lost stars

astronomy in reverse; it was me who was discovered. ( roleplay, selective. )

[junieses]

which tarot card are you?

you got: the moon

You’re deeply creative and intuitive, and many people find you mysterious. You can be manipulative and have a dark side that you’re good at hiding, and maybe have a few skeletons in your closet. That said, there’s a distinct dreamlike quality about you — some might even say psychic.

tagged by @pullstrings​

[junieses]

tagged by @ghostchases​!

lily yoon // cancer

FEELINGS :

nostalgia — you wish and you remember and you want to return to places you’ve left long ago, soul stitched to rooted memories that sometimes you wish you could forget. a hole in your chest, an aching in your bones, an emptiness you don’t know how to fill as you sink into your bed or stand on the street, waiting for time to return you to where you once were. you are a collection of passport stamps and immigration visas and lucid star fields and imaginary gods and something, something more the universe has forgotten to explain.

depression — a meaningless world, meaningless humans, your own meaningless existence. you see a darkness without stars, falling further, further down. you are drowning in the sea except the sea is circling around your throat and you are watching everyone through stained glass waters, wondering what it’s like to breathe, wondering what it’s like to be free. everything you do is an impossibility, a mistake. sometimes the crevices of your apartment are your only solace for days on ends, turning rooms, letting cobwebs drape themselves in dusty, ignored corners.

anxiety — twined fingers, eyes that turn away, shaking limbs. the urge to run away. the bile crawling up your throat. the way your heart hammers in your chest and sweat drips down your temple, suddenly you’ve lost the ability to speak, words curled in your throat, stuck, choking. your face is filling with the heat of the loss of everything you ever wanted to say and the tears, too, are rising to meet your lashes.

joy — a feeling you will always surrender yourself to. unbridled, bright, like a sun breaking through parting storm clouds. it’s unpracticed, unprepared, and envelopes you without hesitation. your heart swells again like it’s never forgotten how to, your chest full and warm, so easy. the sadness washes away all at once, like a long-due flood.

COLORS :

light apricot — warm, muted, boring to some. a familiar color that easily blends into most.

white — purity, death, the glow of a field of dying stars contrasting the endless universe, you used to call something home once.

black — the evening sky, a necessary opposite to light, an overwhelming shadow looming over her shoulder. a familiar color to most, but it takes a softer tone with her.

SCENTS :

lavender — calming. sedative. common. the type that can lull a soul into peaceful slumber. too much can be too much.

CLOTHINGS :

you are flowing dresses and scattered jewelry and brimming hats that hide you from the harsh sun rays in the midst of warm springs and simmering summers; you think perhaps this is a masquerade for something you are not and you wish to be and you hate to be all at once.

you are bundles of layers and tights and boots when a frigid winter sets in, a little being trying so hard to keep warm in the unforgiving cold. there are mittens on top of red, frosted fingers and scarves to hide an always vulnerable face.

OBJECTS :

an acoustic guitar — one of the things she’s carried with her over the years, as if it’s taken in all the years she’s spent wandering and wishing. she often uses it for busking during the in-between hours, begging for loose change or any sign of her missing siblings. on nights when things are overwhelming, it’s one of her only comforts.

a silver star anklet — it was a gift to herself from a long time ago, from when she was wandering the streets of hong kong and this cheap little trinket caught her eye. its simplicity and pattern remind her of all she’s lost and must find once again.

BAD HABITS :

surrendering to her feelings or lack thereof, when even getting out of bed to get a cup of water feels like too much. when her room becomes the safe haven from the rest of the universe; perhaps within those four walls, she feels safe.

covering up her feelings because the anxiety is too much for her bones to bear, the tightness of her chest and sweat gathering in her palms. if she is honest, who is she hurting? if it’s herself, it’s okay, but anyone else is unacceptable.

fussing over other people sometimes far too much, particularly when she’s feeling lonely or wanting validation for doing something “good.”

pitying herself as if nothing else exists but her and her struggles.

BODY LANGUAGES :

a smile, small or wide. the way to lower others’ guard around her, the way to get people to like her faster.

fingers twined together that make her feel safer, the creation of distance between her and the speaker. the further away they are from each other, the less it can hurt, right?

dainty, traditionally feminine body posture to make herself seem smaller to others, perhaps being seen as a lady. after all, someone uncouth is disliked, right?

AESTHETICS :

a night of endless starfields suspended in space, the endless and boundless universe, lightyears away from where she’s standing on earth.

a guitar in a young girl’s lap, arms circling it carefully like it’s a precious thing that must not be broken.

a passport full of stamped pages and crumpled visa slips. a rolling luggage with a character tag looped into the top handle. an airline boarding pass crinkled in her palms.

an ocean of undulating waves, rolling gently into each other.

SONGS :

lost stars -- begin again ost

rain -- taeyeon

the fragrance of rice -- jay chou