Southern State Of Mind

It is what it is 25 😜

[justgrits]

I’m going on a bit of a hiatus, my health isn’t great and I’ve got to focus on that. I’m unsure when I’ll be back but once it’s sorted out I’ll be back 🩵

[thelupuslady]

[justgrits]

Grief is strange. For two months now I’ve been avoiding the mess my life has become. Walking on this path alone. Unsure of how to fix the pain that’s riddled inside of me. Father’s Day was the worst one I’ve had. The first one without him. I caught myself wanting to call. To hear his voice one more time. I sat around family and watched as all of us tried to hide the pain. It’s not the same. It’ll never be the same anymore. I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know what to do. I’m scared that I’ll end up at rock bottom again and I can’t do that. I don’t think I’ll make it out this time if that happens. I’m too sick this time. It’s already a struggle just to make it through day to day life. I’m scared I’m going to lose it all. I already feel that I’m losing myself again. I just want to fucking have him back to tell me it’s gonna be okay. To have him here to hold me.

[justgrits]

Losing my Dad has been the hardest part of my life so far. I’ve struggled to care for myself while trying to maintain my job and health. My life shattered and I feel like time has stopped for me but it hasn’t for everyone else. I know that I’m working through the stages of grief but I still so badly want this to all be a horrible dream I’ll wake up from. I just want my dad back. I feel so lost without him.

[briarpatch-kids]

I saw a thing talking about how chronic illness is all about trying to get back to your baseline and I don't want to fuck up someone else's vent post so...

Oh honey no, that thinking is SO UNHEALTHY. You need to work with what you have in the moment and try to live your life in a way you find meaningful. Chasing that baseline is chasing smoke, a goal that usually can't be met. You'll be playing catchup forever and you deserve so much better than that.

Take it one day at a time and try to find things you can do at all the levels of ability you have so you're not just laying in bed waiting for health that may not come. Your life is worthwhile at your best and at your worst.

-Posted with love from your friendly neighborhood degenerative disease buddy.

[justgrits]

How the fuck do you keep going when you lose your dad? This doesn’t feel real.

[justgrits]

I’m over being sick. Having an autoimmune disease sucks.

[rylandsgrace]

The last of us + 2003

[thewightknight]

[andremichaux]

Brooklyn Nine-Nine (2013 - 2021) ⏤ 3.04, The Oolong Slayer

[kosmogrl]

[justgrits]

I’m getting close to the end of working before surgery. I’m struggling a lot right now. I’m pretty sure my body has reached its breaking point with me trying to live a “normal” life. I’ve had to miss a lot of work. My body feels completely drained and honestly I’ve never been so ready to have surgery before.

The worst of my symptoms lately have been the nausea and vomiting, heart palpitations, tachycardia (fast heartbeat), and tremors. The sensitivity with things touching my throat is still the same as it was, and the pain is too. The sensation of being choked has increased lately but I’m assuming it’s due to the increased inflammation on my neck.

Panic attacks and depression have definitely gotten worse. Parts of me are angry that I’m not able to live a normal life right now. It’s almost as if I’m mourning the person I used to be. Lately it’s seemed to be a trend in my life. Honestly do any of us know how many versions of ourselves we are supposed to have?

[justgrits]

It’s domestic violence awareness month. Last year I was just so glad to be away. This year as I look back at my life since I left I can’t believe the crazy turns I’ve taken. No one ever told me how hard it will be for so long after. The first time he hurt me horribly was when he pushed an atv on top of me instead of out of the way when he decided to flip it. As a result my shoulder was completely destroyed. It took over a year to get that fixed. I’ll never be able to have full strength in that arm again. As my impending surgery for my thyroid now comes my ptsd is constantly reminding me of the horrors I lived through.

It didn’t start out as hitting me. During my surgery recovery this man no this boy had belittled me by blaming me for the accident over and over. Being at the hospital with me was an inconvenience. He’d expect me to cook and clean while I was off. I couldn’t even move, I wasn’t able to even wash my own hair and body. I couldn’t lift my arm above my head. Looking back that was when I really fell into the trap. It’s when I started making excuses for him. When I accepted that abuse. Once he left me in the bathtub locked in with no way to get out. It was hours before someone came in to check on me. My elderly grandmother had to help me. I didn’t deserve that. And I’ll never take that abuse again.

[marcchurch]

[thelupuslady]

Y u like dis body?!

[moon-magick-sisters]

[justgrits]

I may be sick af still but it doesn’t mean I can’t be hot af ✌🏻🤪🖤 20 days until surgery