kale â she/ her â masterlist â requests are closed
I'm kale, like the vegetable, and i love music. acc is 18+ minors dni . you'll see me lurking in my own comments. Relatively new to the app so I'm still trying to find my way through. My requests are closed but not my asks so you're free to chat a little :]
i also have guidlines in my masterlist!
all works are written by me, do not repost , I'm only tumblr
I cannot stress this enough, write it poorly. Write the shittiest draft you possibly can, stick 'ah fuck something happens here and now they're fighting' to get over
Write the worst fucking version you possibly can and stick it in a folder and forget it for a month or two before you look at it again. You know what you have now?
A first draft. And with enough time to think some new thoughts about it, you'll soon end up with a better, second draft! And eventually, you'll end up with something you'd be perfectly okay with letting other people read!
You'll never believe this process works no matter how many times you do it, but it totally does. You just have to drag your brain kicking and screaming to that blank page and get the bones down first.
thinking of writing blurbs at the moment since I can't curate actual (long) fics :)) I know it's shorter but I have like tidbits of my own ideas that I really want to dabble on and from there maybe I can try and get my groove back!?
helloo! I wanted to put it out there that I'm no longer accepting requests at the moment. I know my masterlist is looking rlly empty and requests that I haven't looked through or tried writing are piling up in my inbox or my drafts. I'm going through a rough couple weeks so I can barely start on something let alone my own ideas unfortunately. and that just puts down my motivation altogether :(
because you are using aggressive emojis im going to depress you đ
@darlingmbappe -type of writer to say "english is not my first language" then have 5k words per paragraph in a oneshot. just so talented please check their masterlist out.
@photmath -pulls through every single time. meaty fics but i eat it up
Reine- 8 chapters, was pulling my hair and screaming, rolling on my bed to reduce aching (i was on my period but it hurt regardless because- just take a chance on it i guarantee it's so so worth it)
@kymb-10-this close to blocking them because im insecure of my writing. but i can't let go of good fics for my pride i think that's all i have to say. everything's good.
@karotland- BETTER LEFT UNSAID. AFDEKFDJDLGHOD yeah that's it. and this one (BYEđ the way i typed 'this one' because i forgot whqat the name is and am too lazy to go back and find which one of the 30 tabs contains the fic anyways it's so normal people fluff that makes me wanna gouge my eyes out cause it's not fair)
do with that what you will | j.b. 5 (feat. e.h. 9)
a/n: remember when I wrote? back in June? Time flies. Also hi anon who req'd this forever ago, title's yours. also proofread! but don't hold it against me, english is a hard language.
wordcount: 4501
nsfw under cut! minors dni
18+...pwp(very little plot), choking, oral(m receiving), public(?), unprotected p in v sex, overusing of italics
You were moody today. He could tell by the way you avoided his eyes to how youâd only talk when acknowledged (by someone else) but not before plastering that scrunched smile that only he could tell was fake. Itâs not like your reasons are invalid, if anything he was the one to blame for this but he doesnât have time for your petty squabbling, youâre in public and youâre both adults. You know well enough that you should act like it.
At least thatâs what he thought until he saw his old friend, the one that just completely bodied his team 14 hours prior to tonight is now standing next to his girlfriend, youâre talking with that pretty smile that was the death of him, easily would be the death of anyone else.
He looks like a lamppost, he observes the man dressed in all black; a complete contrast to his bright platinum hair slicked into its normal bun.
You looked more at ease now that you were talking to him, you both did. Compared to your stiffness to other people, you seem to warm up to him. You were so comfortable that you even let him stand by you with your arm pressed against his broader one.
Not as broad as mine, but you know Iâ Again, he catches himself. He should stop. Thatâs his friend too. The interaction unfolds, what should be friendly, is anything but to him. To him. He should look away, but he canât.
This isnât supposed to bother him. It wouldnât bother him as much as it does if he didnât know that Erling used to pine for you. Grovel at your feet even. He remembers that boyish grin he makes every time you would interview them post game or before. People would point it out online, saying things such as you favor the Dortmund players or that youâre so critical but praise Erling like he was god and even thought it was funny at first knowing he himself made you see god.
