˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ Undying Love ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ - Jason Todd
Tags: ak!Jason Todd x reader, yandere themes, themes of violence, kidnapping, mentions of murder, suicide, childhood friends to lovers, hurt no comfort, angst, gn reader, the longest backstory ever
Warning: mentions of suicide and violence!!! Please do not read if this triggers you!!
The Arkham Knight would do anything to protect you, but what happens when he can’t even protect you from yourself?
Jason had always been there to protect you.
It was safe to say that Crime Alley was not where a kindhearted girl like you belonged. You stuck out. Jason knew you stuck out. So, he took it upon himself to shield you from the harsh reality of Gotham’s east end.
When he had first met you, Jason became overly aware of the way that your sternum poked through your delicate skin. In fact, he noticed your emaciated state before he could even think about the emptiness of his own stomach.
You were just kids, but Jason knew that no one was going to help out two ragtag kids who dwelled in the slums of Gotham. So, he took matters into his own hands.
He’d been living in Crime Alley long enough- meaning he’d watched more robberies than any other kid his age. Now, he’d watched with more intent. He made note of certain tools they’d use, what they’d wear, how they’d get cover.
He had taken all he’d learned and put it to good use. Jason began stealing car parts from wealthier places in Gotham. Once he’d snatch them, he’d sell them. It wasn’t the best paying job, but it sufficed. He put the money towards giving you proper meals, not just scraps given to you by some middle class man ridden with guilt.
Sure, the income wasn’t steady. Sometimes parts just wouldn’t sell. On days when he was running low on cash, he’d always ensure that you were well fed, trying to play off his own growling stomach.
One day, things had changed. Jason was late coming back from his heist. You were worried sick. What if he got caught and was thrown into jail? What if some punk found him stealing tires and beat him? What if he had decided that he was done helping you, and left you to fend for yourself? You were so overwhelmed with worry that you didn’t know what to do with yourself.
But, of course, Jason had come back for you. He was a whole day late, and this time, he was in some ridiculous leotard.
Of course Jason couldn’t just let you rot in Crime Alley while he got to lounge around in a million dollar mansion all day. In fact, the first thing he had said to Batman upon being caught in the act of stealing his tires was, “please, I have to get back to feed her. She needs me.”
Now, the bat had no clue who “she” was, but he knew that he wasn’t going to let someone starve.
He had insisted to Jason that he would find a nice home for you. Somewhere where you’d be loved and cared for.
Jason just wouldn’t have it. You two were a package deal. Either you were staying with him, or he wouldn’t be Robin.
Bruce accepted Jason’s deal.
You and Jason had attended Gotham Academy together, though neither of you fit in. Both of you being outcasts led to you guys spending every single second of the school day together, even eating lunch in an empty classroom away from the rest of your classmates.
And when people would pick on you for not fitting in, Jason was always there to put them back in their place.
Everyday after school, the two of you would walk home together where Alfred would already have a snack prepared for you. The two of you had both out on some much needed weight.
You’d picked up traditions that normal kids would do: Friday night movies, Sunday afternoon tea, and visits to the animal shelter on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Life was good, normal. Until, it wasn’t.
Jason was gone. Batman said he’d snapped after Joker had done unspeakable things to children right in front of their parents. You knew that was his weakness. Jason’s parents couldn’t have cared less about whether he lived or died, which led him to become attached to reuniting children with their parents. He would give anything to watch his mother or father look at him with even a sliver of adoration that other parents had looked at with their children
Bruce said that Jason had probably gone to chase after Joker. He said he’d get Jason back in no time. He said not to worry.
Batman said a lot of things. None of which turned out to be true.
Tape after tape began rolling in. Tapes of your beloved Jason in indescribable pain.
You were beside yourself. Every waking moment you spent without Jason had left you in hysterics. Jason had always protected you. Now, you wish you could be there to protect him.
On April 27th, the tape was different. Jason’s eyes no longer looked as if they were pleading for his father’s help. They looked frozen, glossed over. His eyebrows were furrowed as he spat out words of resentment towards Batman.
Jason was beaten and bloodied. The sight tore you apart. Though, it only got worse. You had no choice but to sit there and watch as Jason, your Jason, the boy who had sworn he’d protect you forever was blown into pieces.
