K8's Ramen Report

A blog detailing my exploration of the world of instant noodles.

[k8ramenreport]

Indomie Mi Goreng Fried Noodles

Let’s rise from the ashes and kick things off with a good old-fashioned Indomie Mi Goreng!

You can actually get this brand in Croatia, and I remember I actually bought it once, a while ago. Back then, I was kinda new to the ramen world, so I assumed that you make them the same way as you make other Indomie ramen packs – by putting 250ish mL of water onto them and throwing all the spice packets in. It was only after the soup tasted awful that I realized my mistake, and never bought another pack due to the shame of it all. But, to hell with it, I figured this time – they’re cheap AND I looked up how to actually prepare them, so let’s go!

The preparation of this is very unique and interesting. You tear open all the packets and mix them up on your plate, and THEN add the cooked noodles and toss everything together. In the traditional Indomie fashion, your whole kitchen Is gonna be covered in flavored oil and sticky soya sauce, but that’s the price we pay when we worship at the altar of ramen.

When the noodles are prepared, they smell delicious – oily, slightly burnt, kind of like something that’s been aged in a fine oak barrel. They have a wonderful brown sheen about them. The noodles are your typical springy, slightly chewy Indomie noodles, which I love like my own child.

Taste wise, they’re slightly sweet, smokey, savory, spicy, and sublime (can you dig the alliteration?). Due to the preparation, I thought they were going to be reminiscent of oily pasta (my shitty student recipe; boil pasta, add oil, add random seasoning, add utter lack of self respect, eat while sobbing). They are, in the sense that they can seem a bit plain, but I’ve been eating these babies for a few weeks now and I usually drown them in Sriracha, which REALLY helps. I reckon these can be used as a base for even more exciting dishes, and I shudder to think what a few vegetables would do to this fried beauty.

Overall, I will be rating the Indomie Mi Goreng Fried Noodles an 86.1/100. I am SO glad I figured out how to cook this. SO worth it.

[k8ramenreport]

New content! Hooray!

I moved to Belgium recently. Shortly after moving into my new apartment, I realized that I’m within walking distance of an Asian supermarket. You can imagine my excitement when I saw that the place has two whole shelves full of instant noodles!

Here’s the first few of the large, LARGE collection of noodles that I may review in the upcoming weeks, months, years or millennia.

Stay tuned for sodium poisoning!

[k8ramenreport]

Maggi 3 Minutes Chicken Noodles

I haven't been able to procure decent and fun noodles for a while, so we gotta go off on a tangent with something I've found at my local supermarket for the equivalent of half a dolar a pop. This doesn't claim to be ramen, mind you. It doesn't even try to do that faux Asian thing for the packaging, except for some chopsticks, which I guess are synonymous with instant noodles in this shithole. But Maggi is also synonymous with instant, grandma's-kitchen-tasting soup. So what the hell is going on here? Let's find out.

These are quite small, and only need 250 mL of water. It could be a cup-a-soup if the noodles didn't get in the way. You get some slightly brownish noodles, a pack of what appears to be normal clear oil, and a pack of aggressively yellow powder. Have you ever seen Vegeta (not the DBZ man, the Croatian all-purpose seasoning)? That's what it looks like, bits of carrot and all. I pour the works into my bowl and let it ferment. It cooks reasonably fast. German technology is the best in the world, after all. (Nobody tell her Maggi is a Swiss corporation)

It tastes and smells like every other Maggi soup my grandma's ever made me. Salty, instant, and slightly bland. The noodles are actually pretty good and taste like integral flour. (?) There's no spice to this at all, and yes, the stuff inside the yellow pack is most definitely Vegeta's offbrand cousin. It's kind of an uncanny experience, to be used to spicy noodles and then be faced with this bad imitation. It's instant noodles for extremely white college students who can't handle too much black pepper in their shitty, dull, clear soup. Or perhaps for grandmas raised in socialism who grew up eating instant soups and now want to see what this newfangled instant noodle technology is. The saltiness gets a bit overwhelming by the end of the bowl, and by the time I finish it, I'm ready to have my adult diaper changed and go eat some jello with the other residents of my retirement home.