Itâs unfair that he suddenly wanted to show Erling his place, he isnât even sure if he knows that you and Jude were a thing at all and maybe only now had he suddenly found the confidence in himself to finally talk to you; but that was never a priority in his brain when he boils catching sight of a hand that isnât his resting on your back.
Jude set the shot glass down a little louder than normally, clinking against the marble of the table. He picks up another one, itâs his thirdâŠor fourth. Actually, He isnât sure, he lost count and he doesnât leave his place. He doesnât move when Erlingâs pinky taps on your back, his patience runs thinner by every inch that finger dips lower than where itâs welcome.
The only thing that breaks Jude from his reverie is when he catches your eye as you turn back for the shortest moment, droopy and paired with a lazy smirk. He didnât care much until he realized what it implied; youâre tipsy, not enough to be too vulnerable, but enough to let yourself be reckless to do something you shouldnât. You wink, solidifying his conclusionâyou know what youâre doing.
Before he knows it, youâre back to entertaining his âfriendâ only this time youâre a lot more confident, talking louder, smiling wider, even grabbing his bicep as you slightly tilt your head back from laughing. It irks him, but heâll play your game. He wonders if Erling knows heâs playing too.
*
Youâve been avoiding him all night. Even at homeâ his home you mean (where you luckily had some appropriate clothes), dodging kisses and pretending like you donât feel his stare at the back of your head just like he was doing now; seconds before Erling asks you to go dancing. A bit of a surprise since you thought he only approached you to ask where the toilet was and now youâre dancing? He had to lean down to your height to be audible over the music. The question hangs in the airâShould you? Probably not.
âSure.â It comes out before you realize, but the acknowledgement in his face tells you that you indeed said it out loud.
You have to stop yourself from turning back too fast when you feel Erlingâs palm rest lowly on your back, he says something you donât listen toâ heâs getting himself another drink(looking back, his intentions were obvious if he started drinking right after he asked where the restroom was). His attention shifted long enough for you to finally steal a glance at Jude, whoâs shot glass threatened to crack between his fingers. He liked to pretend it was Erlingâs pinky, grip tightening as he watches it brushes on your back. His stare follows as you take the initiative of walking Erling to where the people are drunk and dancing.
From anyoneâs point of view, it seems like the next story on Hello! Magazine, awaits Erling, but contrary to how it appears, your mind was occupied completely and utterly of Jude. How much you hated him, how he looks like sitting with his legs spread, wondering how far you could press till he cracks. Itâs all fair play though, he out of anyone should know.
He promised himself that after the game, you would get to hangout. You were excited, you thought maybe youâd go out for dinner, do something intimate; just the two of you, but after a dayâs rest (that you so generously granted him) he says he needs to attend a party, for old timeâs sake.
You didnât know how to react at first, should you be mad? You started to feel so, but thought to yourself; do you even have the right to? You shook that thought off your head. Of course you did! You let your insecurities go before settling on disappointment. Jude saw this, thought itâd be better if you spent what couldâve been your date together at the party. With his friends. Might as well bring his mum, sheâs better company anyways.
Call it what you want, maybe Itâs a bit childish how you hated the thought of sharing Jude to anyone, a bit possessive; but itâs hard having to arrive at a party together only to split up and socialize with other people so you can keep things hush, water down suspicion. You understand why he does it, you think itâs best too. But just for tonight, you hoped; you didnât have to share him with the world. Alas, another day goes where you have to. Anyway, if he liked to do it so much then he shouldnât mind if you share a little too.