You were a shell of who you’d used to be.
For six months, you were stuck.
Stuck thinking about Jason.
Stuck thinking about how scared he must’ve been.
How alone he must’ve felt.
Did he think of you? You wondered if when times got tough, whether he’d thought of your smile. You wondered if when Joker branded his cheek, had he thought of your laughter? You wondered if when Joker laid down lash upon lash of his crowbar, did he think of your eyes? You wondered if when the timer had run out, and Jason knew that his time had come, was he thinking about how he would never be there to protect you again?
For six months, you were stuck.
You left the manor. It felt wrong to walk the halls without Jason. Every wall echoed his name.
Returning to Crime Alley was a thoughtless decision.
Your old hideout was exactly the same as it was when you and Jason had left it.
Crime Alley was still exactly the same as it was when you and Jason had left it. It was still rugged, dilapidated, and deadly.
Sleeping in the slums of the east end of Gotham should not have provided more comfort than sleeping in a multimillion dollar mansion, but it did.
Sure, it still reminded you of Jason, but a less fresh version of him. A less scared version. Back when his only focus was on protecting you, before he had to focus on protecting Gotham too.
You knew Crime Alley was still as dangerous as ever, but you still returned. It truly shouldn’t have been a surprise that this would happen. You were practically defenseless, sleeping in an abandoned apartment complex with gaping holes in the wall gave you no security, especially not in Gotham.
When the infamous Arkham Knight had plucked you from the street, you felt a mix of emotions.
You were upset that this time, Jason could not be there to protect you.
Though, you couldn’t curb your excitement. The Arkham Knight was known for his ruthless ways. He dropped bodies left and right. Even the worst of the worst feared what this man could do.
Red Hood was what they called him. You’d heard whispers of his name in passing. Even Batman was scared of him. He was known for his ever expanding military, and his ruthless ways. One word and he’d pop a bullet straight through your skull.
You knew it was sick to feel this way, to be excited for your own execution. But you just couldn’t help it. This was your one way ticket back to Jason- death.
However, things didn’t go as expected. You remembered how excited you were when he took his mask off for the first time.
You couldn’t help it. It ran and jumped up into his arms, tears streaming down your face as you pulled him in for a kiss. You were elated. Jason, the love of your life, whom you had watched die, was standing right in front of you. Of course, he kissed you back. After all, he wouldn’t have taken you back if he didn’t still love you. It was strange though, as you stared into his eyes. For your whole life, his deep blue eyes had looked at you with such adoration. He still looked at you the same way, but now, with shining green eyes. You brushed it off, it must’ve been the lighting. You couldn’t help but nuzzle yourself further into the boy.
Though, this honeymoon-like reunion didn’t last for long. You had come to your senses. You reminded yourself of who he was now- Red Hood, not Jason Todd.
There was a difference. Jason Todd patrolled the streets of Gotham, helping those in need. Jason Todd saved kittens from trees. Jason Todd believed that taking someone’s life is the worst possible thing a person could do. Red Hood was ruthless- brutal, even. He took lives without a second thought. He didn’t care.
For a while, you pushed those thoughts aside. He was still Jason, even if he didn’t act like it. Though, loving him was different than it was before.
He kept you locked up. Literally. You couldn’t leave. The door was bolted shut from the outside, and he kept a minimum of two guards outside at all times.
The room was nice though. It reminded you of your room back in the manor. You had the same sheets, same wall color, same rug, it even had massive bookshelves spanning from wall to wall, filled with all of your favorite books. Even the attached bathroom was similar to your old one.
The only difference was that where there should’ve been windows, it was covered in drywall, and your door now locked from the outside.
Strangely, Jason’s behavior towards you didn’t change. Every night, like clockwork, he’d lay down in your bed with you. Once you’d fully drape yourself atop his body, he’d read aloud any book of your choosing, just like how he used to.
Only now, he wasn’t there when you’d wake up. Somehow he’d managed to slip away without waking you up every single night.
Occasionally, he’d stop in during the day. Typically, a guard would bring you the meal of your choosing, but Jason would decide to sit down with you every once in a while.
