwilling one. and he still isn’t sure if he should just reveal it all now that the cat’s at least half out of the bag. he wonders if haknyeon already knows that much already; as careful as he’s been, as much as they’ve pretended that nothing ever happened, he knows he looks at yuchan a little differently than anyone else. jungwoo knows he’s probably acting a little differently with him lately too, a little more playful than he would have been previously. but there’s nothing they can do about it, even if they wanted to. 

“i’m sorry,” he croaks at haknyeon, knowing that the other probably thinks exactly the same thing he does: he’s going to ruin the group with this crush.

[jungwoork]

we’re ghosts.

rkrxcky​:

jungwoo smiles, bright and unbridled, and it takes yuchan off guard, disarming him suddenly and prompting him to search for a distraction so he can rebuild at least a part of his wall again. he finds it in the nutritional shake he’s just prepared, but jungwoo reaches for that too, breaks right through any invisible boundaries set between them as if they’re not even there (are they there?). yuchan pulls his hand away in the nick of time - a split second later and there would have been contact he was not braced for. he starts to smile, shyly, politely, as if to pretend he didn’t notice.

“ok,” he agrees to jungwoo’s wordless request, glancing down at the drink, “but you might not like it. they kinda taste like chalk…” he can feel the warmth in his face at the otherwise harmless interaction and finds himself suddenly grateful for the dim lighting of the room when they keep the overhead bulb off for the night.

“no, not loitering,” he retorts with a sort of sudden, petulant defensiveness, too full of pride at his first official post-debut solo activity to let the mischievous jest slide, “young love, idiot.” it’s uttered with no intent to mean anything other than the (mostly) verbatim explanation given by his director. if there is subtext, it is unintentional, even as yuchan balls up a nearby napkin and lobs it in the direction of jungwoo’s smiling face.

“it’s called acting,” there it is again, that remarkably harmless returning of banter from him, back and forth, like a distinct metaphysical game of tennis he hasn’t played in a long time. he pokes jungwoo in the side, and adds, for good measure, knowing fully well jungwoo has just as much acting prowess as he does (in any other circumstances, that would make yuchan nervous and abrasive, but he lets it slide, just this once), “you should try it some time.”

he scoffs at jungwoo’s continued ministrations, feigning unbotheredness as he reaches over to steal his shake back with a distinctly childish mood that might indicate he could stick his tongue out at jungwoo any minute.

“i think being dumb should be illegal,” he chides, still with an air of lightness, despite his cartoonishly annoyed expression, “then you’d go to jail first.”

yuchan is right. jungwoo doesn’t like the drink. his nose wrinkles up at the first sip, his whole face contorting into an ugly expression. he pushes the glass away from himself. “it could’ve been worse,” he tries to choke out. he fails to make it sound convincing. “ick, how do you drink that thing?” if he didn’t know better, he’d accuse yuchan of trying to poison him with that nasty concoction.

it’s only moments later that jungwoo is dodging a paper ball of napkin aimed at his head, stifling giggles and the grin that comes from getting such a childish reaction out of the other. he rights himself soon enough, the weapon too harmless to warrant too many dramatics, and goes right back into teasing. “are you sure? or maybe your character was a ghost and that’s why he didn’t acknowledge any of them!”

he’s quite pleased with his new theory, but he doesn’t get a chance to explain it. yuchan wounds him yet again, this time with words instead of paper projectiles, though he does throw in a prod that makes jungwoo squeak in an incredibly undignified manner. he pokes back, right at yuchan’s side, to take his revenge. “you know i can!” he squawks along with his little jab, “just wait until i land my first role!”

insult is added again to injury and jungwoo can only pout this time, pitiful as if he thinks he can make yuchan feel bad for calling him dumb if he looks cute enough. he knows better, so he also kicks at him (gently, he’s not trying to so any real damage), and grumbles a complaint. he’d like to say that yuchan would miss him if he did have to go to jail, or maybe boast that his stupid makes him laugh anyways, or a number of other cute and clever comebacks to the other boy’s teasing. but he keeps those words sealed on the tip of his tongue, all a little too emotionally intimate to be allowed to be spoken into the world. jungwoo has to remind himself that they’re still pretending nothing had ever happened, that there was no confession and return, and that they’re only friends and groupmates joking around together. it’s a little bit difficult.