The music changes once your heels click on the dance floor, the songâs slower. Erlingâs stills, âIâm not good at thisâ Hands hover over your body, he didnât know where to place them. Heâs antsy, itâs cuteâyou wonât deny that; the drinks wear off when youâre nervous. Suddenly heâs aware that youâre dancing with him. You feel a little bad knowing youâre using him, regardless, heâs still a nice guy. Always thought he was a little sweet. Your eyes crinkle as you smile, watching him blush. Confidently, you push down the hands onto your hips before adding a firm pat to reassure him. âKeep it there.â You sound more serious then youâre supposed to, it makes Erling gulp. All his confidence may have just been the alcohol talking, and if he were being honest, he wished he drank a bit more.
Jude watched as you giggledâhe scowled, youâll have nothing to laugh about if you keep this up. If he was jealous when Erling put a hand on your back, he was livid when he watched you laugh with Erling, like youâre actually enjoying yourself. Heâs not one to be insecure, heâd never even entertained the thought but that seemed to change when this jealousy turned into something worse. He couldnât put it into words. It boils in him as your hips sway, youâre too close to each other, but heâs rooted where he stood. Heâs mesmerized and enraged, but he wonât go down without a fight.
Minutes pass and Jude finds himself seated next to his friends, he figured he needed to let loose, maybe people were getting suspicious with how heâd only kept his attention to that girl dancing with Erling Haaland. Gio yells over the music, âdid you order this?â his eyes shift to his friend, confusion replacing Judeâs then blank face. He almost said no before catching a group of girls giggling to themselves. Just as Gio was about to return them back, Jude tapped his shoulder, âIâll be back.â He didnât wait for a reply, already trekking his way to his next mission.
Erlingâs letâs his limbs set loose, even if heâs just jumping to the music, youâre jumping with him. Itâs dark, but it was lit enough that he could make out the shape of your jaw and the curves of your body, he doesnât know why he hasnât noticed but it drew him in even more. He spins you, back resting on his front, hands are on your hips as you sway to the rhythm. For the first time tonight, Jude was the last thing on your mind.
But from where you stood, you felt eyes on you; consciously, you opened yours only to get a glimpse of something that made your blood cold. Hands were on him. Everywhere. Heâs got his arms out with two girls wrapped on him like he was a tree. The music tunes out, the hands on your body disappear, and itâs red. You see red. It makes your fingers twitch. He catches your eye, how your movements slow until your whole bodyâs rigid, and thought to himself; Iâve won. He grins, satisfied with your reaction. But if anything, youâre the stubborn one in this relationship.
Erlingâs voice is soft on your ear, polite as he is. âAre you okay?â You donât look his way, youâre busy making sure Judeâs watching. You trail your eyes back to Erling with a smile that fooled anyone.
Heâs upside down from your point of view, the outline of his jaw more prominent under the shadow. The stare you give makes his cheeks hot. Heâs about to say something but the words get caught in his throat when the feeling of your hips grinding back at him registers in his brain. He short circuits, forgetting every word heâs known.
Judeâs smirk leaves as soon as it arrives, dropping and taken over by his wide eyesâironically mirroring Erlingâs expression whoâs grip lands on your hips for leverage. Your eyes look blown under the light, big and innocent like you donât know what youâre doingâbut Erling knows, they both know you do. Youâre close to his face, enough that he could see the remnants of gloss on your lips.
It happened quickly, someone spilled liquid on you, mostly your shoes but also a little on your dress. Itâs beer. You look up, both of you pulled away. Maybe you shouldâve cared that you ruined it, the shoes that Jude bought you. Jude. Fuck. You look up, heâs already leaving sans the two girls he had all over him. Maybe you overdid it this time. Taking a quick glance at Erling, heâs occupied with the person apologizing to him, reassuring the man. Heâll be fine on his own, you think to yourself. When Erling picks his head up, youâre already gone.
You follow him amidst the sea of sweaty drunk people, shoving, and pushing. You think of what you want to say, apologize? Thatâs completely unfair. Itâs not like you were gonna actually lean in and he shouldnât have ditched you in the first place or canceled last secondâ And where does he think heâs going?
You curse this world for giving him long legs, walking two steps at a time. Everything just decides to be an inconvenience to you today. Your voice is dry with alcohol and the lack of use, but still you yell over the unnecessarily loud club music.
