insanity is...

"Saying humans are weird doesn't really encompass the full range of absurd behavior." -- Human Behavior & Cultures, Vol 1, forward.

[shillelaghofjustice-deactivated]

I see many posts in the Space Orcs tag depicting humans as super strong, oafish, barbarian types:

But consider: The Neanderthals spec'd into strength, but couldn't throw stuff. Homo Sapiens can throw stuff, but are not as strong. Since learning how to throw stuff, our warfare has essentially been a contest to see how far we can throw stuff at the enemy. From rocks, to spears, to bullets, to missiles, to one day lasers. Just about all cultures in the world hold accuracy in high regard. Some do appreciate raw strength, yes, but the weapons that ties us together are the spear and bow.

What if instead of giant hulking brutes, we are expert hunters/rangers? Rumor amongst the galaxy is that a Human can shoot the wings off a fly at one hundred meters. In the dark. With minimal training. What if that were uncommon for other species who evolved to rely on their strength, speed, or other senses, rather than the plain ability to hit something with a projectile?

XxX

Meet the Human. They are damn near impossible to kill. They can outlast just about anyone stamina-wise. They're not the strongest, nor the fastest, but don't ever corner one lest you witness the terror of adrenaline.

They can eat anything, adapt to just about any environment, speak just about any language.

When they pick their prey, it can try running, but it will only die out of breath.

It can try hiding, but the human will use clues left behind to track it to its hole.

And besides all that, they'll probably just ice you from a couple hundred yards and call it a day.

Meet the Human. Not a hulking barbarian, but a crafty, scrappy wastelander. The galaxy's most feared marksman.

(Now that we have that out of the way, I like to imagine that there's a hulking race of canines out there *cough*lycans*cough* that we're going to hit it off with the instant we show up on the galactic scene. They'll love us because we're not as breakable as the other species, and we give the best scritches. But also, we're stupidly aggressive for our size and they'll feel the need to protect us and absorb us into their packs. Then one day they'll read the history of earth dogs and just be like "oh.")

[homunculus-argument]

alien: So what did you specialise in?

human: adaptation.

alien: Adap- you can't do that. Adaptation is meant for the PROCESS of specialisation. You can't SPECIALISE in adaptation.

human: Sure I did. I'm actually the apex predator in every surface inch of my native planet.

alien: And every species you classify as human is capable of producing viable young? Where would the mixed-adaptation offspring even live?

human: Anywhere they want, really. External, genetic climate modifications are largely just for the aesthetics these days.

alien: What about temperatures? Could a human adapted to the coldest climate just move to the hottest region, or vice versa, and survive?

human: Oh yeah they do that a lot. They'll need to be taught how to properly equip proper tools, clothing and shelter maintenance in order to keep themselves to tolerable temperatures, but yeah.

alien: Tools and maintenance?

human: Yeah, there's machines that can make hot air cold, and cold air hot, so while outdoor survival is only possible temporarily, it's possible to make housing structures that are comfortable in any climate.

alien: I don't... I don't think that counts as "adaptation". That's not what natural adaptation means.

human: Actually humans don't consider it "natural" either. We kind of consider ourselves separate from other nature.

alien: Well that sure explains SOME human behaviour, but... That's not natural adaptation. That's not how any of this works.

human: Nah it works quite well. We've specialised in making tools and machines for adaptation.

alien: That's not how it works.

human: Nuh-uh. Is too.

alien: Are you SURE you're not specialised in being exhausting to deal with?

human: Well actually I'm a pursuit predator as well, so literally yes.

[garcavisconde]

Humans are now called “star children”.

It is common knowledge that all lifeforms, regardless of origin or existence or if they still exist, come from long-gone stars. By all accounts, there is no single existence that is not a “star child”, even thought there are many beings that do not believe they will ever deserve the title of being born from a star.

However, as the years and decades since humanity first discovered that they were never alone came by, the friends from other planets - or, for a better words, aliens - came to stop merely calling them human.

That did not happen on the span of a decade or two. It took maybe a hundred years for the first little one to decide that “star child” would be a name better fit for the common human. Slowly but surely, the title stuck, but not everyone will be able to tell you why that happenned.

Maybe it was because of their crooked hands, able to do so much with so little. Maybe it was their fascination for documenting everything, or maybe it was because of the hundreds of star patterns they loved to wear and decorate their spaceships with. Some even believe it was because of the human soul, and how it would stick to the physical plane even after death because it couldn’t understand that it was dead and it was time to say goodbye.