You guys would talk about the books that he’d read to you. Unfortunately, conversations no longer flowed like how they did before. You guys didn’t have much to talk about. Your communication was limited to anyone inside this room, which meant that your only source of communication was Jason. You knew nothing about current events, the weather outside, new music from your favorite artists, a new comic run for your favorite character. You knew nothing other than what he told you, and he never told you much.
Jason refused to talk about what he did during the day. Once, you dared to ask him. Never again.
Jason had never been mad at you before that. After seeing him react the way he did, you didn’t want to make him mad again. The worst part is, he didn’t yell. He didn’t throw anything. He didn’t hit you. He just got up and left, slamming the door shut behind him.
You assumed that it must’ve been around a week before he had come back. You slept alone at night, and you were left hungry during the day. The hunger became unbearable. You beat at the door until your hands bled. You screamed for help until your throat was raw. You began to shake so severely that you could no longer hold open a book. You weren’t entirely sure how long he’d actually been gone for. You didn’t have a clock in your room. His absence made you realize just how much you relied on his presence.
When he finally did come back, he acted as if nothing had happened. You went along with it, worried that if you brought it up, he’d do the same thing again.
That week made you realize something. No amount of love that Jason had for you could make you happy.
You knew he kept you locked up like this because he loved you. At least, that’s what he kept telling you. Honestly, you’d be lying if you didn’t believe him. You offhandedly mentioned that you thought one of the guards had fallen asleep on the job, judging from the snoring sounds you had heard from the other side of the door.
When Jason left after that talk, you heard a loud bang. A gunshot, no doubt.
You didn’t have to guess what happened to him.
You believed he still loved you, because Jason has always shown love through protection. You knew that the reasoning behind the slaughtered guard, the secrets, and your isolation was that he was trying to protect you.
The sickest part is that you knew that what he was doing to you was wrong. You were beyond miserable. But, that didn’t stop you from loving him too. You knew that you shouldn’t love him. He was doing sick, fucked up things to you. The actions that contradicted his reassuring words never phased you.
You felt trapped. Not just physically, but mentally. You were stuck loving him. You didn’t want to love him though. How could you? He was a murderer. A sick, twisted bastard. You knew that he wasn’t going to change either. You knew that you’d be stuck in this miserable room until the day you died.
You began to wonder, just how far would Jason go to protect you? Would he begin to limit your reading? Sleep separately? Slow the meal offerings? Cut communication between the two of you completely? What would you do then?
You knew how much Jason used to overthink. He used to pull away from you back when he was Robin, concerned villains would use you to get to Jason. He tried pulling away to protect you back then, back when there was no harm. So, what would he do once he realized that he was the biggest threat to you?
You didn’t want to think about it, but what else did you have to do with your free time? Most of your days were spent crying in your bed. When meals came, you began to ignore them. Your appetite had ceased. When Jason came to your room at night, he no longer spent the time reading to you. He’d console you, shushing your cries, trying to convince you that you were happy.
But you weren’t. You couldn’t do this anymore. No amount of love Jason had for you could make up for the hell hed put you through. This wasn’t protection, it was possession.
You hadn’t thought too much about it. One second, you thought about how all of your suffering could end in just minutes. The next second, you were already moving.
Despite persistent hunger, you were the most energized you’d been in forever. Your head felt like it was buzzing. Your hands were shaking in excitement. You felt this fire behind your eyes- one you had only felt while anticipating the huge drop on your favorite rollercoaster.
Excitement wasn’t the right word for what you were going to do. It was more a craving, a gnawing desperation to free yourself from the hell that he’d subjected you to.
You didn’t have much to work with, only a tiny pair of nail scissors, but you’d make do.
God, you were just buzzing. Every step you took felt like you were floating. How the hell were you so excited right now?
You flipped the shower on, not waiting for the water to heat up before you stepped in. You opted to lay down on the shower floor. You figured it’d be easier for you to ensure the damage would be detrimental. You couldn’t risk the sound it would make if your body dropped to the floor. You were sure that guards would rush in to help immediately has they thought you’d been hurt.
For a couple minutes, you just laid there, trying to soak up this euphoric feeling. Then, it felt as if your body was moving faster than your mind. You clasped onto the scissors, and pulled them away from yourself. You took a deep breath. You thought about the way it was before- back when he’d hold you through cold Gotham nights, protecting you from the evil of Crime Alley. You thought of the way he’d look at you like you’d hung the stars. You thought of how Jason had spent every waking moment protecting you.
