看不见听不懂

azure | '05 | bookworm | kpopstan | hungarian | infp| queer | sapphic | she/they | pisces

[kanbujiantingbudong]

Introduction

Hi everyone ^^

Here's a short introduction for those who just stumbled upon my blog~

-> I go by azure currently (online), you can refer to me by that name and my prefered pronouns are she/they -> I'm an avid fanfic reader & writer - started on Wattpad in 2017, first moved to AO3 in 2020 then stayed permanently after 2022, and now I'm here checking out Tumblr as of now

-> I am queer and my writing does reflect that, a lot (regardless if that's fanfic or an original work). I plan on posting some drabbles here, promoting my AO3 account, and engaging with a the Tumblr side of the fandoms I'm in -> My main interests are mostly based around East-Asian pop culture: K-pop, c-pop, dramas, games, and many more -> You can find me on AO3 as stars_in_the_azure_sky, from there you can navigate through my fandom specific pseudonyms to find longer fics. Currently, I only have a couple one-shots published, but I'm in the process of finishing up some others, starting up two longer fics, and moving over/editing/translating some of my older stuff from my Wattpad era dark past -> Also, this has nothing to do with fandom stuff, but I have a cat and I'm very much of a cat person - although if you show me a cute doggo I can be persuaded to switch sides temporarily Since summer is coming soon in the northern hemishpere here's my longest ever playlist (over 250+ song with roughly 16 hours) that y'all can scroll through and listen to:

[kanbujiantingbudong]

the thing with "don't like don't interact" that normally doesn't work is that the people with audacity comment dumb and hateful stuff all the time, and it's usually someone trying to protect their peace to not interact.

i just thought of this after coming across a youtube video which at first seemed okay, judging solely by the title... only to come across bigotry parading as common sense.

and i just know haters would never give the same grace to anyone and simply close the video instead of writing at least one hate comment

on a similar note:

i hate that their are people judging others and labeling them as "not normal" in any way - normalcy is fucking arbitary, if we collectively decided the colour of the sky is in fact not blue but green, then it would be green (and everything else that is blue would be called green along with it) for fucks sake.

[rhinco]

i understand that it's unreasonable to expect a band on world tour to play in every country in the world but i do think they should only be allowed to call it a world tour if they play in every continent. we need to make it embarrassing to say world tour and then not even step foot in africa

[slytherinshua]

bias wall game !

-> show off some of your biases!

(thank you for the tag @page-yerin <3)

tagging @lexeees @reisdoll @blue-jisungs @hollyoongs @seokminfilm @nonononranghaee

in order: gyehyeon (verivery), yuto (onf), taehyun (txt), hwiyoung (sf9), yuma k maki (&team), changkyun (monsta x), wonsang (lucy), kyungmin (tws), jaehee (nct wish)

[seokminfilm]

YAY thank you for the tag zanna! what sucks is that most of my biases have left their groups (in this year ALONE) 😭 that is NOT stopping me from adding them though!!

in order: vernon, dk (svt - ults), martin (cortis), keeho (p1h), hueningkai (txt), maki (&team), hongjoong, yunho (ateez), heeseung (ex-enha), ricky (ex-zb1, and2ble), mark lee (ex-nct, soloist)

tagging @yumangel @parkersroses @realmofclouds @reisdoll and any others who want to join!!

[yumangel]

tysm for the tag lyr!! rlly showing off my versatility here when it comes to companies (sarcasm) but yeah.

in order!! sungho (bnd), ohyul (lngshot), juhoon (cortis), seungkwan (svt), yuma (&team), taki (&team), v (bts), taehyun (txt), jungwon (enhypen)

tags: @nichozzystuffs @minhosimthings @makizdoll @smidare @7yataki @mxriitaesz @myungmyng + anyone who wants to join !!

[makizdoll]

tysm for the tags everyone omg :(

in order !! maki ( &team ) haechan, jaehyun ( nct ) jaehee ( nct ) xinlong ( ald1 ) jihoon ( tws ) seonghyeon ( cortis ) sunghoon ( enhypen ) woochan ( adp ) mackiah ( ampers&one )

tags :: @minhosimthings @xionvlog @d3adg1rlie @fumasannn @ikigaijo + feel free to join in !!

