I don´t know since when I had Feelings for Barry. He slowly sneaked into my heart, while I was still grieving over Ronnie. He helped me to overcome my fear for the pipeline, he showed me how to have fun and live a life again. He always been there for me and saved me, even if he needed saving to. Trough all the months he slowly became my number one priority. But not just helping the Flash, also Barry himself. And while I was falling more and more for him, I had to follow how he fell more and more for Iris, even when she rejected him.
I began to hide my emotions and then to look them away. I didn´t wanted to feel any more pain. That was the reason why it was so easy for Killer Frost to take control over me. And again, it was Barry who helped me back.
Killer Frost was the only one who knew. It´s really hard to hide things for your second identity. She always tried to help me and tried to get me to tell Barry about my feelings, but she never succeed. I was too scared of how the others would react. I mean Westallen was the ship number 1! Even Supergirl shipped it.
That´s what I was thinking about while I was cleaning my lab. I was so in thoughts that I didn´t noticed Barry who was walking up to me. He tapped me on the shoulder and I jumped. I was so close to transform.
“What the hell?! Barry?! Don´t scare me like this”. “I´m sorry, Cait” he says. “I didn´t mean to scare you, I was just-” he stops. I look at him and see the tears in his eyes. I come down immediately. “Barry, is everything okay” I say touching his arm but he pulls away. “Barry are you fine?”
“No” he answers warily. “I- I wanted to talk to someone and you were the first I could think about” I can not help but blush.
“Iris and I had a fight” he proceeds. Oh no, is he really talking about his girlfriend right now?! I´m sure you can´t get deeper into the friend zone I hear Frost in my head. “She was mad, because I spend so much time here with the team ….. and with you” He says and looks down. Oh Caity, do you see where this is going… I really try not to think about it. Cause when I do, I just get hurt, more than usually. “Iris has a problem with me being so close with Cisco and Frost and you. I love her so much, but sometimes she doesn´t understand what I am going trough. She doesn´t know what kind of pressure lays on someone like us, a Hero. These king of things I can´t talk about with Iris, but with the Team.” He looks so sad and I want to hug him so badly, but I´m sure he doesn´t want that. But then he takes my hand, leans closer and puts his head on my shoulder. “The thing is, Cait, I want to spend my life with Iris, but not like this. So I thought maybe you could talk with her and help her understand?” Within a second Frost takes the control, freezes his hand a bit and runs out. I couldn´t stop her.
Since my talk with Cait this morning and her strange escape, I was really confused. I just needed an advice from her on Iris but she completely freaked out and Frost freezed my hand. Thanks to my speed healing. Without it, I would have lost my hand. I got used to Frost taken the control to protect Cait, but this time there was nothing to protect her from. It was a normal safe situation.
I´m walking trough Star Labs searching for Cait. I wan´t to apologizes for whatever I did, even if I don´t know what I did. When I get into the cortex, there is no Cait. Instead of her, I find Frost. Much better, I say to myself. “Hey Frost” I say carefully “Please don´t freeze me again, I just want to talk.”
“What do you want Jerk? Are you here to hurt Caity again? Cause I´m not gonna let that happen.”
“I- I want to apologize for what I did. Although I´m not sure what this is or why you wanted to freeze my hand of.”
“You´re really not getting it what?!” she says frosty. I can´t help but look really confused. I have one idea what´s going on. “I know Caity is gonna kill me for this, but I have to tell you. She likes you. No that´s wrong. She loves you and that´s for quite a time now. You´ve always been there for her and helped her trough every life situation and protected her for whatever it costs. And she was always there for you and helped you. Her whole life revolves around you but you were always to fixed on Iris to notice her. And all these years, it's ruined her. I watched her fall apart for so long, but I can´t do this anymore. She means too much to me, to keep letting that happen. Now I take the back seat and let you Guys talk.”
And with these words, her hair is getting brown again, the blue lipstick is vanishing and Caitlin has the control again.
Her face turns red immediately and she tries to avoid eye contact. I need a second to get this whole stuff straight: Caitlin loved me the whole time and I never noticed. I never thought of her as more than just a friend, but now – I don´t know what to think.
I want to say something but she cuts me off.
“Barry please don´t say anything, I know that you will never ever feel the same way about me as I do about you and that you think you belong to Iris, but I don´t think so. You said it yourself, she doesn´t understand you and she never will like I do. So when will you wake up and realize that you belong me, not with her.” I look at her and tears are streaming down her face. I wipe one away but she turns away. “Barry, I´m begging you to just forget it and live on. I will do the same and maybe someday, I will feel not so broken anymore.” She says, stands up and wants to leave the cortex. I grab her hand and pull her back to me. Now she stands really close to me. I put a hand under her chin so she looks me in the eyes.
“What if I don´t want to forget this? I´m honest with you, Cait. I never thought of you that way, but now I do and it´s really confusing me. Cause there are this feelings that haven´t been there before and my heart is telling me to listen to them.”
“And what are they telling you?” she says coldly. Instead of answering, I just lean closer and kiss her. It´s not a passionate kiss, but an honest one.
“That´s what there telling me” I say “I´m not sure what this is gonna be and it´s not gonna be easy, but you where right.
I belong with you and you belong with me.” And with these words, I lean in for another kiss and this time she kisses back. We stand there for a half eternity but then I´m the one pulling back. “I think now I have to talk with iris.” I say.
“Oh I don´t think you have to”, Caitlin says and points behind me. I turn around and see a fist flying to my face.