Birds Aren’t Real

And neither am I Lex | 30 | CA | Been here since 2011

[victusinveritas]

Step 1: Remove filters in Reflecting Pool because Obama put them in.

Step 2: Give your criminal neighbor who runs "Greenwater Services" a $20 million no-bid contract to paint the pool.

Step 3: Fill the pool with water from the Potomac River, the phosphates from which cause algae blooms.

Step 4: Freshly sealed pool and extreme heat result in a super scum event

Step 5: Direct National Park Service to dump hydrogen peroxide into the pool which causes the paint to peel.

Step 5: Deploy US National Guard to stop people from taking photos of the swamp as a perfect metaphor for the administration.

[creepymutelilbugger]

you know I never put it together that he built his platform on draining the swamp and then like went and made a swamp and now refuses to drain it

[log6]

I'm not gonna lie the secret to success for a great many people is absolutely stimulant abuse

[luulapants]

Wait hold on what was that

[placeholdername-1]

[raylangivins]

[e-wifey-deactivated20201128]

people understand that Spanish speakers speak different dialects of the Spanish language but don’t understand that black people speak a dialect of the English language

[yellowjuice-deactivated20190512]

saw a variation of this conversation on twitter earlier

[brainstatic]

I just want to state for the record that this is completely uncontroversial among linguists. It’s the first day of sociolinguistics class.

[molabuddy]

3 hours of sleep = i hate people who laugh

0 ours of sleep = waouw 🌼🌼🌼🌼🐎

[molabuddy]

we all need to take better care of our selfs or we might Pass away

[thisfeebleheart]

when Shane takes over and arranges Ilya legs...

[lousolversons]

how do you reconcile with liking morally imprehensible content and problematic media?

i dont reconcile w anything bc i dont give a shit thanks for sending me this batshit ask tho

[yellow-cat]

do u think i can go for a run today or is that something only normal people are allowed to do

[thisisdogs]

weird animals run all the time dude

[yellow-cat]

im going to go for a scamper and scare everyone

[letmebegaytodd]

Overheard in the office hallway between two older businessmen:

“Don’t you dare pull my shirt up, I have a meeting.”

[letmebegaytodd]

You know what happy pride to those two guys

[letmebegaytodd]

[batrachised]

love the phrase "but I digress." yes I temporarily got lost in the moors I wander in my mind but don't worry I'm self-aware about it

[lillagrim]

[relelvance]

In what world is tall muscular man not conventionally attractive

[piedude]

We've all been down here too long. I truly think there's a chunk of tumblr's population that can no longer survive sunlight.

[reagan-slayer69]

women will say “hear me out” and show u a photo of pyramid head and then tumblr users will go “this is a perfectly normal man and an ice cold take”

[talisidekick]

A while back my pharmacist saw my deadname on my profile and accidentially called it out, he corrected and deleted my deadname from the system so only my preferred name shows up now. There was a crowd of people behind me, so as he hands over the pills he apologized, in equal tone and volume as when he called my deadname and lied saying it's been a long day and he didn't mean to call out -his own- name. I quietly told him it was fine and he didn't need to do that for my sake.

His response: "No, it's my name now."

I went to the pharmacist yesterday, his nametag is my deadname. He informed me he's immigrating and in the process he's changed his first name to my deadname to have an English sounding name. That's why he's now able to get a reprint of his nametag to be my deadname. And repeated, with the intense seriousness of someone who is going to die on this hill: "It's mine now. Not yours. I'm taking." His tone indicated that decision is final.

Bro literally deadnamed me once, and has committed to flat out stealing my deadname. It's his now. Legally. Officially. I over heard his co-workers call him by the name.

[achillesinhighheels]

[origami-butterfly]

We can't live like this

[my-dailydreams]

[fhauly]

repeat after me: i am a sexy bitch and no one ruins my 2014

[heirtocragflame]

I am a sexy bitch and no one ruins my 2014

[redpandarascal]

in conversation about white people who go to Japan and expect their knowledge of anime to culturally carry them, I was once posed with “it’s like if there was a Japanese guy who was obsessed with spongebob and came over here and thought he could get by just communicating in spongebob quotes.” This is a false equivalence because if such a man existed we would crown him king. We’d love him. Americans would fucking love that. sometimes I get sad that this isn’t a real guy I can invite to a party.

[hong--zhi--zhu]

[frustratedasatruar]

[ilfascinodelvago]

[voluptama]

butt types

© Viktor Hertz

[lurker-no-more]

This is my new favorite thing, ngl. 🍑✨🍑