I mostly make queer posts, bingos, memes and more. (marked #posts)✨..and reblog whatever I'm interested in at the moment. 🧡💛🤍🩵💙 aroace & cassgender 🖤💛💚🩶
• This is my personal blog, and mainly about A-spec/ queer topics, but I also post or reblog anything else I'm interested in at the moment
• This blog supports and wants to learn more about marginalized people of any shape or form
• I don't believe in DNIs, But I block assholes and bigots as I see fit. (Also: If I notice that someone who interacts with me actually has a DNI against me, I will also block them)
Links to my posts:
- in general anything tagged #posts
- #my bingos: Aroace ; Cassgender ; Aegosexual ; Aromantic ; AroAllo ; Asexual ; Fraysexual/ Frayromantic ; Demisexual ; Demiromantic ; Aplatonic (Note: None of these bingos are supposed to be tests. I include squares that are common experiences, but most are not necessary to be [X label] and it's also impossible to include the full spectrum of possible experiences. Relating to a lot of squares can be a sign you are [X label], but not getting a bingo doesn't prove you're not [X label]. )
- Flags: Lavender Ace Flag (5 stripe asexual flag) ; Rainbow A-spec flag ; Aroace spectrum flag ; Grey-Aegosexual ; Aro and Ace PrideProgressive
- what is Cassgender
- List/ Collage with A-spec Characters: canon and headcanon
I know people mean well when they try to argue against arophobes with the argument of "We don't feel romantic attraction, but aros can still love their friends and family!" Or argue that "Aces can still feel romantic love and want relationships!" as a response to acephobes.
But please don't. It's technically correct, but also a terrible response in that situation. Judging a person's worth by their capacity to love, in any type of way, is dehumanizing. Not everyone feels love, or even strong emotions in general, and it doesn't make them a bad person. Same as feeling love doesn't automatically make one a good person.
Tl,dr: We shouldn't try to prove our worth by arguing how "normal" or how similar to allos we are
also as op said experiencing love doesnt make you a good person either, and i wanna like expand on that with MY personal opinion
love, is a state or feeling, at least in my eyes.
People can FEEL love without respecting your autonomy. Your parents can still geneuinely feel love for you even if theyre abusive as shit.
genuinely, if someone FEELS " love" or attatchment or interest, it doesnt mean they ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT YOU AS A PERSON.
Back to the abusive parent example. That parent can genuinely want to have a relationship with you where you bond and talk happily together and they can support you.
That same parent can also blackmail, gaslight, humiliate, purposefully hurt you, break down your sense of self, leave you with psychological scars so deep it fucks over the rest of your entire life, and financially/phyfically/emotionally force you into a lifestyle you hate against your will.
Love, is an emotional experience just the same as hate and many other states. People will define it in different ways, but just " feeling love" doesnt make you a good person.
More explanation under the cut
HELL, hered ANOTHER EXAMPLE. Youre BEST friends with this guy, he's your BRO. Hes supported you with depression, helped you get a job, and youve spent HOURS AND HOURS of your life hanging out and bonding with him. He genuinely is a REALLY good friend. But ALSO? Hes absuive as FUCK to his spouse. OR really shitty to his employees or racist as hell! Whatever.
So yeah, someone being capable of experiencing emotional love- a desire for closeness with someone else, doesnt make you a " complete person" or " give you humanity".
The same way feeling anger is not the sole qualifier for HAVING humanity. It can be a BIG part of the human experience, but its not the ONLY qualifier.
of course people are nuanced, people arent 100% good or 100% evil or else no one would be able to grow or improve as a person or become a worse person.
But the point is we cant keep using " feeling love" as some excuse and standard when its just... not a good standard of what makes someone a good person.
" she did those horrible things because she loves you!" Is the same as " they hurt you because theyre jealous!" To me. You did some bad HURTFUL act because of a strong feeling.it doesnt matter if the feeling felt GOOD for you, you still HURT someone.
Love is a positive emotion, it can feel GOOD to experience, and when you " TRULY LOVE" someone it means you RESPECT THEIR AUTONOMY. YOU RESPECT THEIR FREE WILL. YOU RESPECT THEIR BELIEFS. YOU WANT THEM TO HAVE A GOOD PRESENT AND FUTURE AND CARE FOR THEM IF THEY ALLOW YOU TO.
Which i think ACTIONS are way more important than feeling the rush of a crush or desire for someone. Like it can be a good way to enter a more complex and meaningful relationship, but simply feeling it doesnt " make you human!"
Even if you dont have alot or any deeper relationships or emotional attatchments you can still be alot more "loving" to other humans AND yourself than someone who experiences romantic and/or platonic attatchments!
And thats not even accounting for the fact that PLATONIC or FAMILIAL or whatever love can be VERY INTENSE as well.
But yeah, as an aromantic person who has received different kinds of " love", i think its bullshit to base someones MORALITY AND DESERVANCE FOR RESPECT AS A HUMAN BEING based off of an emotional sensation.