[xiuxiuchenchenlove]

IDK where these came from. If I had to guess, probably @neocatharsis, so credit to @neocatharsis.

I don't have any sensibly-sized images, but it's Haechan (NCT/NCT DREAM/NCT 127/NCT U) and Mark Lee (NCT/NCT DREAM/NCT 127/NCT U/former NCT/soloist now).

tags :: @daily-nct-pics, @kongjjen, @conscbgb, @bamjjwi, @haechandoll, @devilcherri, @neocatharsis

[devilcherri]

In order: Haechan (nct), Yuta (Nct), Hendery (Wayv), Yugyeom (Got7), Woozi (Seventeen), Xiumin (Exo), Taemin (Shinee), Changbin (Stray Kids), Hyungwon (Monsta X)

Tags: @bridgertonletsgo @cinneorolls @palmkisses @jungyeoljung @kanbujiantingbudong + literally anyone else who wants to do this!!

[kanbujiantingbudong]

aww, thank you @devilcherri for the tag <3

in order (from left to right & top to bottom):

-> jaehee (nct wish)

-> yechan (lucy)

-> doyoung (nct127)

-> woongki (ahof)

-> dann (kingdom)

-> seoho (oneus)

-> xiaojun (wayv)

-> gunil (xdinary heroes)

-> jeno (nct dream)

pulled out the bias masterlist i made in excel to try to figure out a good mix of my popular and less known biases and realized how much is it in need of an update lol but i digress

this also made me realize how many groups i like and listen to while not biasing anyone from the group lol

tags: @jebeplanet, @bellmxq, & anyone who wants to join (i'm still pretty new to tumblr so i don't have many mutuals or people i follow oops)

[neocatharsis]

260603 XIAOJUN IG Update with JAEHEE

“Daily life of SM’s vocalists”

[kanbujiantingbudong]

Sometimes I remember that one twt (?) post where someone said the only fandom being hyper that the members interact with each other are czennies and once again they are being correct.

Because the fact that there IS a context where i am positively surprised and happy that two people from the same group (2/4 of my nct biases) have interacted on camera is a very surreal thing.

[uncertainlys]

MY FINGERS BARELY EVEN TOUCHED YOUR STUPID FUCKING AD STOP REDIRECTING ME TO THE APP STORE

[kanbujiantingbudong]

I wish every single person responsible for ads that CAN NOT BE CLOSED without it redirecting me to an app store to download it before i can continue what i was doing & the ones responsible for ads that for some reason PLAY ON FULL VOLUME EVEN WITH A 100% MUTED PHONE to always sleep with warms pillows filled with the tiniest lego pieces possible ✨

[velvetcloak]

[kanbujiantingbudong]

Make the P stand for products/pieces or something and it will encompass everything they try to pass on as art 👀

[kanbujiantingbudong]

Your siren song

My feelings for you are just like standing at the edge of a cliff engulfed in sea foam. As you stare into the eye of the deep abyss you hear the call of a sweet song. Waves keep inviting, yet never make a promise… and yet I keep staring down into the depth. I’m scared, my legs keep shaking, not sure if they can even hold me up. Then it comes from behind just like a silent breeze — a term of endearment, short but powerful, hiding an unspoken promise, a plea, a hand, a heart, a soul. All for me.

azure

[kanbujiantingbudong]

A cup of the unknown and a spoonful of home

Summary: Zhang Hao could say he already got used to his life in Seoul for the exchange year, but it all gets messy when his heart starts beating differently around a certain barista boy. It doesn't help that his roommate tries to feed into his delusions as well... wait, are those actually just delusions though?

The blue sky was slowly fading into maroon at the horizon, while the snow fall became heavier and heavier, gradually covering the rooftops and roads. The wind was gentle, but carried intense frost on its back. The street lights were yet to be lit, elongating the shadows painted by the setting sun onto the pavement.

These were the conditions Zhang Hao met as he walked up from the subway’s underpass. His glasses fogged up quite quickly, making him sigh in resignment. He stopped for a moment, waiting for his vision to clear up before going up the last couple of stairs. He was already aware of his own lack of balance in general and he was not about to risk any harm happening to the violin he carried with him.

