Es

I write what I can't seem to say out loud, enjoy. |18| |her,she|

[neroliperfume]

my five year plan? read a lot of books. visit museums. walk through woods. stand in a river. adopt a little kitty. drink lemonade while sitting in a rocking chair on my porch.

[mothercain-deactivated20231124]

u know i’d do anything for u

[doublism]

why does trying to buy a pair of jeans feel like going to war

[naturaekos]

“I never paid any attention to people who told me to go out and live. I belonged always to whatever was far from me and to whatever I could never be. Anything that was not mine, however base, always seemed to me to be full of poetry. The only thing I ever loved was pure nothingness.”

— Fernando Pessoa

[justemerald]

And on the slow Saturdays and Fridays of our lives... I wish to hold you and be still in time. To watch movies and talk about the characters. To cuddle even in the heat of the weather. To make you feel loved and known in the stillness. To embrace the silhouette of your body and see it smile in my arms. For those slow days of nothing, I want to be something and everything to you, for you, and with you. Let me be your one thing amidst the nothingness.

Love, es.

[justemerald]

I miss her

I miss her someday, on lonely nights and cold days. I miss how confident she was in the unknown, fearless to be alone. I missed her intelligence when she had little doubts. I miss how she smiled when she danced when no one was around. I miss when she felt pretty, even on her ugly days. I miss her when she would not compare herself to the surgeon's work these days. I miss her of little worries; I miss her of passionate reading, pure and gleaming. Some days I don't know her anymore. Some days, she seems unrecognizable. I forgot her, actually, I misplaced her. I'm trying to get her back, but she's so far. I miss her; I miss who she once was, and who she dreamed to be. I miss her silly lines, her laugh, her jokes, and her cries. I miss when she was sensitive and felt everything so strongly, but now she barely feels at all. I miss her. I want her back. Tell me, are you there anywhere? Should I wait for her? Or should I move on? I miss her; I am her, and she was me. Is she still there?

love, ES

[sunsetquotes]

“One day, you’re 17 and you’re planning for someday. And then quietly, without you ever really noticing, someday is today. And then someday is yesterday. And this is your life.”

— Mark Schwahn

[sunsetquotes]

“I have always, essentially, been waiting. Waiting to become something else, waiting to be that person I always thought I was on the verge of becoming, waiting for that life I thought I would have. In my head, I was always one step away.”

— Shauna Niequist; Cold Tangerines

[justemerald]

19 and confused on what to do. With just the thought of losing you my heart stops, the pressure on my chest grows, and the windows of my soul collapse. I don't believe I am nothing without you. But the love in my heart for you is nothing without you to pour it into. The things I only want to tell you, have no meaning without you. My future is not a future without you. Don't you get it? Don't you understand? My sweet lover, these love lines and love letters are nothing without your love. My hard work is vain without you to bare it, you to support it, you to see and absorb it. You are my rock, without you, I have no stand to me, no place to lean on. You are my lover, what is mine is yours, and without you, I have no mine, I have no ours, I have no dreams of our love late at night. Without you, I have no time. Without you, I have no tranquil heart, no sound of mind. Without you I have no song, please understand me. Without you, I am still me, just me without you. And a me without you is me with nothing at all.

E.A.

[calellon]

i'm just out here. fantasizing my fantasies. dreaming my dreams. longing my longings.

[justemerald]

It's been a year..

I wish I would have spent more time with her when she was alive. I didn't know. I mean, no one knew, and no one knows when they're about to die. But it was almost like she knew. She knew it was her last time and yet still I didn't pay attention to her. It's been a year, I miss you, my heart still does. I'll see you again soon, but in the meantime, I'll keep on waiting.

E.A

[justemerald]

Happy Anniversary Baby! I love you D.

[sewercentipede]

when ur so so so so so so sleepy and then u fall asleep...... delicious

[justemerald]

playback

My mind keeps playing back memories of you like a recording. In my head, we're that movie that everyone watches, an old-time favorite. That movie that people keep recommending, and that one scene everyone cries to. That kiss that makes everyone feel at home, and loners lonesome. And young kids are dazed and confused as they witness romance so purely. Elders reminiscence at their old lovers when they had no care in the world whey they watch us. And, darling, I want to hold on to that thought forever. Please, never leave me, because I'll hurt the most if you do. And everything will take me back to you, as I try to hold on.

E.A

[justemerald]

What are you doing to me?

[elycwinters]

Ill-advised

You say you love her. That she and you will have the ‘happy ever after’ that was once promised to you in paradise.

But the thing is: Her heart is elsewhere, there is someone she longs for and so, you lock her up and promise to wait

until she changes her mind.

- Ely C. Winters.

[justemerald]

The impulsive thoughts that I have about changing my hair, it's a dangerous game I'm playing with.