not to get edgy but wtf is a sleep schedule

Heyo, Im essentially a piece of bread at this point that goes by Danny in a lot of online places! A queer and continually tired slice of bread hanging out here and producing absolutely no original content on this blog. Happy to chat with folks and get messages; feel free to ask me shit :P Anyways, check out my writing blog, babblesanddrabbles, my art blog , theartoutlet, and my ao3 KaniTheCrab! See ya around!

[catcrumb]

[kani-the-crab]

possibly breaking out the tarot deck at 5am because i need SOMETHING to tell me its fine to not take the job i feel ill thinking about, not just “do what you want”/“do what you think is best” after basically saying i should take it. like!! which one do you mean!!! the funny cards with amazing art will make me sit and ponder its meaning, actually sifting through my thoughts. Linda over here is gonna make me have an aneurysm trying to figure out if she’s being passive agressive or not!

[kani-the-crab]

trying so very desperately how to come up with a way of telling my mother im probably going to reject a job offer 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

do i need out of retail? absolutely! is this job the social work version of why i dropped one of my majors in college? yes!!!! girl i can deal with Mega Corp but amazing coworkers whom joke with me about running each other over for a little longer, but i very much think this job ive been offered could make me go by my own hand!!!

[kani-the-crab]

christmas vibe so rancid the urge to buy a vape came clawing out of the woodwork again

ah, retail and family stuff wahoo

[kani-the-crab]

christmas cry fest: over (maybe)! time to bake a cake

[fuckmarrykillpolls]

so my sister's dog is named communist gun, but we call him red. right? and every once in a while when she wants him to jump on someone she goes "red scare!" and recently ive been trying to get him to jump on people when i go "mccarthyism!" but it's not working yet

[fuckmarrykillpolls]

oh this is absolutely the wrong blog. please ignore

[dat-physics-gal]

i literally couldn't ignore this if i tried

[anukfilli]

i was trying to make a meme but i fucked up the audio layering and

[kira-serialfaggot]

Listening to happy music to get through the disassociative episode

[distinguishedbaloney]

[eilooxara]

Non cooking spray stick

[eilooxara]

Non spray stick cooking

[that-house]

Non cooking stick spray

[yeahokayillreblogthat]

yeah okay ill reblog that

[kani-the-crab]

i dont know what will happen, i am so scared. but i am so full of love for the people that have helped me find the happiness I have. we can’t let them slaughter us, and we can’t help them do it by our own hands. I love you. Please keep fighting. I’m scared too but we can’t give up on the future our ancestors fought so hard for. we have to get there. your biggest act of resistance is continuing to exist and continuing to fight for your happiness. i love you.

[that-house]

hey. i love you all. always and forever

[that-house]

stay safe out there. stay strong. find out who your friends are and stick with them. get silly with it as circumstances allow. goodnight babes ily

[that-house]

you have to live. you have to take strength where you can find it and use it to keep going. we’re going to make a better world some day and i want to see you there, okay? i love you. get some rest.

[buzzkillgirls]

so. bad news. we have to keep going tomorrow. good news is that I’ll keep going with you

[thoodleoo]

*gritting my teeth* the only way out is through and by god im taking all of you with me

[rhad-barks]

the first thing to understand is you absolutely CANNOT kill yourself about this. that is what these fascists want. it's convenient for them if the opposition self-exterminates. stay alive and fight. it's harder but if everyone gives up then we are truly done for. we need you and we need each other.

this is horrifying, but it is survivable. the human spirit is to adapt and to work together and that's exactly what we'll do to turn this around. it's going to be okay. if not now, then in the future after we make it so.

we can do this.

[kani-the-crab]

i want it to be okay on the other side. I want it to be like other times, where not much changes for me day to day realistically. I want to come out on the other side of four years, and I want to feel like it can be adjusted again. I want to feel safe having children. I want to build a life.

I so badly want the American Dream— the version I can afford. We can both work, we can rent. We can make money work and it can be tight, but we get by. We can wait on kids— or adopt, or maybe it just isn’t in the cards. But I so badly want the quiet life I thought I’d hate when i was younger.

I want the nice diners with friends I spend way too long on. The small wedding— the first place we live together just us and our pets. Game nights, binging youtube, maybe even a holiday get together.

All of those “virtues” they say they want people to have— I want those. I want them more than anything. But I may not ever get them now. I’m not enough like what they want. I dont fit in all of their boxes, so I may never feel safe enough to be me again. to start the family i want so badly. to live in a little house with a little garden, and work my 9-5 until i retire for a year or two if even that.

i want to keep living, like i’ve seen so many people say already. its 4am. i’ve seen at least five posts telling me to keep going. and i probably will, most of me at least. but part of me got stuffed in a box, and i don’t know if it’ll die in there or if i’ll get to save it and bring it out one day.

the world i grew up in is dead and so is the one my future was planned in. i am scared and heartbroken. the dreams i fought my whole life for have crumbled. the things i fought for might not be real anymore.

i hope in another lifetime that we got the life we wanted together. i hope somewhere, somehow, we have it or have had it together. I’m so sorry it might not be this one.

I want to get through it. I don’t know if I will. but i want to try for the little kid that dreamed of here and now. i want to try for the little kid wondering what it was like when i was their age. for us. i want to try.

i’m so scared. i’m so scared but i’m going to try.

[kani-the-crab]

I want to be okay. I want to be okay so bad. I don’t care if I rent forever I don’t care if I always will carry some debt. I just wanted to settle down with my partner, have our pets and kids, have a job that doesn’t make me hate myself. I just want to be able to be me without hiding it, even if hiding it is easy. I’m so tired of being scared. I just want to be okay. I just want to be okay that’s all I want. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.

[noahverrier]

My oil painting of an Uncrustable

[kani-the-crab]

hi guys i know ive been gone for like years but i’m feeling lots of ways about possibly moving and also lots of other things.

its a little easier to get carried away and just get things out and off my chest I guess, when i’m here. it feels like an old, familiar blanket. a little rough around the edges, but safe and warm.

i think i might come back to just writing down things im feeling here, when im feeling particularly silly or poetic. right now its a little more somber i guess, but this feels good. i like just talking, seeing if someone’s listening. even if no one is, its still cathartic.

if someone is listening; hello! and thank you. to be seen is to be loved, in its own way. and i appreciate you dedicating even a little time to whatever funny little words i throw out there.