Kassim's Journey @kassimkot-blog - Tumblr Blog

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you know the feeling you get that you know the answer and you know what you're supposed to do...

...but you're just not doing it?

i mean, the answer is pretty clear and straight forward.

you just have to get up from your lazy chair,

and just do it.

this is me.

i am talking to myself right now.

God, why am i like this.

Dillemas

there's a lot of dilemmas in my life at this particular moment

i've always wanted to make and develop a game, but in islam, we're not supposed to draw human or things resembling human or anything with a soul for that matter. so how do i do that?

im currently a lecturer. its not as much as i hate and im not really feeling of being a lecturer, its that im so afraid of the burden that it carries. you're carrying the future of these students and all. one mistake, and they're the ones paying the price. its all fun and games until somebody fails and somebody's parents goes to the faculty and demands an explanation on how and why their child failed that particular subject. and i hate that the most. i've never seen myself to be able to hold to that kind of responsibility.

as being a lecturer, i currently live in a staff apartment. meaning that i only get to live here because of my job. and because i really dont wish to work here anymore, i need to find another place to live apart from finding another job to work on. and its not as much as just quit your job and spend a few weeks or months job hunting. its because im a married man and im the sole provider for my family of one wife and two cats. so whatever happens to me will technically drag them down with me. so here, we're coming to that responsibility thingy again. i've enough responsibilities on my shoulders with my family, i dont suppose i can carry the responsibilities of near a hundred students. but then, here i am.

and im broke. that's a simple dilemma, right there.

you know. sometimes i try not think that much of my problems, and just try to live my life one part at a time, but sooner or later, those problems are just going to creep back into the back of my mind. because those things are still unresolved and it becomes bigger and bigger.

i realise that i tend to escape from my life more whenever im feeling really under pressure. thus why i play games. and then i sometimes spend too much time on games. thus my escapism. but hey. it could be worse. i could be smoking or hanging out in a bar and drowning my sorrows and stuff.

but that doesnt justify anything. i know.

Allah knows what i;ve been through. and Allah knows the reason why i am in this predicament. to have redha with everything, its not as easy as it sounds, but i know that i have to have redha with these conditions in my life.

i have to accept these things that are happening in my life.

but part of that accepting is that i have to actually do something about it. rather than moping about and holding it all in. nothing gets solved that way. i know that. which makes it even more difficult.

maybe i am too lazy. maybe i am procrastinating too much. maybe im holding myself back too much that im not getting anything done.

or maybe im just thinking too much. maybe there is no issue with my life. maybe im just complaining. maybe there's nothing wrong in my life, and its all in my head.

WAllahu a'lam.

Allah give me peace. and forgive my sins.

#blog #life #dilemmas #stress

Justification

the trend over here is that,

the more people voicing out regarding bid'ah and following the Quran and Sunnah strictly, the more people will justify their actions through intellectual reasoning and temporary justification.

i mean, they will always start out with 'oh, of course its not from the Sunnah or the Quran. yes, there was never an occurrence did the Prophet, sallAllahu alaihi wassalam, ever actually did it specifically like this...

BUT...'

its always the same. you essentially just answered the question right there. its not the Sunnah. so why do it? why justify it so much? why such attachment?

from what i see, its like you're trying so hard to convince yourselves rather than convincing others. for it was from the Quran and Sunnah, the argument will be very brief and direct, and the evidences clear.

but hey, im no scholar now am i? this is how i understand it. i just hope and pray that my understanding is the same as how the Companions, radhiAllahu anhum, understood it back then.

may Allah guide us.

to claim that you remember Allah a lot

and yet you're not doing your obligations.

just makes you a bigger hypocrite actually.

may Allah save us from that.

i wonder with the mindset of certain people who claim the apocalypse and the final hour are arriving, these people sharing images of wars, and the fitnahs of the world, and then claiming symbolism in nearly everything people do, keep on reminding them of the final hour in inappropriate places,

do they actually wish for the qiamah to come now?

i mean, there are some people who from the ways they are saying is like they know that the final hour is like, tomorrow or something.

granted, we are to be vigilant and to be ready at all times. and it is a good practice to live you life as if it is your last day everyday.

but to be paranoid and spread fear amongst the people. rob everyone of their own happiness. over complicating things and saying things that they might or might not intend in the first place.

can you see into their hearts and see their intentions as well now?

