First and foremost, fuck you.
I read your letter to me and I had to laugh. It is amazing how convoluted your thinking is. You make it sound like you were the best thing that ever happened to me. I have news for you. You weren’t. You are by far the worst thing that has ever happened to me and it’s time to say goodbye. I usually have a tough time with goodbyes due to my PTSD, but this is one I will celebrate.
I first heard of you many, many years ago. While you had control of many of my friends and many people in my community, I always stayed away from you. The people that you “danced with” weren’t people I associated with, nor were they people I wanted in my life. You dangled yourself in front of me for 10 years and every single time we came in contact, I easily brushed you aside. You practically ruined my friendship of 17 years with one of my best friends, but we held on, barely. However, the relationship he had with his wife was destroyed and I was by his side every step of the way and saw his life fall apart quickly as you latched on to him. He lost his wife, his child for many years, and he is now HIV positive due to the situations that you helped put him in. You must be so proud.
The first time you and I hooked up it was awful. I had just lost my dog suddenly and I was looking for an escape. Even after what I saw you do to so many people, I figured one time wouldn’t hurt. I was wrong. What an awful experience our first meeting was. I wanted nothing to do with you after that first meeting and told my friend never ever let me meet with you again. I was sick for days, I didn’t sleep and I felt like shit. But, I came back.
While our meetings were far and few between, they still had a lingering effect on me. We met 2 times in 2015, 5 times in 2016, roughly 10 times in 2017 and way too many times to count in 2018. Why did I spend so much time with you in 2018? Because, through you, I met the one person I fell in love with in the past 18 years. The person I fell madly in love with had a previous relationship with you and he had been to rehab for 8 months trying to get rid of your hold prior to us meeting. Unfortunately, due to the shame and humiliation you cause, he did not tell me that until several months into our relationship and we both were already heavily involved in a twisted threesome with you.
You destroyed him, and in doing so, you destroyed us. You made him angry, untrusting, paranoid, irritable and you made him go crazy. You ruined something that I loved and you turned him against me. I will never forgive you for that.
On Sept 1, 2018 you also were a major player in his overdose, which caused his death. But, you lost that battle too. Because I was there, and I did the right thing, he was revived and he survived. I wasn’t going to let you take him from me. No way in hell you were going to win that round. That was the second worst night of my life. You must have been so angry that you didn’t take another victim down with you. You still have a hold on him and I can only hope and pray from a distance that he makes it out alive. But, I do know this. Your hold on me is slipping. How does it feel? You aren’t as powerful as you think you are, are you? As a matter of fact, you are so weak that you have to bring others down to your level. You have to have others wallow in self hatred, loathing and lying because it is all you know.
I am stronger than you, I am better than you and I can live my life and be so much happier without you. The destruction you have caused me is beyond measure. You have hit every single facet of my being and made it worse. My finances are shot to hell, I am out of work, I am now single, I cried every day for months because I am miserable without the one I still love, I am angry, I am anxious and I lied and chose you over my family and friends. But more importantly, I chose you over me. It stops here. It stops now.
My finances will get better.
I am not alone. I am finding a support network more powerful than you.
I won’t be single forever.
I have stopped crying every day.
I am not angry. I am now humble.
I am no longer anxious. I am finding peace.
I am not lying to protect you and the other people that weren’t healthy for me. I am living an honest life.
I am no longer choosing you and your path of destruction over my family and friends. I have more family and more friends than I could ask for. And the new ones are so much better than you.
I have regrets. But, I will move past them and I will not live with them. I will learn from them. I will look back and remember the past that I spent with you and realize that the time we spent together does not define me, it does not make me who I am and it will not make me hate myself. Come to think of it, it is the exact opposite.
I love myself. I love how I am showing myself and others the things I knew I was always made of. Compassion, strength, determination, intelligence, motivation, focus and an uncanny sense of humor. Through you I have found that I am stronger now, than even I thought I was. I am becoming confident again. My health is getting better. My priorities are getting back in place. My mind is clearer and my life is better.
God, how I despise you. I fucking hate you. Mark my word, I will work the rest of my life to tell everyone I know about you and how you manipulate and cause destruction with whomever you come in contact with. You will be sorry that we ever met. Through our meeting and our connection, you have created a monster and you have created a challenger like you have never seen before. I will fight for my life and I will fight to save anyone I know that wants to have a future relationship with you. And you will lose.
You lost this battle. I gained.
I gained knowledge, I gained freedom, I gained solitude, I gained wisdom, I gained strength and I found love. You destroyed it, but I found out that I can love again. Even with you involved. You can never take that away from me. You may have taken the person I loved away, but I know that I am capable of it, I know that I deserve it and I know without you I will find it.
I have so much more to say and I have so many emotions running through me, but I am ending this letter with peace of mind. In closing I could say “go to hell” but you already live there. So, I will just say “go fuck yourself.” You are nothing, you are weak, you are pathetic and you are the devil. This dance with you has been a living nightmare.
But, that shouldn’t be surprising. What would you expect from a loser like you?
dailybridgerton
theartofmadeline
yousharknotpass
vaporwave
janainaart
kaledo-art
romaincrisis
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