it hadnāt really been too much of a surprise to him when theyād announced that per_se would have a new addition. with how rap heavy some of their songs could get, it wasnāt as though haknyeon could carry them alone, so it made sense to him that theyād add another rapper.Ā
the other members, admittedly, werenāt quick to open up, and haknyeon understands that. truth be told, heād been a little distant in the beginning as well, but haknyeonās never been the kind of guy to stay that way for long. they were going to be a team, and teams had to work well together to succeed. the last thing he wants is for moonbok to feel out of place for simply being new, and simply being picked as the new addition. heād attempted to get closer to moonbok, invited the boy to rap practice sessions and to have meals together, after all, it was the least he could do to give him a warmer welcome.Ā
heād invited moonbok to practice a few verses with him in the practice room once again, claiming that synergy between the two rappers would be important. itās when they take a short break does he walk towards his bag and pulls out a tangerine.
āhyung!ā he says, turning to moonbok.Ā āi remember you mentioned the tangerines before... so i asked my mum to send me some to share with you,ā he says, taking a seat beside the older boy. he unpeels the tangerine for moonbok before offering it to the older boy,Ā āhere, for you,ā he smiles. he takes a bite of his own tangerine and turns to look at moonbok.Ā āis it hard?ā he asks, voice gentle.Ā āi know some of the other members havenāt quite open up yet,ā he continues,Ā āif theyāre ever being too tough on you, you can come to me and iāll scold them okay? give them some maknae fury,ā he says jokingly, an attempt at lightening up the mood.Ā ābut really, theyāre nice guys, i promise,ā he smiles.
heās still smiling, eyes scanning the comments as he reaches up to adjust the pillow between his neck and the wall, when haknyeonās voice sounds from across the room. ricky sends his smile to the maknae, then glances back at the screen. the falter in his smile is nearly imperceptible to the untrained eye (but certainly the glint in his eyes dulling is a little more noticeable) as haknyeonās stage name takes over, overloading the comment stream in at least three different languages.
āah, junju-yah,ā he calls, mostly fondly, beckoning him over with a smile and an extended arm despite the shadow cast just behind his eyes, inviting him to sit on the bed next to him, āthey want to see you.ā
heād simply made a little cameo, had said his name as a greeting, not expecting much. heās on his way to the kitchen, to grab a snack, when ricky calls out his name. he thinks that maybe the older boy wanted him to grab a snack for him as well, but his next words caught him slightly off guard.
āoh? me?ā he heads back to the room, and peeks his head through the side.Ā āreally?ā he points to himself, blinking before walking towards ricky. he takes a seat beside the older boy, and notices the comments flooding in at a rapid rate āā he manages to catch a few of them, though heād noticed a lot ofĀ āJUNJU!!!!!ā in all caps.Ā
he allows himself to get comfortable and waves to the camera.Ā āhi everyone! itās junju!ā making a heart he begins to read the comments.Ā āyes ~ i already ate! i was on the way to grab more snacks actually,ā he smiles. do a vlive too junju!Ā ābut iām doing one right now arenāt i?ā he laughs, before he remembers that heād actually walked in on rickyās. āah, but i can do one later! lets watch yuchan hyungās one right now!ā he adds, turning to look at ricky.
heād stood in the practice room, eyes wide as their coach spoke.Ā ājunju,ā his name had been uttered and haknyeon could only look at him.Ā āwill no longer be per_seās lead rapper.ā what? what? what did that mean?Ā he feels himself start to panic; were they shuffling members? did he do something? his eyebrows furrow and he feels like throwing up. ācongratulations, youāve been promoted to main rapper.ā at that, he lets out the biggest sigh of relief, breath a little shaky. haknyeon had never quite thought of himself as immensely talented āā sure he could do things above average, but heād always thought that there was room for improvement. he smiles as the coaches around him start to clap, and bows.Ā āthank you,ā he says, but thereās a sort of emptiness he feels, because that was once hugoās place. and in truth, he still missed the older boy. though, with him taking on the role of main rapper... that meant somebody else would take on the role of lead rapper. ricky? ābut thatās not the only announcement weāll be making for today.ā
but a boy walks into the practice room and immediately it clicks. the boy looks familiar and it had taken haknyeon a moment before he recognized him, someone that was once on the mgas with him āā a show from two years ago. the show that had gotten him to where he was, signed with nova and then a debut a year later. he nibbles on his top lip as he looks at the boy, silent. he wonders what the other members are thinking at this moment.Ā Ā
a new member, that meant many things. heās seen it happen to other groups before, but maybe a little too naively, heād thought that it was something that would never happen to them. after all, they were formed on a survival show, right? it hadnāt been easy to get them together, to debut in what was now known as per_se.