Allah musta'an

humbleness

i've always considered that a lot of things are to be regarded as fasting.

you're doing it. and it is supposedly for Allah. it is a thing that is in between you and Allah. people dont need to know it unless asked. you dont need to shout to the world saying that you're fasting now would you? it was supposed to be ikhlas only meant for Allah.

why cant we apply this to a lot of our acts of ibadah? why such acts of humility and repentance are glorified acts to show of? why such vanity?

may Allah help us to be more humble

vanity?

i sometimes dont get it

everyone is training to be so vague. everything needs to shared. everything needs to be publicized. everything is a must to show the world.

things so mundane and things that supposedly normal, is often publicized just to prove a particular point. and that point usually cant always be countered. and this leads to defending that point which cant be lead to argumentation.

this usually is a sign of pride and vanity. to be proud of something so beyond its place that it becomes showing off.

this is especially in acts of worships. i mean, you want to pray, then pray. you want to fast, then fast. you want to touch a dog then clean up, then do so.

not everything needs to be shouted out. why were you doing these things in the first place? was it for Allah or for show?

WAllahu a'lam

its been a while

i noticed that i keep getting tired easily nowadays.

it feels like im not happy overall with my life. wish it was different

wish i had the guts to take that chance. to try something new. to do the thing that i've always wanted to do.

thing is, when you have settled down with a family and all, there's responsibility. there's consequences now. you cant just up and leave while people are depending on you. whatever happens to you, will effect them directly.

so i got a lot of that on my shoulders. but then you know that you're supposed to be somewhere else. doing something else. be someone else.

or am i just being ungrateful?

WAllahu a'lam

last weeks khutbah

i remember a khutbah from last week, was focusing on reflecting on the Quran, the Words of Allah, The Almighty.

the issue here is that we have been so focused on reciting and memorizing the Quran, which is also a great sunnah, but neglecting on understand the Quran, reflecting upon it, and implementing it in our lives.

it brought tears to my eyes, that i dont really memorized a lot of the Quran. that i spent most of time not trying to study the Quran.

it pains me to see that there a lot of people who can memorized, who have finished reciting the Quran, but it doesnt show in the lives that they are the people of the Quran. i am amongst them as well, there is no denying that.

we rely on google to actually learn which ayat in the surah Al Baqarah is the Ayatul Kursi.

we rely on the people on the internet much-much more than relying on the Quran and Hadiths in our masjids.

we need to start somewhere.

grabing the Quran every friday and actually reciting it is one way. but why stop there? we have apps in our smartphones to instantly check the meaning of these ayats, why cant we spend time doing so?

you dont have to start big by reading a juzu' a day if it is too hard for you. try holding on to a few ayats of Allah, and read their translations.

stop for a while and ponder upon their meanings.

reflect on how we could implement this ayat in our lives. how that we could be a better person by implementing this ayat.

and be gentle in sharing knowledge. not everyone is in the same level of understanding. some may have learned more than we could ever hope to achieve, while some may not even grasps the basics of the deen.

may Allah make it easy for us. may Allah grant us istiqamah, steadfast, in our studies. and may Allah forgive our mistakes along the way.

The Journey so far

bismillahirrahmanirraheem

it has always been a constant struggle for me. some days it seems easy, and some days it seems so hard.

some days i could be crying my eyes out by reflecting on my life

some days i just couldnt care less.

what i hate is, is that sometimes i dont really care, i dont really bother, like it wasnt even on my checklist to begin with.

that's what happens when you've conditioned yourself to not care for over 20 years of your life, and then suddenly you realized that you've made a huge mistake.

at the time, it seems so obvious that i need to change. started reading more, researching more, listening to people i never thought i would, spending time to study rather than playing games or other stuffs.

but i was too enigmatic. i was too passionate. it seems like there were other factors that were driving me back then. the factor that i thought that everything i ever learned about the religion was false, and i was driven to find the errors of it all.

so it became like a routine. seeking out fatwas, listening to lectures, and when it seemed to make sense to me, i shared it with people around me, on facebook, immediately, without even having the basic knowledge of the subject beforehand.

and then it became obvious.

that people would started to look at me a different way. people were afraid of you, of what you were going to say. that you would find that everything was haram and that we were all in lost.

but there was a reason that Allah put me through those scenarios.

Allah left me before to let me taste the delusions of this world for most of the periods of my life. and then Allah, The Most Merciful, showed me my errors, and struck something in my heart and that i would need to change immediately. Allah, The Most Wise, let me to become over zealous over the things that i just knew, so that i would later understand the dangers of extremisms.

and now, coming back to the middle path. realizing that both extremes were wrong. realizing that trying to stay in the middle, was even harder that it seems. but it is the most wisest, most safest of options.

there are some things we need to love, and there are some things that we need to hate.

there are some times that we need to speak up for what's right, and there are some times that it is best to stay silent.

there are some things that you can force yourself to do, and there are some things that will come in time.

may Allah make us among those who are patient. may Allah make us among those who are mukhliseen. may Allah grant us all mercy.

