initially he had planned to write a long and cheesy instagram post. yet that didn’t seem like enough to convey his gratitude to the fans –– words were powerful, but he’s sure that they’d probably at least like to see his face. now that their promotions are over, they don’t exactly have a schedule packed for the month to actually meet their fans, and haknyeon thinks it’s about time he’s started doing more vlives.
he takes a moment to think about what to title it, but settles on something simple and straightforward. “1 year!! ily!!!” he smiles and clicks start. it’s much different than an instagram live, because the hearts begin pouring in and haknyeon stares into the camera for a good few seconds, unknowing if anyone’s gonna watch. but they do and he smiles as he looks at the numbers increasing. he begins to read the comments.
“oppa, are you just going to stare at the camera? say something!”
immediately he turns to look at the camera, away from the comments and laughs shyly. “oh! sorry! i was really fascinated!” he laughs. at that he clasps his hands together and notices that the viewer count has increased, there’s a good number of people watching him now.
“everyone! it’s our one year already!” he beams, and he claps his hands together, smiling wide. “can you believe it’s already been one year with per_se? i wanted to celebrate it with all of you, that’s why i decided to do this vlive!” he continues, and he watches as the number of hearts continue to increase. “it’s something really special to me, and something that i think could only be achieved thanks to our fans! i can say thank you a million times but it’ll never be enough,” his words are sincere as he speaks, and he knows they aren’t face-to-face, but he hopes that his genuine gratitude can reach them. “i was going to write a long... cheesy... instagram post... but i wanted to be able to share this moment with all of you!” he smiles.
from the corner of his eye he spots a comment that says “do you miss hugo?” but he ignores it –– he has to. he’s not too sure if he’s allowed to speak on it, if the company might come after him if he does. it’s not exactly a situation that he can speak so candidly about.
the vlive proceeds, and haknyeon continues to read other comments. “what have you been doing lately?” a comment asks.
“me? i’ve been practicing of course~ i’ve been working really hard on my rapping and dancing and singing too! i want to make sure ceo hyunbin doesn’t call me a terrible singer!” he adds the last part cheekily, referring back to when the ceo had called him a terrible singer on television. it’s not as though hyunbin would watch these vlives, right? he’s sure a little playful jab wouldn’t hurt.
another comment catches his attention.
“i didn’t know you were friends with anna!”
he smiles as he answers, “we are! anna noona and i went to the same highschool! she’s a year older than me and we didn’t see each other much in highschool since she was a trainee back then, but we got a lot closer after i debuted! she’s a dependable senior!”
“are you close to convex?”
“definitely! i have a few friends in convex~ we’re buddies!” he smiles widely. it’s always fun to talk about his friends, and the friendships he’s made. “sang–– ah, link, haru, micha and i were actually all in a dance crew before we became trainees. it’s crazy right? then i became a trainee, and then link hyung, then micha, then haru... then we all debuted! they’re really close friends of mine! and they’re really talented too! how can i not be a consta when they have so many handsome members right?” he cheekily raises his eyebrows. “ah... but my bias is actually jinwook sunbaenim,” he laughs before he makes a heart with his hands. “jinwook sunbaenim, i love you!”
more comments continue to flow in, and it’s getting a little tough for him to read them one by one. but he notices the interest in his idol friends, and decides to speak about it.
“other idols i’m close to? i’m really close to de:code’s shion and a.c! jihoonie... seonho...” he calls out their name playfully. “i remember crying at jihoon’s graduation because i was sad that he was leaving school! super embarrassing right? but that’s how close we were,” he smiles fondly at the memories, and makes a mental note to check on jihoon. “and i’m really close to seonho too! we have a lot of history together,” he smiles, but ends it at that –– he isn’t going to disclose just how much history they have of course.
“of course i’m close to and*roma! they’re our sister group!” he says with a smile. “darae noona is like my nova mum! she took such great care of me when i first entered nova, i’ll forever be grateful to her!” he beams. “speaking of which, and*roma just had a comeback so be sure to listen to the song lots! i’ve been listening to it nonstop because it’s so good,” he holds up his phone and shows the and*roma album that he’s liked on melon. “and*roma is the best!” at that, he puts a thumbs up.