it doesnāt feel quite real. at least, not yet. it had taken them a while to fully accept hugoās departure, after all, he had played a huge role within per_se, not just as a rapper, but as a friend and someone that haknyeon knew he could count on. a part of him had thought that the company would perhaps give them a newer member, though he hadnāt thought that theyād do it so soon. that and his new position meant many things.
he looks at the boy and smiles, nodding his head as a greeting. this meant a new journey for per_se, and a new journey for junju.Ā ānice to meet you,ā he says, nodding his head once more.Ā āwelcome to per_se.ā
itād be a lie to say that things hadnāt changed between the two of them after jungwooās sudden confession. haknyeon, in all honesty, still feels terrible for the way heād handled it; telling jungwoo that he couldnāt quite support his friend, when a part of him was aware that perhaps that was what jungwoo needed the most at that moment. but haknyeon was never a liar, or at least, he could never really lie to jungwoo. he was aware that when he spoke his truth, it probably wasnāt something that jungwoo wanted to hear, and wouldāve perhaps put a dent into their relationship.
amongst that and them suddenly being thrown a new member, and haknyeon a new role in the group, he hasnāt been able to focus on much. he treats jungwoo like he normally would in moments where he forgets what had happened, but itās different when he catches jungwoo looking at ricky for a moment too long. he wants to tell jungwoo that itās silly of him to throw all his years of training and debut away for falling in love with a member, but he doesnāt of course. falling in love, is all the same, but itās much different than the situation he and the other members are in; they arenāt in the same group, wonāt constantly be seeing one another āā and if anything were to happen (a break up, a fight, anything really), it wouldnāt potentially have lingering effects on their group dynamics. he wants to support jungwoo, really, but he doesnāt know how to with so many of these worries. the most he can do for jungwoo, he thinks, is give him a pat on the back, and maybe for the sake of their friendship, let jungwoo deal with his career on his own.Ā
theyāre both alone in the practice room, perhaps the first time theyāve actually been alone since the incident. haknyeonās staring at his reflection, sweat dripping down his forehead after having practiced his dancing when he turns to jungwoo. something should be said, maybe to clear the air. haknyeon doesnāt like how rigid their relationship has been feeling, and he knows that itās his fault for speaking so honestly and being unable to give jungwoo support.Ā āiām sorry,ā he says,Ā āif i ... no,ā he shakes his head, this isnāt how a proper apology should go. āi hurt your feelings when i spoke the other day, i was being too insensitive with my words. iām sorry.ā he bites on his lip, maybe he couldāve ended his apology there, but something digs at him to continue.Ā āi was worried about you, and your career. but i realize, itās not my place. youāre smart enough to take care of yourself.ā
if haknyeonās being honest, their schedule so far isnāt exactly jam packed. itās still kind of odd to him, how some months thereās no time to do anything, and others, it felt like there was too much time. haknyeon had personally found himself going on vlives more often, and interacting with fans through sns more. that aside, with his newer role of main rapper, heād spent a good amount of his free time still in the practice room, working on refining his skills.
though for today heās hanging around the dorms, and the thought of going on vlive crosses his mind, only for him to find out that rickyās already on. he blinks and turns to look around the dorm, briefly remembering that rickyās there as well. in his haknyeon-like fashion, he walks towards the older boyās room and pops his head through the door.
