Is it possible to get back to writing after over 3 years?
At that time was the last time i was able to finish something but i was already unhappy with it, later i stuck completely, anything i tried to write later wasn't worth to keep. I'm really tired of deleting and crying in the endless cycle of breakdowns, i really miss writing but every thing i puke out is terrible. I know nobody can get any better without trying, but how long can a person be bad at something? I don't want it to be perfect, its not too high expectations but i want to be able to start at least, and for now probably not with the stories more important to me to not waste ideas on lack of skills, but even writting a short oneshot could be groundbreaking. Everyone tells me to stop being perfectionist and just write, but i never were aiming at any perfection and the words still not flow as they used to ;;
How to Write After a Long Time, Stop Spiraling As a Perfectionist, and Improve Your Writing
I was just like you and it made me waste 4-5 years of my life. I can totally relate to the boulder of perfection that sits on the shoulders and makes you loathe your own work.
As a perfectionist myself I know that's something you can not entirely stop neither it is in your control but you can desensitize yourself enough to let yourself breathe.
The reason why you keep abandoning your work is because you're expecting a refined work from a raw draft and you are showing no improvement in your writing.
0.1 Your words aren't flowing because you haven't written in a long time
Writing is a skill, and like every skill it needs a warm-up and exercise to work properly. I had the same problem when I sat down to write after years. So, first you're going to identity your problem. If you're struggling to describe a scene, objects and someone's features then you need to expand your adjectives vocabulary and if you are struggling to describe a character's movement then you need to work on your verbs. You also need to improve your prose.
Next, you're going to look at the examples and re-write it in your own words. For example, you're attempting to describe a beach atmosphere, so you will look at its examples, especially take notes of the adjectives and verbs used to describe it and try to re-construct the same scene in your words.
This will warm-up your 'writing memory muscle' and when you sit down to write again, the words will follow along.
Tip: Always re-read your previous work before starting a writing session. This will make your brain flow the words in your own writing style.
If you want more improvements I suggest these:
01. Do a lot of smart reading
Smart reading is not just reading a book but paying close attention and studying the techniques of writing that the author used. Do a lots of readings of your preferred genre and dissect every paragraph and plot by studying it. It's going to feel like a homework but trust me it's going to help you a lot in the long run.
02. Join courses or watch helpful YouTube videos
There are a lot of free courses out there that you can join and these are my go to Youtubers: Abbie Emmons and Bookfox. You can explore more on your own and find the ones that suit your genre and style.
03. Your first draft is going to be just a rambling trash and you need to accept that trash
This is the hardest part for the perfectionists but you are going to have to force yourself through it if you want improvement. When your draft makes you want to screech and press backspace button over and over again, you will instead close that draft right away. And when you are in better mood, you will open it and set a rule yourself that you are not allowed to delete it and you can only write more or edit it.
You will tell yourself 'yes, it's a trash but what about it? Yeah, it could had been better but worse as well, which it thankfully is not.' You will accept it as a trash and throw it out in the world. (This advice is only if you're writing as a practice or fics. Do not do this if you're writing an actual book).
Perfectionists needs restrictions to stop spiraling, so just like this set rules for yourself to whatever holds you back.
Tip: Trick yourself into accepting by telling yourself you were not writing it 'seriously' anyways—it's just for 'practice'.
04. Real writing feels like a work and it's a dull process
I know you want to feel that spark and enjoy the plot that you cooked up when writing it but that only lights up in your first draft. That's why let yourself go when writing it and enjoy your dreamland to the fullest.
Writing a book usually goes like this: writing first draft, re-writing it, editing it then fixing errors and doing re-writing if it's needed then editing it over and over again at least 4-6 times.
Sounds like a work, doesn't it? Because it is!
∘ Writing is a long journey
Even the most renowned authors of all the time took a long time crafting their works ranging from 2 years to 14 years. So, do not race yourself when you're only one on your own track—it's not a competition.
You might see people publishing their books even in a few months but just remember that's not their first manuscript and usually these authors are already experienced enough to do so in a short time.
And it's a very well known fact that mostly your first manuscript doesn't get to become a published book so don't set unrealistic expectations and crush yourself over it.
Before you abandon any idea I need you to ask this to yourself:
Would you rather that a story dies in your head or it breathes alive on pages, becoming someone's favorite?
I once came across a comment of a reader recounting that they cried over a list of plots that the writer never got to write. So, never question if someone will like it because someone always will. I know silent readers suck but trust me even your worst story will become someone's favorite.
Also inserting a personal example here, the first fic I wrote after not writing for years is still my readers most preferred one :)
In conclusion, don't abandon your plots because it is capable enough to be holding someone's heart!
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