“if darae is your mum, then is hui your dad?”
haknyeon laughs out loud before he nods his head. “yes! you are one hundred percent correct!” the accuracy in that statement has him giggling a little more. “actually, let me tell you a funny story about hui hyung and i! when i first entered the company, hui hyung was like... a legend! like a legend among legends in the b-boying world! so of course i had to ask him to practice with me and help me train, right?” the comments begin pouring in with yes huidong oppa is a legend! and haknyeon nods. “and once while we were training, he was teaching me how to do this trick. it was really tough, but after trying a few times i got it! i was so happy and excited that i looked up at him and i said thanks dad! i called hui hyung dad!” he’s giggling as he tells the story, his encounter with hyung. he doesn’t think he’s shared this story anywhere else before, but what better time to share it then now during his vlive, right? “that was so embarrassing! and he just looked at me all surprised,” at this, he attempts to imitate huidong’s expression at that time, but he’s still laughing. “hui appa, hui appa,” he adds, smiling as he reads the comments, most of which were full of laughter.
“i actually have a lot of funny anecdotes with all the members! like that one time jungwoo hyung and i got matching couple bracelets but we lost them and had to get new ones! and when i accidentally back hugged ricky hyung when i was still a newer trainee! that was actually quite scary,” he shudders a little, “but we’re closer now of course! and when hosung hyung and i went on an adventure in morocco!” these are fond memories of his, and he almost lets slip a memory he’s shared with hugo, but catches himself before doing so.
he’s careful not to let his expression slip, and quickly he turns back to the comments.
“can you say i love you noona?”
haknyeon reads the comment out loud and looks at the camera. “okay! be sure to record this alright?” he smiles. “noona, i love you!” he says, before he continues. “and for our male fans, hyung, i love you!” lifting both his arms, he makes a heart shape over his head.
“hyung loves you a lot junju”
he giggles at the comment and makes a heart finger. “i love you more hyung!” he says, scrunching his nose in an attempt to cutely show how serious he was at loving.
another comment immediately catches his attention, and at this haknyeon bursts into laughter.
“5 hyunbin sajangnims or a 5 year old hyunbin sajangnim?”
he’s laughing as he reads the comment. usually you’d expect to see this question about the members but seeing one about your ceo is something he honestly didn’t think would happen.
“ah... do i have to answer this? i’d rather not...” he replies. “it’s so funny just thinking about it. imagine me bowing 90 degrees to a five year old and greeting him with hello sajangnim!” he laughs. the image itself is funny to just think about. “for this... pass!”
haknyeon continues to read the comments, unaware of how much he’s been talking –– mostly because he’s having such a great time communicating with the fans.
“put on some filters!”
“filters?” he repeats, fiddling with the screen. “ah... here we are!” he begins to play with a bunch of them, from a cat filter, to one of him in a beret, to a filter of him as a dinosaur.
he opens his mouth wide, like how a dinosaur would and smiles. “this is how much i love you!” he says, and he attempts to open his mouth even wider, only to accidentally choke on his own spit.
there’s a lot more talking during the vlive, most of which is full of haknyeon thanking the fans, and sharing stories that he can remember. like how nervous he was during their debut, and how happy he was when they celebrated his birthday with him. it’s only when a notification saying “your phone is at 20%” pops up, does he gasp a little.
“everyone! i didn’t realize i’ve been on vlive for so long!” he says, blinking at the screen. “i had so much fun talking to you that i didn’t notice how fast time flew by!” he smiles at the screen, glad to have spent his time talking and communicating with the fans. “i wish i could stay and talk for another hour but the phone is running out of battery! and i need to go back and practice,” he pouts a little at this, but he knows that he has to train. “thank you so much for loving per_se! we only made it to this one year milestone because of you guys! please look forward to what else we have in store!” he reaches out for the phone and feels a little sad, honestly, that he has to end this vlive. “bye bye everyone! i love you!” he kisses the screen and the live ends.
No sooner had they moved out of one dorm, released to the temporary freedom in the post project lull, than they were all moving into a different dorm. The sleeping arrangements had been shuffled around but it was still seven boys, one flat. And that meant that shared spaces usually had one or more person hanging out. It didn’t bother him none and he quiet welcomed the chit chats he’d have with his various flatmates.
Mornings were always interesting. Hosung was usually up quite early, being a morning person, so he’d always bump into a sleepy boy in the kitchen while having his breakfast. This morning his morning buddy turned out to be none other than Ricky, one of the few he wasn’t particularly close to. He wondered if he struck up conversation if Ricky was of the ‘shoot a dirty look’, ‘punch in the face’, or ‘have a conversation’ variety.
