A Personal Archive @kaleablovesyou - Tumblr Blog

Samples "I can see the future by Tinashe"

Produced, recorded, and engineered by me. Recorded in the east oaks estate.

Written, recorded, produced, and engineered in hideaway studios. Co produced by Kaleab Samuel

“Underdog Story”

Updates..

06/19/21 8:51 p.m

I feel like I have a lot to prove.

I’ve been working with people who are way more skilled then myself and it’s been a great learning experience.

I can see past mistakes with more clarity and I’m excited to drop my next offering.

“Underdog Story”

Coming soon...

When opportunities to work with others don't exist how does that make you feel? It makes me feel anger, murderous, and envy towards those who I try to make connections with to work with, and I see them ignore me. That feeling can be pretty entertaining with the fantasies it brings, like an outlaw in the wild west, it makes for a good outlet of the ugly feelings we get, especially when it unconsciously controls what you put into a composition.

When people I want to collaborate with don’t want to work with me it’s a reminder that there’s more work to do.

You can’t force people to work with you, and it can feel defeating but that’s just a natural part of life ya know?

The people I’ve been wanting to work with ignore me too for the most part lol

But I can’t take it personally. I just gotta keep going and continue working on myself.

Taking that energy, and using it to as the fumes to keep going and go even harder.

Some real underdog shit man.

punchdrunkcolour

this year changed my life. felt a lot of things i haven’t in nearly a decade. trying to be more clear on what i want and what’s best for me. its been very hard. ive been skating non-stop for a week, doing things to clear my head and feel good! it works really well! i want to be in denver with my friends, discover new creative outlets for myself, skate, make money, and live well. but i also like living in new york for the simple fact its something ive always wanted to do. for the opportunities that are there. its just hard without the community i have at home and hard to miss the people i really care about. its honestly hard for me to picture a life long term there.

a lot has hurt my heart this year, i just know i have to go be jones whatever i do. im very lucky and blessed, and it’s important to me that i move like that. i need to smile and be stronger, stay out of bullshit and just feel good. denver feels right for me, new york feels ok. im intersted in other places, but i know its never gonna matter where i live if im not right within.

as usual everyone except for my parents are really proud of me and see me for who i am. my grandparents talk about me non-stop about how much they miss me and love who i am that makes me feel really good. people are excited about my potential. ive even had people tell me they look up to me this year. after this recent experience with “love” though, it feels like i don’t know what the most important thing is. is chasing a dream and a career important? is it just important to do what makes you happy, even if it’s not ambitious? it’s why ive been skating more than anything. at the core of me is the truest love for that. thats where it all started for me. im pushing through pain in my foot and knees. eventually you skate to a point where it just doesnt hurt

i want something tangible. something i can do everyday creatively. modeling is going well. all the work ive done recently has turned out beautiful. its not putting money in my pocket though. but again it makes me feel good just to see the result. to see myself.

ive survived a lot of things in life that i dont really speak about because i know a lot of people have it worse. but right now the amount of shit ive been through is just a lot. i wonder if im trippin until i tell people what’s going on and they just look at me and say “damn…thats a lot.” if i dwell on it though ill just be negative and miss out on all the things i should be enjoying this summer.

i think i really want to be home. ive been watching a lot of Justin Henry video and reading his interviews in thrasher and stuff. He’s born and raised in Ohio and even with all his talent and ability he doesn’t ever want to leave. He kills it from his home state in the midwest and seems really happy doing it. I listen to Leon Bridges and read about him living in Texas. Again never moving out to LA or NY because he loves home. If I’m staying here I gotta do something. If I’m leaving, I gotta commit and let go of everything. I moved to NY by myself. I hardly know anyone there and it’s scary to imagine being around a bunch of people who I may never develop a strong connection with.

I had a really rare connection with someone to start the year, and nothing hurt worse than to leave that. i hoped i wouldn’t lose it but even in that short time away in NY time just did it’s thing. its very very rare for me to feel that way about someone and letting it go has felt almost impossible. its why i say i need a new creative outlet. for one i just want that for myself. but i also just want to occupy my mind with something meaningful. i havent felt this way since i was 19/20 years old. im hoping for the best, but i feel a little more prepared to hear the result im not looking for. but man do i want this to work.

we will see what happens next.

Do you like Charles Mingus?