Overall, I'd rate the Maggi 3 Minutes Chicken Noodles a 62,2/100. I guess we found one thing Germans aren't that good at. (Pssst.)

[k8ramenreport]

Paldo Volcano Spicy Chicken Noodle

Going back to basics with super spicy curry chicken ramen, only this time by Paldo. Morg got me a 5 pack of this ramen for my birthday, and as a sign of gratitude I’ll write a review of it. Don’t tell nobody; he actually tried to get me Samyang’s 5-pack, but the eBay seller sent the wrong one. I was sad for a second, but realized that any writing opportunity is a good one.

This thing is obviously trying to be Samyang’s curry ramen, and it’s basically a dollar-store knockoff of their famed Hot Chicken Curry. The preparation is similar, with a packet filled with rich dark-red sauce, and a packet of spices which is just sesame and nori, the seaweed used in making sushi. I ate a bit of the nori and was instantly transported to my local sushi place. Even the noodles are of a similar wriggly shape as Samyang.

Taste-wise, it’s pretty spicy and not that horrible, but there’s a definite undertaste of plastic that I really can’t ignore. Remember how I said, back in my first review, that these things sometimes have a plastic taste? This was a textbook example. The sauce is too focused on trying to be spicy that it leaves a lot to be desired taste-wise. You just get a burning, smoky, bitter punch to the tongue, some plastic, and an aftertaste of chicken and slight curry. Disappointing. At first I was confused as to what the black nori flakes were supposed to add, but I ate another one without adding the second packet, and the taste of plastic is immediately worsened by a lot.

On the bright side, the pack is big and would definitely be delicious if you added a lot of vegetables and whatever you usually like in your ramen. There’s room for improvement. I thought for a second that my judgment might be clouded by the prior consumption of the real thing, but no, these are just slightly icky. Good spice, though. My tongue still hurts.

Overall, I’d rate the Paldo Volcano Spicy Chicken Noodle a 76.8/100. My disappointment is measurable with numbers, and my day is only slightly ruined.

[k8ramenreport]

Nongshim Potato Noodle Soup

I got this particular ramen off eBay whilst browsing the endless lists of noodle soups available online with but a click of a button. When I saw the words “potato ramen” curiosity clawed at my soul and meowed loudly, demanding that I buy and try some. And who am I to stand in the way of scientific pursuit?

At first, I thought this was potato-flavored ramen, which seemed bizarre. But after the package arrived, I did some additional research. I had to fire up the old Google Translate since I can’t speak Korean and discovered the pack was made by my old nemesis, Nongshim. They’ve disappointed me in the past with their fish flavored ramen, although that is on me for not appreciating fish stuff, and I shan’t judge them for their past transgressions. We will approach this objectively, without being swayed by emotions and flashbacks of spicy bilge water!

According to the official site, this package “has ramyun made from real potatoes” and the soup is beef/onion flavored. That’s a relief, since straight up potato soup was too scary to think about. I do like potato noodles. Reminds me of gnocchi. Let’s see if this ramen doesn’t live up to traditional Italian cuisine. Also, the back says it has 75% of your daily intake of sodium. God damn. This stuff, according to my scientific knowledge, should be salty as fuck.

The noodles are pretty chewy and sticky. At first I thought I didn’t cook them for long enough, but the slight chewiness persists for as long as you eat this ramen, which really makes them stand out among other noodle soups I’ve eaten. They’re very fun to eat and quite tasty. If I wasn’t told these were potato noodles, I wouldn’t be able to tell what they’re made of, I’d just note the slight texture difference and praise it.

Taste wise, it’s very good. The vegetables are well done (you get humongous chunks of mushroom that actually taste like mushroom and bits of potato which made me laugh out loud for some reason), there’s a slight spiciness to it and the portion is big enough to feed a moderately hungry small Croatian girl, whatever that’s worth.

Overall, I’d rate the Nongshim Potato Noodle Soup a 84.5/100. Well done, detested food company. You’ve redeemed yourself.

[k8ramenreport]

Paldo Rabokki Noodle

The comfy, nicely-colored packaging claims that this is a stir fried noodle, yet it comes with a soup base and demands a large amount of water. What a mystery! The suspense itself is enough to get the old tastebuds shivering in anticipation.

