Fuck yeah autism!

Hi I am Auden (they pronouns) and this blog is about autism. I am autistic. Feel free to ask anything. If I miss tagging a trigger please tell me so I can tag the post (◕‿◕✿)

[autismdogg]

some of my stim toys 🌈☀️

[cootcutebatkat]

I wish there was a form of ABA therapy where the goal isn't to teach the autistic person to act """normal""" but instead embrace their autistic self and learn how to function in a neurotypical world.

You don't want to eat that food? It must taste terrible and have the yuckiest texture. But your vitamins are important. Here's a food similar to the one you liked before but with the same nutrients. We have plenty more. And there's always vitamins and supplements if needed.

You don't like the shower? How about a bath? Too hot? Too cold? Let's adjust the temperature together to your liking. We can use wipes too. There's always different ways to clean yourself.

Nonverbal? That's alright. There are many other ways to communicate. Let's work out a system. Writing, signing, text-to-speech, pictographs, yes/no gestures. Here is a sign or a tag you can carry on you that tells others how you talk. It'll be especially useful for emergencies.

Your stims? They're wonderful. Flap your hands! Hum along! Click your tongue! Jump up and down! Pick your favorite stim toy. Use it during quiet times of your routine, such as meetings.

Do you hurt yourself? I'm sorry. Please don't bang your head against the wall. What stim feeling are you looking for? Is it the pressure against your head that you like? Use this towel instead. Or message your temples. Whatever it is, you need a stim that heals you, not hurt.

Did you have a meltdown? Shutdown? That's okay. Those experiences are valid. I don't believe they're tantrums at all. I know you're going through a lot of pain. I'll make sure you're safe and comfortable. We'll use the communication system we worked on to make sure you can tell me how you feel and what you need.

Lights too bright? Sunglasses or hats. Bad smells? A mask could help, or a different smell. If you need to, we can walk out of the room. If they want excuses, we'll say you're not feeling well and need a place to recover. Bad food? You don't have to eat it. Bad noise? Headphones or an excuse to leave. There's no shame in leaving.

Little eye contact? Excessive eye contact? No eye contact? That's okay. It's not necessary. We'll learn better, more functional social rules that make sense and help you communicate, such as "thank you."

We won't punish you. We know and understand you operate differently. We won't yell at you. We won't suppress your stims. We won't hit you, restrain you (unless you're in immediate danger, I'm sorry if this happens). We won't force you to undergo painful sensory experiences. If we ever make you feel uncomfortable or scared, tell us. We'll listen.

You're not weird. You're different. It's alright. We won't change your routine. We won't change what you love. Your special interests. How you feel. How you think. We appreciate you and accept you. You're autistic and we'll help you learn how to function in a neurotypical world in your autistic ways.

(TL;DR good intervention therapies teach the child how to function while allowing them to be neurodivergent. Teach them skills and teach them to love themselves, dammit! Don't be mean, okay?)

I'm getting a lot of notes on this// thanks so much!!

[Edit 12/31/2019 (happy new year!)]

I've been reading the reblogs because tbh, I've never gotten a post this popular before so I'm very flattered// There's been mentions of institutions and therapists trying to integrate this and that makes me very happy and hopeful for the future! At the same, I can't deny myself feeling a little offended. As if people are trying to downplay the trauma ABA therapy causes. Of course, that can't be it but I still end up feeling that way.

Oh well. I hope this will be the norm someday.

[kosmogrl]

[autistic-af]

Welcome to Nesting

Brought to you by Autism™

What is nesting?

This:

It may look disorganised (it totally is btw) but it's everything I need at any given time within reach of the spot I spend the most time in.

My nest is the sofa. As you can see I have my sensory items, games, books, CBD oil, ear muffs, and frequently used items like my nail file all at hand.

My husband knows to not touch anything in my nest or I will literally cry as it's distressing.

My brain has mapped my nest and if I leave and come back to it disturbed, that map no longer matches and distress occurs. Even if all the items are still there, but just made neater, it is no longer my map.

Note: not all autistics have nests, or may be very neat with theirs. We're all different. 😊

Nests can be super important for autistics as it's generally our safe place.

[long-gone-silvers]

This is a big spicy take but "Don't infantilize autistic/ND people" and "Let autistic/ND people find comfort in childish things" aren't mutually exclusive, and can and should coexist

[ericthelavender]

Space goo!

[lilacremes-deactivated20220714]

[autisticadvocacy]

Do you have any advice about professional networking for autistic/very introverted/people with social anxiety? I got most of my jobs by means of friends/acquaintances and I know it is important, but I have a hard time keeping in touch with my friends, let alone people I don't really care about. I'm not even sure what kind of advice I'm asking for, it's just something I don't even know where to start...

Sorry it took so long to respond! I asked some of our staff to share their favorite tips. 

