i tried to explain what generational trauma is to someone recently and they were like āoh so because something happened historically, you get to have issues about it now?ā and noā¦. thatās not what that is.
when i was in 8th grade, on my class trip to washington dc, we visited the holocaust museum. itās a wonderful, extensive, informative place, and itās a beautiful tribute to the victims. as a jewish kid, i knew what the holocaust was. iād faced antisemetism every day of my life, and will continue to do so. i knew what had happened to my ancestors not too long ago.
but when i stood in that museum. in the recreation of the cattle trains used to move us to the camps. in the recreation of an auschwitz cabin, staring at the map of the camp. when i saw the pile of shoes and jewelry taken from the victims. when i learned how their hair, so very much like mine, was cut for having texture. and how their teeth were pulled for the gold fillings. i had a panic attack.
it was embarrassing, but i was a shitty little 8th grader, and i tried to hide it. but I couldnāt breathe. it was like there was a band around my chest the entire time i was in the museum. i was surrounded by ghosts, by the whispers of emaciated men and trapped women and crying children.
what is generational trauma?
itās the psychological idea that trauma can be passed down through multiple different ways. trauma can change you significantly, even rewrite neural pathways and physically change how you think. that, paired with the cycle of subconsciously sharing our trauma with our children, as well as mixing with the trauma we learn as we grow, leads to some really rough patches in our relationships with our identites.
this is a really great 4 minute video from the healing foundation about the trauma carried by aboriginal people in Australia. tw for some really heavy topics, but all presented in a relaxed and serious environment.
well, honestly, i donāt know. itās not like weāre gonna stop sharing our stories with our descendants, nor our histories. we canāt get rid of things related to our identities that give us our own trauma, the bigotry we face unfortunately isnāt going anywhere.
but being aware of your generational trauma is a good step. itās not just being āsadā or āsensitiveā to history. itās our history still affecting us today. when your indigenous friends are made upset by discussions of colonization, when your black friends feel the weight of a millenia of racism placed on their shoulders, when your gay friends ask you to please stop using that word, when your trans friends see another historical figure deadnamed and misgendered, when your jewish friends canāt talk about the Shoah without their voices breaking.
so why the fuck are you lecturing us?
our murdered ancestors live on in us, in our eyes, our hearts. we are reminded of them constantly, made painfully aware of who we are and how many people hate us.
we were not supposed to survive, and if most of the world had their way, we wouldnāt have. (no, the allies were not heroes of wwii, you turned us away at your borders and continue to let us die from nazis today. if america had had the option, they wouldnāt have given a shit about jewish victims, but thatās a whole other essay i could write)
itās time to start acknowledging the past, acknowledging your generational trauma and the trauma of those around you. iām not making up an excuse to āhave issuesā. at the time iām writing this, october 2020, iām 17. i have felt this weight my entire life, and i will continue to shoulder it, as will everyone else.
my point is, maybe we can shoulder that weight together. maybe then it wonāt weigh us down as badly. we have solidarity, and we are tough, and resilient, and strong, and beautiful. your generational trauma is something to be aware of, but not ashamed of. we can do thisāchange the world for the better. we can break the cycle so our descendants donāt feel as we do.
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