āhyung? youāre on vlive?ā he says cheerfully, smile bright.Ā āhi everyone! itās junju!ā he beams, waving (though heās not sure if the camera catches this, or just his voice), before he waves to ricky and heads back to his room. he doesnāt want to intrude, maybe heāll hold a vlive of his own later, but for now he knows that rickyās already online.
junjustagramĀ hi everyone! i was video calling with sangyeon hyung the other night (omg successful consta!) and he told me that convexās comeback is going to be super great!!! ahhh iām so excited!!! the teasers already look so good!Ā š„° ps. we took this photo when we went on a fun date ~ please donāt get jealous!!! i guess you could say... i have a special LINK with sangyeon from convex! š³Ā
āiām sorry,ā he whispers, not quite trusting all of the emotions heās feeling not to show up in his voice. that would certainly attract the attention of the staff. itās already the second time heās apologized for what he canāt really control, with a hundred more waiting to fall from his lips if they were in a more private situation.
haknyeon doesnāt say itās okay. he doesnāt say that he forgives him, or that everything will be alright, or any other small lie that might make jungwoo feel a little better. itās not realistic to expect him to, but it only makes his head hang a little bit lower, his eyes now a little unfocused where they stare into nothing.Ā Ā āi know,ā he tells haknyeon, another confession falling right behind,Ā āi didnāt tell him forā¦ months after i knew. but i did. back in march. um, nothing has changed, at least.ā
not for the whole group that is. he doesnāt tell haknyeon what yuchan said in reply on that quiet day in early spring. itās not his information to share. but he can tell him, in those short words, that theyāre both pretending that it never existed, it never happened. and if they can keep the act up, maybe it wonāt cost the group anything. maybe the feeling will finally work its way out of his system, out of yuchanās system too now, and they can move on as if nothing happened. when per_se is celebrating their ten years since debut, maybe they can laugh about it. maybe it will be a whole different world at that time. but for now, itās just shame and agony.
had this been a different, had they not been idols in the same group āā if they were classmates, colleagues, pals from college, haknyeon wouldāve done all he could to support jungwoo. because he found that support was important, that it would give the other party reassurance, and he wanted to be a pillar for his friends. but they werenāt and those feelings had implications, much worse than what one could imagine. he wants to tell jungwoo that heās risking not just his years in nova, but rickyās too. that no, heās risking the whole group all because he canāt control his feelings. but haknyeon understands that feelings arenāt something you can control, though he wouldāve hoped that there wouldāve been more restraint.
this isnāt a great feeling. his immediate thought if anything goes south is what would happen to the group, because despite being as optimistic as he may seem, heās aware that he has to be realistic. jungwoo explains himself, says that heās already told ricky and the fear grows. āyou told him already,ā is all haknyeon replies with, and he doesnāt know what to else there actually is to sayĀ because the words that are barely edging across his lips arenāt words that heād want to relay to a friend.
his eyes wander off slowly to the staff. theyāre all too busy discussing things to take notice of the two boys, probably assuming that they were having just another conversation āā a lighthearted one, perhaps. āi like having you on this team. and ricky hyung too,ā he says, but his words carry layers to them that maybe only the two would understand. i like having you both on the team, if you screw up, youāll have to leave. āi canāt support you this time.ā he doesnāt accept jungwooās apology, instead leaves it hanging in the air. a moment passes and haknyeon doesnāt look at jungwoo. heās not too sure how heāll be able to. because if he does jungwoo could easily tell just how much he disapproves of this, and he doesnāt want to be the person to break jungwooās heart.
instead, he takes in a deep breath.Ā āletās do well on the recording hyung,ā and it isnāt like haknyeon to be dismissive of his friendās feelings, especially about something as heavy as this. but the more they delve on it, the more heāll show his disapproval, the more he thinks heāll hurt jungwoo. he thinks heās said enough.
initially he had planned to write a long and cheesy instagram post. yet that didnāt seem like enough to convey his gratitude to the fans āā words were powerful, but heās sure that theyād probably at least like to see his face. now that their promotions are over, they donāt exactly have a schedule packed for the month to actually meet their fans, and haknyeon thinks itās about time heās started doing more vlives.Ā
he takes a moment to think about what to title it, but settles on something simple and straightforward.Ā ā1 year!! ily!!!ā he smiles and clicks start. itās much different than an instagram live, because the hearts begin pouring in and haknyeon stares into the camera for a good few seconds, unknowing if anyoneās gonna watch. but they do and he smiles as he looks at the numbers increasing. he begins to read the comments.