I think romance can be really cool, and i love the people in my life VERY intensly and work on myself to show it IN A HEALTHY AND SUPPORTIVE way, but the idea that im a loser or less of a person or "missing half of my faith" or whatever JUST BECAUSE i dont experience romantic sensations or whatever is fucking stupid.
I am so tired of people glorifying romantic love to the point that ACCEPTING HORRIBLE ABUSE is prioritized over "not accepting their love and rejecting them 🥺"
Shout out to women for dealing with that bullshit by the way. A little girl should NEVER have to accept " he's pulling your hair and hitting you and humiliating you because he liiiikes you!" And neither should anyone of any group.
I dont care if its a toxic friend, parent, spouse or what. Experiencing the sensation of love does NOT give ANYONE the right to be excused of horrible actions or be prioritized over those that dont feel it or have the privelege of having a romantic relationship for whatever reason.
In short, if youre gonna " love" someone, a sensation isnt enough, you need to value their personhood first. And id you dont experience or struggle receiving love, it doesnt make you less of a person or a bad person either.
Besides. Valueing experiencing love above all else is how people refuse to believe victims of abuse or perpetuate it. Dont be the person who tells their kid abuse is okay because the other parent loves them. Or refuses to accept that a family member or friend is doing horrible actions because theyre soooo nice to you.
Not saying people cant have flaws to work on, like maybe ur partner is dismissive at times without menaing to despite respecting and loving you in alot of ways. Thats personal stuff to work on and communicate with. Im talking about people who refuse to change and are very toxic / abusive
I think there's too much of love, intimacy, and romance in media now, actually. Not only does it often destroy what was already good, but also we're missing so much potential of stories that are based on the lack of it. Either for good or for bad, and with it not ending in some sort of other person involved (or at least not romantically, as well).
And if one really wants romance, that's what's shipping is for.
"It's such a huge part of human life" which humans? Because this is only talking about allo people. And aspec individuals are also human. This is amatonormativity at its finest. Many aspec people feel no such (or even disgust at those) feelings.
And, "underwhelming"? Are friendships, pets, acquaintances, dream fulfillment, curiousity for life, and personal drive not whelming enough?
Amatonormativity, Aromanticism, and What Defines a Relationship - Rilee Granger
Amatonormativity in the Law: An Introduction - Silver Flight
"Allonormativity and Compulsory Sexuality" (chapter 6 of Encyclopedia of Queer Studies in Education) - Stephanie Anne Shelton
'I Dont Want To be a Playa No More': An Exploration of the Denigrating effects of 'Player' as a Stereotype Against African American Polyamorous Men - Justin L. Clardy
On Relationship Anarchy
The short instructional manifesto for relationship anarchy - Andie Nordgren
The Relationship Anarchy website
Thinking Relationship Anarchy from a Queer Feminist Approach - Roma De las Heras Gómez
Beyond romantic love – an analysis of how the dilemma of closeness vs. autonomy is handled in relationship anarchy discourse - Ricardo Guillén
The Ethics of Relationship Anarchy - Ole Martin Moen
On community
Examining aromantic and asexual inclusion in queer-serving organizations - based on Lauren Lichty's work
Exploring Aromanticism Through an Online Qualitative Investigation With the Aromantic Community: “Freeing, Alienating, and Utterly Fantastic” - James Fowler et al.
Community Listening Sessions with Aromantic People: Summary and Recommendations Report
Aurea Aro Census
Sexuality, romantic orientation, and masculinity: Men as underrepresented in asexual and aromantic communities - Hannah Tessler
On QueerPlatonic Relationships
Queerplatonic Zucchinis: A Short Primer - Omnes and Nihil (unsure)
Queering the Nuclear Family - Katie Linder
Queer(ing) consensual nonmonogamies, queering therapy: queer intimacy, kinship, and experiences of CNM in LGBTQIA+ lives - Christian Klesse et al.
On intersectionality
Intimacy and Desire Through the Lens of an Aro-Ace Woman of Color
Being Aroflux & Black - Kimberley Butler
Transitioning into Aromanticism as a Trans Student - Amethyst
Existing and Defying Stereotypes as an A-spec Disabled Person - Sapphire Crimson Claw
A Reflection on the March Carnival of Aros (several testimonies by aros of color and non-cis/non-het aros are linked in this article)
Other aro-related interesting reads
New Dimensions, New Directions: Asexualities and Aromanticism in the 21st Century - Megan Carroll et al.
Enriching the Story: Asexuality and Aromanticism in Literature - Adrienne Whisman
The Importance of Representation for Lesser-Known Sexual Identities on the Example of Asexuality and Aromanticism - Jasmin Kiechle
Experiences of Italian Asexual and Aromantic Individuals in Healthcare Settings: from Explicitly Aggressive to Affirming Interactions
Other lists of aro-related ressources (not all sources listed in these are free though)
by Aurea
The Asexuality and Aromanticism Bibliography
If you know of any other free ressource about aromanticism please consider adding to this list
I'm just really tired of this assumption that some people have, that everyone can be sorted into 2 categories: "currently in a relationship" and "looking for a relationship". And that if you're not one thing, then you automatically fall into the other category
I love how the entire aroace community latched onto Ryland Grace with no hesitation and have used his character as an outlet for frustrations regarding real-world politics surrounding our identities.