Although he wasn’t far away from the dorm building, however luck did not have the tendency to be on his side. Hao once read about Murphy’s law – what can go wrong, will go wrong – and knew that was the philosophy the author of his destiny follows. In any case, if someone were to fall head-first into the ground because they tripped over their own leg that person would most likely end up being him. He already slipped on the wet surface in front of the entrance so many times, he was worried that the glass door will one day break from the impact.

So he took each step slow and steady, as if the melting snow on the road had already solidified itself back to ice. Hao can deal with one more scrapped knee or bruised elbow, but he wasn’t gonna risk his violin getting damaged in the process. Each patch of fallen leaves was like trap hiding under the fresh snow, something he could easily slip on.

Although it took way longer than it usually does, he reached the dorm building safely. He opened the door wide, then closed it behind him carefully, not wanting it to slam into the violin case in his back. Turning towards the staircase, he took a deep breath as he waited for his newly fogged up glasses to clear up once again. He hates the stairs, especially in a weather where everyone just goes up and down on them with wet, muddy shoes, making all of it a slippery slope of possible accidents. Hao shook his head. It should be fine. It hasn’t been snowing for long yet, he reasoned with himself.

He only calmed down completely once he was already inside his room that he shared with another Chinese student, Kun, couple years his senior. The moment he entered his senses were already filled with the scent of the older’s cooking, the distinct smell of anise and garlic.

“Oh, Hao, hi. You came back kind of late. Did you have a violin rehearsal this late?” Kun asked from the kitchen after hearing the door open, glancing towards him.

“Sort of. The teacher decided that he won’t let us leave until everyone got this one part right, so we finished half an hour late, on top of all that he also gave us this difficult homework…” Hao explained while taking of his shoes.

“Damn, he definitely had something up is ass today.”

“Right? After I finally left campus I saw this café on the way towards the subway, so I went in and did my homework there. It took a lot of time, but I knew if I do not start doing it right away then I will just procrastinate ‘til last minute and I’ve already done that way too many times.”

“Yeah, I feel you. Which café was it?”

“I forgot the name… but it had a sun, a moon, and a star on the logo.” he said once he put his stuff down on his bed, making his way towards the kitchen and wash his hands at the sink

“Oh, I know that one, it’s really cosy and they make some really good stuff. We’ve been there a couple times with Ten.”

“Speaking of, are you planning to invite him for dinner? That seems like way too much soup for one person… scratch that it’s probably a lot for two as well. Are you stocking up for the week or something?” Hao asked in disbelief after glancing over Kun’s shoulder as he put in a couple more things into the pot.

“Yeah, I miscalculated a bit with the ingredients. Do you want some for dinner? You said yourself; it’s a lot, even for two.”

After a moment of hesitation Hao agreed.

“Yes, thank you.”

“Good. It’ll warm you up properly. Your face is almost completely red from the cold.”

Hao just silently nodded along to Kun’s statement as he slowly got rid of his coat that he still hadn’t taken off. He didn’t just act like an older sibling, but rather as a parent. It’s not like Hao was complaining, since Kun’s care meant he didn’t always have to make dinner for himself and instead still got something homemade to eat. On days when he was too exhausted to even think about preparing a supper it was truly godsend.

Not only because of his great cooking skills, but also for the occasions when he made Fujianese dishes. Among the anxiety, exhaustion and homesickness, each moment he could taste those meals Kun prepared were like the calm after a storm, a spoonful of home.

At first, it was difficult for him to accept the kindness offered by the older. Hao has always been pretty self-reliant, so it took him some time to learn to lean on others without feeling guilty. Naturally, he knew how to be vulnerable with friends, but having someone that could’ve been an actual older brother to him was way harder. Moreover, sharing the same room means you can’t hide everything from each other.

The sound of knocking took him out of his thoughts. The sound pattern was already familiar to him and this particular rhythm belonged to only one person. Kun’s shout came from the kitchen.

“Come in!”

