Excuse me but youâre going to have to check out these memes of Joe Biden plotting booby traps in the White House before Trump takes office
Enough said.
đ
Mike Driver
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me

tannertan36
almost home
Not today Justin

bliss lane
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The Bowery Presents
Cosmic Funnies

Product Placement
noise dept.

ellievsbear
h
NASA
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
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Xuebing Du
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@kauwtje
Excuse me but youâre going to have to check out these memes of Joe Biden plotting booby traps in the White House before Trump takes office
Enough said.
Youâre in charge of assigning every child on Earth the monster under their bed. One child in particular has caused every monster assigned to him/her to quit. You decide to assign yourself.
Case: #273402 Status: Disastrous.
I stare at the file and realize I have no options, over the last 2 years every monster assigned to Charlotte Dower has quit, every last one. Her first monster; a giant goldfish-faced humanoid named Bubba, had been with her for four years, and then she wasnât scared of him anymore. After that it was a string of different common, uncommon, and rare monsters⌠I even assigned a sentient sock monster to her. He came back crying! I look on my tablet, only one assignable monster left; myself. Field work has never been my cup of tea, but desperate times call for desperate measures. So at 8:03 pm, after Mrs. Gideon tucks in Charlotte and her little brother Daniel; I slither into the space beneath Charlotteâs bed. Across the room underneath Danielâs crib is a rookie, Chico, a standard Creep kind of monster. I turn my attention to the bed above me, Charlotte is still awake but barely, I reach up over the bed and run an ice cold finger over her cheek, silence, so I do it again. âIâm not afraid of you monster!â She whispers, but her voice is shaking. I can see a small clock on the wall 8:14, a door somewhere in the house slams and there is an audible hitch of breath from above me. A few minutes go by I can hear Francis Gideon yelling at his wife. There are heavy footsteps on the stairs, and loud panting breaths, Charlotte scrambles off the bed and⌠She. CRAWLS. Under. The. Bed. With. Me. âMove. Over!â Charlotte hisses at me. I do. The door to the bedroom slams open and I smell the stench of human intoxicants before the man even steps inside. I know why Charlotte isnât afraid of any of my monsters; sheâs afraid of her own. Francis reaches a hand under the bed and I thrust my wrist into it, he starts to pull, I slither out. âWhat theâŚâ I cut Francisâs next words off by unfolding to my full 12 foot height. Looming over the drunken man I caress my cold fingers down his face. âIf you ever touch, scare, or harm my child again, I will find you, and I will do the same to you, for all eternity.â I promise to him. As Francis runs from the room he soils himself. I pull Charlotte from under the bed, tuck her back under her covers and kiss her forehead goodnight. âIâll be back tomorrow night, sleep well darling.â Charlotte Dower is my child, I am the monster under her bed.
WELL GODAMN, WE HAVE OURSELVES A WINNER
Holy shit Iâm gonna cry thatâs beautiful.
Insults and jokes are not oppression
Pass it on
get your head in the game
Animals Growing Up
Cuz who wouldnât want this on their dash
The turtle one
If this doesnât make ur day better u are wrong and you can go
Is that tom from myspace?
this is precious
i was on the train and 3 drunk girls saw me and said i had nice brown eyes so they sang âbrown eyed girlâ to me
I threw up at a frat party and I was crying in the bathroom and a drunk girl went upstairs to get me a shirt and came back with a sweater and a kitten.
At the last party I went to three drunk girls fishtail braided my hair by committee
a drunk girl drew an eye on the back of my hand and then patted it with satisfaction and  whispered âcount olafâ
once at a barbecue a drunk girl gave the surgical scar on my shoulder a butterfly kiss and said âyouâre curedâ
A drunk girl at a bar I was at became worried that I wasnât getting enough nutrition and proceeded to hold peanuts to my lips and just keep saying âpeanut peanutâ until I would eat it. And after I allowed her to feed me a peanut she pet my hair and said âThank youâ.
Drunk girls, saving your life one wtf at a time.
Girls are a fucking gift donât let anyone tell you otherwise