âJude! Can you pleaseâ slow down! Asshole...â You say the last part in a normal tone only to realize youâve said it loud enough for him to hear. Thereâs a cold breeze on your shoulders that tells you youâre at the exit, the doorâs open and itâs quiet. Jude turns slowly, a more than displeased expression on his face.
âMe? Iâm the asshole?â He scoffed.
âYes. You ditched me!â
âAnd you seemed to find great company.â
A scowl disturbs your features, âYou were doing the same thing!â
Before he responds, he pauses, Jude does something you both have been avoiding all night. He takes a deep breath, recollecting himself. His voice is steady, âLook, I can tell youâre upset about tonight,â
âWonder what gave that awayââ
âLet me finish.â You cross your arms on your chest, mumbling to yourself. Jude takes a step in your direction, enclosing your figure on the wall but (as much as youâd hate to admit) it isnât suffocating, heâs warm and the scent of his clothes are comforting. His fingers stroke your arm up and down till they reach the space between your neck and your shoulder. They linger for a moment before softly brushing the hair clinging to your skin.
âI know why youâre mad, okay? I get it baby.â You sigh when his head ducked to your height. His voice is so soft on your ear that you canât help but sink into the wall, his body pressing flush on yours. Lips graze the shell of your ear, leaving a soft peck on the sensitive skin. Jude⊠dazed, you whine his name. âI know you canât help it..â He continued, âI know you canât because,â fingers stroke your throat. âWell âcause youâre a whore.â
As soon as your eyes open, thereâs a grip that tightens at the sides of your throat, squeezing out a strangled noise from you. A whimper or a moan, You arenât sure anymore. Thereâs a pause in the air, he waits for you to say something. You donâtâno, you canât. The damp spot on your underwear strengthens his claim. Heat rushes to your cheeks, you want to tell him off at least, leave a snarky remark but embarrassment floods in your stomach and his hold on you is immovable. His eyes speak for himself, Look at meâit read, but you never had the strength to look away in the first place.
âYou think Iâm gonna let you off easy? Youâre used to that arenât you. âCause I spoil you too much, isnât that right?â His tone is sweet, his hand brushes your temple gently, but it isnât realâthe only thing you could register with a lack of air in your brain. Your body shudders when the stroke of his hand travels lower, the one on your neck slacking but he still keeps you between him and the wall. So close that you could feel his breath on your cheek, his knee taking place between your legs and pressing slowly, you gasp.
âJude notâ here.â You curse at yourself. It was supposed to come out firmly, a command, rather it sounded like a meek plea. Judeâs leg bumped against your clothed front like he was playing with you, your thighs tried to shut but it only made things worse. âPlease weâre in publicââ He paused his movement before scoffing at your words.
âReally? You didnât seem to mind while you were fucking around with Erling. âIn publicâ, for someone in the media, you could lie better than that.â You wince when you recall the events earlier tonight and how he spat your name out in disgust. âMaybe I should just keep you on a short leash so you donât hump on people like a bitch.â The words are shameless, and the lack of a better term, fucking vile that it makes you squirm. You look down, unable to meet his eyes.
âWhy are you so bothered? Thought you liked this...? So open for everyone to seeâŠâ His hands massage low on your back, reclaiming whatâs his. Judeâs tone was frustratingly cocky that you almost rolled your eyes if his knee didnât come up and down again to get your attention, a surprised whimper escaped from you. âHey, Donât cry for me yet, Iâve barely started.â
Your hands press flatly on his chest, âJude, can we justâ letâs do it somewhere more private.â You do your best to coax the man with eyes he normally canât just say no to, thinking that seemed to soften him just a little.
He takes a step back, enough that you can breathe your own air, albeit keeping you from sinking to your knees with his hands on your waist. He sighed, âYouâre right.â
*
Tears prick the corners of your eyes, the mascara that you meticulously applied earlier although waterproof is probably running down your cheeks. Drool gathers around your lips, he thumbs under your jaws; a reminder to keep it slack. Judeâs torturously slow with his movements, making sure that you take all of him. You do your best to do the complete opposite and take him in eagerly, the head of his cock reaching the back of your throat causing both of you to moan. Jude, having none of it, sinks deeper in response, causing you to flinch your head back in a fit of coughs. He wipes your swollen lips of the liquid that gathered with a dumb grin on his stupid face, enjoying the sight of you on your knees.