The pack comes with the usual Paldo metric fuckton of flavored dust and a pack full of liquid red sauce that smells very sweet. It’s like, if a jar of honey and a chili pepper made sweet and spicy love, this sauce would be the baby. The color of the soup is a bright red that instantly gives me Paldo Teumsae flashbacks. Though it does look nice. The reason I didn’t take a photo is purely technical; the bowl is blue so the stuff looks bad on camera, and I ate this ramen alone in my dark room like a weirdo whilst watching Peaky Blinders so I couldn’t be fucked to make the photo look nice.

Taste wise, the olfactory suspicions are confirmed – the soup is definitely too damn sweet. It’s pretty good and adequately spicy, and the texture of it is slightly thick and oily – felt like I was drinking liquid silk, which was a nice experience. The noodles don’t disappoint, as I’ve come to expect from this brand. I’d say it’s reasonably delicious if you don’t drink the soup too much, because it’ll always shock you with how sweet it is.

Overall, I’d rate the Paldo Rabokki Noodle a 70.3/100. Now I gotta go brush my teeth before they fall out of my skull because of all this sugar.

[k8ramenreport]

Samyang Hot Chicken Flavor Ramen

drumroll

The post we’ve all been waiting for. After the curry and cheese editions of Samyang’s iconic series, we go back to basics with the one that started it all, the Hot Chicken Flavor Ramen. I uploaded the tasting of the good stuff on YouTube, so go check it out. (x)

I love the description that Samyang has on Wikipedia. “Samyang ramen (Instant Noodles) is instant ramen made by Samyang Foods, a Korean grocery company. The total length of the ramen is 50 meters.” Crucial information, right there. Boy, I sure hope the company didn’t put 49 meters of noodles in my package. Because if they did, heads are gonna roll. You don’t cheat me out of my Hot Chicken! It was like Christmas morning the second I tore open the thing.

You get two packets, one with the iconic sauce and one with spices, mostly containing sesame seeds. Sesame isn’t something that you normally see in ramen packets, so it was pretty cool to get it. The ramen smelled amazing. Good to see the sauce really never disappoints. I actually have the empty packet of it next to me as I type this, and I’m periodically smelling it. Man, I gotta get more of this stuff, and soon.

Taste wise, it was absolutely delicious. I was actually somewhat afraid I’d be let down because the stuff would be missing the curry, but it really isn’t. It’s a complete experience on its own and don’t need no extra spices. (Forgive me, oh based Samyang, I shan’t doubt you in the future.) You can sorta taste the chicken, but the sauce is very rich and you mostly taste the nice blend of spices. I can never get over how DARK that stuff is. I wonder what they put in it? Something dangerously addictive, probably.

It’s a bit less spicy than the curry ramen, which makes it totally manageable. I didn’t even need any milk after it, because if you recall, the last time I went to the kitchen to drink milk straight from the carton. I am, after all, a white girl.

I recorded this for YouTube because I figured I should periodically upload SOMETHING, and I can only do so many knitting videos and silica gel tastings. Also, I wanted in on the hype. And I also wanted to shill the blog. Anyway, after filming the thing, I crammed the rest of the noodles into my face and licked the bowl clean.

Overall, I’d give the Samyang Hot Chicken Flavor Ramen a 90,1/100 rating. Coincidentally, the highest rating on this blog so far. Because it deserves it. Today, I got my spicy happiness. Today, life is good.

[k8ramenreport]

Paldo Kokomen Spicy Chicken Flavor

I’m pretty hungover today. There is only one thing that can cure me almost instantly, and that’s spicy chicken soup. It just so happens that I have some! What a lucky girl I am.

I love the packaging of this. “Clean and spicy”. Not sure what the “clean” is referring to, or if it’s clean as opposed to dirty. Like, “these noodles haven’t been tossed into a septic tank at any point during their transport”. Clean noodles? Yeah, I sure hope they are!

cute bowl time!

