been seeing a lot of posts complaining about how little we know about Van and her life post rescue and how now that she's dead we will never get the chance, and first of all I agree. Van is an incredibly compelling character and I love her and I wish we could have more time with her and more insight into her life.
HOWEVER the point of that limited window into her life is to emphasize her role as the storyteller and as a reluctant player. in the wilderness she always stays out of play until she's pushed to her limit. she never takes action until she sees it is absolutely necessary.
this is a parallel to her position as goalie. she spends most of the game watching the action, but is occasionally forced into play. her role is vital, but it's largely passive. she spends most of her time observing, but her occasional action has major consequenses on the narrative of the game.
in the wilderness, her two major emotional/rational pulls into play were her will to survive and her love for Tai. she puts herself into play more often than she's comfortable with because she sees it as necessary. she cares about the other survivors, but she doesn't love them like she loves herself and Tai. she speaks her mind, but she doesn't take action until it's her or Tai in danger. if she can, she keeps her action hidden. she's incredibly averse to stepping up as an observed player or as a leader, but if she and/or Tai are at risk she will take charge to the extent necessary.
and that's why in the adult timeline, Lauren only has scenes where either Liv or Tawny are present. prior to Tai coming back into her life, she lived very passively. she was so exhausted and traumatized from the amount of play she logged in the wilderness that she built herself a fortress of escapism to hide in. her comfort is largely rooted in the safety of observance and the escapism of stories.
but when Tai walked into her shop and back into her life, she knew the moment she saw her that she was about to be dragged back into play. she's frustrated that Tai won't outright ask for her help because Tai knows she'll do anything for her. Tai pussyfoots around asking for her help because she knows the strain of play for her. and she feels shame because she knows Van will remain in play for as long as she needs her.
prior to Tai bringing Van back into play, she grew to accept her terminal diagnosis. and she initially came in only to play for Tai. but when she saw Lottie, she knew she was doomed to start playing for herself. in the wilderness, Lottie gave her hope that the game could be won if only she continued to play.
when the waiter died, Tai convinced Van to play for herself "passively" like she did in the wilderness. in rigging the cards, Van was able to protect herself and Tai while maintaining the illusion of passivity. similarly, in planting a card on the sidewalk, she could "passively" wait for some unlucky person to pick it up.
but when it came time to act on the card's selection, she couldn't go through with it. as much as her love for Tai still motivated her to play, she had lost most of her will to play for herself. her belief that playing the game could save her returned, but it was no longer a hopeful belief.
Tai tried to compromise and convince Van to let her play for her, and she didn't outright refuse the offer because a part of her did think survival was worth the sacrifice of the game. but she also felt hopelessness in the continual nature of the game. what would be the point of playing to get through this round if it's only going to pick up again later? could she really go on living like that?
her younger self, one of two people she loved enough to play for, visited her to give her permission to leave the game. Liv spoke about playing those visions with a sense of caretaking for adult Van. the girl who loved herself and Tai enough to play to the end of the first round came back to give the woman she became the love and compassion she needed to get out of the game.
when the Tai she was trying to save came back, she lost the rest of her will to play for herself. she had the chance to make her play and kill Melissa, but she couldn't bring herself to. and her final act of "passivity" gave Melissa the chance to make her play.
Van Palmer is an observer and a storyteller at heart, but love motivated her to play. what's so compelling about her character is her reluctance to be a character at all. what's so compelling about her relationship with Tai is the love that pushes them both out of their comfort zones.
eventually Other Tai is going to come back and something to do with Van is going to be the force that pulls the "real" Tai back to the surface. I also think that something to do with Van will eventually push a merging of the Tais. Van will remain in play as a force in Tai's mind and soul.
