Irenic

[justtttpihu]

I find pieces of you in every song i listen to. How am I supposed to move on when everything I do leads back to you

[justtttpihu]

I hope when love finds me again it's him, just with the better version of ourselves so we could be enough for each other.

[justtttpihu]

Jan 29, 2026

I used to feel proud of the love I poured into him, convinced of how fortunate I was. Today, I felt repulsed by that very person. What I thought was real now feels like an illusion, broken beyond repair.

Disgust and love— I never imagined they’d exist in the same sentence, until he taught me how easily love can rot.

[justtttpihu]

He felt like heaven to my hell, a mercy I was never meant to keep...

[justtttpihu]

I wake up carrying you like a bruise no one can see, going through my day as if my heart didn’t quietly collapse somewhere between what we were and what you chose not to be.

[justtttpihu]

Almost. What a tragic word.

[justtttpihu]

How do you abandon something you once called home? How do I let go of someone who i once considered as my home?

[a-mind-in-ruins]

I will love you for the rest of my life and maybe that is the only forever we were meant to have.

[justtttpihu]

Maybe we failed to understand each other. I failed to understand that  you were also trying your best for me while you're also hurting me meanwhile you failed to understand how much I am hurting but still wanted to be with you.

[justtttpihu]

And i no longer understand Is it death or the will to live that i seek

[justtttpihu]

And i will never understand why it ended the way it did. We could've worked it out, i knew I could, but then I saw that he had already made up his mind, that he came just to leave me here with an aching heart, longing for him. Why am I the only one hurting? Standing here still Waiting for you to come back, while you are there partying, enjoying your life, as if i never existed.

I wonder will it ever truly end? The ache? The longing? The yearning?.

[justtttpihu]

Does my absence not affect him at all? I see him enjoying his life without me and I wonder to myself 'am i that forgettable?' or " was i never worth remembering?" I gave him all I had, all that i ever had in me, so why was it never enough?.

[justtttpihu]

And when the nonchalance fades and I'm reminded of the way his laugh sounded, the way I felt in his arms, and the way his scent calmed my senses along with the void he left..

[justtttpihu]

Read a quote today that goes like "And in the end you are left alone with your body that can't love you and your will that can't save you.." Man that hit home