“Good morning,” he said brightly deciding to chance it, “how are you feeling today, Ricky? Join me while I eat my cereal.”
life is a whirlwind. he foolishly spent the early days of april breathless and hoping for respite, thinking surely, god would take pity on him and make april a month of peace. maybe, finally, something that shook him to his very core wouldn’t happen month after month. maybe he could move past a drunken kiss with a boy on valentine’s day, and past that boy’s appearances on nova’s new survival show-- past a confession of love from a different boy the month after. maybe he could move past all of the extra time spent with joohyun, her delicate hands still wrapped around some piece of his heart, despite all of it-- despite that heart being torn in a hundred different directions more than ever. he’s always been flighty in love, always hesitant, always uncertain, but this is worse. maybe he’s spent two months with a certain sickness in his stomach that just keeps getting worse.
he doesn’t think much of the announcement of trc’s new auditions; in fact he’s almost certain he won’t go. there’s too much going on his life, both on an interpersonal level and with empty enigma, namely their new album in its final stages. if he didn’t want to be a trainee during the mgas, he certainly doesn’t want to be one now. and yet he can’t say no to joohyun, and a mutual pact that if he goes she’ll go. if that wasn’t enough, jinah encourages him to go, too. hehow does he always end up here?
at first, he makes the same mistake as he made with the mgas too: thinks there’s no way he has what it takes to get signed, and vows to do his best. he practices his dancing with joohyun, and it brings back memories of similar on the mgas, and maybe he’s even worse now. she does her best, and he’s grateful for her, but as the days go on, fear takes root. he fears another audition-- a contract in his hands. he fears stealing opportunity from others where he doesn’t want it. he can’t settle on a performance anyway until he decides he’ll just stand on stage with his guitar. he’ll sing and rap, but if he doesn’t dance, surely he can’t win. surely he’ll get to stand on stage, then go home, and return to his life as he knows it. (what is life as he knows it now? he doesn’t know.)
joohyun probably suspects as much when he doesn’t ask for her help with his dancing anymore, and when he plays guitar for her instead. sure, he could do both, but he won’t. he doesn’t tell her, either.
-- april 14 --
sundays at his mother’s church of choice are always filled with a certain tension for daniel. whether it happens or not, daniel always feels some kind of torn apart by her, and her friends, and the church that preaches less love and more perfection. still, he suffers through it for his family’s sake, and knowing that because he does this, his mother lets him go to church with his grandmother the other three weeks of the month.
the drive home is uneventful, and daniel relaxes, glad the worst part is over with. (but the worst is yet to come.)
they eat lunch, dad drifts away to do work, mina goes upstairs to her room, and it’s daniel and his mother. they clean up the table together, collecting dishes and silverware, and it’s when his mother passes him, returning from the kitchen back to the table, that she stops. she grabs him by the bottom of his ear, and he tenses on instinct, despite not knowing what comes next.
“are your ears pierced?” she asks, and her voice is equally piercing.
“yes...?” he answers, because the evidence is there. there’s no point in lying about this.
“why?” she has that look on her face: the raised eyebrows, the tongue laced in criticism, the heavy, inevitable disappointment. “daniel, where have you been?”
what lie does he spin now, to join the others? i’m going to study, i’m going to work, i’m going to the library, i’m going to haknyeon’s, i have work, all to cover up empty enigma shows and rehearsals and album preparation and friends she wouldn’t approve of and the fact that he’s raising a dog with a girl that she does like, if he remembers right. when does it stop?
now, he decides, finally. he is carrying too much weight around. soon his chest will cave in, if he doesn’t get rid of something. this has to be it. “mom, i have...a lot to tell you.”
so he does. he tells her that he loves music, and that he’s in a metal band-- about empty enigma, and that they’re his best friends, some of the best people he’s ever met. he tells her it’s been a year and a half, that he hasn’t been going where he’s told her, that he’s been performing shows, and going to rehearsal, and working on an album, but that his grades are still good-- that he can handle it-- that it’s okay.
she looks at him in silence for long, deafening seconds. his ears ring, and he meets her gaze, not fearless, but anticipating. “okay,” she breathes at last, and he lets out a breath of air the tension kept in his lungs. “i’ve raised you how i thought i should. it’s your life, and you’re old enough to make your own choices, so you can do what you choose with it.” he’s so relieved. is that it? he gets his hopes up.