The door opened slightly and a head peeked through with an unmistakeably mischievous grin that was forever present on his face. After noticing Hao, Ten came in confidently, greeted the younger, then immediately walked over to his boyfriend to hug him from behind, earning a chuckle from Kun in the process.

“I missed you too.” Kun said in a warm tone while leaning into the hug. Hao never minded being single, except when these too made him actually feel being single. It wasn’t too bad, the dynamic between the two was rather like what he has seen with his parents or even grandparents. They were comfortable and stable, with the more than occasional bickering, but always making up in the end.

Scratch that, they did make him feel terribly single every time, but denial is a very deep river.

Later, the three sat at the small dining table chatting cheerfully as the soup inside their bowls gradually disappeared. At the moment, Hao was recalling his experiences at the café earlier that day.

“… the coffee was delicious, the place was cosy and warm and even the barista was cute!”

“The auntie?” Ten asked back with a cheeky grin.

“No – Hao replied, too tired to entertain Ten’s humour – there was this guy around our age, tall and pretty handsome…”

“Wait, don’t tell me! His name was… not Matt, he’s short… was it Hanbin?

“Aren’t you and Matthew the same height though?”

“Don’t change the subject!” Ten playfully reprimanded Kun after his interruption “So, was that barista Hanbin?”

“He… I don’t know. I didn’t ask his name.”

Ten just shook his head in resignation.

“Oh well, that’s unlucky… but I do think it was probably Hanbin, as long as the auntie didn’t suddenly employ someone new.”

“Yeah, at least now you know his name.” Kun agreed “Just don’t forget to properly introduce yourself next time.”

“Why would I need to introduce myself properly?”

The two exchange a couple glances at Hao’s genuinely confused reaction. In the end, Kun took on the task to lead him to the answer.

“How long have you been in South Korea?”

“A couple month now…”

“How many people do you know outside of the foreign student association?”

“Well…”

“Look,” Ten said as he took over “it’s never bad to have a solid friend group, a support system, that understands the exact struggles you go through. We’re all abroad, it’s natural to want to seek the familiar, but we also have to take the risk of meeting locals, and at the very least attempt to make Korean friends. Otherwise your time here, whether it’s finite or not, will be miserable and frankly speaking, pretty much pointless.”

“Hey!”

“Wait, ‘cause I’m not finished yet. It’s also the best way of practicing your spoken Korean. Wasn’t that one of your main goals for coming here?”

As Hao took in Ten’s advice his expression became troubled. It’s not that he doesn’t want to, but rather the thought of having to navigate the unfamiliar alone was frightening. He did think about attempting to make local friends, but he wasn’t sure where to start.

He didn’t have trouble making small talk when it was to ask for help, but creating and maintaining a relationship, platonic or romantic alike, takes a lot of effort, time and patience. What if they grow tired of him? Besides, the Korean students at university probably already have their own, close-knit friend groups, why would they want a random foreigner, an outsider in them?

“Easier said than done.” he mumbled

After dinner Kun and Ten started watching a movie on Kun’s bed. Seeing them together like that, all cuddled up like it’s the most natural thing for two people to do, created a new wave of loneliness in Hao, yearning to have something like this. Those two were practically soulmates, best friends, lovers and even more, something secret, unspeakable and undefinable by simple earthly labels. If those two were ever to break up, then love would have no meaning anymore.

Hao wasn’t too greedy, just a close friend would be enough. It’s not like he doesn’t have friends at all, but his best friend, Rui, is in Taiwan, and his other friends while incredibly caring and nice to him, they are still not too close with him – or at the very least Hao feels a firm distance. Chenle is closer to him in age than he is to Ricky, but despite the differing majors, their love for basketball and the shared hometown connects those two. Renjun is the same age as him, but has been living here since high school and by no means appear as a foreigner to the majority. Dejun, Kunhang and Yangyang came to Korea as an already close knit trio that Kun has practically adopted as well. They are fun to be around, but they already have their own inside jokes; even if they tell Hao he isn’t, he still feels like intruder every single time. Now, when it comes to Sicheng, no matter how fun and entertaining he is, he always has way too many people around him for Hao’s comfort.