You swallow back spit to clear your throat, holding onto his thigh so the strain on your knees wouldnât hurt as much. Catching your breath, you glare at him, âDick.â
He flashes a smile, âYes, what did you think it was?â He looked completely unserious, relaxed even, bringing down one of his hands to his side. He tucks your chin between his fingers, âCome on, angel. The faster you get me off, the faster it is for you to get up off your knees.â Lightly, he slaps the head of his cock on your cheek. The pout you make is endearing, a glimpse of your usual adorable self that heâd nearly ruined by slotting himself between your lips. âUnlessâŠyou want to keep at it till someone walks in and sees the Fox sports journalist giving head to a Dortmund player? I can already see the tabloidsâ fuck.â
The sound is enough encouragement, Judeâs cock twitches as he watches you (all he ever does) your pink tongue licks a stripe up his length before you suckle on the tip, cheeks hollowing, sealed tight, taking your time. Your answer is clear, Jude doesnât know whether to celebrate or crumble. His grunts are short and restricted, yet they echo in the wide restroom that you were dragged to on a whim, how you got here happened in flashes of red lights that disappeared when you heard the door shut, unsure if he locked itâyou know you didnât but it adds to the thrill, the thought makes your stomach swirl and your knees shut.
Youâre kind enough to sink your mouth deep till you're half way. Slowly, you pick up the pace. The rise and fall of his chest accelerate, gasps turn into moans. His hips meet yours, although his movements were careful, he was desperate. It didnât help his resolve when your eyes fluttered at him, all pretty even with you gagging on his dick. His hands absentmindedly found their way to the back of your hair, finally letting himself yield and start fucking your throat. You try your best to catch up even if youâre no longer moving in your own accord and just making sure to breathe through your nose. Just as his moans turn ragged, he pulls you off, leaving you gasping for air. He lends you a minute, tilting your chin up at him to meet his eye.
âAll good?â he waits for you to nodâyou do, still trying to breathe. He strokes your lips with his thumb, wiping it dry. You look up at him, eyes hazy and blown. âGet up.â He commands, tone stripped of all its grit. Youâre a beat too slow that Jude forces you up your shaky knees himself. You have to hold onto him and lean into his body. Heâs just as wobbly but he tries his best to be steady for you both.
Youâre close enough that he could steal a chaste kiss. What was an intimate exchange turned greedy. Youâre on your tiptoes to reach him, but youâre not close enough, urging him to lean to your height, his palm traveling from your spine to the back of your head. He needs to feel your body and engrain the scent of your perfume on his. He flips you over, back now on the wall, hands greedy on your skin like he doesnât know where to with your body. You nibble on his bottom lip a tad too hard that it makes him hiss. You kiss it better, sweet for a moment before swiping your tongue across it. He takes the hint and deepens the kiss and slips his tongue in exchange. You part, he leaves a peck on your forehead, drawing his lips to your cheek then to your neck
Youâre getting impatient. Your bodyâs a lot more fidgety, writhing with every press into you. âJude can you- I want-â
âBe quiet.â His tone was cold, still he kisses you dumb, he has the lips for it. Itâs physical and intangible. He draws you in and lures your soul out, it makes your knees weak and turns you breathless. Your arms settle on his shouldersâtheyâre taught and big, your clothed cunt brushes against his dickâit makes you dizzy, sinking further into the wall.
He shifts your leg up on his hip, the other following naturally. You breathe heavily, his hands are impetuous on your body while he hikes up your dress roughly, settling for the fabric to hug your ribs. He pushes the flimsy material of your knickers, groaning as he sees you clench on nothing when the cool air meets your throbbing cunt, shiny with arousal. Fuck, baby. He mutters, voice above a whisper, you canât tell if he meant to say it out loud.