āoppa, are you just going to stare at the camera? say something!ā
immediately he turns to look at the camera, away from the comments and laughs shyly.Ā āoh! sorry! i was really fascinated!ā he laughs. at that he clasps his hands together and notices that the viewer count has increased, thereās a good number of people watching him now.
āeveryone! itās our one year already!ā he beams, and he claps his hands together, smiling wide.Ā ācan you believe itās already been one year with per_se? i wanted to celebrate it with all of you, thatās why i decided to do this vlive!ā he continues, and he watches as the number of hearts continue to increase.Ā āitās something really special to me, and something that i think could only be achieved thanks to our fans! i can say thank you a million times but itāll never be enough,ā his words are sincere as he speaks, and he knows they arenāt face-to-face, but he hopes that his genuine gratitude can reach them.Ā āi was going to write a long... cheesy... instagram post... but i wanted to be able to share this moment with all of you!ā he smiles.
from the corner of his eye he spots a comment that saysĀ ādo you miss hugo?ā but he ignores it āā he has to. heās not too sure if heās allowed to speak on it, if the company might come after him if he does. itās not exactly a situation that he can speak so candidly about.
the vlive proceeds, and haknyeon continues to read other comments.Ā āwhat have you been doing lately?ā a comment asks.
āme? iāve been practicing of course~ iāve been working really hard on my rapping and dancing and singing too! i want to make sure ceo hyunbin doesnāt call me a terrible singer!ā he adds the last part cheekily, referring back to when the ceo had called him a terrible singer on television. itās not as though hyunbin would watch these vlives, right? heās sure a little playful jab wouldnāt hurt.Ā
another comment catches his attention.Ā
āi didnāt know you were friends with anna!āĀ
he smiles as he answers, āwe are! anna noona and i went to the same highschool! sheās a year older than me and we didnāt see each other much in highschool since she was a trainee back then, but we got a lot closer after i debuted! sheās a dependable senior!āĀ
āare you close to convex?ā
ādefinitely! i have a few friends in convex~ weāre buddies!ā he smiles widely. itās always fun to talk about his friends, and the friendships heās made.Ā āsangāā ah, link, haru, micha and i were actually all in a dance crew before we became trainees. itās crazy right? then i became a trainee, and then link hyung, then micha, then haru... then we all debuted! theyāre really close friends of mine! and theyāre really talented too! how can i not be a consta when they have so many handsome members right?ā he cheekily raises his eyebrows.Ā āah... but my bias is actually jinwook sunbaenim,ā he laughs before he makes a heart with his hands.Ā ājinwook sunbaenim, i love you!ā
more comments continue to flow in, and itās getting a little tough for him to read them one by one. but he notices the interest in his idol friends, and decides to speak about it.
āother idols iām close to? iām really close to de:codeās shion and a.c! jihoonie... seonho...ā he calls out their name playfully.Ā āi remember crying at jihoonās graduation because i was sad that he was leaving school! super embarrassing right? but thatās how close we were,ā he smiles fondly at the memories, and makes a mental note to check on jihoon.Ā āand iām really close to seonho too! we have a lot of history together,ā he smiles, but ends it at that āā he isnāt going to disclose just how much history they have of course.
āof course iām close to and*roma! theyāre our sister group!ā he says with a smile.Ā ādarae noona is like my nova mum! she took such great care of me when i first entered nova, iāll forever be grateful to her!ā he beams.Ā āspeaking of which, and*roma just had a comeback so be sure to listen to the song lots! iāve been listening to it nonstop because itās so good,ā he holds up his phone and shows the and*roma album that heās liked on melon.Ā āand*roma is the best!ā at that, he puts a thumbs up.
