My Sins Are In @katbastard - Tumblr Blog

“It’s been years and time has been kind. She’s finally successful and she glows with happiness, but it doesn’t erase what happened. The pain has stayed with her and that was the most difficult to accept of all tragedies.”

— tara love / sometimes neither time nor circumstance erases pain

anonymousalchemist

being 25 is like: im dying. im living my best life. im a failure. my life hasnt started. everything interesting has already happened to me. im achieving my dreams. im cutting my hair with kitchen scissors. im starting a skincare routine. im a corporate professional. im a sellout. im out of groceries. i have too many groceries. i am never going to be successful. i am going to win a hugo award before im 30. im crazy. im boring. i need to finish this essay. i need to finish this story. i need to start a newsletter. i need to start tweeting more. i need to stop tweeting. i need to ghost all my friends. i need to tell my friends i love them. i need to find a new apartment. i need to take out the trash. i am the trash that needs to be taken out.

bombing

[calls a sex hotline] home alone shouldn’t have had a sequel. it should’ve been a one time thing. no i don’t want to talk dirty listen to me. home alone 2 was terrible

katbastard

Update: they were okay.

#uswnt #us soccer #kelley o’hara #uswnt memes #rosa diaz #brooklyn 99 #olympics 2020 #womens soccer #soccer memes

reinapepiada

gettin real tired of my own bullshit

jortsboy

catsandcrisps

when you listen to a song you used to listen to ages ago and you get that weird as fuck spine chilling feeling as you remember how your life was at that point in time

sadbabe2009

concept: something that lasts, someone who stays

prettyblanco-deactivated2023121

it’s always “wyd” and never “im transferring $10,000 to your account” 😞.

goldrushzukka

i just think if i have to decide what to have for dinner one more fucking time im gonna start throwing things

uhhohhh

I could listen to you talk about the things you love forever

badjokesbyjeff

A billionaire buys an elephant

Two billionaire friends meet. After a casual conversation, one of them finally asks: So, how’s your home life?

The other answers: Couldn’t be better! I bought an elephant!

The other guy looks at him astonished: An elephant? Have you gone mad?

The guy replies, smiling: Oh, man, let me tell you, it’s the best purchase in my life! He’s grazing on the lawn, making it nice and even. Kids love him! Always riding his back and sliding down his trunk, keeps them outside instead of in front of the screen all day. My wife loves him too! He’s super strong, helps her with moving things around when I’m not home. And let me tell you, the best thing is: it’s kind and smart - the best pet I’ve ever had!

The other billionaire scratches his chin. ‘Yeah, that sounds… Kind of amazing actually! How much did you pay for him?’

The guy replies: 'A million bucks! Worth every penny, it’s a steal at this price.’

The other billionaire says: 'Sell him to me for two million?’

'No, what are you saying? Sell him? His like family!’

'Three million!’

'I don’t know, man… You really can’t put a price on this kind of friendship and usefulness!’

'Alright, five million!’

'Five million?.. Well, okay man, I’ll sell him to you, but only because we’re friends’.

In a few weeks the two billionaires meet up again. The guy who bought the elephant is angry as hell. As soon as he sees the other guy, he starts yelling:

'What THE HELL did you sell to me?? Not only does he NOT graze the lawn, he completely destroyed all my greenery and trees! There’s elephant dung EVERYWHERE, it smells even inside the house! And what was that about kids? They are TERRIFIED of the thing, it’s aggressive and massive, and scary! I cannot sleep because he trumpets ALL THE TIME. My wife has been having nightmares, and now I won’t hear the end of her bickering until I die! IT’S AWFUL, worst purchase in my life!’

The other billionaire looks at him and says:

'Well, man, I don’t know what to say, with that attitude, you’ll never sell an elephant!’