He strokes himself on your clit, rubbing with his cock, goading needy little moans out of you. You feel like crying when his tip finally stretches your hole. Youâre loud enough that Jude has to silence you with his lips as he fully fits the head of his cock in. He catches your whimper in his open mouth, gasping together when he places you higher on the wall, pushing deeper. Youâre tight with the lack of prepping, but youâre wet. So deliciously wet. Taking him in like butter on a hot knife. He presses his face against your neck, grunting and breathing heavily. Youâre left in an even more muddled state, spilling incoherencies, trying and failing to hold in your noises. Youâve completely given up on the silence, fuck it.
A grip on your face stills you, itâs then when you recognize the familiar callous hand covering your mouthâyour noises. You donât have enough time to tell him off, you couldnât if you tried. His eyes burn on your skin, the warmth in your neck gone, you feel the tightness of his muscles in every buck of his hips, slapping against your skin. His stare is heavy on youâ that alone flushes your cheeks. You push his hand away, instead tucking your head in his neck to muffle yourself , holding on for dear life while he thrusts faster and faster still.
 Your alternative catches your noises, poorly at that. Your eyes are shut, meeting his movements as you focus on the heat building in your stomach. Heâs driving into your pussy like heâs trying to fuck you into the wall. Each word that tries to escape is garbled in your pipes, strangled and aching for release.
âYou gonna come? Already?â He mocks you. âCome on, let me see my dumb girl.â Your grip softens around him, Jude maneuvers your face with his hand before fixing his palm to rest on your throat like he does although now looser. âWhat a messâŠâ Youâre close, he can tell. Your stomach tenses, clenching onto him as if youâre dreading the second that heâll pull out. He laughs, unsure of why but he tightens his grip, one thatâs become so familiar on your neck that itâs grounding. The lack of air and the heaping pleasure turns your brain into a puddle, everything around you clouds, your own voice and the muffled music louder than it was, bouncing off the walls.
Itâs when you open your eyes that your stomach drops, itâs a second that slips as soon as it passes. Your legs shake, thighs tensing around Jude. The same eyes you spent looking at the entire night stares back at you, wide and struck. Erling stands there, tense in his spot, taller than the space between the open door, music leaks in, almost blending with your high moans but the sound bleeds into his brain. He canât describe what he felt strongest; jealousy, shock, or the tightness in his slacks. For now he swallows his own spit, the picture of your writhing body ingraining itself in every memory he has of you. Ruined. Youâre completely ruined.
âOh myâErlingââ
Jude smirks, âNo, Itâs Jude.â He teased, loud enough that all three of you could hear.
âNâno, I meanâ Itâsâ Fuck. Oh god!â
âYeah, that one works too.â Itâs embarrassing how slippery you are inside, Jude rocking in and out of you like a piston with the stamina of an athlete.
Erlingâs planted on the floor, it feels like heâs holding in a breath thatâs stuck in his lungs. He should look away, but he canât.
âGo ahead,â He whispers between thrusts, holding you against the wall. This time his words are close, only for you to hear. You have no choice, unable to utter a word, gasping, forced to take it. âCome for me while you look at him.â
Itâs pathetic how you follow, eyes fixed towards the door when your orgasm crests in an explosion that leaves you shaking and trembling, legs wrapping tighter around Judeâs waist. Ultimately, you fail the task at hand, eyes nearly rolling back when your mind goes blank, the sensation tingles all the way to your satin shoes, throbbing and pulsing. His grunts turn into gasps, nails digging into your thighs when he climbs his own high, finally spilling into you.
You recollect, breathing heavily against each other. The last thing you saw were a pair of icy blues. As soon as you pick your head up from Judeâs neck, theyâre gone.