āif darae is your mum, then is hui your dad?ā
haknyeon laughs out loud before he nods his head.Ā āyes! you are one hundred percent correct!ā the accuracy in that statement has him giggling a little more.Ā āactually, let me tell you a funny story about hui hyung and i! when i first entered the company, hui hyung was like... a legend! like a legend among legends in the b-boying world! so of course i had to ask him to practice with me and help me train, right?ā the comments begin pouring in with yes huidong oppa is a legend! and haknyeon nods.Ā āand once while we were training, he was teaching me how to do this trick. it was really tough, but after trying a few times i got it! i was so happy and excited that i looked up at him and i said thanks dad! i called hui hyung dad!ā heās giggling as he tells the story, his encounter with hyung. he doesnāt think heās shared this story anywhere else before, but what better time to share it then now during his vlive, right?Ā āthat was so embarrassing! and he just looked at me all surprised,ā at this, he attempts to imitate huidongās expression at that time, but heās still laughing.Ā āhui appa, hui appa,ā he adds, smiling as he reads the comments, most of which were full of laughter.Ā
āi actually have a lot of funny anecdotes with all the members! like that one time jungwoo hyung and i got matching couple bracelets but we lost them and had to get new ones! and when i accidentally back hugged ricky hyung when i was still a newer trainee! that was actually quite scary,ā he shudders a little,Ā ābut weāre closer now of course! and when hosung hyung and i went on an adventure in morocco!ā these are fond memories of his, and he almost lets slip a memory heās shared with hugo, but catches himself before doing so.Ā
heās careful not to let his expression slip, and quickly he turns back to the comments.Ā
ācan you say i love you noona?ā
haknyeon reads the comment out loud and looks at the camera.Ā āokay! be sure to record this alright?ā he smiles.Ā ānoona, i love you!ā he says, before he continues.Ā āand for our male fans, hyung, i love you!ā lifting both his arms, he makes a heart shape over his head.
āhyung loves you a lot junjuā
he giggles at the comment and makes a heart finger.Ā āi love you more hyung!ā he says, scrunching his nose in an attempt to cutely show how serious he was at loving.Ā
another comment immediately catches his attention, and at this haknyeon bursts into laughter.
ā5 hyunbin sajangnims or a 5 year old hyunbin sajangnim?ā
heās laughing as he reads the comment. usually youād expect to see this question about the membersĀ but seeing one about your ceo is something he honestly didnāt think would happen.Ā
āah... do i have to answer this? iād rather not...ā he replies.Ā āitās so funny just thinking about it. imagine me bowing 90 degrees to a five year old and greeting him with hello sajangnim!ā he laughs. the image itself is funny to just think about.Ā āfor this... pass!ā
haknyeon continues to read the comments, unaware of how much heās been talking āā mostly because heās having such a great time communicating with the fans.Ā
āput on some filters!ā
āfilters?ā he repeats, fiddling with the screen.Ā āah... here we are!ā he begins to play with a bunch of them, from a cat filter, to one of him in a beret, to a filter of him as a dinosaur.Ā
he opens his mouth wide, like how a dinosaur would and smiles.Ā āthis is how much i love you!ā he says, and he attempts to open his mouth even wider, only to accidentally choke on his own spit.Ā
thereās a lot more talking during the vlive, most of which is full of haknyeon thanking the fans, and sharing stories that he can remember. like how nervous he was during their debut, and how happy he was when they celebrated his birthday with him. itās only when a notification sayingĀ āyour phone is at 20%ā pops up, does he gasp a little.
āeveryone! i didnāt realize iāve been on vlive for so long!ā he says, blinking at the screen.Ā āi had so much fun talking to you that i didnāt notice how fast time flew by!ā he smiles at the screen, glad to have spent his time talking and communicating with the fans.Ā āi wish i could stay and talk for another hour but the phone is running out of battery! and i need to go back and practice,ā he pouts a little at this, but he knows that he has to train.Ā āthank you so much for loving per_se! we only made it to this one year milestone because of you guys! please look forward to what else we have in store!ā he reaches out for the phone and feels a little sad, honestly, that he has to end this vlive.Ā ābye bye everyone! i love you!ā he kisses the screen and the live ends.
if heās being completely honest, heās still reeling in from the losing a member. he knows itāsĀ āshow bizā and that they arenāt the only group to have gone through this, but that doesnāt make things any much easier. haknyeon would like to think that the members of per_se have created a special bond, that they were more than just in it for the business, that there were layers to this team.