Dr. Ryland Grace was arguably the perfect backup candidate for his mission. Stratt got that right. He had no children, no life partner, no family, not even a dog. All he had was his students and that was enough for him, but that made him replaceable.
Right?
Not only were Grace’s wishes completely ignored, his life and his value as a person was undermined. Simply because he had no one but his students to care for his wellbeing, because he wouldn’t have someone at home waiting for him to come back.
Aroace people deal with similar treatment simply because romance and sex are seen as essential to the human experience, completely disregarding any and all other types of connection. One’s inherent value as a person is not lost when they choose to live life without romantic or sexual relationships. One’s value is simply in existing.
Aroace people know this well, which is why so many have become so attached to Ryland as a character. Many of us see his way of life as the end goal for ourselves, so any one of us would have been seen as just as dispensable, by Stratt and by society as a whole.
Aroace people love Dr. Ryland Grace because his life mattered just as much as everyone else’s, and so do ours.
I feel like a lot of "How do I know I'm aromantic?" resources focus on never having been in a relationship (god I wish that were me), so here are some signs that you might be aromantic if you are in a relationship and considering it:
• Feels like a performance, or you are copying things you have seen in other relationships
• When people comment on or ask about your relationship, it makes you uncomfortable
• After having sex, the more intimate touches/cuddles do not feel as good
• Wanting more independence or time alone
• Thinking if your partner cheated on you, you wouldn't care
• Being scared that you might cheat despite having no desire to be with anyone else
• Words like "partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc" all feel wrong, and you don't like them being applied to you
• Not having a strong feeling of missing your partner like you're "supposed" to
• Questioning your sexuality/preferences despite being confident in who/what you're attracted to
• Feeling like you're lying if you appreciate gifts or affection from them, even if you really do appreciate it
• Saying "I love you" feels fine, but it holds the same weight when you say it to anyone else
• Not wanting to tell anyone about your feelings because you're afraid you will be misunderstood
Anyway, that's all I got. I hope it helps someone out there. I'm still struggling too, but I think we will all be okay! <3
2) This is a game and not a test. I tried to include common experiences (all squares are things apl people have said), but most squares aren't necessary to be aplatonic, and it's also impossible to include all possible experiences. Relating to a lot of squares can be a sign that you're aplatonic, but not getting a bingo doesn't prove you're not.
1) open/ download the picture for better quality. It's allowed to share/ post elsewhere if you like. For image description click [here.]
I know people mean well when they try to argue against arophobes with the argument of "We don't feel romantic attraction, but aros can still love their friends and family!" Or argue that "Aces can still feel romantic love and want relationships!" as a response to acephobes.
But please don't. It's technically correct, but also a terrible response in that situation. Judging a person's worth by their capacity to love, in any type of way, is dehumanizing. Not everyone feels love, or even strong emotions in general, and it doesn't make them a bad person. Same as feeling love doesn't automatically make one a good person.
Tl,dr: We shouldn't try to prove our worth by arguing how "normal" or how similar to allos we are
You know when there's like, a straight show and everyone's like "it's full of queer subtext between the main straight dudes, and this character is obviously autistic and they really meant to say trans rights"? And then there's a queer show and all of a sudden it's "no but they weren't sensitive about this character's trauma and the queer sex scenes are too short and they're all problematic as fuck, i can't even watch"? And then our shit doesn't get renewed, and we hated on it the whole way for not embodying the perfection we'd never dream of demanding from the straight show?
1. Lots of people have one but you don't really think about it until they start talking about making waffles and you're like "oh shit they have a waffle maker"
2. Messy as fuck and you know what as far as I see it why even bother when you have pancakes, you don't need to bother with all those fluids and crevices with pancakes
3. WHY DOES EVERYONE AT THE WEDDING THINK YOU NEED ONE
4. Theoretically implied fun with whipped cream until it melts and starts soaking into shit
5. If you don't prep ur surfaces ur gonna have a bad time
6. It's fun in the kitchen but only on like special occasions cause again it's a pain in the ass to clean
every person i’ve ever been with has had brown eyes and every time i say their eyes are pretty they say “huh, really? i’ve never heard that before. i think they’re kinda boring” are you FUCKING kidding me i could stare into your eyes forever and not be bored for a second
of all the posts i’ve ever had breach containment this is the one that made me genuinely excited I hope this gets notes fr i hope it lands on the dash of my brown eyed boyfriend and reminds him how beautiful he is
Fun Fact: in ancient times, big brown eyes with long dark lashes were the beauty standard and were seen as very beautiful. For example the Goddess Hera was often described as "cow-eyed", which was a huge compliment back then.
Tell your boyfriend he has stunning cow eyes today!