“anyways, i’m still convinced you were a ghost. i think that’s the only reasonable storyline there.”

[jungwoork]

he quickly realizes that he may very well be the youngest person in the room.

it shouldn’t have been a shock; per_se’s debut is only just coming up on its first year anniversary at the end of the summer and jungwoo is almost the youngest within his own group. but it humbles and honors him to be in the company of seniors with much bigger reputations than his own, who look much more comfortable mingling with each other than the ‘new kid’ feels at liberty to be. he had never been a shy kid growing up, but somewhere along the way he had become a little more timid.

respectful bows and greetings are the only meaningful communication he has with them. and they don’t seem to mind. maybe they understand that jungwoo will one day be like them, grown out of the careful distance he gives his seniors and feel more at ease in his own skin around them. maybe they think that he’s behaving exactly as he should, considering he’s the youngest, the most junior in every way possible.

but everyone shows their practiced professionalism when it comes down to work. chatting and mingling is one thing, but rehearsal is another.

jungwoo runs through his part when given direction, and his whole body warms with pride when someone coos a word of praise. the compliment brings a smile to his face, a little more slack into his shoulders, and his second run through sounds a bit better now that his jaw is a little less tense. he almost wishes he had recorded that moment to play it back when he inevitably loses faith in himself and his ability, when some unforeseen accident makes him question what he really offers his group.

speaking of his group, he leaves one rehearsal only to go back to another; their comeback is just around the corner. the seniors he’s so nervous around wish him luck on his promotions, and again jungwoo glows with pride to represent per_se.

there’s only a little more than a week left before their new song comes out when he comes back for recording of my hero. he’s tired, and it shows in dark circles under his eyes and the way he can’t help but doze as he waits for his session in the recording booth. he takes his turn quietly and unassumingly, just as he had tried to during rehearsal. it’s a couple takes before the staff behind the glass give him the ‘good enough’ and he lets himself out of the booth.

he knows it’ll be a while before the song’s released, but he can’t help but be excited for its reveal. it’s his first collaboration, per_se’s first collaboration, and it may be ‘only’ a station song, but he hopes it doesn’t disappoint. it’s not really a bop, he’ll admit that, but he gets to show off his voice a little more than he would have. he hopes the fans have good comments to share.

[jungwoork]

we’re ghosts.

rkrxcky​:

of course he is awake; there has not been a comeback around the corner that he has not sacrificed countless hours of sleep for. there would be no point in lying down to sleep at a reasonable hour, when his brain would only race with the possibilities of tomorrow, good and bad, keeping him awake regardless of how exhausted his body could be. he cannot sleep, not when there is something else he could be doing to improve upon his own skill set, not when there is always the possibility he could be disappointing, or below exceptional, or less than adequate when adequate is still too low of a standard.

so most of the dorm is asleep when he returns to the kitchen for a protein shake, promises of vitamin supplements within to help his muscles repair themselves after another long practice session downstairs. his hair is still damp from the lukewarm shower finished minutes ago (someone else had been lucky enough to get the last of the hot water for the day), slippered feet shuffling quietly against the kitchen floor as he sets his glass on the island counter next to his phone replaying his newly released cameo. 

he has, for a brief moment in time, allowed himself to be proud of his work on the music video, is less fearful of rewatching it or scrolling through comments. there is no risk of him comparing himself to his groupmates here, when he is the only featured male face on screen, and his mood reflects it. there is a certain lightness to the way he carries himself, not weighed down by his own impossible judgments, even if it is most likely only temporary.

it is because of this newfound mood that he can be so freely playful with jungwoo, even after a set of shaky, questionable confessions made months ago, only feet away from where they stand now, the ones they have both silently agreed to pretend never happened. but there was, undoubtedly, a shift in the atmosphere between them, even if it remains unspoken, for safety.