No, no. It wasn’t because of that. You see, they are not called star children for bringing wonder to everything. They are not called that because of their endurance, or their wits, or their imprudence. They are not called star children because their nature is extraordinary or so fantastical that the word “human” cannot fit it all inside. Every single creature, regardless of their intelligence, should be called a “star child” if that was the case, because every single living being is fantastical by merely existing.

There are aliens just as smart, just as strong, just as enduring and just as weird as the little humans and their crooked hands and their millions of libraries and their star patterns.

But when they invented a way for stars to live longer by harvesting their energy, and when wars arrived and they volunteered to take every single one they could to safety, and when they decided to dedicate their entire lives to caring of others, and when they terraformed planets that were too far gone, and when they documented every single living creature they ever found and when they debated the best ways to classify and understand them, and when they shared their art and when they made inventions so anyone could experience said art, and when they despite everything choose to keep their hopes up…

Oh, dear. That was a moment in which some of the aliens decided that “star child” would be a proper title, for only someone who remembered their origins and how they connected to other forms of existence, without ever thinking that they are better than the rest, could ever have been so stubborn to help.

And, soon enough, the humans accepted the title. They decided to stop arguing, for it was the better course of action, and embraced it. Now, the star children are most well-known for caring for their distant siblings. Not for how, many centuries prior, they once killed their own planet.

But star children are quite old, compared to the rest. And, as the oldest sibling, they must make sure no one will ever do the same mistakes they once did.

———-

Thank you for reading this! If you liked it, consider giving me a ko-fi or commissioning me! Links are in my fixed post. Have a lovely day! <3

[writing-prompt-s]

Humanity has become the mightiest species in the Orion Arm, with ten million colonies. In an effort to shake off human hegemony, several alien civilizations band together. As they wage war on mankind, one alien power decides to use a long-lost human colony for manpower: Earth.

[bookanimeart]

The Humans are Space Orcs story where aliens invade Earth and are driven off by the mythical creatures we didn't know actually existed is so awesome that it gave me an idea: Instead of fairies and stuff, it's SANTA.

[azureseraph]

So I just watched a video about how when animals are in trouble they go to humans for help. Whether it's instinctual, or they've learned from observation, or animals communicate with one another about this fact.

Now I don't know if this has been done before or not but I feel like this would be a great addition to the whole, "Humans are space orcs" or "The galactic handbook of humans" thing.

[imagineshazamlokimight]

So I was woken up by a siren and freaked the fuck out thinking Australia actually had sirens for like weather and bombs.

It was just the fucking street sweeper getting stuck in our street reversing and fucking around.

Half asleep humans panic over stupid shit. Our human monkey brains do not do well when groggy. It’s either continue to sleep or you’re like me and it runs away with horrible thoughts.

Like that fucking moth you get in your room that sounds like a robber ratting through your everything. Or that one piece of hair that moves on your face and WHOSH instant spider panic mode activate.

Humans are also easy to trigger. I can’t walk around a corner with out being surprised. I have learnt not to scream only the loud nose in hail. I inhailed rice up my nose when eating sushi doing that!

[what-even-is-thiss]

Human: So this is my home planet.

Alien: I don’t get it.

Human: What?

Alien: No offence but your species is cute but also terrifying.

Human: Thank you.

Alien: But this planet is so… normal. How did it evolve you lot?

Human: Well we live on every part of the planet so we have to…

Alien: Wait, you mean recently you’ve been able to inhabit every part of the planet through like eco-bubbles or something, right?

Human: Oh, no. We just went everywhere even before technology got out of control. Why, where did your species evolve? I just kind of assumed that everyone took over their whole planets first.

Alien: On… one specific mountain. Where a very specific berry grows. So wait you can just survive unsupported in a desert? In snow?

Human: Pretty much anywhere that has oxygen and food and doesn’t stay above 150F for long periods of time, yeah. We figure it out.

Alien: *goes pale* W- how?

Human: That’s what happens when omnivores go galaxy-brained. Adaptation!

[human-facts]

Fun Fact! Humans have a word for when mimics slip up while imitating them! It’s called ‘uncanny valley’!! It’s when humans recognize that a mimic isn’t quiiiite up to snuff!! It’s so cute that they’re able to understand things like that!! Even most sentient creatures can’t detect mimics, but humans have a whole word for it!! ^u^

[drharleyfquinn]

[whitexblackrose]

This is like a stereotype aliens would come up with for us just through watching our movies.

[i-aint-even-bovvered]

I like the idea that they don’t make contact because we’re actually fucking terrifying.

[digitaldiscipline]

“Humans are Space Orcs,” selected verses, text on screenshot, 2020

[minoacat]

I’ve been thoroughly enjoying the humans are weird theme on tumblr. Humans packbond, humans are space orcs, humans are from the death planet, all of it is a blast. So I wanna stick in my own addition here.

