I am Just Me

My personality is who I am, my attitude depend on yours!

[justmechristinaa]

其實活到這年齡才知道真正的生日，真正的快樂，只需要真正了解你，懂你的人一起過，就很滿足了！

自從我失去了兩個人後，生日真的好像沒意義，每一年就當做是過一天，對派對也當是和朋友聚聚, 當然也很感激有那麼好的朋友為我慶祝！

但這次是我人生第一次出國過生日，而且是和我曾經失去的其中一個人一起去，讓我真的好開心，覺得生日過的好好！

這讓我發覺所謂的大派對啦，一堆朋友喝喝鬧鬧啦，那只是一個理由讓我們一起聚一聚罷了，因為年齡越大，越忙，越沒有時間和朋友聚聚，聊聊天，會慢慢的疏遠，甚至可能變陌生人，所以生日就是一個好的機會聚聚。。

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Circuit Breaker this period, is kind of a good period for everyone to reflect our life as well..

What is consider essential and non-essential, and I realised it apply to humans, to people around us too. Who is essential to us and who is not...?

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Some people always tell me to remove toxic people in my life, they are non-essential people in my life, they hide things from you, talk behind your back, scare to be honest with you and bring negativity to you. While most of the times, I just choose to close 1 eyes and act blur but overtime, it bring me more hurts and negative in life.... Don't be surprise that they can be your relatives or close friends too ok!!

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While essential people in our life mainly will be our family, relatives and our partner.

Regardless of what happen, they will always be there and support you,stand by you, and they understand and know you the most, be it tearing middle of the night, insomnia at night, they will always be 1st to know and check if you're well and make sure you sleep before they do cause they worry for your well being.

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**This period is really a very crucial period, we love everyone around us. So just take very good care of our elders at home, don't let them go out unnecessarily, if got anything need to get, youngster can go out help them get, and stay home if got nothing necessary to be out. Only when everyone is co-operative, then we will be out of this soon!

If you're gone, people who love you, can never find another you......

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#Random #SuperLatePost #18Jan2020 #BirthdayTrip #BKK #StayHome #Essential #NonEssential #CircuitBreakerDays #CBday18 #24April2020

[justmechristinaa]

Stop acting like a little boy!

Never learn from your mistake, still start your pushing, blaming games and getting sympathy point after a year?! Hopeless. Just say full story don't just your side of sympathy story, little boy! I chose to keep quiet is cause I don't drag everyone into the picture and make everyone stuck in between, as this is just between 2 of us! I just want it to be settle in a mature way, not that I did wrong thing alright! The only wrong I did is I didn’t do my job to communicate well and instead thinking you will know how to think for our future. BUT I WAS WRONG! I not like you pulling everyone into the picture and gaining sympathy by having depression and suicide thought? You think only you got ar?! Bloody wake up from your idea! Those who don't know what I went through, I also no need say either, cause it doesn't concern any of you! I know at least I stand up well and stronger now without gaining sympathy points. Say full story, don't be a coward. I gave chances, who choose to threw away? Who tell me I don't want to talk? Whose parent went to tell my family nasty thing?!  GO FUCKING GET THE FACTS RIGHT BEFORE POSTING SHIT! Don't make me say out all the nasty things and you'll become nothing at all! I won't want to start drama but if you want, come straight to my face and talk whatever you posted. Making my friends to think you're fully right by all your stories, go ahead! I don't need to explain mine either as the real will eventually stay. I don't believe in being neutral too. I’m a person who make my stand very firm. There is no grey zone, ONLY black or white! If you're really the victim, why would you be afraid to let some people see what you post? Dare to post then dare to let people see, unless you got guilt too as you do have a part to play for this shit that happened!? I don't know. Just don't be a coward and let people think you're even more useless and hopeless. Stop acting like a bloody victim like a little boy, don't dare to face it! Whatever I dare post, I dare let you all see. Neither do i need to get all sympathy everywhere even from someone else "used to be" friends. OMGOSH! I don't need to block my post from anyone. I just remove toxic people that's all. Don't need to know where and how I get to know. You dare then just delete everyone from your social media and get lost. 

Additionally, you in financial debt?  EVERYTHING of the cost and cancellation, we SPLIT HALF! Why only you in debt, I never?  Why not say you’re not capable and got no saving or you don’t want to use?  or take another point to gain sympathy point? I don’t know! 

ALWAYS USE SOCIAL MEDIA TO MAKE A BIG HOO-HA OUT OF EVERYTHING IS WHAT YOU ALWAYS DO BEST! Few years back, this causes you to lose the job which you're currently holding which you went back to work for them recently after jobless for more than a year and now you're doing the same shit? Applause for you!  Really NEVER learn from your mistake! 