“but,” and it comes crashing down again. he hangs on every word. “if you want to do this, you won’t do it while under my roof.”
he expected it. no, he expected worse, really. in this there is a promise that their relationship will continue as it has so long as he moves out, and if he’s going to make choices without her approval, that he needs to take steps to be entirely independent. as the moments stretch on, he thinks it’s fair. he understands, and if she can’t accept this about him ( oh god, there’s so much worse she might need to accept) then he doesn’t want to live with her anyway.
“okay,” he agrees, but it still stings.
he doesn’t have an apartment, and he doesn’t know what to do, so he calls the first person he thinks of-- the first place he would want to go in a situation like this: ha sungwoon.
he doesn’t hesitate as long as he should. he calls, and when sungwoon picks up, he resists the word sorry on the tip of his tongue. “so, i told my mom about the band. she wants me out of the house today. do you guys...have space for me on your couch?”
-- after --
it’s not as bad as it could be. it’s not as bad as he expected, daniel, always expecting the worst. the empty enigma members are still his best friends, and they still assure him that it’s no trouble-- still welcome him with open arms, and he claims he isn’t upset. he doesn’t think he is, but he knows he needs them, anyway.
it’s not even as bad with sungwoon as it could be. maybe they’ve gotten their awkwardness out of their system, as much as they tried to play it off like nothing was wrong in front of the other guys to avoid questions. he doubts they succeeded, given the sheer amount of concern for sungwoon daniel has been unable to shake since his birthday, trying to tiptoe the line of taking advantage of his feelings and treating him the same as he did before. by the time he’s sleeping on his couch, though, things feel almost normal, or he can delude himself into thinking so.
kenta helps him with apartment hunting, and minhyun makes sure he’s eating well, and jihoon offers his own form of support, in his typical nonchalant jihoon way, or maybe daniel just finds the consistency he brings comforting in a time of such turbulent change.
he still feels that weight on his chest, though unveiling his secrets to his mother provided some relief. maybe it’s spending so much time around sungwoon that makes it progressively harder to breathe, or the ever-present fear that he’s overstaying his welcome with his friends, or his sudden dissatisfaction with the song he’s practiced for the triple threat challenge, on top of everything else, but eventually he just needs to speak. minhyun becomes his unfortunate victim, and he tells him everything-- not naming names, of course, and the burden becomes easier to carry when it’s shared with someone else. he’s grateful.
still, he considers backing out of the triple threat challenge altogether. he just doesn’t know if he’s up for it, and yet there’s some tiny flame in his soul that craves the stage again, as daniel, away from empty enigma and his storm of feelings and fears surrounding them. so, he does what’s natural: overhauls his performance and starts preparing a new song five days before the performances.
he doesn’t have anything against empty enigma; he loves them with all of his heart, actually, but he’s introverted, and spending so much of his time around four other guys takes its toll, not even considering the one that’s in love with him whom he himself has undetermined feelings for (???). he wants to perform without them, and this seems like his best chance.
so he’ll do it, and he’ll do it with confidence, throwing caution to the wind.
-- after --
even with all of the performers preceding him, and their talent, he isn’t shaken. it’s different from the mgas; he doesn’t feel so out of his element here, though he’s far from a triple threat. he never claimed to be, and he won’t. instead, he feels oddly settled-- ready, even as he cheers for joohyun and tries to maintain his composure during her performance. he sees other familiar faces too, both among the performances and those who haven’t performed just yet.
they call him up to wait backstage, and he does, trusty guitar hung over his shoulder, fingers tapping on the body of it, without a pick-- just him, his guitar, and his voice. just daniel, though maybe he’ll bring a little bit of cameo too.
he’s up next, and he strides onto the stage, and grins when he looks out over the crowd. empty enigma’s venues are always smaller-- darker lit. this is more reminiscent of the mgas, and he feels at home instead of daunted (though maybe still a little daunted.)