Hi can you possibly do like an angst with Jude and like the reader and jude are movjng to spain but like last minute she tells him she doesnât want to stay there or something like that, maybe because of a job she got somewhere else?
you can do it however just something like that if you want
OUR PLACE , jude b.
notes: i really loved this request so i wanted to make it the first imagine on my acc :)) iâm not sure how much i like this but i hope you enjoy it .. i also added fluff at the end because who doesnât love fluff
âthis place is beautifulâ you say taking in you and judeâs new apartment in madrid. it was a surreal moment for both of you guys- finally living together in a whole new country. it was scary to say the least, and you thought it was something you wanted up until you actually had to leave.
it was immature of you, to not tell jude about your doubts of moving with him but everything happened so fast because you were sure he would understand. but with the transfer and him just being so happy about being at madrid you didnât have the heart to tell him that you werenât going to stay.
jude smiled down at you his eyes glistening with love that wouldâve made any other girl drop to their knees, but all you could feel was guilt. you donât know how it got to this point, all you knew was that as soon as you got of that jet reality hit you like a train wreck.
as much as you loved jude you couldnât just leave all that you worked for just to support his needs, you had things you wanted to accomplish too. and you wanted to be there for him, truly. just not here.
âyeah, i canât believe we are going to be living together- like a dream innitâ his voiced laced with contentment.
you sighed deeply before giving him a smile, but your eyes showed something deeper.
after a while of trying to settle you sat on the floor looking for food places near you and jude sat next to you tapping away on his phone.
âi still donât understand why your bags arenât here.. i swear iâve called multiple times.â jude said frustrated letting out a huff.
at this your body stiffness and you go quiet biting your lip, you knew he was going to bring it up at one point. the thought of just telling him ran through your mind but your body just wouldnât let youâ you just continued scrolling through the phone.
âyou put yours with mine right?â
you sighed, âi donât know jude, iâm sure they will show up eventually.â you said not wanting to talk about it anymore.
he scoffed and looked at you, âi mean i paid for the bags to get here today, so no i donât want to hear âeventuallyâ thatâs just bs.â he looked back down at his phone and started typing.
you closed your eyes and took a deep breath before talking, âthey arenât coming jude.â your voice was low and full of disappointment.
jude snapped his head up towards you his face completely unreadable, âwhat?â it sounded almost like a laugh when he said it.
âthey arenât comââ you started but he cut you off and it almost sounded like he was confused.
âno- yeah i heard you the first time..â jude trailed off, guessing he was trying to understand what you meant by that.
you turned to face him before you started again, âi sent them back home.â and with that you genuinely couldnât tell what he was thinking right now.
âyou what?â
he wasnât yelling but he might as well have been figuring you were already about to start bursting into tears. âjude..â you grabbed at his hands and he let you.
he let out a soft laugh, trying to hide how confused he felt right now.
âim so confused right now baby, what is happening.â
your breathing started to pick up but there was no backing out now. you picked at his hands and he just continued to look at you, and you couldnât believe you had to break his heart tonight.
âi sent them back, because iâm not staying here jude. i canât.â tears threatened to come out as you spoke.
he was still quiet so you continued to speak. âi mean- i just itâs just all too much for me, this isnât my life.â
his face scrunched up, âwhat do you mean this isnât your life?â
âi mean it feels like.. sometimes iâm like living for you? like iâm just giving up my life for you.. and i canât do that anymore.â
âi still donât get it y/nâ he gave you a look as to explain.
âi stopped going to school for you, i stopped working for you, jesus jude i left my home for you. the only place i ever knew just for you, i just need to do something for me for once.â and of course jude had no idea that you felt this way and the intention wasnât for him to you just felt that you needed to get it off your chest.
âso what? you were just lying this whole time? why would you even tell me you wanted to move here with me when you didnât.â
he took a small pause, âand i never asked you to do anything of that, that was your choice- all of this was your choice so donât make it seem like i made you do any of that.â his voice started to raise.
and he was right, he never made you do any of that. he never asked anything from you but support and it just went a little too far. but your face dropped when he started to pull his hands away from you.
jude was just completely out of it, he didnât know at all what to think this was mad. how could his own girlfriend do something like that.
you scrambled to your feet and you couldnât feel anything but hurt in your heart. âjude i have a new job back home, i have to work and support myself- i donât kick around a ball and get paid for it jude.â and for some reason you were starting to get a little pissed.
