I am an autonomous being... @justaghostwithbones - Tumblr Blog

A man has as many social selves as there are individuals who recognize him.

William James

(Plain text):

I’m drunk and I’m married to heartbreak

Tried to restart my heart, but I think it’s too late

I could close my eyes, and call it all fate

But I’m a bad liar; it’s a good trait

So I stare at the wall and hold my breath

“Would the world be much different if I left?”

It’s always running through my mind, without rest

So I run inside and hide, it’s what I do best

I’m rich in my troubles, always on edge

Been navel gazing since they all left

The suffering is real out on the ledge

Still, I bleed in a way that’s so privileged

I was carved into pieces and I didn’t know

I couldn’t handle it then, and I still won’t

I numb myself on command, broken bones

I know I should stop, but I just don’t

I care and I love but I don’t show

Except if you’re really, really close

But you don’t show back, and maybe it’s shallow

But to be loved like I love… I’d die to know

I’m ready to jump, but not fall

Guess I’m not so fearless after all

So many times, different close calls

Pretend I never broke my stride, but it’s a slow crawl

Towards something I can’t see and I don’t want

I live in snippets and old haunts

I only see beauty when I look gaunt

So hard to maintain, my ego taunts

I cry when I’m lonely, but no one knows

I’d rather painfully drown in my sorrow

Than inconvenience someone, break their flow

They have a whole life whether I go

Maybe I’ll text someone tomorrow

(I won’t)

In every case, I’m a try-hard

Get rewarded briefly, lower my guard

Startle when I find out I’m no longer part

Of an institution that held me in high regard

Break my naïveté into shards

I’m so sick and so tired of being alive

Every day feels so contrived

I can’t even look at real suffering online

Don’t think my will to live can be revitalized

If life were an email, I’d unsubscribe

And I think about it all the damn time

I jotted all this down in sliding rhyme

Because my will to live flips on a dime

I could go on, and I probably will

As I realize new truths to distill

The irony of pain and free will

So many days I’ve sought time to kill

I want to be remembered… but maybe not

I can’t think of anything worth thought

One time I knew some wisdom, but I forgot

I can’t even earn my own time slot

(I’m a canary in a coal mine of humanity

How self-important of me)

(I’m a tin-foil hat

A conspiracy

Just an idea

Of a human being)

#original copyrighted work #original poetry #self loathing #introspection #hiding in plain sight #did system

the-universe-is-an-illusion

iamnotawomanimagod

Halsey at Red Rocks on July 7th, 2022, talking about the meaning of "Darling" - they explain that the song is often interpreted as being about their son, Ender, but that they wrote it before they were pregnant. She then goes on to say that the song is actually about her "first babies... it's about you guys."

"Darling" is about their fans. 🥺🥰

justaghostwithbones

Manifesting meeting and dating Andrew Garfield in 2025 ✨

justaghostwithbones

Guys it’s not looking good

justaghostwithbones

Okay it didn’t happen last year, BUT 👀

#andrew garfield #let’s date

The USPS is one of the most crucial services in the U.S.; their existence is in the first ratification of the constitution.

People who live in remote areas would literally be isolated from the modern world if not for USPS… the people who try to conflate businesses and services neglect to mention how the USPS is the “last mile” delivery (it’s often very many miles) for every.single.other.delivery.BUSINESS, because the shipping cost to deliver to these areas would be ASTRONOMICAL in order to be *profitable*… so in order for those folks to be able to receive goods, to receive information, to have equal access to consumer goods on the online marketplace, there needs to be a SERVICE—unconcerned with profitability—to make that delivery.

I wish this country had a better understanding of the idea of the difference between a service and a business… perhaps the most prolifically harmful conflation of those two things in healthcare. It’s treated as a business in our country, which is insanity… it is a service that, when delivered fairly and reasonably, would likely increase GDP bc a healthy populace would be able to delivery more productivity in the BUSINESS sector.

Education is another one. The U.S. commodifies services and continues to harm itself because of it. It’s unclear to me how much longer it as an institution can survive these self-inflicted policy wounds.

#some people would vote for their own execution to own the libs #in fact some of them effectually already have

socialistexan

I've never seen trad wives explained so perfectly. "Non-nude fetish content for sexist men"

wholesome-animal-images

gothgenderbreach

Everyone needs to see this

herssian

"there is no way you're not using chatgpt for at least a few things here and there no matter your stance on it" what the FUCK are you talking about

justaghostwithbones

I still don’t know if it’s a website or an app and I don’t plan to find out

I’m not proud to admit this—truly—but sometimes when I watch true crime stories, I feel a bit self-righteous for making certain that my marriage, in which there was substantial IPV for over a decade, never involved any children.

Again: not proud, and this feeling crumbles under the most minute scrutiny. I just remember, every time the sergeant spoke with me, that I was so glad I had no children to witness the chaos (bad enough about the dogs).

All of that being said, when my husband died, my immediate visceral reaction was to wish we had kids so his wonderful qualities—which genuinely exist!!—could live on.

I quickly acknowledged my grief and magical thinking on that topic, but I did think it.

And that reality truly humbles me when it comes to that sense or superiority I mentioned at the beginning of this post.

As much as I try to be better, this is a reminder that I’m just a human. And I am acting prideful and foolish :/

You’re in my dreams & in my bones

You’re where my thoughts linger when alone

You’re my refuge, my lover, my home

You’re everywhere I want to go

You’re everything I want to know

You’re half my heart and know my whole soul

And you’ll never know… wretched self-control

justaghostwithbones

It’s got me batten down; keyless locks

The whispers shout when I’m alone

And no one caters to my sorrow

I’m glad you’re doing good, though

Seems that you treat me like someone you hate

The lord (and I both) know I’m no fucking saint

But you won’t ever calmly address your disdain

Still, I give, give, give… and you happily take

skribblegurl

some people think writers are so eloquent and good with words, but the reality is that we can sit there with our fingers on the keyboard going, “what’s the word for non-sunlight lighting? Like, fake lighting?” and for ten minutes, all our brain will supply is “unofficial”, and we know that’s not the right word, but it’s the only word we can come up with…until finally it’s like our face got smashed into a brick wall and we remember the word we want is “artificial”.