WAllahu a'lam.

Ameen

Disagreement

i've come across people who are seem keen to learning islam through sufi ways of learning. they are passionate about their studies and it looks sincere in their reasoning for love of the Prophet, sallAllahu alaihi wassalam. but sometimes they usually mock and belittle those who object to them, specifically those who claim to be on the path of salafi, or as they call, wahabis.

they claim that salafis who reject madhabs are disrespectful to these great imams of their time and they only take references from the internet and not with a proper teacher or guru.

i usually disagree with this, but then, time reveals to me the reasoning for this mindset of theirs

there actually exists people who condemn people just for following a madhab. these people who condemn others just because they are not seeking more knowledge outside their basic school of fiqh. these people who try to spread Islam by condemning and complaining how bad the state of the ummah.

i cant understand people who wake up with so much hate in their lives.

extremes, be it in one area or another, is never within Islam. but then again, that depends on your definition of 'extreme'.

Islam has always been and will always be, the middle path.

in the end, i will always hold on to two hadiths of the Prophet, sallAllahu alaihi wassalam.

which is the hadith on intention, that you would get what you intended for, and have ikhlas in everything we do

and the hadith of leaving things that are we have no knowledge on.

i pray that we would see the light. that we would see clarity without prejudice. that we could pray together in the same jamaah, without any ambiguity or evil perception towards our own brothers. that we could coexists even when we disagree, and not to sledghammer our own beliefs to others.

for we may spread, we may share, we may tell them a million things and evidences, but it is from Allah that comes hidayah.

we do our part. let Allah do His. leave everything else to Him. stop condemning people. we judge based on what Allah has judged, based on what knowledge we know. nothing more.

WAllahu a'lam

kinda regretted that i fooled around back then in Arabic communications class when i was in my early teens.

it's like looking at something familiar and yet you have no idea what it is anymore

sigh...

Assuming.

we assume a lot. benda2 yg kite tak tau, kite terus assume, kite terus judge. i, myself, pun guilty gak bab ni. im not sure why benda ni natural sangat. part of us ingin kite rasa mcm kite tahu, sedangkan kite tak tahu. part of being a Muslim, is to leave that which does not concern us. Narrated: Abu Huraira who said: The messenger of Allah (sallAllahu alaihi wassalam) said: "Part of the perfection of someone's Islam is his leaving alone that which does not concern him." [Hadith hasan - Recorded by Tirmidhi] there are some things that are not of our concern. there are some things that are just not your job to know. let those who have knowledge discuss about it. or ask those who have knowledge to find out more. rather than having too many questions without answers, why not ask the ones who can actually give you answers? WAllahu a'lam

Dilemma

its a dilemma really

to either say something and be ready to back up that claim of yours and be ready to answer any arguments of people who do not share your view of the subject

or either to be quiet about it, and see the people around you go around doing things that are clearly wrong and continue to believe it to be true, and you choose to stay silent just to avoid any confrontation

this bothers me. because if you stood up to clarify something, suddenly everyone is educated and full of knowledge and has an opinion and starts questioning everything

but if you shut up and keep silent, the heart just wont settle seeing all of this fitnah going around us, and they are spreading that this is the truth, where it clearly goes against the Quran and Sunnah.

so what are we to do?

i do end up staying silent for i lack knowledge. i lack authority. i lack confidence. i choose to hate them in my heart in my silent. because i am unable to correct the wrong in front of me.

i pray that Allah would make it easy for me. i pray that Allah would accept my decisions in these situations. i pray that my decision is the best action in the view of Allah.

i ask Allah nearly everyday, 'was i wrong?' was i mistaken in my actions? was i mistaken in my speech? did i supposed to say what i said?

and i pray that Allah would accept my actions. and may Allah be pleased with me. and may He make me pleased with Him

A Discussion

just had a discussion about bid'ah with a colleague who used to be my own lecturer.

he would stand by his statement that there is bid'ah in ibadah. he argued that the prophet, sallAllahu alaihi wassalam, did not specifically state the order of prayer, did not specifically state the step by step of how to do the prayer. he argued that the companions used to do something else, and yet the Prophet, sallAllahu alaihi wassalam, did not disagree, is an argument that there is no bid'ah.

and im like, Allah mustaan. it ended up with that he was actually pissed of because of something else but used that statement to argue about bid'ah as a whole, and we kinda had a heated argument regarding prayers.

