I do not support the continuation of adoption (especially in any state sanctioned way) until birth parents are given the resources and support that they need to be able to parent if they want to, and no, this is not the case.
and, I’m not trying to harsh your mellow here but look, inequality is systemic. many of us who in one way or another find ourselves faced with separation from our kids are marginalized in some or many ways and although we try to climb the privilege ladder to get to the loft with the full fridge and the windows that close all the way, we’re often stuck in hamster wheels. sometimes we fuck up. sometimes we try and try and try our best and even though we love our kids, we “just can’t seem to get our shit together.” well. do you know how poverty works? do you know how child rearing works? it takes a village. but we don’t live in a country that supports the development of small scale interdependent but independent communities that might provide a network for someone who is otherwise on their own. we don’t heal, we don’t rehabilitate, and we don’t help. we criminalize to capitalize. and..
if you’re not doing something to change that, then you are complicit. private adoption is an industrial complex that caters to a cesspool of privileged adults whose only concern is their “gotcha day.” if you’re someone with the ability to say, pay for a private domestic US adoption, and you do that without thinking long and hard about how you’re going to do your part to level the playing field, then you are part of an elite class reaping the reward of reproductive labor of people who are struggling.
and until we have equal access to stable housing, health care, education (including and esp comprehensive sex education!), and decent nutrition, then no, you do not get to keep blaming birth parents.
am i saying you can’t or shouldn’t adopt? no. you do you. but you better realize that choosing to participate in adoption comes with a lot of responsibilities. i’m sorry, but a baby is not a costco cake that you can pick up in a pinch and then tell everyone you made it. i am not saying that you are personally responsible for any birth parents’ situation, and i’m not saying that adoption is the wrong route 100% of the time. what i am saying is that we as a society are not giving birth parents a real chance, and we are all responsible for changing that.
and just for the record? I absolutely love my son’s parents. they are my family, and they are probably the only other people in the world who can appreciate my obsession and total adoration for every little thing that boy does with the same enthusiasm. our adoption is an anomaly in a number of ways that i am eternally grateful for, but them being wonderful doesn’t mean that i ever really had the option to parent my son myself. in fact, my son’s parents went out of their way to be supportive and treat me with sensitivity and ethics. they were 1000% more awesome and helpful than anyone from the agency, but that’s not how it should be, number one, and that also doesn’t mean our process wasn’t still problematic, but rants about the agency will have to be another day.
dailybridgerton
amandla
vaporwave
turnnoffyourmind
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