[justmechristinaa]

行尸走肉

慢慢的，就看的很开了。。

因为要自己开心幸福而被人说三道四。。

因为别人眼里只看见自己觉得对的事。。

因为时间让我看清更多人了。。

因为真心对待，带来伤感。。

因为用心而不被真心对待。。

因为老实不被人相信。。

因为失去的太多了。。

因为累了。。

现在的我真的看的很开了。。

对我而言，我现在只是一个行尸走肉的尸体吧了。。

我是自己一个再也没有所谓的知己和朋友的人。。

我现在只为我爱的两个人活着到他们不在的那一天，也是我说再见的那一天。。

因为真的累了。。

我真的不想再逞强了。。。

[justmechristinaa]

Sometimes only when the worst shit happened, you then able to see and realize who is your real friends, real buddy always support you, being there for you. 

When your friends choose to believe what other party said and choose to doubt you and not even trying to check things with you, I can tell you, they’re not your friends anymore. No point trying to keep in contact with them too. In life, you don’t need such people to pull you down, you need someone who really support you and stand by you, being positive for you!

Sometimes, i really believe everything is fated in life.  You may know someone for your whole life, thinking he/she is your right one/your best bud forever, but only when things happened, everything is so clear right in front of you.

Only when I landed myself in this situation without having proper talk and communication, eventually I only can blame myself for what had happened, as I didn’t do my job to communicate well and instead thinking the other party know how to think for our future. Eventually when everything ended, I was blamed for every shit, to the extend, MY friends also think I did him wrong without finding out why and what. Amazing, eyes opening for me indeed. But at least I’m glad that there’s people out there still got eyes to see for themselves and know what kind of guy he is. oh well. suck it up!

At least I know I’m living better and happier with someone who really understand me and plan everything for us, for our future and make effort to change for me and do so much just for a better future of ours, and most importantly giving me a lifetime promise which no one else did in the past relationship before.

A guy who was being mistaken in this whole incident, he chose to keep quiet and just keep me accompany, take care of me all these while, day and night when I was totally broke down without anyone knowing, until I recover from everything and stand up again. A guy whom I thought will be just my brother for life, didn’t expect will turn out to be the guy who protects me from everything. A guy who willing to scarify everything just for me, what else can I ask for? I’m more than satisfied and blessed. Time together may be short, but we believe is the heart and mind that is strong for us. Thankful for you, my love, my dearest! 

Lastly I will say, my conscience is clear! Thankful for those who see the whole picture from their own eyes and stood by me, without doubting me. 

[justmechristinaa]

Sometimes An Ending Can Be A Blessing In Disguise

Sometimes endings force you to find new beginnings. They force you to step up and fill that void but you end up finding a lot more about yourself. You end up finding something better for you. You end up wishing you had ended things a lot sooner or had the courage to walk away from the things and the people who no longer inspire you. Things that no longer move you.

We don’t need to mourn all endings. We don’t need to be sad just because we were taught that endings are bad. Some endings are happy or they lead to happier endings. Some endings may be hard to swallow at first but when you look past the pain, you see the wisdom and the lesson behind it, the opportunities that it brought you and the person it made you.

You find a lot more blessings in endings than you do in beginnings. Beginnings are exciting and sometimes you can overlook what you really want or how it could change your life because you’re in love with the thrill of it. You’re addicted to the idea that something new is happening in your life but the real blessings are in endings. When things end and you’re forced to look deeper into the whys and the hows. When things end and you’re confronted by a million questions that push you to find important answers.

Ironically, the hardest endings are always the ones that are best for us. The hardest endings always bring the biggest joys.

[justmechristinaa]