It smells like rich chicken soup, with a distinctive smell of vegetables and this smell that Paldo noodles always have. I don’t know what it is, probably a spice I’m not familiar with. Just the smell makes me hungry. Also, there’s lots of vegetables, reminiscent of the Paldo Teumsae Ramyun I reviewed a while back. I can see peppers, green onions, carrots, and a bunch of other stuff, including what looks like dry chicken strips.

Taste wise, this is really good. Usually I’m apprehensive about reconstituted vegetable flakes, but these were pretty amazing. Especially the peppers. Damn, that’s some quality dry veg. The soup was delicious and just spicy enough without being overwhelming. The entire experience reminded me of my grandma’s chicken soup, if my grandma wasn’t a coward about spices. My soul is warmed up and I am back to full HP after eating this.

Overall, I’d rate the Paldo Kokomen Spicy Chicken Flavor a 82.1/100. Very enjoyable. I hope the objectivity isn’t compromised by the fact that I really wanted some chicken soup.

[k8ramenreport]

Brace yourselves...

Three reviews are coming. (can you guess which one I’m most excited about?)

[k8ramenreport]

Nongshim Neoguri Seafood&Spicy Ramyun

seafood AND spicy, together at last

Dear reader, I’m port town born-and-raised. In my life I have eaten many fresh, locally-caught fish. What this does is make me remarkably elitist about seafood. As a direct consequence, I got a gut-wrenching feeling at the thought of eating this, since I knew it would not live up to my standards. Especially since the fish flavors, according to the ingredients list, seem to be just about every fish in existence. That’s like making a chicken-beef-pork-veal flavored ramen. Sacrilege.

Well, my first thought was actually “why would you make this spicy?” It immediately made me think of fiš-paprikaš, which I’m not a fan of because river fish aren’t real fish, and I’ll fight you on this.

With this in mind, I tried this with my partner in crime (Morg, the owner of the hairy arm you can sorta see in the picture) so he’d help me be more objective. I conveniently forgot about the part where he has this vague dislike of seafood.

The stuff looks cool, I like the bits of kelp and seaweed inside. They don’t taste like much, but they’re a cool addition nonetheless. The broth is very red, which actually does seem to be a common thing for many Korean ramyuns such as this one. It smells very much like the sea and it immediately permeates the room. Unfortunately, it’s not quite the good sea smell, like when you visit the beach on a summer morning and feel the salt on your skin. More like “puddle next to concrete beach on 3 pm in the middle of August”, or “that little creaky port where you used to go with your grandpa and every boat is covered in seaweed”.

The taste isn’t that great. All that fish just combines into one giant maritime punch to the face. I tried to suppress my seaside genetics and not think of this as fish, but just a ramen, as to not influence the examination with my prejudice. It did not help. Frankly, it sorta tasted like slightly spicy bilge water. The noodles are excellent, though.

Morg said the following:

Overall, I’m not going to rate the Nongshim Neoguri Seafood&Spicy Ramyun because I believe it was my own tastes that influenced this review, and that is not objective. If you’re into seafood-flavored ramen, you’ll probably like this, since I read other reviews that all placed this product quite high ratings-wise.

[k8ramenreport]

Paldo Jjajangmen Chajang Noodle

According to the fancy-looking package, this stuff is “instant noodles with black soy sauce”. Upon tearing the packet, I found myself with a packet of sauce larger than life. Just look at it! You could use this thing as a pillow.

Excited to see what black soy sauce ramen has to offer, I eagerly cooked the noodles and threw in the sauce packet. It’s a very thick, pitch black paste, with big lumps of soybean stuff inside. It reminded me a bit of squid ink sauce and overall looked like something rich people eat. According to my extensive research, by which I mean some Googling that I did, jjajangmyeon (짜장면) is a thick sauce made of chunjang, diced pork, and vegetables. This beckons the question, and I shall answer in advance: chunjang (춘장) is basically sweet bean sauce. This stuff, however, is apparently vegan and as such contains no diced pork. Can’t have it all.

It looks darker in real life!