“i’m kang daniel,” he greets. again. do you remember me? he wouldn’t be surprised if no one remembers, but he hopes they do. “this is an ed sheeran song.” he’ll leave the title as a mystery for now.
he starts strumming, a quiet sound, and launches into the rhythmic singing-rapping style:
cause with the lyrics i'll be aiming it right
i won't stop until my name's in lights
with stadium heights, with damien rice
on red carpets, now i'm on arabian nights
because i'm young i know my brothers gonna give me advice
you need me, i don’t need you is a song with more spunk than daniel originally thought he was cut out for. who is he, someone no company has need of, to stand on stage and claim ‘you need me, i don’t need you?’ no one, really. he doesn’t know if he means it, though he doesn’t think he does need a big company to love music and succeed with it. empty enigma may be far from a famous, fortune-producing band, but they have their fans, and they have their heart in it, and that’s what matters to him. that’s what he wants to pursue, more than anything, and the longer he practiced this song, the more he believed it, even with all of its references he didn’t always understand-- even with its rapid-fire english that sometimes still felt more comfortable to him than korean.
but still, there’s very little time to breathe.
long nighter, right height and i gone hyper
never be anything but a singer-songwriter, yeah
the game's over but now I'm on a new level
watch how i step on the track without a loop pedal
he made small alterations to the lyrics during the preparation process to reflect him more, kang daniel, so it felt believable, because the song is nothing if not genuine. at it’s core, it’s about staying true to yourself, about not changing for others, and maybe he needed to perform this song instead of the one he practiced before it because it’s so relevant. it’s for his mom, and anyone that would look down on him for loving music, not just something cheeky to sing to tiger jk’s face, though that’s an added bonus. (maybe, once the familiar performance bravado fades, he’ll feel embarrassed. maybe the gall will disappear, and he’ll be left with that even more familiar, ever-present fear. for now, he doesn’t feel it.)
people think that i'm bound to blow up
i've done around about a thousand shows but
i haven't got a house plus i live on a couch
so you believe the lyrics when i'm singing them out
wow, from day one i've been prepared
with V05 wax for my silver hair
so now i'm back to the sofa giving a dose of
what the future holds
again, the relevancy. it’s only fitting he sing-raps a song about living on a couch while literally doing so, and that he can sing this is evidence of his growth. he says silver hair, a reference to cameo, his still ultimately secret empty enigma stage persona, with ease, something that would’ve paralyzed him with fear around six months ago. for him, what the future holds is empty enigma’s album, and if this performance is at all impressive, they’re so much stronger together.
i’ve still got a rucksack full of old clothes, i rap with the cold flows
i’m back with the old jokes, in fact you don’t know ‘em
tracks that throw blows and make my punchlines relevant
if you can’t keep up you’re getting on my ???
my flow’s developing, skin lacks the melanin
give me a shot of adrenaline and i get it in
do it for the hell of it
‘cause ever since i hit the mainstream with team c i seem to sell a bit
yes, do it for the hell of it, like he’s doing this, right now. he wrote in a reference to his first team on the mgas, too-- team c, perhaps the only team that didn’t come up with a special team name that first week, replacing ed sheeran’s original mention of his first single, the a-team. it seemed only fitting, if this song is about his journey now, too, and he wants it to be so.
i took my ??? back with the women
then i package the image
put in some content, then i sold it back as a gimmick
the fact is this
end up dating actresses
wake up on dirty mattresses
i think i need to practice this
this is the part of the song he can’t relate to as much, because as flirtatious as he is when cameo is on stage, and in the after-parties after, he does not wake up on dirty mattresses (except for that one time.) he didn’t rewrite it though, instead, keeping it in to keep the rhythm the same, and because it just seemed to suit the song. it wasn’t worth changing.
the song is so fast, he doesn’t get a moment to rest from it, his mouth spitting line after line one after another. when he first started practicing, his tongue felt heavy in his mouth, like he was having an allergic reaction, and maybe he isn’t really a good enough rapper for this. maybe he didn’t give himself enough time to practice (though he already knew the song well before he even considered performing it, so that helped). in the end, it’s fun, and that’s what matters most.
the next part might be his favorite:
but i make shit happen, call me a laxative
world’s on my shoulders, i don’t even know what atlas is
hot bars sharp like the cactus is
i’m back to rapping back to back ‘cause i’ve been practicing
i’m baptizing this
if only because he gets to say shit in front of tiger jk, and he will bear the consequences, should they come. he’s already censoring the song further down the line, and if he’s going to be ballsy enough to sing this song in the first place, he’ll be ballsy enough to sing the word shit, damn it. the whole world was on his shoulders before he stepped on this stage, but he feels lighter now, suddenly, and he’s been practicing too. rapping wasn’t a skill he really knew he possessed until now, but one he found himself enjoying, and dare he say, with a natural knack for. maybe some of that empty enigma screaming transferred over, and he wouldn’t be daniel without some reference to christianity, would he?