Then, you thought of how he never stopped doing those things. To him, he was just protecting you further. Surely, he didn’t mean to hurt you like this.
It didn’t matter anymore. You forced yourself to plunge the scissors straight through your stomach.
It hurt of course. How could it not? But as the water poured from the shower head, leading the dark crimson to slide down the drain, all you could think about is how you wished things had never changed. All the pain that Jason has inflicted upon you was finally showing itself physically. Your collarbones protruded through your skin, as you couldn’t bring yourself to eat anymore. And now, the oozing hole in your stomach.
You couldn’t stop at just one though. You pulled your arm back and did it again. And again. You did it until you physically couldn’t move anymore.
You could no longer hear the water, just the your pulse beating softly, until that stopped eventually too.
Then, you could’ve sworn you heard laughter. You knew that laugh. Jason’s laugh. Not Red Hood, who’d driven you to madness, not even Robin who’d led to you losing sleep from fear of his safety, but the laughter of the boy who held you close in the most violent place in Gotham- the one who stole car parts to keep you fed, the boy who would shield your shivering body from the cold using his own trembling body.
As your body faded from consciousness, you knew one thing, you were free now.
You heard the laughter again. The laughter of the sweet, innocent boy you once knew. You’d seen his deep blue eyes staring into your own. You saw yourselves sneaking out of the mansion at night, holding on to Jason’s back as he grapple-hooked his way onto your favorite rooftop, you of course were clinging on to his back. You saw his crooked grin telling you stories from patrol.
Then, other memories resurged. His disappearance. The look on his face that told you he’d given up hope. The way his bloodied visage delivered his last message through the last tape.
You’d remembered when he stormed out, and left you to starve for days.
You didn’t have long to reminisce before a voice snapped you from your thoughts. “What the hell were you thinking?” Jason. This wasn’t your seven minutes after death. You were alive. “I mean seriously, what the fuck did you think you were going to achieve?”
Your body thrummed. You felt good. You felt really good. Though, there was this underlying feeling of pure rage. You weren’t sure what from. Your eyes snapped open to face the voice that had been yelling at you. You were still stuck in your room. The only difference was that now, medical equipment occupied the space where your books used to be. He must’ve taken away your only source of entertainment as punishment.
His voice still boomed throughout the room, but you weren’t listening to what he was saying. Instead, your eyes drifted down to the skin of your wrists. Your veins were unnaturally green. What the hell? You were sure you had died. There was no way you hadn’t. But now, you were here. Still in your room.
“Y/N” Jason’s voiced boomed, “listen to me.” Your eyes shot up to meet his own. You watched his face flicker. Then, one thing you never expected, his eyes began to well up with tears. It was as if the look on your eyes had triggered something in him. He stopped yelling now. “I love you so much. I need you to understand that this is for your own good. I’m only trying to protect you.”
Before you could ask what he meant, he stormed out of your room.
Upon his departure, you took it upon yourself to figure out what exactly had happened.
As you lifted the cloth covering your stomach, you braced for what was underneath. From your memory, it’d be disgusting. You had practically mutilated your stomach.
But when you saw what was underneath the cloth, you were met with faint scars. Impossible. You could barely tell that anything was there.
Maybe you were being overdramatic. You probably just barely grazed your skin, passing out from the adrenaline rush, not blood loss.
Then, you decided to see what else Jason had removed from your room, other than just your prized books.
You stood up with ease. It felt as if you were floating.
You walked into your bathroom. When you rummaged through your drawers, you realized that you were missing your nail scissors, your razor, and your sharp tweezers. Great.
Oh, and of course, he’d taken the mirror off the wall. Every single sharp object had been removed.
Fuck. Jason was mad at you, had no more entertainment. You were truly stuck here.
Maybe this is all just a dream? You thought to yourself.
You reached forward, towards the faucet. You let the water run for a second, wanting it to be extra cold. You needed to make sure this was real.
As you leaned over the sink, you realized the drain stopper was down.
Water had pooled up in the sink below. You quickly turned off the faucet before it could leak any further.
As you looked down into the puddle of water gathered in the sink, you saw your reflection staring right back at you, but something wasn’t right.
Why the fuck were your eyes green?