he sits by the practice room and stares at the article. itās out; and now everyone knows that theyāve lost a member. he understands that hugo had to leave, yet heād be lying if he said he wished he didnāt. itās the few words at the end of the article that capture his attention.Ā
confusion is what he feels. had he read it wrong? immediately he turns to ricky and passes the older boy his phone.Ā āhyung,ā he says, and he points to the article heād been reading.Ā ādid you see this? itās an article about hugo hyung leaving. but... at the end,ā he furrows his brows,Ā āit said that nova isnāt commenting on whether or not weāll be adding a new member... even though sphere has.ā
and this isnāt something unheard of āā nova doing something without telling the members. after all, haknyeon had only learnt of his stage name the day his teasers were released.Ā ādo you think theyāll add a new member?ā he asks, voice softer.
junjustagram all my girls ~ iām telling you!! to listen to and*romaās high heels!!! the song is so catchy and good! š #androma #theyresotalented
nobody had seen it coming. at least, thatās what he thinks. the announcement had come as a surprise for the team, and heās sure heās not the only one broken hearted, heās sure the members share the same sentiment. theyād all gotten along well, almost like a family, so it hurt to see one of them leave.
he walks into his shared bedroom with hui, soft sigh leaving his lips. they have to move on though it wasnāt exactly easy. usually heād make his way straight towards his bed, and then bombard hui with random ramblings of the day, or share with him funny things heād found on the internet regarding them. but this time, he walks towards huiās bed and sits at the edge of the older boyās bed.
his towel is wrapped around his neck as he turns to face the leader.Ā āhyung,ā he says,Ā āi still canāt quite believe it. it feels emptier without him here,ā he bites at his lower lip. but as hard as it is for haknyeon, now having to take on the role of the other rapper, heās sure it isnāt easy for the leader as well. he reaches out to give huiās hand a reassuring squeeze.Ā āare you doing alright hyung?ā he asks, voice soft and laced with concern.
he was nothing short of thrilled when the nova staff, when reviewing their schedule for the month, had revealed that he and haknyeon were going to their own schedule together. of course jungwoo knows itās not really about them, itās about the group and the new song to be promoted. per_seās faces are about to be everywhere in the media; no one can forget about nova entertainmentās up and coming boy group.
they have a moment to chat with each other, away from the regular cast of the show and other guests and staff, when haknyeonās words wipe the smile off of jungwooās face. it starts off only vaguely ominous, a question from the younger. jungwoo only means to take it seriously, not to become so grave himself. but haknyeon keeps talking before jungwoo ever has a chance to respond, and suddednly he has to realize what exactly heās talking about.
eyes dart around nervously, watching the staff carefully in case anyone looks as if they might listen in to this conversation. itās not breaking contract to like someone, itās what those feelings can lead to. and itās dangerous to admit to anyone in nova entertainment how diverse the objects of his affections can be; their ceo has openly admitted to detesting people like him. jungwoo canāt imagine heāll still have a job here if the truth ever made it that far.
but he canāt lie. not to anyone, really, despite being trained in acting, but especially not to haknyeon. they were best friends almost immediately, at first just comparing faces but soon learning that theyāre compatible in almost every way. it hasnāt been terribly long since they first met, only a couple years, but theyāve lived together, trained together. it pushes people closer quicker than usual. so jungwoo takes a deep breath, tries not to look too much like heās swallowed a whole wasp nestās worth of nerves, and finally meets haknyeonās eye.