What works for me is having a very strong sense of what work I’m currently focusing on, and then picking who I network with based on that. Do they have an interest in my work, or some knowledge or experience related to it? That usually gives me a good excuse to set up a meeting over coffee with them, and it gives them a reason to care about getting to know me. 

-J.B.

I tend to use social media to keep in touch with people - it’s a lot easier for me. Plus most research shows that you’re more likely to get a job through an acquaintance than somebody that you’re close to, so I just stay “in touch” with people by periodically sending them a Tumblr message, commenting on something they’re doing on Facebook, etc. Not sure if there’s a technical term for the occasional “hey, I exist!” but I did get this job via someone I was friends with on Tumblr, so.

Specific things to chat about over coffee are also good things! I mean I mostly do that with professors when I go visit, but oftentimes it’s because I have a specific research question I want their input on, etc.

-I.D.

It’s also totally ok to message someone who you haven’t talked to in a long time, just to touch base on career stuff. A script for a chat message conversation could be something along the lines of:

“Hi ___! I know we haven’t chatted in a while, but I was wondering if you still worked for ______.”

Then if the person says yes, you can say “That’s great! How are you liking it?”

Talk for at most a couple back-and-forths about the job then say something like “I’ve been looking for jobs in [field], I recently graduated from ____ [or: I am looking into leaving [job]] and was thinking that ___ seemed interesting. Do you know of any openings?”

If they say yes then great. If they say no, then just “Ok, thanks. If you do hear of something would you mind forwarding it along?” and continue chit-chatting for a bit to show them you care about them as a person as well. If they’re local you might even want to invite them to coffee sometime and chit-chat.

AND THIS IS IMPORTANT: be a connector yourself. If you see someone advertising a position in a field that’s not yours, but know someone else in that field, forward it to them. Help signal boost opportunities. If someone connects you with someone else, you should thank them and also share with them other opportunities that you see that might interest them - even just interesting lectures or events that they might like. Or, at a minimum, just show them that you’re interested in what they do. Not to the extent where you’re sending them a barrage of emails - just about one or two per time that you ask them for advice (unless they specifically ask you to keep sending them stuff). People like helping you if you show them that you care about their career as well. 

-S.C.

Think or even have a calendar alert about checking the social media profiles of people who are important in your work and professional network and that you know you need to maintain a connection to.

Only do this with profiles they are okay with you having and are ones that they are okay with having connected to their professional life! For example, they are probably okay with you seeing the information they post on facebook if you are mutual friends there. Most of the time people’s LinkedIn profiles are specifically for tracking things professionally, so they are usually a safe bet for things.

And always: If someone says they aren’t comfortable with you following them on a specific platform, they are giving you a boundary and you need to respect that. Say thanks for letting you know, and move on. 

LinkedIn isn’t the greatest site out there, but what it does allow you to do is to keep track of where someone is working and sometimes what they are working on. So if my friend K. at my state’s UCEDD adds a new title or new project to her LinkedIn, or mentions getting a promotion, I might want to email or message her either congratulating her or asking her if there’s either a site or a flyer out yet about her new project. Not only will this mean that I get new information about what projects are going on right now, but it also lets K. know I care about what she’s doing. 

I also have a few key “opinion makers/influencers” whose (publicly connected to their professional life) facebook pages I get alerts for. For example, I get a new notification every time L.C. posts something to his wall. I’ve been able to not only get that information he’s sharing, but I also have opportunities to chime in on a topic relevant to where our work overlaps and to know if he has new developments happening in his professional life.

It can also help with the dreaded small talk- if my friend B.M. mentions that his dog got home from the vet hospital and is doing well this week, if I see him at a networking occasion next week and I remember I can ask him how his dog is doing/if the cone of shame is off yet. This is just a secondary help though and isn’t something I always remember. When I do remember, though, I’ve noticed that people end up more willing to have a longer conversation that can morph into being about work. But again, VERY optional and kind of uncomfortable sometimes. 

Finally, a non-social media thing: I’m someone who wears makeup. For me the process of putting it on helps me shift into a mode of doing things in a certain way. It creates a line for me so that I know that at the end of the day I can take the makeup off and throw my hair into a bun and I won’t need to be “on” any more. It also can help others think about me differently, which is really really useful, but in this case the more important thing is how it helps me think about myself. It doesn’t make me different inherently, it just gives me different tools and a different setting to use them in. In action: Our gala is coming up as I write this, and even though some of my every day clothes are typically/technically appropriate, they will not work for me in this setting because to make the transition to dealing with people in person I need that little extra prompt.

So think about something you can do or wear to make that distinction clear to you. It might be makeup, it might be wearing a specific tie or repeating something you like that makes you feel more confident about your work in the mirror. It could be having a different category of clothing in your closet that you think of as your “networking” clothes. It isn’t something changing who you are, but you a way to make yourself- or if you  choose to use some visual cultural markers in this process, others- a reminder of why and how you want to deal with this specific challenge.