The stuff smelled pretty strongly of soy sauce and I tore into it like it was our first wedding night. The first response that my brain thought of was “sweet”. Not as in “yo dude, this pasta is SWEET, son” but more like “is this supposed to be this sugary?” It reminded me a bit of a dish we in the Croatian seaside call pašta fažol, which is basically pasta and beans in a stew. Probably because that’s pretty much what this ramen is.

The soybean bits are sweet and chewy with a starchy texture, the noodles are good, but I must admit that this ramen is a bit too sweet for my fragile European palate. The taste resembles more a dessert than an actual meal, and the beans are too sweet to be taken seriously. It leaves a certain je ne sais quoi to be desired. I began examining my response to this stuff, could it be I’m just not used to these kinds of tastes? Likely.

This is the thinking man's ramen. It not savory enough to be the ramen that we know and love, but is instead taken in an almost radically different direction to become an acquired taste for the modern ramen eater. The western ramen eater that welcomes new experiences. I had to ponder this in front of the bowl and a laptop, immersing myself in the experience like some kinda philosopher just to be able to write this review.

I don’t dislike it, mind you. I think the taste is something every ramen enthusiast needs to try, not because of its own merit, but because one needs to know. To immerse oneself in the experience of cheap Asian snacks, one has to overcome hurdles such as their fear of beans that are too damn sweet.

Overall, I would rate Paldo Jjajangmen Chajang Noodle a 75,1/100. It is a horizon-expanding experience that has set the bar for other uncommon ramen types.

[k8ramenreport]

Samyang Hot Chicken Flavor Ramen – Cheese edition

Any avid Ramen Report reader will recognize the name of this company from one of my earlier posts. And if your eyes didn’t light up at the sight of based Samyang, you’re no avid reader of mine. Shame on you and go scroll down to the curry chicken report, because the truth DESERVES to be out there!

Needless to say, I was expecting a good experience because of the high rating I’d already given to stuff similar to this. After the primary excitement subsided, I noticed two things that stuck out, like a couple of sore thumbs. The bizarre pink wrapping (generally you don’t want to connect pink and chicken, it always gives me an impression of something raw) and the illustration of the block of cheese on the top left. I’m not used to cheese in my ramen and am slightly apprehensive about cheese that comes in packets. But if we’re doing this, we’re doing this correctly!

There’s two packets in here, one reminiscent of the delicious sauce I’d eaten before, and one that’s, again, baby pink (God damn it). I tear open that one and almost crap myself, because it’s full of both cheese and green stuff. At first I automatically go “oh shit this is blue cheese” and my heart does a somersault. At second glance, though, the green stuff appears to be harmless spice.

I cook the thing and add the good stuff to it. The cheese immediately forms lumps and sticks to my fork, simultaneously filling the room with a smell of cheese that wipes the floor with any Cheeto out there.

Apologies for the incredibly blurry picture, the cheese refused to be captured in such a fashion and I was in a hurry to eat some NOODLES.

Let’s eat this thing!

First off, the spice is pretty strong, although less hard-hitting than the Curry edition. Perhaps because of the cheese? I mean, milk does kill the effects of spice, so it’s reasonable to assume that cheese would have a similar effect. I don’t know. I have one more pack of this stuff, I’ll eat it without the cheese and see if I die. Stay tuned for the update to this post.

The taste is pretty good, although the cheese is something of a head-scratcher. At first glance it adds nothing but an overpowering smell of cheese to the room, but eventually it does develop its own dimension. It also changes the sauce consistency to a slimier and thicker one, which makes this ramen feel like an actual dish, although “slimy” is not really a word that one wishes to correlate with cheese. Kind of an uncanny valley situation, really. I remain unconvinced of its necessity, yet I greet it as an unlikely, but welcome guest.

The noodle texture is very good, it’s all wriggly and holds a lot of sauce. I’d say this is overall pretty great. The spice can be handled, it’s interesting, it’s tasty, and it’s Samyang. What more do you people want?

Overall, I’d give the Samyang Hot Chicken Flavor Ramen – Cheese edition an 81.3/100. Now to eat the second pack. Sodium poisoning be damned.

UPDATE: Ate the second pack. The spice is immediately much more noticeable without the cheese to cushion it, and putting in only the sauce packet makes the experience slightly less flavorful, as I imagine all the salt and assorted flavor stuff is in the other packet. I ended up putting salt on it, which actually made it pretty good.