To ease his mind he did what he had always done when listening to his own mind became unbearable – he picked up his favourite book for the nth time, intending to once again fall into a fantasy world. Ah, the wonders of escapism.

And naturally, the book was resting right at the bottom of his cramped school bag. As he was taking it out a bunch of rubbish poured out of the bag, including a napkin with some kind of writing on it that fell right onto the floor. Hao didn’t remember putting that into his bag… at least not until unfolding it.

“If you ever need a tour guide (or just a friend) call me – Sung Hanbin”

Underneath the message was what Hao assumed to be Hanbin’s phone number. After the initial confusion and shock disappeared a warm and fuzzy feeling sneaked it’s way into Hao’s chest, making his heart beat a little bit harder, with more impact. Slowly, he realized what this feeling was exactly and exclaimed out loud.

“Oh... fuck!”

Continue reading on AO3~

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

[kanbujiantingbudong]

Okay, this is so sweet and true, but from an author perspective...

Don't be shy to write a supportive comment awaiting the chapter if you haven't already!

Cause sure, fanfic authors write fanfics because we have a story we want to tell, but what's the point if noone reads it?

I encourage everyone to show some love to fanfic authors, y'all probably have no idea how much even simple comments can motive us.

And in any case you just happen to have more to say, then y'all are more than welcome to do so.

There are so many writers abandoning so many fics, because they don't feel joy in writing anymore — the joy of making other fans feel something with your work, regardless of that feeling being a happy, sad, or more complicated one.

(might be guilty of the last one hehe)

P.s. I think it's needless to say, but just to make sure: this is not an invitation to be rude to authors. There are a lot of us who want feedback, positive and negative alike, but aside from constructive criticism (which should be primarily aimed at the authors who have asked for them), do not take fic writers for granted and demand anything, nor criticize their fic maliciously.

[abbielauren2024]

[kanbujiantingbudong]

Guilty as charged... also add no time and perfectionism to the mix and you get irregular and heavily delayed publishing dates for the fics I actually manage to finish ㅠㅠ

[aeonwynter-offical]

Day 18

[kanbujiantingbudong]

I mean, how else are you supposed to bring out the full potential of the character? Vulnerability is not bad, and besides, it's a whole karmic cycle of writing something deliciously painful only to be tormented by the same thing once you are the reader. This cycle repeats itself as an eternal samsara, because that's just the way of life — we suffer, then make something good out of it, only to suffer once the good thing ends.

Okay, this ended being way too philosophic... and i was probably influanced by the lack of sleep i've been recently having and the fairly recent lectures about buddhism I attended...

Anyway, I think I made my point clear... hopefully

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

ao3 isnt an archive NOR a library pls lmao

you do know ao3 stands for archive of our own, right? you do know its full name is literally archive of our own, right?

[artsfinalgirl]

I see ao3 as a library, because ao3 hosts millions of written works for people to visit and read. That’s what libraries do. But I get it that to some people, the library part may be more of a metaphor than a literal meaning for ao3.

But you have to be either clueless about what ao3 is shortened for and what the platform’s full name is, or on another level of stupidity to say archive of our own isn’t an archive pls lmao

[decemberwinter]

And it’s not just the name, mind you. AO3’s main purpose is to archive transformative works. Archiving works is literally the only thing it does and was created for. Which just makes anon’s claim even funnier.

[maeve-curry-writes]

Your Friendly Neighborhood Librarian says yes, AO3 is a fucking library AND an archive. Does it have a curated collection of materials? YES, it’s library. Does that collection contain materials curated specifically in part for preservation purposes? YES, it’s an archive.

And it’s my dream that someday our public library catalogs will be able to organize content the way AO3 can.

[kanbujiantingbudong]

I have been way too spoiled by the finesse of the AO3's tagging system. Compared to it the online catalogue of my uni's library is pure dumpster fire. Like tell me why I can specify if I want to search for title, a specific ship, rating or tag within a specific fandom all while including and excluding things simultainously, while I can't even choose to exclude tags on the catalogue search??? I thought I was gonna get a stroke by the time I found 1 book I needed out of the 5-7 I originally wanted... (i gave up after an hour and chose to pirate what i could find online instead, because i was also getting short on time)

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]