-S.B.

Followers: what are some of your tips for dealing with networking? Is your job one that you need lots of networking for, or only a bare minimum? 

[kris-guin]

Here’s a script I use a lot for Queerability when I meet people at events and I want to get to know them more:

“Hi, I’m Kris Guin. I’m the president and founder of Queerability, a national LGBTQ and disability rights advocacy organization. I was wondering if you would like to get coffee or lunch sometime. I’d love to learn more about your work and see how Queerability and your organization can work together." 

Sometimes, if they were speaking at the event, I’ll add in a genuine compliment about what they spoke about. For example, if the event is primarily a disability event and a speaker mentions the LGBTQ community, I’ll say something like “Hi. I’m Kris Guin, and I just wanted to say that I appreciated what you said about the LGBTQ community. I’m the president and founder of Queerability, a national LGBTQ and disability rights advocacy organization, and I think it’s really important to be inclusive of LGBTQ people with disabilities when we discuss disability. I’d love to be a resource to you and your organization.” 

I’ll hand them a business card as a non-verbal suggestion that they reach out to me if they’re interested in working with me. 

If I’m trying to network with people in non-in-person settings, I’ll usually have a specific reason why I’m reaching out to them. For example, an LGBTQ organization might have an initiative, and I’ll notice that they leave out people with disabilities so I’ll contact them this way: 

"Hi, LGBTQ organization. I’m Kris Guin, the president and founder of Queerability, a national LGBTQ and disability rights advocacy organization run by and for LGBTQ people with disabilities. I noticed that your organization is having a project about being LGBTQ. I was wondering if you would be interested in including LGBTQ people with disabilities in your project. If so, don’t hesitate to reach out to me. I would love to be a resource for your project." 

[official-german-medienlandschaft]

Ich weiß nicht, ob das vielleicht für ein paar von euch interessant ist, es gibt zurzeit bei Tchibo, also auch bei einigen Supermärkten (bsp. REWE) dieses Stimspielzeug zum Verkauf.

@official-besondere-bedurfnisse

[tangleobsession]

GERMAN EDITION OF TANGLE RELAX THERAPY!?

[sallizzle]

[goldenheartedrose]

Hi. In comment you had made on a post Kelli Stapleton you stated "ABA is torture and abuse in medically acceptable forms." I want to ask how you have come to that conclusion. I have worked as an ABA therapist for over three years and have never done anything approaching abuse, much less torture, in fact I am impressed by how useful, successful and overall kind the techniques are. I believe that anything negative from ABA is the fault of the people involved being cruel. The system itself is not.

Oooh boy.

The system itself is beyond flawed.  It has nothing to do with “good” therapists and “bad” ones.  The very system itself is set up to harm autistic people.

I’m not talk about “oh, the insurance codes it as ABA even though it’s not because that’s the only way the insurance/the government will pay for it”.  I’m talking about actual Applied Behavior Analysis, which has its roots in therapy that lauds aversives, whose founder is Ivar Lovaas, the same man who worked with the Feminine Boys Project, which you can read about here:

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1311956/

He is the one responsible for the behavioral therapy that is so predominant in the autism world today. 

This is a really good blog post (with some great outside links) about ABA and why it’s troublesome.  

http://emmashopebook.com/2012/10/10/tackling-that-troublesome-issue-of-aba-and-ethics/

And if you had taken a few seconds to scroll through my links, you would have also found this post, which I find is the #1 most relatable and understandable source of information on why I personally hesitate when it comes to ABA:  

http://loveexplosions.net/2013/01/30/the-cost-of-compliance-is-unreasonable/

That post is almost 2 years old, and it still makes me feel a bit nauseated when I think of the implications of ABA.

And if you are to understand the link above, you need to also read this, which is very difficult to read but necessary.

http://unstrangemind.wordpress.com/2013/01/27/no-you-dont/

ABA teaches autistic people a lot of different things.  It can be used as a tool to teach skills.  That’s fine - and I think that’s where we get into some murky waters where y’all are calling something ABA that is not for insurance purposes.  If you’re sitting there and teaching actual skills with no aversives and very little reward/punishment? Then it’s probably not really ABA.  If you are using aversives and rewarding kids (and withholding rewards) for asinine requests that are just not logical, well, then it’s probably ABA and it probably isn’t anything good.  

ABA is training your child like a dog.  It’s literally not any different from obedience training with animals.  And if you fucking wouldn’t do it with a neurotypical typical child, what gives you the BRILLIANT idea that you should do it to an autistic one? 