[k8ramenreport]

Jin Ottogi Spicy Instant Noodle Ramen

These noodles come in a fun, circular shape (bet you didn’t know circles were so fun), which immediately sets them apart from a lot of other noodle packets. You get a spice packet and a thing of dehydrated vegetables, which are always a hit or a miss. Mostly a miss. Not a fan of bits of stuff that look like a robot was fed tofu and given a vague description of what a vegetable is.

The thing demands 500 ml of water, which is about double more than I’m used to. I instantly feel apprehensive – I know this stuff is gonna cool down quicker than I can write down a few positive things about it. And there aren’t many things worse than cold ramen, except for, like, pouring aftershave on a gunshot wound or something.

The taste is good and has a weird, uh, Korean twang (the white girl in me is screaming about how exotic this is) and it’s a nice experience. However, most of your time eating this ramen WILL be spent handling the spice. I do like spicy, but this is pretty brutal – the first five minutes just taste like pain, and after that, my fears get confirmed; the soup has now reached 4 degrees Kelvin. I accept my defeat as I slurp the freezing liquid. At least the spice gets less overwhelming as entropy sets in.

Overall, I’d rate the Jin Ottogi Spicy Instant Noodle Ramen a 63.4/100. It’s alright, that’s about as much as I can muster.

[k8ramenreport]

Indomie Vegetable Noodles

Let me preface by saying that I eat an approximate metric fuckton of this ramen a month. It’s not that I’m a broke college student and can’t afford anything better, or that I hate foods that aren’t incredibly bad for you; I just happen to enjoy instant noodles, and Indomie just happens to be the only brand currently found in Croatia’s grocery stores. As it stands, this review might be slightly biased, since I got Pavlov’d into salivating every time I even glance at these unhealthy blocks of sodium-rich happiness.

This is a decently-sized ramen for one small Croatian girl. However, since I’ll be reviewing the vegetable one, it’s got another cool thing going on for it – the packet of seasoning oil thrown in. Normally, you’d just get a packet of powder and chili – not very exciting. But this bad boy has a packet full of oil and lemongrass included! The thing is a nightmare to cut, though. I have a special pair of scissors dedicated to cutting it open, because otherwise I’d get flavored oil all over my papers.

By the time you get past the packaging-related conundrums and get oil over everything you own, you’re ready to cook your noodles. They’re salty, oily and slightly spicy, with a slight vegetabley undertaste I can’t place, and undeniably delicious. They’re originally from Indonesia, which is why the flavor packet is called “bumbu sauce”, the Indonesian word for a blend of spices. Some may call this flavor basic, but at the end of the day, Vegetable is my favorite Indomie noodle flavor and has become something of a comfort food of mine.

Overall, I’d give the Indomie Vegetable Noodles an 89.1/100 rating. Don’t take this at base value, though. Get your hands on this stuff and tell me it’s not the best instant ramen to hit the shelves of the shithole I’m forced to live in.

[k8ramenreport]

Paldo Teumsae Ramyun

Let me start by saying that I absolutely ADORE the packaging of this ramen. It looks so royal and fancy. By the looks of it, I was expecting something equally royal-tasting. Did I get that? I’m not sure. But look at that package. The red just draws you in, it’s like sunset on a beach that makes the sea crimson. It’s like the blood of your enemies, conveniently coagulated in a bowl, with a boiled egg on top. It’s enough to make any ramen lover wanna grab it off the shelf and shove it right into their noodle-craving maw.

I tore open the packet and was greeted with an absolutely massive package of spices. Like, you think you’re already exceeding your sodium intake for the day when you tear into some noodles, but this is on a whole another level. I got like half a pound of red stuff in a packet. Aggressively red. I’m not surprised – red is what I expect, it’s what I crave from this package. So I throw everything in a bowl and let it cook. The room immediately smells like a vegan’s wet dream and I add the metric shitton of dried veggies inside. See you in a few minutes, red stuff.

