simulated frotting sleepaway camp

jake. 29. he/him. yapper. shark enthusiast. tolkien. realm of the elderlings. iwtv. heated rivalry. hockey. seattle kraken. ao3: kaijuerotica

[kaijuerotica]

Jake's Heated Rivalry Fics

Drift Compatible | Rated E | 42k (complete)

Shane Hollander is the most promising pilot the Jaeger Corps has ever turned out. He's strong, disciplined, and loves killing kaiju. Unfortunately, he's had issues finding someone he's truly drift compatible with.

Ilya Rozanov was the star of the Russian Shatterdome before he was unceremoniously shipped off with an outdated jaeger and no copilot.

I think we can all see where this is going...

Glittering Gold | Rated E | 52k (complete)

In 2009, Ilya Rozanov won his first World Figure Skating title. That same year, Shane Hollander was selected first overall by the Boston Raiders.

In 2014, both are chosen to represent their countries in the Sochi Olympics.

A lot can change in two weeks.

Life in the Sunshine

(post-canon oneshots series, various ratings, 22k, ongoing)

Other oneshots below the cut

Does Luca Haas is Gay? | Rated G | 3600 words (complete)

Luca Haas is not gay. Ilya is absolutely certain about this. He doesn't care what anyone else has to say. Luca Haas is 100% not gay.

...

Ilya is the last to find out Luca Haas is gay.

Answer The Bell | Rated G | 1300 words (complete)

A player hits Shane in a way that's far less than accidental.

Ilya responds in the best way he knows how.

[kaijuerotica]

a novel invention called a Printer That Actually Works

[transmutationisms]

me when im so sweet and beautiful

[kaijuerotica]

customer at work tipped me a tiny flamingo

[kaijuerotica]

customer at work tipped me a tiny flamingo

[doechiimp3]

ilyas big fat crush on yuna let's talk about it

[doechiimp3]

have 2 believe that ilya hanging out at her house all the time leads to at least a few times where shes in a robe and straight out of the shower w wet hair and her face is a little pink and damp from the steam and she beelines for the couch bc she CANNOT miss shane's face off and ilya is sitting there wrapped in three blankets with a pint of cookies n cream trying to not look at her directly and Yuna is literally smelling soooooo good and Ilya is texting Shane furiously WHERE IS YOUR DAD?? and Shane's like "I'm about to blow up Scott Hunter's walker and this is what ur texting me?? Ugh" and then ilya swipes to his thread with svetlana and says "as a belated half birthday present to you I will tell you one true thing about jane" and sveta immediately responds "ok yay let me think" and Ilya says "no this is not a fucking q&a session I am telling you his mom is so hot and I am alone with her and I am panicking" and sveta says "ILYUSHA!!!!!!!!! PICK UP PICK UP PICK UP" and Ilya blocks her for the evening

[mercyandmountainwater]

I really think we as a fandom are overlooking “canonically has a lesbian sister” “proud ally” “wife guy to a doctor” “managed to befriend clinically anxious Ryan Price” Wyatt Hayes as a character and a potential close friend for Shane.

[shanehollanderhockeyplayer]

They would have such Adhd x autistic friends dynamics

[zevampirex]

Some snicky goblins have asked fervently for some Arwen and Aragorn illustrations. I had been inspired, so there is two other more to come 👀

[factbot]

In 2009, Osama Bin Laden onion ale was the first soft drink to be canned

[fiollaigean]

how to cover letter:

polite greeting (it's me, boy)

introduction (i'm the ps5)

establish credentials (speaking to you inside your brain)

establish purpose (leave the girl, we don't need her)

describe what you can bring to the organization (cowboy times in space)

[kaijuerotica]

hi jake :) 9&14 for the hockey asks

9. What is a moment from a game you’ll always remember watching live?

Kraken had a game towards the end of the season where they scored 3 points in 3 minutes to come back and force the game into OT. I was screaming the whole time. They lost the game in the end but it was also during their post-Olympics collapse so even that comeback felt absolutely monumental

14. Have you gotten anyone else into hockey?

I don't think I've gotten anyone else into hockey but I did successfully pull Jay into Kraken when he asked what team he should follow hehe

[kaijuerotica]

hockey asks!! 4 and 25 please <3

4. Has hockey inspired you to try any new activities (e.g. learning to skate)?

I did go ice skating earlier this year (technically it was for my friend's birthday but I'd been wanting to go) but I haven't continued it partly because I fucked up my shoulder doing it :( I went in April and it's atill healing

25. What is your favorite thing about watching hockey?

Hockey makes me lock in like nothing else. The most focused I ever am is when those dang passes are connecting.

[kaijuerotica]

22 for the hockey ask game :)

22. What is your most hockey player–esque habit irl?

Hmmm I'm not sure I can pinpoint anything specific I'd call hockey player-esque 🤔 like I watch and think about hockey but otherwise not much haha

[kaijuerotica]

2 (Are you a fan of any other sports?) And 12 (What’s the weirdest place you’ve watched a game?) For the hockey asks!

2. I don't really follow any other sports, no. I love watching the Olympics every couple years but that's the extent of my other sports interest. Tho maybe this is the year I finally actually start watching and paying attention to figure skating...........

12. I don't think I've watched a game anywhere weird!! Weirdest was maybe during the Olympics when I had the games playing on my phone at work when it got slow in the afternoons and playing a game on aux while driving in my car bc I couldn't get the kraken radio broadcast to work (tho ofc I wasn't watching, just listening)

[glovesdown]

Hockey Asks!

How/when did you get into hockey?

Are you a fan of any other sports?

Do/did you or anyone close to you play hockey?

Has hockey inspired you to try any new activities (e.g. learning to skate)?

If you’re a fan for a team in a city you don’t live in, how did you pick them? If you’re a fan of your local team, do you follow any non-local teams?

Do you go to games? If so, what’s your favorite part of seeing them in-person?

Are you a fan of any fictional hockey media, or just the real thing?

Do you collect merchandise or memorabilia (cards, pucks, jerseys etc)?

What is a moment from a game you’ll always remember watching live?

Do you watch games alone or with others (irl or virtual)?

If you had to add a color to your team’s color scheme, what would it be?

What’s the weirdest place you’ve watched a game?

Have you ever met any players, either by chance or at team signing–type events?

Have you gotten anyone else into hockey?

If you had to commentate a game, would you rather do play-by-play or color?

If you could change, add, or remove a rule from the game, what would it be?

Have you started using any hockey slang in other contexts?

Do you sacrifice sleep to watch games at late/early hours?

Do you have a favorite ultra-specific hockey stat?

What is your favorite jersey from a team you're not a fan of?

Should [insert league here] expand? If so, where do you want the next team?

What is your most hockey player–esque habit irl?

What is one overused question you wish you could make beat reporters stop asking?

Would you rather work for your team's social media (pitch/produce content) or general management (have a say in trades/drafting)?

What is your favorite thing about watching hockey?

[kaijuerotica]

why is tumblr making all my notes look so blurry.........

[kaijuerotica]

✒️ hello :)

@scunthotter