Humans are the clueless, ecstatic explorers. We’re the ones who have no idea what’s out there, make up what could be, and then  teach our kids about it like it’s fact until they get so excited that they go out and prove us hopelessly, hilariously wrong. We thought venus was a soda planet covered in oil and dinosaurs, and then when we sent a probe there, it melted. We spent half a century making movies and novels and radio broadcasts about martians that didn’t even exist. And that’s just in modern times.

So what if that’s the pattern? What if that’s what makes us great? Not our science, not our bonding, not our instincts or intelligence. No, it’s our tremendous ability to be wrong. And be absolutely pumped about the thing we’re wrong about

[uesp]

“My eyes have not seen, but my ears have heard that the dryskins give birth to their young live. I shudder at such a thought. These infants (the dryskin word for their hatchlings) are completely vulnerable and weak. They cannot even walk. My eyes narrow in confusion. How can such creatures survive into adulthood?”

–Excerpt from the writings of a Naga Argonian, studying the other races of Tamriel.

[astrangeenchantedboy]

thinking about when i was small, how my mom told me that pipe cleaners were just a tool until people started idly shaping things with them and it grew so popular that they were marketed as crafting materials. and that story about how the original frisbees were disposable pie plates that students flattened to throw. and how when i was a child i had a wooden mancala set with shiny, colorful stones, but on invention it was played with rocks and grooves dug into the dirt. and middle school, paper football and tic-tac-toe and mash and mad libs, games that just need pen and paper. and before that, games of pretend with pirates and princes and masked marauders. how at slumber parties after lights out, we used to whisper storytelling games, i say one sentence and you say the next. and shadow puppets. and the way all the kids in the neighborhood used to divide into teams and throw fallen pine cones at one another. and the floor is lava game, and the quiet game, and the games i play with my coworkers that are just words and retention. and "put a finger down" on the high school bus. and little girls clapping together, and how the first jump-rope was undoubtedly just a length of rope who knows how long ago, and how natural it is to play, how we seek play at every age and with any resources we have and with whatever time we can squeeze it into in a day. i'm not an anthropologist or a psychologist but i think after food and shelter and water and air what comes next is games and stories and laughter. i think that there is nothing -- not sex or fighting or forming unlikely bonds with animals -- there is nothing more human than to play.

[sharelessdrone]

Another “ humans are weird idea “

Imagine how the aliens would react to Halloween decorations.

Like , they come to visit and everything is going fine , humans are so interesting , look mostly kind and not threatening. And then they just see how a human begins to decorate their house with dead caskets of humans and other parts . Of course they notice it’s fake but still the fact that these beings just casually drop off the representation of a dead human somewhere around their living habitat and seem to enjoy it ..... horrors aliens .Not to mention some other humans that buy specialy made food that looks like - their- organs ,and eat it .

[wbqotd]

What do your non-human species find to be the weirdest trait humanity processes?

[writing-prompt-s]

Science fiction is full of first contact stories, but is there a such thing as LAST contact?  Decide exactly what that means, and write about it.

[elidyce]

It was too late, when the humans came. They were a young species, still exploring outwards, vital and thriving. 

We… were not. 

War had ravaged us, and sickness, and war once again, until our population dwindled beyond the point of recovery. We struggled against that, of course… we used genetic manipulation, and cloning, and even more desperate measures. None succeeded. When the humans came, we were sinking into apathy, only a few tens of us left. We had begun to discuss whether we should commit a mass suicide, or simply wait to fade away. 

And then the young species came, in their clumsy ships, and they asked us why we were so few. 

“We are becoming extinct,” we told them. “We have passed the point of recovery.” 

It is custom to avoid the races that are dying – once a species reaches the point of inevitable extinction, even war is suspended, and the fiercest enemy pulls back. The custom was born of plagues and poisons that could be carried forth from a dying world to afflict a healthy one, but it has the implacable weight of tradition now. After we are gone, after they have waited for the prescribed period of quarantine, there will be a fight for our world. Habitable worlds are few, and this is a good one, with plenty of free groundwater and thriving vegetation. It is a bitter thing to be grateful for the custom that allows us to die in peace, but we are grateful.

But the humans don’t know that custom, and they do not leave. They seem distraught, when we tell them we are dying, and try to offer their aid - but their technology is behind ours, and it is too late. When they realize that they can’t save us, though, they do something that bewilders us. 

Keep reading

[sparkwhorunswithwolves]

Hey, are there any humans are weird stories on ao3?