The serving is huge – it even says “for two people” on the pack, but mama didn’t raise no quitter so I intend to eat the whole thing by myself. It’s nicely spicy, but the taste leaves much to be desired. Mostly, it tastes like onion powder and red paprika. One thing about red paprika – it’s just there for color, it don’t do nothing for no seasoning. (RIP Auntie Fee) There’s a lot of vegetables, but that might not necessarily be a good thing, as I am slightly apprehensive about reconstituted peppers. The huge serving goes colder than skinny-dipping on Pluto in record time, and just as I was starting to enjoy it. The noodles are good quality and taste good, but the whole experience is slightly too paprika-y. I guess red is the hill they chose to die on.

Overall, I’d give the Paldo Teumsae Ramyun a 74.1/100 rating. Not bad, decently spicy, and you do get a lot for your money, but not something I’d bother to eat that often.

[k8ramenreport]

Special intermezzo: the journey of a packet of Samyang Chicken Ramen.

yes.

YES.

YEEEEEES.

[k8ramenreport]

Samyang Hot Chicken Flavor Ramen - Curry edition

I decided to start my journey into the unknown with some fancy-looking ramen that, as I unfortunately realized a little bit too late for comfort, is often used in YouTube spicy challenge videos (the one where people try a spoonful of food and start flailing and screaming like they’re possessed because it draws in them sweet, sweet views). I like the packaging, though! Looks very colorful and fancy, and I like the chicken. It looks adequately mortified at being killed and stuck into a cheap Korean instant noodle pack.

As is often the case with these curry ramen noodles, you’re supposed to cook the noodles to a reasonable consistency, drain the water out, and then add the sauce. This makes a nice change from slurping down cheap chili flavored water (not that I have anything against chili flavored water, mind you) and provides a bit of a “wow I’m actually almost cooking this as opposed to just spilling some water on it” feel. On the picture above, you can see the two packets that came with it, the veggie packet full of carrots and other topical veggies that expand when you pour hot water on them (magic!), and the curry sauce packet, full of a thick, dark mixture of soy sauce, curry, chili, and presumably a whole lot of monosodium glutamate. So I cook this thing, pour in the sauce that immediately makes the room smell very pleasantly of curry and spices, stir it around a bit and dig in. (here’s a blurry-ass picture of the stuff in action, don’t hate on my spoon.)

Down to brass tacks. The noodles and veggies are good and cook evenly, but they are by far not the focus. The sauce that I keep harping on about? Absolutely amazing. Not only is it full-bodied, tastes very strongly of curry and soy sauce, very tasty, it is also INCREDIBLY spicy. Like, I’m not talking normal “put too much chili” spicy. I’m talking burning, smoky, dark, powerful spicy that hurts your tongue so bad you have to take a break and be scared you hurt something and/or will get a heart attack, but is so God damn delicious you just keep cramming more in. After like 5 mouthfuls I had tears streaming down my face and my nasal passages were nonexistent. Every nerve ending in my mouth was SCREAMING to please stop. However, since I’m not a little bitch and can appreciate delicious food (and a bit of pain) when I score some, I ate the whole thing and practically licked the bowl clean. This ramen, slightly surprisingly, does not have any of that plastic crap twang you usually get from these packets, it actually almost tastes like something you’d recognize as real food. The serving is also big enough to pass as an actual meal. Very impressive for this kind of package.

Right after I ate this, I sprinted to the kitchen and drank milk straight from the carton, which alleviated the pain a little bit. I may be a white girl and believe some forms of mayonnaise are too spicy, but this shit is brutal. It’s a shame, because I really wanted to taste the sauce more, yet most of the time I only tasted the pain. (Sick XRA reference.) I would highly recommend this ramen as long as you have a glass of milk at hand.

The day after, I went to Morg, my partner in crime, ‘s place and bullied him into eating the second packet. He started making pained noises almost immediately and maybe cried a bit halfway through the bowl, but did agree with me that the stuff is delicious, so there’s that. That’s your cross-examination of the day.

Overall, I’d give the Samyang Hot Chicken Flavor Ramen a 89,2/100 rating. A few points off for actively trying to kill me. Nevertheless, very good quality and definitely something to try if you can handle a little bit of masochism.