“I still remember the knot in my stomach when I came out to my mom 6 years ago. At the time, I made a lot of assumptions about how she felt about me being queer. I had no idea that this moment of honesty would lead to a livelong friendship with my mother. Don’t get me wrong, there was an adjustment period for both of us. It was a year or so before we could even talk about it aloud. Comfort zones were tested the first time I brought a girlfriend home from college. But through this uncomfortable transition, blossomed an honest, open, and downright wholesome relationship between my mom and I. She has taught me what it means to be an Anishinaabe woman and I take those teachings with me as I figure out what this #TwoSpirit identity means to me. Her wisdom, power, and artistry continue to inspire me to do better, to be better
With all of this being said, I am happy to announce that my mom, Vicki Lynn, is my first artist collaboration!! We’ve been making artwork together all summer long and it has been an amazing experience. We push each other’s artistic and competitive sides every day. 18 year old me could have never imagined my mom and I working together to create LGBTQ and Two Spirit pride artwork. She has made a traditional, hand-woven 50 inch pride belt ($95) and two beautiful cedar rimmed pride dream catchers ($35/$45). Message me if you are interested in any of the items.”
YALLLL I’m sharing this post from my beadwork shop page (facebook: queerkwedesigns) on tumblr because I never thought this day would be here and I need to talk about it. I wanted to keep my business post short but I know y’all live for this gay shit.
First let me explain something about my mom and I. We didn’t have a close relationship growing up. There weren’t as many hugs or “I love you”s or comforting touches as I would have liked, but now I realize she was doing the best she knew how. You see, my nokomis (grandmother) was in a Native boarding school and she saw a lot of abuse and neglect as a kiddo at the Holy Childhood School of Jesus (ironic, right?). My mom was conceived when my white, alcoholic grandfather wanted to piss off his religious parents by fucking around with dirty little Indian girls. It was a truly fitting 1950′s love story. My mom was the oldest of 4 and she helped raise my aunts and uncle when my grandpa split. My nokomis was such a strong, beautiful Anishinaabekwe who ended up being a tribal judge in her final years, but in many ways she was emotionally absent because of her childhood traumas. She did what she knew how, which was to keep them fed, clothed, and get them through high school graduation. Despite all of her hardships, she was able to do that-which is amazing! Then it was my mom’s turn to be a parent and she tried her hardest to break some of cycles and combat that historical trauma ingrained within us. She fed us, clothed us, and got us through high school. She even hugged us a little more, learned how to say “I love you”, and tried to be there in the ways she knew how.
I can talk about all of this now, but I didn’t understand it as a poor, closeted gay kid who grew up in a town of 700 people and wanted nothing more than to get out and never look back. It wasn’t until I went away to college and learned about boarding schools, historical trauma, and understood the ways that structural inequalities shaped the lives of those in my family and community. Instead of being upset with my mom for the lack of support, I grew proud of the woman she became despite everything thrown her way. It’s been a rough path to this point though. She was the last person in my immediate family that I came out to because I was terrified of being rejected and losing her. It wasn’t ideal and there was definitely an adjustment period for both of us, but it ultimately forced us to talk about emotions in a way that we had never been able to before.
Flash forward to this summer, where we have been creating together and helping each other grow emotionally, spiritually, and artistically. I’ve been helping her see herself as the strong, amazing lady she is and she’s been helping me stay grounded and remember where I come from- a long line of bad ass, indigenous kwe who get shit done. I’m planning on applying to grad schools in the fall and I’m not sure where I’ll end up, so this time with her and my family has been so important. This is the longest amount of time I have been home since I left for college after high school. This place used to bring me back to that closeted, emotionally blocked, self hating baby gay, but now fills me with warmth in a way I never expected. I had to leave to understand myself. I had to go and be around the queer community to witness that being an openly LGBTQ individual was really an option. Now that I have, I need to return and feed my indigenous spirit. In one way, things are coming full circle as I embrace this two spirit identity which incorporates both my queerness and my culture. In another way, I’m feeling more lost than ever as I try to understand what it means to be a two spirit person in this society. Having my mom by my side for support and guidance along the way is an amazing feeling. I can’t wait to see how relationship grow and strengthen.
Thanks for reading! Like/Reblog so hopefully some other LGBTQ Natives get ahold of this story and know that things do get better. There are ways to bring your identities together. It’s by no means easy, but it beats having them conflict for attention and emotional energy. Our ancestors would have embraced you into their arms and hopefully one day our communities will remember our traditional ways of acceptance. In the mean time, you are valid, you are loved, and you are so fucking important.
Message me if you’re interested in any of the beadwork/ dreamcatchers/ belts shown. Prices and more beadwork can be found at my facebook shop @queerkwedesigns. If you don’t have access to facebook, message me on here. Follow me on Instagram @queerkwe. My beadwork is for everyone, all I ask is that you’re an ally to queer and indigenous folx. If you want to/are able to donate to me, project supplies, or sponsor a two spirit/ lgbtq indigenous person who otherwise could not afford this pride jewelry here are my online accounts. Message me about collaborations/questions/comments! Email- [email protected]
Paypal: paypal.me/reblynn
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