Things Said At Family Dinners:
“I was gonna leave, but I guess [NAME] needs affection.”
“I’m trying to cut back on my vodka intake.”
“Does this look like octopus hentai to you?”
“You haven’t seen me in like two weeks, so just come over here and let me look at your veins!!”
“Why are you so bad at surfing?”
“I kill everything I touch.”
“Obviously I like breasts the best.”
“Don’t grow up, it’s a trap!”
“They’re really concerned about if this is yogurt or not.”
“Cardboard works for everything.”
“They don’t know I don’t know how to do this.”
“Would you eat it even if it didn’t have chocolate?”
“What is this, an IQ contest?”
“If he/she can make 50 bucks drawing shitty My Little Pony fan art, why can’t I?”
“Give it some attention after you locked it in the closet all these years.”
“Is that called ‘stealing’?”
“If you mention that one more fucking time I’ll knock you unconscious.”
“I would hope you have enough morals not to steal from a five year old.”
“You better run, you sushi bitch!”
“See how the junior high kids are? They’re so sensitive.”
“Let them sacrifice a different virgin, okay?”
“Do I need to buy you three cartons of socks?”
“What a boring adult gift.”
“Damn, [NAME], why did you break his fireplace?”
“Suck your gut in, big boy.”
“By some miracle, I passed my math class.”
“Just focus on school, being happy, and being gay.”
“I kinda feel bad for [NAME] with the way he’s/she’s fucking up his/her own life.”
“I challenge you to a game.. Unless you’ve had enough.”
“Hello, 911? Yes, this is an emergency. [NAME]’s being a little bitch.”
“See, it’s perfectly safe. They have relationships with the gang members.”
“Umm excuse me can I please hold your hand?”
[NAME] said I look like the little boy from the Shining.”
“My IQ is if you multiply all three of their IQs together.”
“If I get cut, I’m gonna be dead before the week is done.”
“Kids are naturally afraid of you.”
“Damn, that’s some shit.”
“I am not going to tolerate this kind of abuse.”
“Your veins are so great, I just wanna stab them with a needle!”
“What kind of rash do you think this is?”
“Hey, you know a lot about feet, right?
“Can we stop talking about this please?”
“When did Brittany Spears get here?”
“This provides you with hours of entertainment, doesn’t it?”
“You couldn’t be any gayer even if you tried.”
“How is it I turned out so normal when I have a mother/father like that?”
“Today a kindergartener corrected me when I was solving a math problem.”