WAllahu a'lam.

from what i have read and from what i have studied, i know in my heart that he is mistaken. but i am far from being knowledgeable nor being a person of qualification, so tried to refrain. for i do not wish to bring a false thing to this religion. for i do not wish to lie regarding the Quran nor Sunnah.

i guess i can only pray that Allah would guide him and calm him down.

i can see that he is a person who can acknowledge the fitnah and delusions of this world, but the way he is approaching this is questionable.

may Allah guide us and safeguard us from the fitnah of this world

Movies

we have movies that have moral values. that the corrupt will always fail, and doing bad things will lead to more bad things and you'll be caught in the end, one way or another. that is a good moral value to teach. the problem? the method of teaching. they will show you the life of these corrupts and these people doing bad things. the things these people indulge in while being among the people of sin. money. drugs. women. cars. houses. satisfaction beyond comparison. 'yolo' as they say. to live the life to the fullest while you can. so go wild while you're still at it. see, these are the very things that they are 'assuming' to teach which are bad and temporary and will make you go deeper into the rabbit hole. and yet they make it look so good. so much fun. so little care in the world. so blissful is this life of wealth and riches, even if it lasts a moment. the duration is pushed aside while we are being showered with the coolness of basking in the limelight for a mere moment of your life. this is the emphasis. this is the real message. that we should go ahead and do sinful things. we should be greedy. we should need money. we should need women to be slutty as possible. we should spend our money as quickly as we attain them. we should attain all this in the least effort possible so that we would experience all of this as fast as possible. even if it doesnt last long. and we are supposed to consciously choose this life of sin, rather the humble, boring, mundane, hard work, long hours, religious, normal routine of life. and we are suppose to enjoy it, while knowing that it wont last. knowing that you will be caught. knowing that you will pay for all this. but all that punishment and trials is nothing. its the now that matters. its that you experience all of these pleasures now, in this life, as fast as you can, by hook or by crook, literally. its a whole new level of indoctrination. its a subliminal message behind that subliminal message that the general masses wont see. its making us blind in our wake. its making us choosing to be blind and enjoy it. its making us choosing hell on purpose and enjoy it while we can. because the longer we are in that experience, the farther it is that we remember that there exists a Heaven and Hell. the lesser we believe that an Almighty Maker is allowing all of this to happen. the further away we become to God. its happening all around the world. and we are too blind to see it. may Allah protect us from the fitnahs of this world. may Allah make us see the truth within falsehood. may Allah make us see the light behind the fog. i am no better that all of you. we are all in the same boat. im just admitting that im seeing a boat. and i am also guilty of not having enough courage to leave this boat altogether, for i am unable to swim. but i wish i could. i truly wish we could all swim together. to that island that seems so far away. and yet, with a little help, it wont seem so impossible. WAllahu a'lam

why is it that we sometimes have a desire to express our feelings to total strangers?

are we that insecure? are we that afraid of being judged?

do we not trust our close ones?

there are a lot of things that i would like to say, but i dare not say. one of the main reasons are that i am afraid of being judged of the things that i say. for fear that i may not have sufficient knowledge in the subject of my speech. fear that i would be looked down upon for the things i say for it would go against the current times.

do i need to wait until my beard is white till i would advice for others? should i wait until i have kids of my own to be able to give advice on my younger friends about family? should i wait until i get paper after paper hanged on my wall to legitimize my 'education' so that i might pass on that knowledge?

and what if i died? what if i died before i get the chance? what if i died knowing that i could make a difference but withdrew from speaking the truth? what if i died letting others think bad of me before the chance for me to clear the air about myself?

its not that i need the whole world to listen to me. im not that eager to be popular or what not. its not that i need to just voice out and complain about the world and have people to view me as an inspiration or whatever. its not that.

but i just wanted to share the things i know. i may be 28, but i have my own set of experiences. we would never know what's lingering in the minds of others until you sit down and listen to them. we might learn something new but simply talking to each other regardless of age.

there are errors and mistakes around me. and i am doing my best to speak against it. to remind people to look closely at their surroundings. to remind them to come back to God.

not to doctrine them and thump it in their head. not to force them to listen when they lost interest. not to sugar coat anything just to make it sound a bit sweeter than usual.

i try to use every opportunity to speak about God in everything i do. even a small steps. i try to slip in the subject, just to have them thinking. i like it when people stop and think. to just ponder about the world, about the people around them. about themselves.

may Allah help us. in these dire times. may Allah ease my pain. may Allah help me in goodness and protect me from evil.

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