âi can support you, i told you that!â you rolled your eyes at this because he still couldnât grasp your point.
âjude i canât rely on you to provide everything for me! i wonât let you do that.â you raised your voice at him while the tears that were welling up earlier started to pour out, and you quickly wiped it.
judeâs eyes looked so pleading and it almost made you fold but you couldnât. itâs like he needed he you so bad to just say that this was some joke.
you werenât shocked that this is the way this was going but god you wish it hadnât. âare you upset?â it was a stupid question but you had to ask something.
âam i upset?â he looked at you as if it was the most unbelievable thing heâs ever heard.
âam i upset that my girlfriend lied to me? and came to whole different country with me without the intention of staying?â
âiâm jumping of fucking joyâ he spat walking away from you muttering curses to himself.
you trailed behind him trying not to get upset at his attitude since this was your fault technically, âokay jude but you have to understand where iâm coming from..â
âi have to?â he scoffed walking through the hallway.
âyou should!â
you follow him into what was supposed to be our bedroom, already having a king sized bed placed in the center of the big room. you watch as he plops down on the bed his back sinking straight into it.
he let out a loud groan whilst running his hands down his face. âwhat am i supposed to do now?â he says as you sit next to him on the bed.
âjude.. â
he stayed quiet and all you could hear was his heavy breathing. âyou told me you wanted this.. us together like this. what changed?â
his hands started to tremble trying to think of what to say, because he genuinely didnât know why all of a sudden you started to feel this way.
âare- are you falling out of love with me?â jude blurted out, his voice shaking. he didnât even know where this question came from but he felt like he had to ask.
you couldâve sworn your eyes almost jumped out your eye sockets because how could he think something like that.
âjude. why would i ever stop loving you, almost everything i do is because i love you.â you explain with your voice trembling.
âso why canât you stay with me?â judeâs voice was low almost like he didnât want you to hear him, he hated being emotional in front of you but at this moment he couldnât help it.
âiâve already told you jude, i have a job and a life back at home i canât let it go now.. iâve worked too hard to just let it all go..â
he was now fully sat up looking at the plain white wall in front of us. it was such an uncomfortable and tense silence you just wish you could go home and cry your eyes out. this was horrible.
he also wanted to cry and tell you how messed up this whole situation was. but nothing came out seemed like the only reaction he had was putting his hands over his face.
you grab his hands away from his face, but he turns his head to avoid making eye contact with you. he was disappointed and you understood why he felt like this completely, i mean springing this up on him the day you guys were moving in have to be too 10 worst ideas.
âjude look at me please.â you pleaded biting down on your bottom lip.
he slowly turned his head to face you, and his pouty face just made you smile taking his face in your hands making him look at you. as you continued to smile at him he couldnât help but smile too- you were just so beautiful to look at he felt like he could admire you for hours.
âiâm sorry love, i shouldâve told you. but you were just so happy- with the transfer and everything i couldnât ruin that.â
âif you wouldâve told me before i wouldâve been a lot more understanding than i am now.. you know that.â jude sighed.
âi know..â you pulled his head into your shoulder taking his head in both of your arms massaging the back of his neck in circles.
you hear him let out another sigh of contentment which made you smile, âif it makes you feel any better iâll be here for 3 weeks with you.â
âfor some reason that doesnât make me feel better but at least iâll have you for a bit.â
âso are you okay? with me leaving?â you asked lifting his head back up.
âam i okay with it? no, absolutely not.â he answered and you let out saddened sigh.
âbut i will accept it and continue to make our relationship work, because i love you and donât want to lose you.â jude said and you smiled throwing yourself on top of him basically straddling him, both of you giggling.
âof course my girlfriend has to want to be an independent woman.â jude shook his head and you both laugh.
he wrap his arms around you his hands on your lower back.
âwe should go ahead and break in this bed huh?â
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