[aroace panic]

The side blog of @the-girl-who-lives-in-delusion13

[ya-boi-haru]

I just realised me saying "this is better than sex" is an incredibly, very low bar because... you know (is asexual)

[aro-ace-chaos]

I’m so tired of the “why do people hate aspecs, they aren’t doing anything?” argument. I know that it is an attempt to support us, but it fails so spectacularly to understand aromanticism, asexuality, and any other aspec identity that it’s actively frustrating.

We are doing something. We’re rejecting allonormative ideals and that’s a massive thing to do. We’re actively fighting not just to help other aspecs, but to help everyone, because amatonormativity (and allonormativity as a whole) hurt everyone. Single people who want to find a partner but can’t also deserve to be able to exist.

There are so many issues with the expectation of marriage, including:

A single income isn't enough to get by anymore

Having a spouse is almost necessary under the current medical system

Society shames and pressures people who are single to get into relationships constantly

Rejecting allonormativity means fighting against these things that hurt everyone.

So, no, aces and aros and other aspecs aren't "doing nothing." We're doing quite a lot.

[cosm1comet]

having a moment

[frog-on-top-of-a-log]

Fandom needs more aspec headcannons that actually get explored

There seems to be a weird phenomenon in fandom where people give their aro/ace headcannon to an unimportant side character or the one person that they don’t have a ship for. Every other character is shipped with another person and there is just one single person in their story and that is the aspec character.

And that is shitty for a few reasons.

You cannot only make the “boring” or ”undesirable” people aro/ace. It feels incredibly weird. Those are typically the characters that get sidelined in fics as well. There are outgoing aspec people. With friends and in some cases they are in relationships as well. They aren’t all shy introverted people or science geeks with no desire for a social life. But you don’t see that in fandom.

The other problem is that it seems like you cannot imagine an allo person being single. Choosing to stay single. Like the only way someone could be happy like that is if they were “incapable” of love and had to settle for what you perceive to be a lesser form of happiness.

You also often see the aroace label, but rarely aroallo or alloace headcannons anywhere. The aroace label just gets used as a “this character doesn’t date and is therefore unimportant” box.

The aromanticism and asexuality rarely gets explored any further than “doesn’t date, cannot give relationship advice” (which both isn’t always the case either). People just slap the label on a character they hate and don’t do anything with it. It feels like they are checking a box. “I’ve added an ace headcannon so I can’t be called aphobic”

[islavyou-art]

aroace sophie and fitz… something about both of them saying everything felt wrong when they were dating but they cared about each other so what could be wrong?

[cassiopeiaanonao3]

AroAce Rings!!!

I finally got my ace and aro rings after wanting them for Years and the amount of joy I feel wearing them and seeing them on my hands is unbelievable frrrr!!!!!!!!!! infinitely more epic than I expected (have yet to wear them in the wild tho, that'll be a feeling)

[strattistician]

I think Eva Stratt is aroace but doesn't know that. Not in a "she doesn't label herself" way (she doesn't), but she just thinks that she's normal and everyone else is weird as fuck

[aro-ace-culture-is]

AroAce culture is being told you must have a medical problem… by a gay person. Who would’ve been told the exact same thing NOT long ago at all.

.

[makomoriz]

no i don't. cheers

[redyanderefanhappily]

"It's a huge part of human life yet it gets erased in so many stories..."

What world is op living in and can I move there?

[aro-ace-culture-is]

Aroace culture is when friends or relatives announce that they are in a relationship and your first thought is "why tho?" followed immediately by "i don't really see the chemistry."

.

[magnetmite]

You ever listen to somebody complaining & think "maybe if you didn't see romance &/or sex as the be-all end-all of human connection you might actually be happy"?

[infiniteorangethethird]

anyone else feeling rather... annoyed at the way ppl have come to define and use queerplatonic and qprs? So many times I see ppl talk abt qprs saying they're "friendship but Deeper" or "a relationship strictly between friendship and romance" or "essentially romance lite/romance for aromantics" and like. A qpr definitely can be all that if the participants want that, but to say that this is THE definition of queerplatonic is actually going directly against the very goal for which the term was created. Queerplatonic was supposed to give us a word to be able to talk about relationships that don't fit neatly into the "romantic" and "platonic" boxes, whilst also deconstructing the relationship hierarchy and the idea that friendships are fundamentally lesser than romantic relationships. So can we please stop using qprs as a way to once again make friendships seem like a lesser form of relationship and to reinforce the relationship hierarchy? Please?

Afaik the original definition of a qpr was smth along the lines of "a relationship that doesn't fit the traditional boundaries of a friendship". By that definition? A loveless friendship would be a qpr. A "friendship" between two aplatonics would be a qpr. A friendship where they specifically feel less emotionally connected to one another than is expected of a "normal" friendship would be a qpr. Just like how queerness isn't fundamentally about love, queerplatonicism, i.e. queering the platonic, isn't fundamentally about "putting more love" into friendships. It can be, but it doesn't have to be.

[thewanderingace]

This is amazing to see. I'm gonna cry 😭. That's my aroace spaceman 😭👏

[chalroe]

i love aroace ryland grace. however, i dont think he knows this about himself so for the past decade he's probably been like "yeahhh i'll eventually settle down and find a special someone but i'm just too busy being a teacher to date or anything like that"

cut to when grace & rocky are on their way to erid and things have settled down a bit and he's just like.

oh thank GOD i do not have to ever do that

[vampyyrikosmos]

I love everyone who writes/draws/headcanons Grace as aroace.

I love those who imagine Eridian culture with no relationship hierarchy.

I love those who imagine Eridian culture with no distinction between romantic and platonic love.

I love those who understand that Rocky's love for Adrian doesn't diminish his love for Grace.

I love those who see Rocky and Grace as a queerplatonic relationship.

I love you those who see Rocky and Grace as friends.

I love those who think Grace realized his aroaceness because of Rocky.

I love those who think Grace knew it long before meeting him.

I love those who see Stratt and Grace as queerplatonic.

I love those who see Stratt and Grace as friends.

I love those who see that Stratt betraying Grace was devastating and important even with no romantic strings attached.

I love those who see both Stratt and Grace as aroace.

I love those who think Grace is aroace but never finds the words to describe it.

I love those who think Grace finds the term and everything clicks into place.

I love those who think Grace is sex or romance repulsed

I love those who think Grace is sex or romance favourable

I love aspec people who project onto Grace.

I love allo people who find Grace aroace.

I love you Project Hail Mary fandom for making me and many other aspec people feel seen in a way not many fandoms do.

[sternenschaukler]

I know people mean well when they try to argue against arophobes with the argument of "We don't feel romantic attraction, but aros can still love their friends and family!" Or argue that "Aces can still feel romantic love and want relationships!" as a response to acephobes.

But please don't. It's technically correct, but also a terrible response in that situation. Judging a person's worth by their capacity to love, in any type of way, is dehumanizing. Not everyone feels love, or even strong emotions in general, and it doesn't make them a bad person. Same as feeling love doesn't automatically make one a good person.

Tl,dr: We shouldn't try to prove our worth by arguing how "normal" or how similar to allos we are

[oversteeped-tea]

i think stories without a romantic subplot are so important actually because i didn’t even realize how much internalized aphobia i had rolling around in there until i saw ryland grace be genuinely happy and fulfilled by platonic relationships