人為什麼離婚

人為什麼離婚

婚姻的本質是一場合作，

只要是合作，

就存在資源匹配的問題，

你飛的太快了，你就會把對方甩掉，

你飛的太慢了，你就會被對方甩掉。

為什麼農村的婚姻如此的穩固？

因為，夫妻倆都沒啥進步，

基本一輩子都處於同一水平線上。

越是天才，越是企業家，

越是明星，越容易離婚，

不是因為他們變心了，

而是飛的太快了，

對方跟不上步伐了，

離婚是必然，

夫妻間的高度存在大差異時，

這種關係是不可調和的。

從這個角度可以看出，

夫妻之間最可怕的關係，

就是一方在前進，一方在原地踏步，

當自己的老公飛的太快時，

你不要竊喜，而是應該有危機感……

他已經爬到20樓了，

你還在5樓，

他在20樓遇到了一個姑娘，

這個姑娘跟他攜手繼續爬向21樓，

慢慢的，他就會淘汰你，

因為你跟不上他的節奏了。

女人最大的錯誤，

就是為最愛的男人放棄了事業。

沒有了事業就不再有魅力，

男人永遠欣賞有自我追求的女人。

這種魅力有著致命的吸引力，

無關於美麗，金錢，性格。

渴望美好愛情的女人們，先努力讓自己具備值得擁有那份美好的內在和外在吧。

女人的成長比成功更重要。

穿得起幾萬元的大衣，

也不嫌棄幾百元的T恤；

享受得了高檔的咖啡廳，

也咽得下路邊的麻辣燙；

坐得起豪華轎車，也hold住11路公車；

出席得了高雅的宴會，

也嗨得起姐妹們的聚會；

可以小鳥依人，也可以自力更生。

有你，我可以坐擁天下，

沒你，我的世界依然偉大……

同樣，換個角色⋯⋯男人也ㄧ樣

也請努力跟上女人的腳步

[justmechristinaa]

Verge of giving up

People used to tell me, “don’t keep everything to yourself.. voice it out, find someone to talk so that you will feel more relief or feel better...”

But sometimes I always think back, when i voice out, I stood out for myself, I’m being deem as inconsiderate and selfish, never consider about others feeling.. Therefore as time pass, I really see no point in voicing out.. I shall just keep that image and portrait that people have in me and just live on until the day I really fully break down.. All I can do is vent out on social media, a wall that won’t have any judgement... esp in twitter and Tumblr I guess.. 

每一天，每一次，为身边的每一个人想，却从不会考虑过自己的感觉，久了，每个人就会当作一切是理所当然的。。慢慢我的心也就死了。。

[justmechristinaa]

Growing up

What is growing up?

I’ve found that growing up means being honest about what I want, what I need, what I feel, and who I am.

As I grow up, I realised it becomes LESS important to have more friends and it’s MORE important to have REAL ones.

All these dramas have been happening since February till now which is already 3 months plus. And this 3 months plus I see a lots, I learnt a lots and still learning.

But 1 thing I'm really firm and assured is the decision I had made 3 months ago is right, as whatever happening now showed me the truth and fact about everyone and everything before it drag longer, making me feel even more stupid in this situation.

Who is not hurt, who is not sad, who didn't shed tears, who didn't want to just end own life to escape from all these? It doesn't mean the person who made the decision won't feel all these emotions. How much tears shed and the darkness I went through alone before coming to this decision? Only REAL friends, family and relatives know. (Which I'm really thankful for these people)

Apart all these friendship and relationship, family is the main issue for me all the times to handle. Who really knows what I'm handling and holding in me?! Problems add on problems, who's not tired? How many times sitting on the railing and the time that i swallow pills cause I’m really tired already, want to leave everything behind..... Before I fell asleep for good, someone came my house and found out I swallow pills and made me vomit out, keep me awake not letting me fall asleep. that’s when I realised if you commit suicide cause of problems, nobody will pity you, just find that you’re very stupid and coward to use death to avoid issue and let the living ones to clear shit for you!

Sometimes I just chose to keep quiet and not publishing my issue to people because I feel that it’s not necessary to do so to get attention and everyone got their own issue, why go add on your problems to others and being so selfish to let others share your burden when they have their owns?? And I do have a life to move on, I don’t have that time and effort to find everyone and telling everyone what happened. REAL friends will know and stand by you without asking or saying much, just chill and relax.

And to me, problem within a family or between 2 people, settle on our own, no need to drag people into the picture especially another person’s friends or family/relative! You don’t have friends, family or relative?! No offends but this is  fact that not only me is seeing it now!  Everyone needs a place to vent emotions, but do not drag another person’s friends, family or relatives into it! 

I believe everyone in our age now are not young anymore, some even older. We’re responsible for our own actions, so do handle things in a mature way. 

After all I’m really thankful for this period of time! It allow me to know and find out who really care especially people whom I rarely contact, they came find me and took the initiative to accompany me without me saying or asking anything! Thankful for people who stand by me!

Some people draw me closer to them, some drew me further from them! No regret, as this is the process of growing up.

People comes and goes, only real people will stay. 

了解我的不会问，会和我站在一起， 不了解我的会怪，会恨。 这也能让我看到谁是我真正的朋友。

[justmechristinaa]

Friends

How people in our lives are like parts of a tree. You have the leaves, the branches and the roots.

The people that are like leaves on the tree leave, they were only meant to be in our lives for a temporary period of time. Leaves like most friendships are amazing in the beginning but take more than they're willing to give and offer very little support and help especially through troubled seasons. They were never meant to be permanent because when things get tough, they're easily blown away.

People who are like branches are the ones that say "I'm here for you." You can depend on me, but as soon as things turn a little tough, they break off because they can't carry the weight. These branches are there for sometime, they provide some purpose, but they don't last very long either. Eventually, these branches all break off and disconnect.