āyou canāt tell anyone,ā he whispers, voice as low as he can get it while still allowing the other boy to hear him. itās an admission, though an unwilling one. and he still isnāt sure if he should just reveal it all now that the catās at least half out of the bag. he wonders if haknyeon already knows that much already; as careful as heās been, as much as theyāve pretended that nothing ever happened, he knows he looks at yuchan a little differently than anyone else. jungwoo knows heās probably acting a little differently with him lately too, a little more playful than he would have been previously. but thereās nothing they can do about it, even if they wanted to.Ā
āiām sorry,ā he croaks at haknyeon, knowing that the other probably thinks exactly the same thing he does: heās going to ruin the group with this crush.
he may never have been the best in school. his grades, werenāt exactly something youād brag about, but for what he lacked academically, he probably made up with how perceptive he could be. though heād hoped that he was wrong in this case, that this mysterious person jungwoo liked was someone out of their circle, just so thereād be no overlap career-wise and well, in general.
though he needed to know, to perhaps put these suspicions to rest. the question is asked and even before jungwoo replies, haknyeon already has his answer from the older boyās facial expression. his own eyes widen, and the smile that heād donned so often, one of comfort and understanding eases away as his own expression changes.
he blinks as he attempts to piece it together. almost everyone in the group had a significant other, except for... jungwoo and yuchan. this in itself answered his next question āā who. his mouth opens momentarily, as if to speak, but the words donāt leave his lips because heās not too sure what to say. heād always been someone positive, someone whoād attempt to be supportive. but he wasnāt quite sure how to take this.Ā āitās ricky hyung,ā he says, voice soft. this is terrible, is the first thing to pop into his mind, but he canāt say that out loud, not in front of jungwoo. though he wonders if it shows on his face, just how torn he is about it.Ā āi really hoped it wasnāt true,ā he says instead, and he forces himself to laugh, but itās brief and he canāt keep up the smile for long.
the implications this would have on the group; what if the both of them got into a coupleās argument? what if they broke up? where would that leave the group? it wasnāt as though they could simply side with one member and ignore another. that wasnāt how it worked. they were a group, a group of people that worked together. his mind is reeling but none of these words leave his lips. because none of it are as supportive as heād liked them to be. but haknyeon isnāt a liar, and he canāt tell jungwoo that heās happy for him; not like this.Ā
instead, he nods his head and looks away.Ā āi see,ā is all that he says.Ā āyou canāt help who you like,ā that much is true, haknyeon is aware of that. and yet, at moments like these heād hoped that jungwoo could.Ā āthis might not end well. you know that... right?ā and his tone isnāt accusatory, if anything itās filled with worry, he wonders if jungwoo actually knowsĀ what this means, what it could do to both his and yuchanās career.
their schedules slowly begin to get a little more and more packed with variety shows, and etc, as they ease themselves into the industry. something that haknyeon is thankful for āā itās always great to have something to do. the more schedules, the better, really. and itās actually been a while since heās last had a schedule alone with jungwoo. or this might actually be their firstĀ schedule together as a duo without the other members.
haknyeon thinks of jungwoo as one of his closest friends, a best friend, even. they were both pretty similar in age and he found himself easily going along with whatever jungwoo did, and sharing whatever concerns he had with the other. still, with more schedules came the lack of time for the both of them to truly sit down and simply just... talk things out. it wasnāt as though there was anything between them that needed fixing ( at least, haknyeon didnāt think so ); but the last time heād spoken seriously to jungwoo, the older boy had professed his attraction towards another man ( man, still unknown to haknyeon ). and whilst haknyeon was nosy in his own right, he didnāt exactly want to push jungwoo for answers. even though he reallyĀ wanted to know.Ā
ever so curious, heād spent the last few weeks watching jungwoo. his eyes always trailing the older boy and his gaze in an attempt to figure out who exactly had caught his heart. from the little deduction that heād made, haknyeon was sure that it was either a) a staff member or b) his worst fear āā a member. and through his sort of discreet observations, he was worried that perhaps it had been option b all along.
there was perhaps no better time to confirm his suspicions than now, seated in the waiting room before filming began.Ā āhyung,ā he says, turning to look at the older boy.Ā āthereās something iāve been meaning to ask you,ā there isnāt really any smooth way to ask this, and haknyeon doesnāt think that there need be any, really.Ā Ā āremember the last time we spoke... when you told me about... someone you liked,ā his voice is soft, so as to not attract the attention of anyone around them. thankfully, the staff seem pre-occupied with something else altogether.Ā āi might just be overthinking this,ā he shrugs, and he really does hope heās wrong,Ā ābut itās a member, isnāt it?ā