“hey-” he retorts, an atypical aura of playfulness radiating off of him as he flips his phone over screen down in a moment of very typical self-consciousness, before reaching over to harmlessly shove jungwoo by the shoulder, “shut up. it’s a metaphor.” 

he doesn’t know if he’s ever been so playful with yuchan. they’re close in age, they’ve trained together for a long time, and yet it was only after debut that jungwoo felt the confidence to joke with the other boy at all. the last couple weeks he relapsed into the more careful version of himself, the one who wouldn’t have dared to tease his older, senior, more talented groupmate. maybe it’s tiredness creeping up on him, the giddy stage of sleep deprivation. maybe it’s the fact that they’re alone for now with no witnesses to whatever they may do or say next. but jungwoo tries not to think about that.

yuchan shoves him, lightly, and a great smile breaks out over his face. he shrugs the hand off of his person easily, reaching out toward yuchan’s glass instead. it’s silent, but it’s a request: give me a taste? jungwoo will probably hate it; he’s always had too much of a sweet tooth to find the proper motivation to stomach protein shakes. but he enacts his power as the younger friend to be cute for a moment, just ‘cause.

“a metaphor for what?” he argues teasingly, more for the sake of conversation than anything else. “loitering? ‘cause that’s what your character was doing the whole video!” he drops his face into a stoic expression, mimicking the yuchan that didn’t even see the girls who were so desperate for his attention. it only lasts for a second and a half before he cracks into another wide smile. “you’re better at that than me. how’d you even do that with all of them around you?”

jungwoo grows grave again, though quite obviously jesting again. eyes wide, innocent and solemn, as he puts on an air of concern. “you know that loitering is illegal, right?” he glances around as if scared the place is bugged, like he’s giving away the biggest heist right into the hands of the authorities. this act too crumbles into another grin, just in case there was any doubt that his only intent is humor.

[jungwoork]

On June 14th, you are pulled out of your comeback practice by your manager to be taken to a meeting room. If asked, she’ll confirm you aren’t in trouble, and that the details will be given soon enough. 

Inside the meeting room are a couple of other people you might have already seen before or not walking around either the Nova building or the Seocho complex. “Good morning,” one of them states. “We’re here in the name of Samsung Station. It’s a project I’m sure you’ve all heard about and have been following its releases. After all, every release so far has given us good feedback from the public. A lot of your seniors have had their songs in this project and we decided to reach out to you to feature in one of our future releases.”

Jungwoo were chosen to take part in the release of ‘My Hero’ alongside various senior artists, including Lee Gunwoo from MYNAME. Jungwoo will have Suho’s lines. He’ll receive the lyrics and audio file once the meeting is over. He’s told to practice for this release alongside his comeback practices. He’ll get to meet up with the other artists on June 20th to chat and practice the song together. The song will be recorded on July 6th.

They’ll also get to record a music video for the song. The MV will be filmed on the same day as the song recording. His parts in the video will be distributed the same way as his lines were. The song will be officially released on July 25th. On July 26th, he’ll attend the live recording of ‘Live Station’ for the S-POP Channel.

He’s told to keep his participation in the project a secret until the song teaser is officially released by Samsung.

he’s reluctant to be pulled away from his group. they’re on the cusp of another comeback, just hours away from leaving for a trip halfway around the world to film their music video. there’s a suitcase on his bed, only half-packed in a sleepless trance. his waking hours are devoted almost entirely to perfecting choreography; there’s only so much the cameramen and editors can do to hide his lacking abilities once it comes time to film.

the only reason she’s able to pull him away from practice is because she’s his manager and jungwoo still follows her with a reluctant frown on his face.

meeting rooms make him a little uneasy. he assumes the worst, always; he’s being removed from the group, their dorm burned to the ground, someone’s started a horrible rumor about him and the company is inclined to believe it- jungwoo tries to stop himself before his imagination gets too far away from him. he’s not even sure if he should sit or stand, so he hovers uncomfortably until someone directs him. this won’t take too long.

he is absolutely floored when they drop the project in his undeserving hands.

words don’t come easily to jungwoo’s lips other than a flurry of gratitudes and sincere appreciative bows. it will be hard, he knows, to learn these lines and the melody while traveling filming, and preparing for their comeback. but he couldn’t be more excited about the opportunity. a chance to record with some highly respected senior artists? they could’ve given him rap lines and he’d still be grateful.

there’s not much time to learn and practice. he’s itching to leave all too soon, eager to get to work. 

