A wee Scottish blog

There will be swearin. If ye wee bawbags cany handle it, dinnae follow me. Lad, he/him but any pronouns will dae, ya weirdo

[just-shower-thoughts]

When approaching an intersection and the light turns yellow, it technically doesn’t matter which pedal you press. Just pick one and press it hard.

[just-scottish-responses]

Dinnae press the clutch pedal pal ye'r gonnae crash n gonnae die

[just-shower-thoughts]

It’s weird that no one ever seems to get nosebleeds on both nose at once

[just-scottish-responses]

Depends if ye get intae a lot o fights

[just-shower-thoughts]

Somebody completely made up dinosaur sounds. No one has ever heard one.

[just-scottish-responses]

We've heard the soonds yer maw makes and that's as close as we gonnae get tae a real dinosaur

[just-shower-thoughts]

Just think in 100 years trillionairs will go see the shipwreck of the billionaires that went to go see the millionairs shipwreck.

[just-scottish-responses]

There is na shipwreck mate. That thing imploded intae a billion pieces ye'r nae gony find anything

[just-shower-thoughts]

Professor X’s mind is powerful that he can move anything with it except his legs.

[just-scottish-responses]

The man is a telepath ye fucking wallaper he doesnae have telekinesis

[gotitforcheap-deactivated201611]

if you’re american and coming to australia, I’m gonna go ahead and say that you should be 100 percent way more worried about being king hit by a dude named “dane” in a bintang singlet than any fucking spiders that exist here

[marimopet]

what does this say in english

[merinnan]

“Good sir, if you are a resident of the United States of America and coming to visit the sunny land of Australia, allow me to inform you that you should be rather more concerned about being sucker punched by a gentleman named ‘Dane’ who is likely to be seen wearing a wifebeater with a beer company logo on it than by any of the dangerous spiders that exist on this lovely continent”.

[myangelofthelord]

ok so what does it say in american

[merinnan]

“You’re more likely to get sucker punched/cold-cocked by an asshole than you are to be bitten by a spider”.

[star-spangled-jackass]

thank you

[you-or-your-memory]

Well rattle my spoons, that don’t make a lick of sense. Wot in tarnation does this hootenanny say?

[flubz]

“If ya mosey on by Australia, you best be fixin’ to get to some fisticuffs more'n checkin fer spiders.”

[operationsc]

This is a Rosetta Stone for a single language

[world-heritage-posts]

world heritage post

[shower-thoughts-last-responder]

@just-scottish-responses can we know what it would say in Scots please?

[just-scottish-responses]

If ye're american an ye aff tae go tae oz ye shoud be 100 percent more worried that ye're bein jabbed by a pal named "dane" in a vest wit a bevvy logo than any wee fuckin spiders that bide there

[just-shower-thoughts]

No one ever thinks the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles smell bad, despite them living in the sewer.

[just-scottish-responses]

They're giant mutated tortoises huddin ninja weapons mate who's gaunae tell thaim tae their face?

[just-mushroom-thoughts]

Hey british people, @pyre-the-thing your the only confirmed brit i know, if these :🍪 are biscuits

What do you call these?

[pyre-the-thing]

Those look like crumpets to me.

Edit: they are called scones, I got the names confused because I have 6 braincells. Thanks @thuidium-delicatulum in the notes I am not very smart.

[just-mushroom-thoughts]

Ok. That sounds like a made up word but at least you arnt the person claiming their scones

Edit: i hit post and then yours updated :( they arnt scones :(

[pyre-the-thing]

They literally are tho?!

That looks exactly like the image.

[just-mushroom-thoughts]

Then what are these?!?!

[pyre-the-thing]

Probably also scones

[just-mushroom-thoughts]

... the british are right about fairy lights and candy floss but wrong about biscuits and cookies, confirmed

[pyre-the-thing]

How on earth are we wrong about biscuits and cookies?! There is no way on earth a scone is a biscuit, biscuits are more on the crunchy side and are sometimes a bit powdery, meanwhile scones tend to be softer and airier; with cookies being somewhere in the middle between the soft scone and the powdery cookie. At least that is how I have always seen it.

[just-mushroom-thoughts]

A biscuit is a puffy airy bread, a scone is a triangular hard pastry and a cookie is a type of baked good encompasing macarons to chocolate chip

[pyre-the-thing]

I think you may have biscuits and scones backwards.

[just-mushroom-thoughts]

No. No i do not . The British do

[pyre-the-thing]

Scones originated in Britain (specifically Scotland), so we have it right.

[just-mushroom-thoughts]

@just-scottish-responses you get territory here, which is a scone this:

Or this;?

[just-scottish-responses]

First ane looks like a biscuit an the second ane looks like a scone tae me

[just-shower-thoughts]

Life is an open world PVP, full-loot permadeath game that’s P2W

[just-scottish-responses]

Canae believe a’m sayin this but ye might be playin too many video games mate

[just-binch-thoughts]

If you treat life like a video game you are living it wrong and you need to see a therapy about it right fucking now. Also hi Scottish

[just-scottish-responses]

A think ye're correct also hi binch

[just-shower-thoughts]

Life is an open world PVP, full-loot permadeath game that’s P2W

[just-scottish-responses]

Canae believe a'm sayin this but ye might be playin too many video games mate

[just-shower-thoughts]

You’ve never seen a microwave commercial. Yet almost every household has one.

[just-scottish-responses]

Makes sense a'v ne'er had tae buy a microwave. A dae have ane but it belong it tae the previous cunt that owned the place

[just-shower-thoughts]

2/3 events in the tri-wiazard tournament must have been incredibly boring to watch in person

[just-scottish-responses]

Th entirety o harry potter is incredibly boring mate how come ye'r still posting it ilka day?

Shut yer gob ya wee fanny

[just-shower-thoughts]

A persons favourite number is never a negative number

[just-scottish-responses]

Folk are trying tae be positive mate stop makin life mair difficult

[just-shower-thoughts]

Noses are meant to be picked since fingers fit perfectly into the nostrils.

[just-scottish-responses]

What a perfect lovely coincidence pal mah fist fits perfectly intae yer face

[just-shower-thoughts]

You are never truly alone. Your 39 trillion microbes always keep you company.

[just-scottish-responses]

Sounds lit a pairtie mate. A'm givin them aw names

[just-scottish-responses]

College advice, please.

A dinnae ken how come ye'r asking me a'm the worst person tae ask this tae. Mate a've ne'er even sat foot in a university

[just-shower-thoughts]

Opening food packages that sound like dog treat packages must make your pet think you’re eating their snacks and not sharing

[just-scottish-responses]

If ah open a packet o crisps n dinnae give mah dug some he looks at me lit ah betrayed his ancestors