The people that are like roots are permanent. These are the friends that go through everything with you. They go to hell and back. They break apart, fall apart only to build again, only to refuel and reenergize you with what you need. These are the friends that stay strong and become your foundation when all else fell.

When all the leaves have blown away, the branches have broken off, but roots won't leave you.

Not everyone you lose is a loss. Real friends can't make our problem disappear but they'll definitely not disappear when we're going through our problems.

Only when you recognize this, you're opening up to your life to more deep, meaningful and fulfilling relationships.

[justmechristinaa]

I did try to let go, I did try to forget. But I just can't. Not everything in life you wish to forget or let go, it can just be gone like that..... As much as I remembered clearly what had happened, it doesn't mean others will remember.. To them, maybe is just part and parcel of their life. In the end the one who got hurt is me and people around me whose still loving me. All I can say is I'm really sorry. I'm really trying my best to be fair to everyone. Perhaps only way to allow me to let go is by cutting off all ties and burning everything.... But 我真的下不了手！ 我好恨我自己，我也好恨你给我的伤害！是我的错!

[justmechristinaa]

[thepersonalquotes]

[justmechristinaa]

Sometimes it's really tiring to be the only one putting in effort to maintain some friendship. And it really suck to be like a substitute. Your friends only find you when they have problem. But when everything is going smoothly for them, and I will become transparent.

[justmechristinaa]

Thanks for being awesome and always accepting who am I... Despite all the separation we all had been through, we still back together as 3 musketeers!

[justmechristinaa]

When plan is going well, until some issue occurred to cause it haywire. I really hate this feeling, mentally and emotionally upset and stress. Not everyone is as strong as you think they will be. I'm sorry. #SleeplessNightAgain

[defineyourgrind]

[poems-and-words]

Book of the day: All The Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr

Get the FREE Kindle Reading App

[justmechristinaa]

Look back & Reflect... 13 Oct 2016

Someone once told me this. The feeling, the memories, the emotions, the thoughts will always linger in us even though it's already the past. We will never be able to forget, it's just that we chose to depress it inside us.

2016 is passing way too fast and too many things had happened, and it’s too scary to absorb.

There’s so many things in my mind now which I don’t even know where should I start from. But all I wish is to pen down what had happened for myself to reflect on.

Situation 1: I used to have mood swing (or perhaps now still have at times) and will get very emotional out of a sudden, and will just MIA from everyone and just want to be alone to have some quiet time. I admit reason for being like this, is i think too much of the past and all the negative thoughts and emotions will just flow in which will totally just bring my mood down. And outcome of my selfishness is only making people around me to feel worry and anxious for me. I’m really very sorry. Thanks Axelle and Jasmine for the 29 Sept 2016 night of drinking till 2am at Fort Canning Park office, accompanying and telling me how lucky I am and how blessed and being loved by people around me now. Thinking positive is also a way to keep my relationship healthy. Thanks Ben for always giving in to me!

Situation 2: It’s 13 Oct 2016. 1 year just passed like this! To be honest, I’m still quite upset and disappointed by your action. The fact that I can let go of this relationship, hoping that this clique of friendship can remain as before, but why don’t you have the guts to even face me?! And worst causing me to even get hurt by the whole freak bunch of you, instead of just you alone. All of you are really being very selfish! I do wonder is you being guilty or is cause I did something wrong to lead to this awkwardness..  But oh well, I’m still glad that slowly I’m letting go this clique, although at times it still hurt, but knowing that I should not even get upset or affected by people who are not worth it to be in my life. 

Instead I still have to thank you all for allowing me to be stronger and also to be more sensible and mature during the period of your absence in my life. Although I learnt it the hard way but I still overcome it! :)

Situation 3:  “Trust” is a word that is very sensitive. It can be use anywhere, any time, but different situation, it come with different definition. Everyone of us see and use the word “trust” differently and at times, it always cause misunderstanding and unhappiness. Sometime even after speaking out on the table, the distance is still there. I don’t understand why some people just won’t get the different definition of “trust” or another word is just taking advantage of “trust”, and often drag different situations into one. From this, I also learnt my lesson. Think before you speak, and listen with open heart and ears OR Act Blur Live Longer. 

Situation 4: Finally after 1year2 months+, I’m leaving this company. This is my 1st full time job, and I really learnt a lot from my manager and colleagues. I even changed myself for the better in this company. Joining this event line is my passion, but we can’t treat passion as our rice bowl. We still need to be realistic and aim for what we want and what we can earn for a better future. Money may not be everything, but without money, you’re nothing.  Thanks my old MA team! 

Oh well, I shall end here.. this post is getting lengthy. HAHA! Shall end my post with some happy occasions photos!! 

[justmechristinaa]

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