OOC INFO;

You have until midnight EST at the end of Saturday, July 25th, to write a 300+ words soloabout your muse’s participation in Samsung Station. Please tag all related posts with #rkstation. For completing the requirements, you may give +5 DEBUT POINTS and +3 POINTS IN A RELEVANT SKILL to your muse.

SAMSUNG STATION RELEASE

[link to thread or solo]

+3 ___ POINTS

+5 DEBUT POINTS

NEW DEBUT POINTS TOTAL:

[jungwoork]

eunwoork​:

[ msg to: lesserwoo ] and????? [ msg to: lesserwoo ] aaaaaaaaaaaaand???? [ msg to: lesserwoo ] you can’t leave me hanging… [ msg to: lesserwoo ] it must have gone well or else i would have heard from you sooner [ msg to: lesserwoo ] right???

[ msg to: me-woo two ] i mean [ msg to: me-woo two ] i don’t really know how it went?? [ msg to: me-woo two ] he didn’t hate me for it [ msg to: me-woo two ] he actually said he felt that way too [ msg to: me-woo two ] but we’re pretending it never happened

[jungwoork]

@eunwoork

[ msg to: me-woo two ] oh i forgot to tell you [ msg to: me-woo two ] i took your advice [ msg to: me-woo two ] I told him

[jungwoork]

sharing secrets.

@haknyeonrk

life moves quickly when they’re preparing for a comeback. maybe not as quickly as their sister group is living right now, because jungwoo knows that it only gets busier and more hectic when they finally move into promotions. it’s why he revels in the quiet for a moment, just the sound of his breaths echoing around the practice room, some distant mumble of another room in use, and haknyeon’s occasional shift and movement.

it’s just the two of them right now, a little extra dance practice for jungwoo, and a little vocal practice for haknyeon. they compliment each other; his weaknesses, the other’s strengths, and vice versa.

the quiet moves him to words. the privacy moves him to confessions. jungwoo takes a glance over at haknyeon and that’s all it takes before the truth comes tumbling out.

“i like someone,” his voice is low, hardly more than a whisper even though no one else is here to hear him say this. “even though i know i shouldn’t. and i have for a really long time.” it’s a relief as soon as the words are out of his lips, a different sort of relief to when he had actually told the object of his affections. there’s no chance of rejection, of disappointment. he’s confident in the fact that haknyeon won’t judge him for having feelings.

but it’s a different story if he tells haknyeon who the feelings are for.

[jungwoork]

@haknyeonrk

jungwoo laughs. no offence to huidong, but he can’t imagine ever having a crush on him. forget the fact that he’s totally taken (secret from the company, of course), he’s a little old for jungwoo’s tastes. and, if he’s being very honest, a little short too. no, never in the years of knowing their leader has he ever so much as entertained anything more than friendship.

“it’s not him,” he can’t get over it, the wideness of haknyeon’s eyes, the brief moment of certainty before he realized better. but the truth isn’t that far off. they’re both per_se members, they were both senior trainees to him, they both are merciless dance teachers... haknyeon said that as long as it’s not hui, it’s fine. does he mean that? anyone other than huidong, even if it’s another one of their members? jungwoo’s laughter doesn’t last long. he falls back into thought too soon.

“i’m not sure i can tell you,” he admits, sighing and holding his head in his hands. he wants to, but it’s not right. it’s not okay. jungwoo doesn’t even know what’s going on between them now, feelings out in the open but everything otherwise the same. “not that i think you’ll judge me, but i really shouldn’t like this person. and before you guess, no, it’s not hyun bin.” he risks another small smile, another little joke.