Right, I know.  Because we’re not really altogether human.  That’s the answer, isn’t it? Because I can never quite y’all to give me a direct answer.  Why do I or my kids need to submit to this crap, but my neurotypical counterparts don’t need to? And I’m about 99.99% sure that it’s because you consider autistic people to be inherently flawed and in need of being fixed.  Not to adapt, but to be fixed.

Here, I think you should also read this:

http://timetolisten.blogspot.com/2013/11/the-tyranny-of-indistinguishability.html

If you want autistic kids to be indistinguishable from our NT peers, you are HURTING US.

And this, THIS is why ABA is so fucked up in so many ways:

http://timetolisten.blogspot.com/2011/10/advocacy-everyone-can-do-it.html

So, stop trying to prove that you’re a good ally and actually BE one.

Stop trying to hurt us.  Stop trying to prove that you’re “one of the good ones”.  Read and learn and don’t come back at me with tone policing arguments and that I wasn’t nice enough or that I was too harsh or “you’re not all like that” (how many times have marginalized people heard THAT ONE?).  

Prove it.  Fucking prove it.  Prove that you’re not like all the rest and get out of the soul sucking business that is ABA.  Find something to actually help autistic people.  Maybe find an anti-bullying campaign to lobby for.  Or start one.  That would help autistic people.  

[askanautistic]

This has probably been asked before, but explain meltdowns. I am not sure if I've ever had them. I only know about the stereotypical ones (screaming, throwing things). Would for Ex. crying/stimming/hurting myself after a change in plans be one?

There’s an element of individuality in how meltdowns are expressed.

They’re usually in response to anxiety-provoking stressors, so a change in plans could trigger one for sure.

They involve a loss of control over emotions and behaviour that can look outwardly quite explosive and often mirrors a ‘hissy fit’ or ‘tantrum.

They can include:

Loss of control over vocal volume and use (uncontrollable and automatic yelling/screaming/shouting

Loss of developmental abilities-to move/to be verbal

High intensity displays of emotion, like crying, angry noises

Loss of concern over own safety

Stimming (usually at a higher urgency and intensity than usual)

Self-injurious stimming (different category of self-harm than the intentional kind that occurs in NTs also and can occur in the aftermath of meltdowns in response to lingering depression and anxiety)

Loss of control over movements, flailing, stomping, hitting out etc

Physical sickness

Exhaustion and residual anxiety/depression/decreased level of functioning and verbal ability following the meltdown

Etc (followers add if they experience anything different)

[formerandromedalogic]

grackalacking replied to your post: obstinatecondolement replied to your…

holy shit reallyy???? this changes so much thank you

yes, really. virtually every late-diagnosed autistic person i know has copied other autistic people to relearn natural mannerisms; so have lots of people who were diagnosed in childhood but trained out of their natural mannerisms.

i am an Extreme Faker because i don’t even remember ever flapping or rocking as a child, but i do both now. when i was first re-learning how to move my body, those were two motions i knew autistic people do, so i did them. and now i do them a lot.

the only explanation i can think of is that i picked up how i was Supposed to act very easily and quickly, without being told.

but if something makes your life easier, and suddenly you aren’t using energy to suppress it, then doing that thing makes sense.

IDEK. we get neurotypicality so ingrained in us and forced on us that i think copying each other is a valuable, necessary tool.

[a-spoon-is-born]

bless this post. my adult stims are different than my childhood stims, because people change as they grow, and sometimes i do absorb stims from my autistic friends.

[aspergersissues]

Great post.

[autismproblems]

autism problem #201

when you find some tones of voice physically painful

[thatautismfeel]

That autism feel where setting things up, like doll houses and Lego playsets, is much more fun than actually playing with them.

[liningupeggrolls]

Autistic Owned Stim Toy Stores!

Here are the stores I know of so far where stim toys and stim jewelry are made and/or sold by autistic people. I invite people to add any others they may know of and I’ll update the list.  Stimtastic - link  Details: Sells a wide variety of stimmy things. Donates 10% of profits to autistic orgs or to autistic individuals. 

A Sense of Self - link

Fuzzwumpet - link

WeirdFaeles - link Details: Witchy chewable jewelry! 

Spacerobot Studio - link  Details: Visual stimmy necklaces. Donates 10% of proftis to ASAN. Also sells nice communication and neurodiversity necklaces. 

Oakflower Design - link

Ruthdoodle - link Details: Sells chewable jewelry and monthly sensory boxes (and usually has one giveaway on tumblr too!). Also sells autistic pride jewelry and buttons. 

Fabulous Fidgets - link AutisticRabbit - link Details: Custom, affordable weighted blankets!

GeckoHQ - link

(Bonus: Here are a few ADHDer-owned stores for fidget toys Fidgetopia - link Fidgetland - link  Details: Donates some of profits to an org supporting autistic/adhd-er kids. I don’t know how good this org is though.) 

[sloime]

xoxo