just a bunch of maybes will do

maybe, just maybe

[justabunchofmaybeswilldo-blog]

time with her feels like distant memories, and sweet sweet dreams

you feel so happy and in love with the moment, in the moment but they become just a distant memory, and you no longer know the specifics of the event, they all faded away to something so far from reach and so far from neural comprehension and all that remains, are globs of emotions and nolstalgia the reminiscence of blithe and you just want to keep going back to that feeling, but, you can’t; you don’t know how to and you can never force it—it never works it comes to you on it’s own accord, and you just have to enjoy the moments while you’re in it while you can

[justabunchofmaybeswilldo-blog]

they share quite a lot in common don’t they.

i love books, and she loves books, and i love that she loves books, and i love the memories we have with books, and i love that we share some. and i miss those memories.

i love time with her, and i miss her all the time, like those memories. they share quite a lot in common don’t they.

[justabunchofmaybeswilldo-blog]

i think more than anything, she allowed me to embrace my own heritage and background—my citizenship, the culture i am a part of—because of how she embraced our culture in her writings. she showed me how beautiful it too could be. how embracing it could be an advantage.

[justabunchofmaybeswilldo-blog]

a short conversation,

but i really cherished it; that we still kept in contact; and i hope we do continue to because i found her presence really comforting

[justabunchofmaybeswilldo-blog]

truly a minute discovery,

but, in this mundane work life, this trivial discovery seems cosmic; so immense it could brighten up my entire work mood.

[justabunchofmaybeswilldo-blog]

people get so affected talking about people dying

so agitated, so upset about it.      

but what is the point of being stuck in the past—the past in which nothing can be done to change anything.

maybe i’m just desensitised to death

[justabunchofmaybeswilldo-blog]

a trend

does it show individualistic preferences? or is it just intellectual solidarity.

[justabunchofmaybeswilldo-blog]

because, it makes me feel like i have been a good enough friend, providing with good enough comfort. it fills me.

[justabunchofmaybeswilldo-blog]

i feel so seperated

from myself. separate—as in from my true self; because i am not doing me; not doing what makes me me; what makes me want to live for; what i truly love. like i am stuck in monotonicity, while the true me stuck in reverie, in creativity, and so far away right now.

[justabunchofmaybeswilldo-blog]

a trashy kinda post

i keep forgetting that this blog is for me, and that i can post trashy things sometimes too.

herein lies a ridiculous wordplay part 1 of ? low and behold!

the squirrel chased the chestnut to the tree. the chestnut to the leaf, to the stomata. water! water! sun! light! oh, and air, of course. meaningless, meaningless play.

but better than doing absolutely nothing. absolutely, absolutely boring. but better than the nothingness that doesn’t pay!

oh, money money, who art thou created!

you, you wretched being! foul creation! only but a figment of our imagination!

you, you, wretched thoughts! you, you! wretched creator! you, you! power play!

whomst the richest whomst the strongest

art thou! art thou! bring me the strongest! the bravest! the most powerful!

dum! dum! dum! here art thou! here art thou!

and here, folks we have got ourselves an act 2. scene! (you art thou people, folks, weirdos! lovely things!)

ah, my word! my words! they got scared away!           dramatic flares! drama screams! dramatic kicks! straight up you tiny teeny little petite arse. up your asshole. and all the way to your brain! oh, get a grip! you mindless monster you! empty words and empty screams you!

[justabunchofmaybeswilldo-blog]

and she will live

through the flowers that never fails to blossom. and i will think of her every time i walk pass flowers, and i will remember i love her, and that she loves me. and that her soul, is beautiful as the flowers that never fails to blossom.

[justabunchofmaybeswilldo-blog]

they say

we can’t take hardship. but really, it is that we don’t settle like they do. we don’t take hardship for what we are not passionate in, because we cannot allow ourselves to settle. because that doesn’t bring us any happiness. and we choose happiness. and really, they are just using hardship as an excuse for them not going after what they absolutely love—which is absolutely tragic.  

[justabunchofmaybeswilldo-blog]

i forgot what my stand on birthdays is.

what was it. because i forgot. and i am just feeling so sad right now from all these expectations i have, and i just want to cry myself to sleep. i don’t think hate birthdays. i love them, i just hate the expectations i have for birthdays.

[justabunchofmaybeswilldo-blog]

there is a scent

to water that i absolutely adore. well, not water itself i guess, but the minerals in water. either way, it just smells—clean.

thought: isn’t it pretty sad that we cannot smell what we are constantly exposed to?

i have always wanted to know how i smell like in a neutral state—but i will never know. that is pretty… upsetting

and i love the smell of books, but it sucks that i wouldn’t be able to appreciate it’s scent when i allow myself to be immersed in it for prolonged periods.

i guess, then, it makes sense that we need to give ourselves breaks from whatever has been stagnant, and do something different. to give our minds a break from what it has been continuously exposed to—so when our minds are returned to the activity or situation, it would be able to perceive what had become impervious to; so we don’t remain oblivious to what must be so apparent.

[justabunchofmaybeswilldo-blog]

oh god, we just awkwardly passed each other

with a quick, a gauche wave. i was dying internally of emotions primarily of guilt—for not having text her back, and for hurting her the way i did.

it was quite odd how we always meet on lanes like these, in opposite directions. it is like how our paths are always meant to cross, but never will we be walking in the same direction; like we would be on such different directions in life, with such opposite means of thinking about situations, that—we would never be right for each other.

[justabunchofmaybeswilldo-blog]

when i took it out of the package, and transferred it on the plate, well, it starting feeling really real;

it was heavy, and real, and soft, and, it is meat, real, actual meat. on the plate, i rubbed in some salt, and i started feeling really sorry for my choice; i kinda questioned my humanity on me consuming this beautiful fish. and, so, i was just thanking the salmon for letting me eat it, and that i’m really sorry, and that i hope it had a good life, and just how grateful i am for it. i even pictured the salmon as a whole living being, and how it must have felt so free as a salmon in the waters. and i really hoped that it lived a good life. it was quite a moment. then, i left it in the microwave to grill for 2 minutes, and then on high for another 2 minutes, and finally another minute on grill. i watched the entire process. i saw it turn from raw to cooked. it was quite a sight.

[justabunchofmaybeswilldo-blog]

they say people of my personality type are creative; am i creative?

why do we all want to be writers; writers of our own world.

i actually really want to be a writer; but also, i want to be an artist; i want to draw things; paint thing i want to write songs; i want to dance

i think it will take me years and even decades before i find a career that i actually love

i want to be so many things i want to be so many things

i want to do so much and i have so many choices but i know so little what do i know what are my skills can i do what i want do i even have what it takes

they say, if you love something, you do whatever it takes i don’t know if i can say that about anything i had done; i really don’t.