Struggling adult

one broken Human

[just-old-hag]

"What's the bravest thing you ever said?"

"Help."

[just-old-hag]

Hey. Hello.

I hope you are having a day. Not good, not bad but just a day.

I pinpointed the source of all my worries, but now I have no idea what to do with it. Like, I know how's this got broken but how do I fix it? Cause when you are an adult everyone just stops caring. It's all about the kids and teens anyway.

(It's not like I don't support kids getting help, there are many situations that make the kids need all available help and they totally should get it if it's available for them ❤️)

But I just feels tossed aside as an adult. When you don't fit the standard you're just a waste. And nobody cares.

All my life i was running away from my family's restrictions - "don't do this, don't do that, study well" and when I got away I made some bad decisions. And since I pushed everyone away now I'm all alone.

I really deserve all the bad things that happen to me.

Every day is just a confirmation of this that I should just disappear.

I just waste air.

[just-old-hag]

I don't want to be here anymore.

I hate my life.

I hate it here.

I want to disappear.

[just-old-hag]

Hello everyone.

Hmm... It's two days till Christmas. I kinda don't like how empty it became for me when it comes to any type of holidays. I came home and the first thing I did after coming back was cleaning, it was like a subconscious action.

I think I could kinda keep everything together when it comes down to my debts. I really did. I tried to find some side jobs or even better paying jobs. Nothing worked. I know all my worries are boiling down to money.

But I can't ask for help. Everything is too late. And my dad is kinda focusing on himself, I can't just spring up on him this issue.

It's not hyper independence. It's forced independence. Why? Because you have to take responsibility for your mistakes.

Either fix it or die. No in between.

[betweenmee]

[whatafrenchmistake]

[cedar2bug]

[iikelyy]

nobody lol

[just-old-hag]

Hello world.

I'm alive. Sadly.

It's just everything is being difficult, especially now in December. God it's supposed to be the end of the year not some next circle of hell.

Soon it'll be two years since my ex broke up with me. I'm surprised to see that so much time already passed - I didn't feel this at all. I think I'm on some type of aroace spectrum. Because I don't feel bad being single at all. I need to read up more tho on this...

[perfectquote]

“I must learn to love the fool in me - the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries.”

— Theodore Isaac Rubin

[mothprincess]

[chillpotato]

- Mahmoud Darwish from 'Memory for Forgetfulness: August, Beirut c. 1982 (tr. Ibrahim Muhawi)

[just-old-hag]

[just-old-hag]

Hi

I thought I'll be better. That I won't need this place any more.

Surprise - here I am.

Stuff is not even black and white anymore. I feel like everything is just a big splash of grey. No good, no bad. Just... Grey.

I don't know if this even is a vent post. I don't know if I'm capable of such strong emotions anymore. I just met some of my old friends today. And I felt so.... Behind? I don't know if it's the proper word, became that would suggest we were moving in the same direction. I feel like I was on a whole different lane compared to them, but!

Remember, it's not good to compare yourself with other people.

I'm an exception tho.

So ye. More to come.

[erosedits]

intp is someone with the introverted, intuitive, thinking, and prospecting personality traits. these flexible thinkers enjoy taking an unconventional approach to many aspects of life. they often seek out unlikely paths, mixing willingness to experiment with personal creativity.

[deviousspleen]

@just-old-hag

[just-old-hag]

Nooo that's impossible xD

[just-old-hag]

Good afternoon everyone,

I hope you are feeling comfy today ❤️

Oh.... And trigger warning! Sensitive topics ahead!

I recently left my old job. Today I had a panic attack because I was scared that I won't find anything new. I talked with the best person ever @deviousspleen (❤️❤️) and she calmed me down despite being in rough situation herself.

Now I'm kinda motivated to find something nice, I hope.

But I'm just scared that I'm worthless. That in order to qualify even as a person I need to prove my worth. And me being jobless makes me wanna disappear. It's not like I'll be jobless for the rest of my life, my debts wouldn't allow me. But i just feel like a furniture, or a tree. You know it's there but in the end you don't care.

[just-old-hag]