finally, the chorus comes, and it’s the closest thing to a break he gets, returning to the more familiar comfort of all out singing.
cause you need me, man, i don’t need you
you need me, man, i don’t need you
you need me, man, i don’t need you at all
you need me, man, i don’t need you
you need me, man, i don’t need you
you need me, man, i don’t need you
you need me, man, i don’t need you, no
it’s the first time he sings the words, and what the guitar crescendoed to up until now, and he keeps a confident, borderline smug look on his face-- tries to look toward tiger jk and make eye contact. if he’s going to do it, he might as well sell it. he’s heard the ceo appreciates boldness. maybe he’ll entertain him, at the very least. or maybe the ceo will think it’s massively disrespectful. time will tell.
i'll keep my last name forever, keep this genre pretty basic
gonna be breaking into other people's tunes when i chase it
and replace it with the elephant in the room with a facelift
slipping into another rapper shoes using new laces
i'm selling CDs from my rucksack aiming for the papers
selling CDs from my rucksack aiming for the majors
nationwide tour with just jack, still had to get the bus back
clean cut kid without a razor for the moustache
another opportunity for him to change the lyrics to something to better suit him, because he admittedly doesn’t know what just jack is. his guess is a band that ed sheeran toured with, but he couldn’t come up with something that suited both himself and the song, so he kept it. empty enigma hasn’t done a nationwide tour, anyway; they’re all just big dreams. they’ll still just be selling cds from a rucksack and aiming for the majors.
i hit back when the pen hurts me
i'm still a choir boy in a thin church tee
i'm still the same as a year ago
but more people hear me though
according to the naver and youtube videos
lyric changes this time: fenchurch to thin church, taking a brand name he didn’t understand to something that reflects his background, and how his first real introduction to music was in church-- how he first sang in a church choir and his mom only let him listen to christian music for the longest time. he changed myspace to naver, something more time-relevant and daniel relevant. a year ago was before he set foot on the mgas-- before he even knew he loved music, while he still wasn’t even sure if he loved empty enigma. he still thought it was all a phase, and something he’d escape from, eventually returning to a life of safety and monotony. even with the events of 2019, he’s still glad for that year of difference. he’s thankful.
the guitar all but cuts out, nothing but daniel’s voice and a few accents from strings for the next part:
i'm always doing shows if I'm not I'm in the studio
truly broke, never growing up, call me rufio
melody music maker, reading all the papers
they say i’m up and coming like i'm effing in an elevator
ah yes, there it is: the elevator line, something he would not have the courage to sing by himself in the bathroom, let alone on stage in front of tiger jk and at least 100 people, were it not for the power of cameo. with this extra bravery, he sings it casually, as if it’s the same as the other hundred lines he’s spit. what’s more important: he’s been working his ass off for music, as the lyrics suggest, and he’ll find fulfillment in that, with or (preferably) without trc’s help, that much is certain.
in comes the final hit of the chorus, the figurative sigh of relief and sign of his two minutes up on stage, jam-packed with content, coming to a close. it’s the explanation point on the end of a performance he poured his heart into, both now and leading up to this.
'cause you need me, man, i don’t need you
you need me, man, i don’t need you
this week was daunting to say the least. while it was only right for them to do a song by their legendary sunbaes, myname,, it was also a lot of pressure. they needed to do justice to the performance, after all, and myname were no joke when it came to dancing and performing live. living up to that would be more than difficult, so that meant killing himself with practice, yet again.
this month was a never-ending cycle of that slaving style of training and rehearsing, it seemed. he had to really work to try to maintain his spot in the safe team, which meant honing in on his weaknesses so they weren’t so weak anymore. he had done his best up until the project to improve his dancing, and slowly but surely it had come to be acceptable, but acceptable wasn’t good enough anymore.
he just hoped ricky could see how hard he was trying here, how much work he was pouring into these performances to keep up when needed, and shine when needed. ricky was one of the other trainees that he knew was stressed out over this project and definitely slaving to meet a certain expectation. if hugo thought his own situation was bad, he couldn’t imagine the pressure ricky was under right now. hugo runs through the chorus one more time, no music, doing his best to finish his moves, then looks to ricky through the mirror for confirmation, wordlessly. they had done this too many times already, he didn’t even need to speak anymore.
